Phili

It’s really hard because I’m religious, so it gives it even more power I do but I can’t get out of the fear of rocking the status quo, it’s been so far drummed into me. I don’t understand the ‘beyond this’ if I’m truly honest. The mental health people are looking for someone qualified to help me at the moment and are saying I might end up on a waiting list

Yes! Only it doesn’t just affect my game but every single thing I do to the point I’ve become non functional and If I try and ignore it, it causes me massive fear and ups the Anty

I have religious sayings that o use to curse things

A while ago I started a thing with my sayings where I would basically say in my head, to the devil because I can’t help it, that whatever I was doing wasn’t cursed if there was no Bono in it. Poor Bono but he has always been a help. Now it has massively backfired on me with an intrusive thought that goes, as long as I wasn’t thinking about Bono, which if that thought is there is impossible, so now the saying is being hijacked by not thinking instead of not being and it’s making me do things over and over even more. I just travelled in my game but now I think if k don’t go back to my last spot and travel all over again from the exact location, the d word will curse what I’m doing with me getting the c word and I’ll get sick or find lumps. If I do go back and do it, I’ll do it wrong again and I’ll get stuck in a cycle. This has infected everything to the point I’ve become almost completely non functioning. I’m trying to ignore it but I’m petrified. I can’t play my game. I can’t communicate. I can’t write, I can’t draw. I wasn’t to ignore it but I’m so scared I want to cry

I have an hysterical fear of doctors. My OCD is health based. I’m not sure if it’s normal for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve worried about it before. Maybe it was the other one. Once an obsession starts I can’t remember anything relating to it from before. I’m not even sure if it’s different. I’m just way more aware of it. It doesn’t hurt, seems normal enough but I’m just really aware of it

My left boob is uncomfortable. Over sensitive, my friend says it’s just stress and my period but it’s making me paranoid. I know I’m hyper focused on it as well, earlier when I was distracted I didn’t notice it but now I’m hyper noticing it and both my nipples are sensitive. I’m so discombobulated recently, so all over the place. I can’t focus or enjoy anything and nothing stimulates me. I’m so lost and isolated

The quintiapine is for when I’m really bad, it’s supposed to help ease things but it does this by making me sleep for 24 hours plus and then making me dopey when I wake up, it also makes me eat. I have asked the psychiatrist before, he is away until July now. He gave me another pill but it made me constantly tired and ill.

I’m really bad, I’m at the non functioning point I’m on quintiapine but that mostly just makes me sleep. When I’m awake it makes my mind foggy but that can be unhelpful because when I get a trigger I can’t think The sayings are ridiculously bad and controlling everything I do The quintiapine gives me just enough relief for a few hours of struggling functioning and then I don’t have the mental fortitude to do anything My health anxiety is through the roof, lumps everywhere Im hyper focused on my left boob which feels uncomfortable for some reason, most likely because I’m hyper focused on it im obsessed with my nipples leaking obsessed with my mouth obsessed with my belly button I don’t know what to do

I’m worried I’m losing weight too fast and I’m Ill but I’m also pleased I lost weight

So at the weekend or last week when I weighed myself, it said 22.7, then at the beginning of the week it was 22.4 - 22.3 and now 22.2 - 22.3

I’ve gone from 22.7 to 22.2 - 3 in the last couple of weeks. I’m snacking less but I’m panicking I’m losing weight abnormally

I wish it was that easy. My brain isn’t that focused, I struggle to focus long enough to eat most days. I am trying though. It doesn’t help that I have a crush on the male lead Sean lol classical nudes were not meant to be sexualised, they were a study of anatomy. Depending on how far you go back of course, more modern classical nudes were more about sex and beauty than those of say the renaissance. Some artists, like Michelangelo, considered the female form inferior and was dedicated to the beauty of the male anatomy, though he was gay so that might be why he appreciated the male anatomy more.

You think it’s OCD related?

I can’t help myself, the anxiety builds and I can’t get it out of my mind, I’m only interested in the male lead Sean. My brain won’t let go and I don’t understand why

I get this kind of triggered anxiety a lot, I’ve got a more recent one. I get overwhelmed by the compulsion to go look and check if I’m right or not or for clues. I’ve just had another bought an am trying to ignore the compulsion. Does no one else get this? Or have any words of any kind? It’s almost always something to do with sex. The most recent one, Aishas secret, it’s implied she sleeps with the brother her twin is engaged to, he doesn’t know she’s a twin and thinks it’s his fiancé who has actually been murdered. She removed the top of her dress and stood over him in her bra and her dress around her waste but it’s never made clear. But she is actually in love with the other brother, who is blasé about whatever happened, the fiancé is later accidentally poisoned by his mother who thinks the twin she killed has come back, not knowing it’s the other one. In the end the twin ends up with the brother she likes and they grow old together. I don’t understand why someone being implied that they might have willingly slept with someone is triggering me so badly but it’s causing me massive anxiety.