Lisa davis

Thank you for replying, I hoped that you would as I believe you have been through the same distressing obsession as myself and I admire you for winning your battle. Its not reassurance in the sense of telling me I didnt do anything wrong, I realise how that feeds the obsession, I just needed clarity on how to deal with the thoughts that have me ruminating when I know I shouldn't be. I thought I was experienced enough now to know what to do everytime this happens but my OCD has a way of changing things up which leads me to doubt myself and then sees me falling into it's trap. Ultimately then, I guess that whatever the thought, the obsession, we still treat it as nonsense and leave it well alone? Wether it be worrying about something we did (in this instance false memory), or something that may happen if we do or don't do such and such?

I'm no expert, apart from dealing with OCD myself for 20 years, and I'm a bit lost myself at the moment, but if I can help a little then I will try ?...the mistake you are making, and I did this myself on so many occasions before I learnt the principles of CBT, is that you are seeking reassurance ? As you rightfully said, reassurance gives you relief. It is nice to have your mind put at rest, wether it be 5 mins or 5 hours! However, there is one big problem with seeking reassurance and that is, it's only ever a temporary thing. After a while, you will start to doubt yourself once more and you will find yourself back at square one with the what if's etc. Certainty is something we all crave at times but in reality, as harsh as it may sound, nothing is certain. Constantly searching for something that isn't there isn't going to help you, it will in fact, keep you in this vicious circle of feeling relief then feeling despair. What would be beneficial however, is if you could try not to give the thought any importance. Acknowledge it's presence then move on, distract yourself with something. The more you can do this the less importance the thought will carry until it becomes just what it is, a thought x

Most of the "themes" I have endured have centred around obsessing about something happening in the future. Either it be imminently, or in months to come. "I must do this or that to prevent this happening" etc. On reading others posts, I believe that seems to be the general way in which OCD works. However my latest "theme" is the opposite of that in that I am obsessing about something that may or may not of happened. I really don't think it did but OCD is trying, and succeeding, at making me think it did. My question is, how can I disprove OCD if its a past event? For example, if I was worried about touching a door handle for fear of being contaminated, the only way I know that this wouldn't happen is if I were to touch said handle and realise that I am in fact, ok (I don't in any way wish to devalue the severity that this can/does have on those with this obsession, I am just tring to explain myself ?). How do you apply this theory to something OCD is saying you may have done? I'm struggling so much lately and it's been almost 1 year since this thought came into my head. I hope this makes sense to someone ? Many thanks Lisa

Thank you for this Equinoxygen. I think I place too much emphasis on the why instead of the here and now. Trying to fully understand why I might have this disorder and why it manifests itself in such a way. There's always a need to know why things work the way they do!?! Ultimately though, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I find myself again so im able to live life the best I can. Thank you for the reminder of what is important ? x

Thank you Paradoxer, wise words as always ? I'm not sure as to why I saw relevance in the underlying causes of my OCD. It was discussed with my therapist but I agree that it may be more a hindrance pairing up cause and effect. After all, it doesn't matter why I have OCD, how manifests itself etc, it matters that I overcome this relapse Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it x

I love this analogy, thanks for sharing! This is kinda what I'm going through at the moment in regards to committing a crime but it's the memory thing that is causing all the compulsions and anxiety. Although I know deep down I haven't done anything OCD makes it seem so real and then obviously you start to doubt yourself, and well, you know how it goes!! Your way of dealing with it though is a brilliant idea and maybe something I could adapt to make it more specific to me ? This exactly ? It happened again yesterday, and I had this awful wave of fear come across me. And then I concluded that this is going to be my "theme" now, rather than as I had naively hoped, a one off. However, today i have tried to not let my ruminating spiral out of control and have had quite a good day so hopefully with guidance and support from you amazing people on here ? I can tackle this head on Thanks for your kind words GBG and your in depth reply, I so appreciate it x

Nice to talk to you again PB ? I hope you are doing well Thank you for your reply. I guess I've got caught up with the fact OCD can make you believe you have done something when in reality, you haven't. It's a very scary thing to doubt yourself in such a way ? I understand from past sessions the underlying reasoning for my thoughts, they stem around responsibility and I guess this is no different. I have something to try and work off so thank you ?

