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Please help, so scared

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Hi everyone, 

I am so scared right now. My ocd focuses on suicide and depression and I am having a huge relapse at the moment. 

This theme on top of I think abit of prenatal depression(I am 21 weeks pregnant) and this time of year is causing me huge amounts of distress.

anyway I have been trying so hard not to do any compulsions but finding that really difficult at the minute.

is it normal to just have 1 intrusion in particular. Like at the moment I am super aware of the curtain pole in my bedroom. It’s making me anxious to go in the room or spend anytime in there. I keep having an imagine of me hanging. Even typing that makes me so upset.

The image won’t go away. I have tried to sit with the thought and image and really think it but the anxiety is just too much. I am anxious to leave the comfort of my house but now also anxious to be in the house. 

I am so scared that this real, scared that I will just decide to do it, that my brain will talk me into it, that I am going to become desensitised to it and just do it to escape the anxiety.

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I’m sorry that you’re feeling so awful today! I relate to your feeling really well and to the experience you’re describing (of having 1 particular intrusion). All I can tell you is that nothing bad is going to happen. I’ve felt like this a million times over the years and yet I’m still here. I know you must have felt this before too and nothing has happened. Your brain cannot talk you into doing anything.

Just try to calm down, is there something you can do to take your mind off this for now? Also how did your first therapy session go? 

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Thank you for your reply. I know I have felt like this before. Feel like I want to just curl up on the sofa and close my eyes. 

I have just never experienced having the one image on my brain constantly and it’s scaring me. Feel physically sick. 

I have forced myself to work today so hoping that will be a distraction but I am already feeling anxious about coming home. 

My first therapy was quite good! I just cried most of the session but the last was so nice and understood straight away what was happening. I felt so much more positive when I left and understood what I needed to do but I have just fell right back into the trap 

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It takes time, you won’t see progress right away. Good that you are doing some work, it’s good to stay engaged in things. Maybe when this crazy wave of anxiety passes, try to think back to how you felt and how you coped and how nothing bad happened!

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