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MarcusLia

What am I feeling and what should I do

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Before starting I just wanna state that I've never written on a forum before (maybe because I'm scared I don't know). I have a bunch of weird feelings feeling that feels like a mixture of mild OCD, anxiety and just a whole lot of bad stuff. I'm 14 years old, going to start high school in just a few weeks and just want to be ready for it. Sometimes I just feel really down and don't know what to do. In my summer vacation now, I mainly just stay at home and play video games. When I sleep I have this urge to just keep looking over to my right side kinda like a ritual or the feeling just won't get out of my head (I think this started years ago at my old room, where there were kinda creepy toys at my side and I kept looking over at it). Before bedtime, I also often start obsessively searching the Internet about a bunch of random stuff - whether it is the definition of a word or just how old some random celebrity is. I also have quite a fear of horror movie characters and even though I have avoided the movies, I keep having this urge to just search them up in Google and just scare the **** out of myself. Even though I've liked girls my entire life, I just can't help but have weird gay thoughts sometimes. I also have a weird obsession to rub or touch corners that comes up sometimes. I mainly just try to distract myself from all these things but I really don't have a lot to do these days. I usually forget all these things when I'm hanging out with friends but I don't really have a lot of trustworthy ones that I feel I could talk to. I also have a slightly strained relationship with my parents - my father is a businessman and even though we live under the same roof I only see him once every few weeks, and my mum just wouldn't understand how I feel so I am very lost. I feel like no one likes me and that no one ever will. I know some of the things I described probably aren't even related to OCD but I'm just looking for advice here, any thoughts?

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Hey,

It does sound like a mixed bag of "normal thoughts" and mild OCD as you have said yourself. Feeling nobody likes you can be part of growing up and seeking reassurance as well as anxiety, it can be a number of things, it is hard to say. Does it affect your life in a great way, or are you just wondering whether you should be worried?

Maybe worth joining a peer group in your area for under 18s, so then you can be confident you;re talking to people who will definitely understand and not judge? Is there a counselling service at your school?

 

 

Edited by Minime

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I don't really have a lot to do right now in my summer holiday so I spend most of my time in front of my laptop where all my thoughts and fears start to flare up since I'm really bored the entire day. I'm sure there's a part of me inside that's probably wondering whether I should be worried.

Where I live, there aren't any peer groups to my knowledge and I'm on break now so I can't go to the counselling service at my school. 

I feel like I should just be looking for things to do to keep my mind distracted but I really don't have a lot to do apart from stress myself about high school starting in a few weeks. Again, any suggestions?

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