Phili

I turned the TV off. I mentioned that what we were currently doing was supposed to take three months and has taken nearly a year and that we were supposed to be moving into the PCD book. Turns out she had forgotten about the OCD book and had leant the book to someone else but it was in her car. She gave it to me to read but it looks to be a lot of what I already know and what I already tried and failed at. Also, there is no support for it, then we started what we started three months ago from the beginning again. The CPN will be back again on September 20th Im no good at phoning and you never get a reply to a letter. We can’t find the autism letter at the mo but we are looking for it, my brother put it somewhere. We have a lady who helps with phone calls and such because I get confused and my brother does too, but she hasn’t contacted us for about a month now. I managed to go one whole day with looking in my mouth. One good thing, I only weight 25 stone, not the 30 everyone thought and things with the physio are going well. I’m doing daily exercises and she has a new walking stick for me and pedals to do exercise. My spending is a lot better too. Anne has daily packets of chicken now, she doesn’t seem as itchy as before and we have been sharing cucumber treats. My diet has improved a lot, even though I haven’t seen the dietician for about 4 months and the last time I saw the dietary psychologist, she told me I was the way I am because I choose to be. I only ever have cream cakes when m brother goes into town, which is once in a blue moon, don’t have fizzy drinks anymore and I have a portions plate and havenslimming world chips.

We don’t have any contact details. We received a letter from the local autism team, I seem to be on the waiting list for some kind of appointment. All I have is a CPN, she was supposed to go through this OCD book with me that the psychiatrist suggested but she decided to do this emotional control manual instead, it was supposed to take three months but it’s been like nine. She comes down once every 3 weeks, drinks coffee, watches the tv and chats a bit, then leaves. I was diagnosed in September, there was a follow up appointment and I was supposed to be sent a card and some bits but it never arrived. The GP forgets to even order my meds at the pharmacy. I think you could phone them up and suggest taking dog poo for headaches and they would say it was a good idea.

My GP closed and the new one I’m with is awful, you never get the same doctor and the last one who came out to see me for an eye infection pronounced me cured from the door, then said polycystic ovary syndrome can’t be diagnosed and offered to pump me full of hormones without tests. I don’t trust them. i saw her a few months ago. My autism is a form diagnosis and was done my the specialist Welsh autism team and the doctor who came out was a specialist. They didn’t make any suggestions, I also have an attachment disorder and a um, obsessive, avoidance personality with borderline personality disorder traits and a lot of sensory issues. Yes it was that psychologist. I know my mouth is likely nothing, I looked up the symptoms and don’t have any and I don’t smoke and don’t drink and have no infections which are the three causes. I might be seeing a private councillor in October but I don’t know yet

I looked, now i think a patch underneath of my tongue looks paler than it should, I know i need to stop looking but it's so hard, i need some encouragement please

Resisting googling again and looking. Honestly, I feel the only thing keeping me together is the pills, I’m on the highest dose of duloxitine and 15g of Quintiapine. Sorry for the spelling, it’s stopped me for, self harming at least

Thank you Lost, it’s OK Phil, (I have been stuck for 31 years sadly, all my life but four years), I didn’t think you were. I’m trying not to look and let the thought exist but not engage with it. I’ve actually forgotten the advice I have been given, I don’t retain information well for some reason and the autism really complicates things.

Oh yes, I will go and switch it off shall I. I'm so sorry that my OCD is repetitive and boring, I'm so sorry i can't just get better because 1000 people told me too, I'm so freaking sorry that obviously im a big fat failure because obviously i should be cured by now, maybe i should change the type of OCD i have to make it more entertaining. I guess i, the only one with excuses on here. My OCD must be unique. Leave me alone, Im better off bottling it, shan't bother again

I have no mental health support, my last therapist gave me the wrong therapy for someone autistic because she insisted i wasn't, well i am. Also not all my posts are about OCD, why do i bother, everyone cares about as much as my CPN

Lots of people on here right the same issue over and over, why am i always the one ignored? I often feel on here like im being punished, maybe it's just my brain but thats how it feels.

There is no need to be like that, I'm just asking for help

So, my pills are negating most of my anxiety but I have developed into a status quo where my obsessions rarely change but have become the norm, where I dot even talk about OCD. I haven’t had any mental health care since the therapist left, and she made me worse because she was hyperchondriact as well, amongst other things. Today I noticed a white patch well, pinky white in a lump on my gum, the lump has been there for years and is a deformation of the gum, most likely caused by the tooth but I don’t remember the patch of discolouration, not that I have looked or remember looking. I looked up symptoms of the c word on the NHS and have none of them. I know it’s likely just a tooth or discolouration in the mouth and that now I should ignore it but it’s eating at me, what would you do?

Itchy, she has to have fungal swab done but other than that, really happy, though her toy box threatens to fall and crush us all

I’ve been a while with the health OCD in this sort of status quo, but now its back with vengeance. My bump seems to be going away but my boobs itch, so i googled that and found this rare form of C word and sometimes my nipples get sore. So now I’m focused on that, It particular affects the left, because thats the side i tend to lean on and i have hygiene issues because i can’t use the shower.

The doctor said take as needed and the instructions say up to two a day, im going to ask if they can be added to my meds daily as they really help my depression and anxiety

It's something called quetiapine