Phili

She has to work 16 hours a week or the job centre will stop her money, so I need another 10 hours, she’s the only one who has helped me make any progress.

There is a chance I will lose my PA and if I do it will be catastrophic

I recently bought a pair of dungarees and a cardigan I liked. The dungarees have mushrooms on them and the cardigan has big knitted flowers, but I’m still waiting on them in the wash. I put my cream on just now, I’ve not been doing it because I didn’t feel like it. I think my skin is improving. Even using the massager to put on the cream is a huge thing for me. it’s hard because of ADHD and executive dysfunction to even function and I’m guessing I’ve made improvements and changes but I just don’t see them. I want to Improve, I’m just scared of change, I’m scared of causing trouble or making things harder. I don’t know how to improve. It didn’t help that I haven’t got my chair and it really didn’t help that the head of the mental health team sat in my living room, told me I won’t get better and they offer palliative mental care. I’m only 40. My friend is 73 and she’s got more go in her little finger. I need a plan, my PA is super good at organising. I have to do things in simple step by step bullet points or I get confused and overwhelmed. @Snowbear, I’m reading and taking in everything you are saying, I have quoted you and was worried you might think I was ignoring you.

Sorry I was a long time, it’s just a lot to answer. I can’t have someone come in, I can’t stand up in front of people, I’ve only just managed to stand up in front of my PA, once. I can’t touch myself or look down, I haven’t been able to for ten years, I can’t just switch it off, it’s taken everything I have to put cream on. I’ve had these discussions but they don’t care, they don’t give me any solutions. I was don’t these ten little steps every time I went to the toilet, but I keep forgetting and I’ve tried everything to remember. I was doing arm exercises with my PA but she hasn’t been well and unable to do them, but I guess she doesn’t have to, so that’s something I can start again. I can’t lift my leg up off the bed because there is a table over it. I got myself a little sit down exercise machine but I never got the chair I was promised and now the OT has quit and they gave my grant to someone else and I have to reapply. my brother has got me a thing to sit on in the bathroom, that goes in the shower, but he as been suffering a lot mentally recently and it’s yet to be put in and I’ve no idea how to approach the issue with not being able to touch myself or look down. I can’t break the no point barrier.

I can’t stand up long enough or touch my breasts, I have to use a massager to apply cream

OK, is it OK if I read these out to my PA next week so she can help me?

I’m angry, I’m sick of my mind being like this. All these professionals and all I get out of them is “I don’t know” Why is my mind so paralysed. I sit he and I can’t do things and I don’t know why and no one can tell me.

It’s all I’ve worn since my mum passed 10 years ago, before that I wore a blanket. I don’t really have any other clothes. I’m not used to changing, I’ve never had clothes my whole life and buying them makes me feel depressed because of my low self esteem. I feel so lost and paralysed, I feel like I should be sleeping, I don’t know what to do.

I only wear my nightshirt. I don’t have any other clothes. I had my assessment yesterday with one of the mental health teams. I think it’s lucky for people that we do have more than one option here, though not so much for me because I’m complicated and the team best suited are the ones who turned me away for being disabled. The very nice lady needs to finish my assessment next week and then talk to her boss because I’m complex. It’s a shame they don’t do house visits anymore, online is so impersonal and harder for me to focus and it keeps freezing and I lose half of what’s being said, making it more stressful.

I got this great cream called meeyee, it’s all natural and it’s really helping my infection. I’m 40, in February, which was about when the skin thing started and sweating under the boobs, I also have PCOS and my period has been going for a good 3 months now

I’ve got a video call with a mental health person today, but nervous after the last service.

I’m trying to do little exercises whenever I go to the loo but I’ve been suffering with repetitive skin infections and I’m itchy and sore all the time. I’m just so tired all the time and have lost all care. I am trying, it’s just never works out.

I’ve been taking it for over a year now and the pregabalin was recently increased. Without it I have absolutely unbearable anxiety that doesn’t go away, accompanied by anxiety and panic attacks. My psychiatrist is very good, he tried to give me things that don’t have too many side effects, though I am beginning to worry about the, causing confusing and lack of concentration. I think all med make me sleepy, quintiapine in particular. I want to be able to concentrate so that I can write, I want to feel interest in things, even if it’s just my games, I want to care about my self care. These things sound so simple but I’m just failing all the time. I have a video call with a mental health team on Tuesday, the other team refused to treat me because I’m house bound, I was told “people who want therapy are resourceful enough to get here” despite the fact that I’ve been agoraphobic for 30 years and can’t stand for more than a minute or so and don’t have a wheel chair or any form of transport, that I’m terrified of people and doctors and they are at a clinic.

CMHT? im on the full dose of Venaflaxine and pregablin…as well as occasional quintiapine.

Everything is worse than ever, I’ve physically and mentally deteriorated. My OCD, both health and religious, is worse. I’m sleeping all the time, when I’m awake I just float, unable to function. If I’m awake for fours hours a day, it’s a lot, sometimes entire days pass and I don’t see them. I have no passion for anything, not even my own self care. I’m trying but there isn’t anything in the tank, not even fumes. every little annoyance is a huge dramatic thing that drains me completely. on top of autism I now have an ADHD diagnosis but even though it causes me to not function, no one is helping me. my brother is now on anti anxiety and anti depressants because he could no longer cope. Anne has colitis and when she went to the vet three weeks ago, she had a cluster seizure and has since been diagnosed with epilepsy and arthritis in both her back legs. I have skin infections from sweat and the itching is driving me insane. I’m treating it with cream but I can’t apply it properly and it’s triggering me all the time because it’s under my breasts. I don’t know what to do anymore.