I don't personally take either of those particular meds however I have heard good things about sertraline in regards to helping with OCD. Hopefully some of the other members will be able to offer their opinions on them. In regards to side effects, I know they can sound scary but often you have to consider whether the possibility of feeling better outweighs the risks of the possible side effects. I guess it's a trial and error thing as each individual will react differently. Sometimes medication can help to ease the anxiety enough to help you engage in therapy, so in that context it can be helpful ?

I have an appointment with a gateway worker on 7th January. Can tell already this is going to be another 12 month wait to access therapy ? My question is, how do I help myself?? I've already had CBT twice and am aware of the principles of it but what I struggle with is how to adapt it to my current "theme". How do I make a hierarchy for example? I realise exposure is good however not in the forced instance I just experienced as it was followed by severe anxiety, rumination, reassurance etc etc. That is the second time now that OCD has had me question if I have done something wrong. I'm scared that this will increase in frequency and then I will avoid places like I did before because it was safer, easier. I feel most, if not all, of my compulsions are covert so how do I work on those?? How do I push myself without making things worse? Thank you for any input ?

I think it's easy to believe that most people around us are Ok and not suffering a mental health issue as we do. The problem with this way of thinking is that it doesnt allow for those who disguise such problems and thus, appear to be fully functioning individuals. However, underneath that "front" could be a crumbling person who has learnt how to hide the pain that they are in. People become experts in covering up their problems. I know only too well! The point is, you don't need to compare yourself to Jane. Jane may or may not have mental health issues, or any other issues for that matter. What matters is you. You have to stay focused on being you, and doing the best that you can do under the circumstances you find yourself in, just as you are doing x

Hi flash, sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. I too have found myself in the midst of a relapse with a similar "theme" to yourself so understand totally how hard this feels right now. However you have done the right thing in seeking help and it's great that you are having your first therapy session on Tuesday. Please don't worry about what the therapist will think, they have heard many, many things and it's their job to help not judge ? If it helps, I believe on this site there is an ice breaker form specifically for "harm ocd" that you could give to your therapist? Have you thought about speaking to your tutor at uni, or specifically the mental health team there? You don't have to give specifics but it may help you to gain some extra time for assignments with mitigating circumstances perhaps?? Stay strong, you've beat this before, we both have, and we CAN beat it again x

I think you already know the answer to this question ? I used to suffer with contamination theme so totally empathise with your situation. Looking back I now realise how ridiculous my thinking was but I totally understand in the here and now how OCD has you believe how everything is true whilst also catastropsisng the whole situation. This is true for any "theme". We have to work hard at challenging what "it" is trying to convince us of and in order to do that we have to not ruminate, not to do compulsions to make us feel better until we get that thought of "but this, but that". Just sit with the thought and do nothing. Yes you will feel anxious, but in time that will fade. This is the only way in which to overcome this "thing". Don't give in to it, show it you are the stronger one xx

So true Paradoxer. But only now do I see this after it being pointed out to me ?

Thank you Handy ? I think you may be right. I was definatly feeling better about the previous theme, although nowhere near 100%, I was feeling more confident in my ability to confront my fears and was In fact, making quite good progress. It's the absolute terror, fear and distress from the anxiety that goes alongside the obsession within the early stages of a relapse that overwhelms me. I then find it hard to rationalise my thoughts and put into practice what I have learnt. Hopefully I can start to do that very soon as I realise it will otherwise be a vicious circle ?

I could have written this myself! I guess the ruminating - going over the scenario is the compulsion? Unlike say a checking compulsion you would physically check the door is closed, for me, I replay over and over what happened. But then I doubt myself and go round and round in circles. But yes I definitely agree to try not give to much attention to the thoughts. That's what I have desperately been trying to do as I know from therapy this is the way forward. I think because my theme has changed direction It has frightened me. But again like you, and I like the way you have described it, my anxiety/OCD outbursts have a lifespan. Usually lasting a few days to a few weeks. Although when I have been really poorly with it it has lasted months ? I'm hoping this is just a blip, particularly as life in general has thrown some stuff at me recently and OCD tends to grab hold of me when things get on top of me. Please don't feel the need to apologise. You have helped me immensely and I hope in some small way I can help you too. You sound as though you have a great understanding to how this "thing" works, and that is a good thing. You have to stand up to the thoughts, don't let it beat you. You have done it before and because you learnt a way to overcome it's claws, it's thrown something else into the mix. I have come to realise this is what it does. So glad you have sought help, and yes I believe meds are useful, and therapy even more so. I hope you don't have to much of a wait until you are seen. Something I obviously have to remind myself again now!!! but always remember....they are just thoughts ? x