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  1. I am struggling with lots of anxiety today and frustration that I don’t feel any better. I know wanting the anxiety to go away doesn’t help but how can you not do anything to try and make yourself feel better. I have engaged in compulsions again this morning and spent a lot of time online and I feel so upset with myself and like it’s never going to get better. (Suicide ocd having a field day)
  2. It’s the internet one that I am finding the hardest I was literally spending hours and hours on it goggling every single thought as feeling I have reading the same things and websites over and over again i have made a real effort in stopping this but this is what is making me more anxious. My next appointment is not for 2 weeks
  3. Thank you that makes lots of sense. Yes I started therapy 2 weeks ago and my therapist seems really good and knowledgeable about ocd. She doesn’t even entertain the ‘theme’ atall. Just treating it as intrusive unwanted thoughts. She does not offer any reassurance but is quite positive. She has advised me to completely stay off the internet and stop googling (my biggest compulsion) and go ‘cold turkey’ as it is only creating more doubt and I know that’s true. It’s just been so hard to get through each day as the anxiety and inrusove thoughts are almost constant. I feel much less anxious today but I think it’s because I have spent abit of time reading about OCD. I am also doing much better at not a avoiding things. I have pushed myself to spend time alone, go for a walk, go to work. It’s tealy hard but I know that will get easier. interested to hear what others think about the going ‘cold turkey’ from compulsions or gradually reducing them?
  4. Thanks for the replies. I am still really struggling with this. I have hardly engaged in any compulsions for 2 days and have made an effort to not avoid anything. The anxiety just isn’t going down though. I forced myself to work and for an hour I felt ‘normal’ but then the anxiety and thoughts all came back. I have just been trying to keep myself distracted and busy as much as possible. But it is so so hard.
  5. Hi everyone so I know I have written something similar before but just wanted some more insight and encouragement. Since Thursday after my cbt session I have completely gone cold turkey on my most obvious compulsions. Anyway i am finding this extremely difficult. The mornings are horrendously hard to function but I am forcing myself to do whatever I had planned for that day and take the anxiety with me. It’s not lessening though, and I thought it would have lessened some what by now. but I feel like my ocd is screaming at me and the thoughts and images are still coming. any experience of this? And how long until I start to see the benefits?
  6. Thank you for replies I have calmed down a lot since being home from work. Went straight to my mums to lay on her couch for an hour. and I have just come home with my little boy and we are home alone as my partner is working away at the moment. This is a huge exposure for me really as I have been afraid in my own house lately so I know that I cant avoid being alone here as I don’t want to get any worse. i know I will feel better at some point, you just forget how utterly horrid and terrifying it is.
  7. I’ve just left work coz I felt like I couldn’t cope any longer being stood in the same place. and now I feel so disappointed in myself for giving up to the anxiety
  8. I am freaking out that the increase in meds is making me suicidal i don’t want to be I am terrified of the thoughts and possibilities
  9. I am really struggling at the moment. I am trying to cut back on compulsions but it’s killing me. I feel so out of control and sick. I feel like my head is going to explode and like there is no escape from the thoughts or anxiety. I know this is not true as I have been here before. I have recently (5 days ago) increased my sertraline so wondering if it’s that! i can’t focus at work or having conversations. I am scared to be alone, scared to be in my house but scared to leave. Really need some encouragement that other people have felt like this before? my ocd revolves around suicide so these feelings deeply effect me.
  10. Thank you for your reply. I know I have felt like this before. Feel like I want to just curl up on the sofa and close my eyes. I have just never experienced having the one image on my brain constantly and it’s scaring me. Feel physically sick. I have forced myself to work today so hoping that will be a distraction but I am already feeling anxious about coming home. My first therapy was quite good! I just cried most of the session but the last was so nice and understood straight away what was happening. I felt so much more positive when I left and understood what I needed to do but I have just fell right back into the trap
  11. Hi everyone, I am so scared right now. My ocd focuses on suicide and depression and I am having a huge relapse at the moment. This theme on top of I think abit of prenatal depression(I am 21 weeks pregnant) and this time of year is causing me huge amounts of distress. anyway I have been trying so hard not to do any compulsions but finding that really difficult at the minute. is it normal to just have 1 intrusion in particular. Like at the moment I am super aware of the curtain pole in my bedroom. It’s making me anxious to go in the room or spend anytime in there. I keep having an imagine of me hanging. Even typing that makes me so upset. The image won’t go away. I have tried to sit with the thought and image and really think it but the anxiety is just too much. I am anxious to leave the comfort of my house but now also anxious to be in the house. I am so scared that this real, scared that I will just decide to do it, that my brain will talk me into it, that I am going to become desensitised to it and just do it to escape the anxiety.
  12. Thanks everyone for the replies. I am still really struggling to resist compulsions. However I am trying my best to notice when they are happening. The intrusions are still constant and scary but I am trying to keep myself busy and distracted. So my question is, in these times of high anxiety what’s the best way to move forward. Will the anxiety just start to die down on its own if I keep busy or do I need to do some exposures? Like sitting with the thoughts, thinking them through, blowing them up in my head?
  13. I am struggling so much today. This is day 2 of really resisting the pull of google for reassurance. Literally the 5 days before that I was permanently on the internet trying to find anything to give me some relief. And after starting CBT yesterday I have put myself under strict instructions to not google or sit reading forums for hours and hours. Yeaterday evening I felt like something clicked as I realised my anxiety levels had died down and I was having glimpses of normal life. Today I feel the opposite. I have resisted the internet all day and I am struggling so much. I have vomited this morning through sheer fear and anxiety. my intrusive thoughts, feelings and particularly urges have been constant and I just feel like I want to cry constantly. I am getting every type of intrusion. And my thoughts are crazy getting stronger and taking new angles. I am determined not to google and sit online but I would really like some encouragement as I feel so alone right now
  14. I am working this afternoon so hopefully that will distract me somewhat. And my ocd kicks in and start thinking ‘is she asking that question because she is worried I am suicidal and shouldn’t be left alone?’ 🙈
  15. I’ve got my first CBT appointment tomorrow, my therapist I am booked in with cancelled last minute last week as she was unwell. Is it normal to feel physically sick with anxiety?
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