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mat2dmh

Bulletin Board User
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  1. One difficult aspect of supporting a loved one with ocd is respecting their confidence and yet answering questions about them and what they are doing in their lives when talking to friends/colleagues. As with all aspects of helping someone recover from ocd, good communication is absolutely vital. Much talking is needed between the sufferer and FFCs. Remembering, that choice is the most empowering thing for the sufferer to have. Dave
  2. mat2dmh

    What can/should i be doing?

    Hi. What you are both going through sounds really hard. My partner also has OCD with contamination issues. The first thing you need to realise is that it isn't your responsibility to get your wife better. Indeed, the power in beating OCD is choice. Your wife has to choose to allow you to not compulse - In this way she will be facing her issues. Of course, you are perfectly entitled to refuse to compulse, but in my opinion and experience this isn't encouraging your wife to face her issues. You need to have a dialog with your wife so you can question her about asking you to compulse. You should agree this at a calm time, not in the middle of compulsing. Hope this helps, Dave
  3. mat2dmh

    A positive post

    Thank you for the lovely comments. It means a lot and is very supportive of us both! FYI, she has been at it again - exposures that is! This weekend she high-fived the floor before going to the toilet! Truely an amazing woman! Keep fighting everyone! Dave, x
  4. Hi, I don't post very often, I usually read the main forum to get strength to support my fiancee. Lately I have noticed a few really positive threads, in particular Ashley and Taurean, so I thought I would add one too. My fiancee has had OCD for over a decade and has had good and bad times. Last year was not so good, but lately she has been doing so well that I have been amazed. Don't get me wrong she isn't better yet, but I really feel that she (we) are on a great path. I have, and always will have complete faith that she will overcome this horrible disorder. In the last few months she has done some really amazing things. Firstly, she kicked loads of mental obsessions that were really limiting her life! I couldn't believe it! More recently, she started to do exposures and really took me by surprise at times! I dropped some money on the floor in a shop and in the past we would of had figure out how to clean - instead she was just like "put the money in your pocket" - my face must of been like WHAT? But it was really ace! She has been doing other exposures too, like touching loads of things that stressed her out in the past. She is also living with doubt a lot better and asking for much less reassurance. Where its like 'should I do an exposure' rather than 'did i touch that or not'. The other night she was doing an exposure on something and has going to just tap it with her finger - in the end she just threw it on the bed, then shortly later went to bed and went to sleep! She has done this all herself - I do my best to support her, but frankly she is too clever for me to keep up! My point is, I guess, that people are capable of so many amazing and surprising feats - including mentally climbing Everest! Never give up hope, love and help! See you all at the top! Dave
  5. No, not any more. I have seen a threapist before but private is so expensive and waiting lists are so long that even though it would be good to talk to one now, i dont think it is practical. I am against time limits for cancelling with deposits and stuff
  6. Hi, this is my boyfriends username since i couldnt use a computer a while ago and i havent got around to getting my own. I am an ocd sufferer of 10 years soon and i am somewhat on the way to recovery. I kind of gave up compulsing a year and a half ago because i was unhappy compulsion or not. I have got much better but i still mentally compulse almost accidentally so still suffer regurlarly. I always try never to compulse and never choose to. Anyway, i got engaged in november to my lovely boyfriend and we booked the wedding for this summer. As i expected ocd ruined the happiness the event should bring about and now i want to give up entirely on everything. I know compulsing isnt what i want to do or what i will do, but i need advice? Do i be unhappy all through the planning to not compulse? Do i call it quits and try to get better before i get married in case it drags my improvement back? Do i move it forward to get the unhappiness over sooner? I am determined that i will get married eventually, whatever. All i want is to feel the happiness all brides should feel, please be honest, your advice would be welcome xx
  7. mat2dmh

    ocd like hayfever

    I agree nowhere near as bad as ocd. I have had a course of cbt but now i am relying on self help. In fact i took a look at the four step plan to remind myself of where i was at. I am at step three, the impossible step it seems but going to keep trying. Thanks for the reply its a great comfort. Gemma x
  8. Hi, My name is gemma and i am so stressed about posting this but nevermind.This isn't my user name as i am female but at the moment cant sign up.I actually cant do much.But i have thought of a good way to see ocd. That is like hayfever which i have and is incredibly irritating hence like ocd!Its caused by a response to a stimuli that in most cases would be fine but in some causes all sorts of bother.So when i have an obsession it is like grass being rammed up your nose! Its not my fault that my body cant handle it.Also you cant rub your eyes no matter how much it hurts. Very interesting huh? Hopefully i will sign in one day. Gemma x
  9. mat2dmh

    struggling

    Hi, I helped my girlfriend get through some of her exams in her final year of her degree. I often help students now, as part of my post graduate duties. I think you need to have plenty of short bursts, with equal length breaks. this can drag things out (obviously) twice as long. but you have to get the information in your head. Bullet points are good. What are you studying? If you have a good friend/relative you could get to do some simple tasks like dictation etc. Being able to 'speak' out your knowledge gets it in. Get someone to check what your saying perhapse. This seemed to help my g/f, as well as BE SMART and don't learn what you don't need. For example in my g/f's exam only 3/5 questions were needed to get a first in that module, hence reduced amount -> info better learned. I hope this helps Dave p.s. any maths questions - hit me!
  10. Hi, You know: It may neither your OCD nor your ability!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you think your rubbish you will pick fault far to easily with your self. Although i dont have OCD i found it hard and my g/f who does have OCD found it hard. There is i trick for reversing manouvers whereby you correctly position a little sticker in your rear window so that it lines up with the curb when you are in the correct position. Remember in your test you can be as slow as you want. Things do take practice you know, but anyone can achieve anything. (I firmly believe this) I would say good luck but you DONT need it. Dave
  11. Hi, I don't post much either, but i sympathised with you. I am a boyfriend. My girlfriend sounds to be in a very similar situation to you and we struggle a lot of the time. We got together in our first years of uni and OCD became an issue about 6 months in. I found it a very steep learning curve and i hope i can offer some advice from my experience as we have been together for 6 years now. Firstly, if and when you argue, you need to distinguish between OCD/PMS annoyance and a genuine arguement (which is the hardest thing of all i think). You should tell you bf that if the problem has stemmed form OCD then he shouldn't take anything to heart and i find this helps end the arguement quicker (which is good for OCD). Secondly, does he do (m)any compulsions for you? You may want to suggest it is not his place to 'help' you by completely going against you to try and help you get better. It should be your decision to stop. This is not always ideal and you should always 'play by ear', but if you both know where the other is coming from then it can help. I found it actually made my gf more likely to decide to do something rather than relying on my 'judgement' which was hard. Education is always key, so you should learn together. As i have learned on my rheology PhD nobody knows everything about anything. Plus my gf says "the more your thinking about OCD whilst it not being a complusion or obsession, the easier you can get used to 'tracking' your behaviour and get used to getting better". Find something to help your bf with. This is apparently very rewarding and can give good values of self worth in a relationship i think. My gf is helping me with my publications for research as she has far supiror spelling and grammer skills (well if i'm being honest scientific skills as well). NB: I appologise for all my mistakes in this message! Finally: this may seem less important, but it isn't. Have a competition with something, like a game or computer game (racing fast is good). It is good fun and helps you reconnet at times. Competing seems to really add a distraction value to things. One of the many games we play is simply mine sweeper (on any computer). My best interediate time is 65 seconds, hers is 42 seconds (damm!), but i think OCD helps. LOL! I really hope this helps, stick at it and remember "to notice somebody is a pain in the ****, you have to be an **** to feel it" All my best Dave
  12. I have had many types of OCD in the past five years. I can not list them but it there have been six verieties at least. How many types of OCD have other people been though? Thanks for your time
  13. mat2dmh

    Toilet Phobia

    i have had a similar experience. when exiting a cbt session on the nhs i was directed through a needle exchange for drug users. this did not go down very well with me, i was also crying. i subsequently went privte, they key is to get cbt where your comfortable. you need to know cbt is just a way understanding your thought methods and only go as quick as you choose. Gemma (users girlfriend)
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