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BigDave

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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    Male
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    UK

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  1. Hi all, So I have a bit of situation where I was chatting with this girl via online dating and she asked me what my birthday was. I told her a slight lie and gave a false date because I’m extremely paranoid that I could be the victim of an online scammer. However, I don’t feel like I changed it enough. I told my therapist about it today and he said to me that sure it is probably not silly to be a bit cautious but that I should chill and I don’t feel that was particularly helpful. I’m actually freaking out now they could basically guess my birthday and then identity fraud me. It’s probably an OCD reaction but I’m sitting here panicked. Can someone please advise me.
  2. So just to be completely clear with you, I figure I have to challenge the perceptions I have in my head and go forward. But pee is one thing. What about faeces and semen? Surely I can’t be so easy going about that?
  3. I just feel the need to look after stuff that I own. But also because contaminants and germs can harm you. And they’re nasty.
  4. Yes I do actually. I really struggle at the thought of things I own being damaged or contaminated. I mean the the thought of there being stuff with urine, semen or faeces on makes me feel like throwing up. But then I would get obsessive about things not getting scratches on them also. So perhaps it’s a bit of both?
  5. Okay so I guess I rambled a little bit but in essence I feel like accepting uncertainty is one thing. I can try my best to do that and say that I’m pretty sure I didn’t touch something or whatever. It’s when everything in my gut is reacting to a stimuli. Such as touching the dirty door or the greasy cupboard handle. Or putting something on my lap that I know that is wet. It’s looking at contaminants in the face and saying that yes I know it’s dirty but I’m just going to get on with it anyway. It’s that which I think I really struggle with. I don’t know if I’m making any sense in what I said but I just need someone to redirect me.
  6. So sorry MC. It’s really tough. I have the same situation with my uncle and it’s so hard. Thinking of you and your family.
  7. Hey. So I haven’t been here for a while as I’ve been fighting the good fight but I’ve come to a point of near collapse and I feel like I’m stuck in an endless loop. So before we begin, there are I guess two things that I have established. The first is that I’m not good with uncertainty and if I’m in a situation where I think “did I touch something” or better “did something touch me”, I’m more than likely going to go change what I’m wearing or shower because of this discomfort. Big things include the trash and the toilet but another thing I really struggle with is my lap and my bottom, especially after I’ve been to the toilet or after you know. The thought of getting waste and/or bodily fluids on things is a bit too much to take and while I appreciate that such is the nature of the world that there are bodily fluids on everything, it’s hard to accept especially when I for example need to use my computer or I need to wipe my TV or something. I don’t want pee, faeces or semen or anything like that on it. That includes grease from food or just food waste. Maybe I’m expecting too much but it just seems wrong. The second issue isn’t as much the uncertainty but when there are overwhelming evidence of certainty. For example, I don’t know whether I’m over sensitive but touching door handles that I know my brother hasn’t washed his hands before using it OR doors and whatever that have got evident discolouration or dirt stains on them. I mean, I swear I have tried to clean them off but on certain things like wallpaper and wood, it’s not always easy. I just can’t touch them. I can’t even put a bottle down on the coffee table and or kitchen surface for fear of contaminants or grease from the kitchen or just food entering my bedroom. In these cases, I think there is some rationale, especially where things don’t look clean to worry yet other people seem not to care. So I wonder if it is just me being over sensitive. anyway I have been stressing a lot about this. I just needed to get it off of my chest.
  8. Hey Cub. I haven’t been on here for a while but I saw your post and I felt for you. I genuinely feel similar sometimes, it’s hard to get enthused about things and just going through the motions. But trust me, you aren’t alone. We are here for you. Stay strong x
  9. So I have a couple of ongoing issues at the moment that are really dragging me down and I need to put a pin in them. I’m pretty sure they are all OCD but I would be grateful if someone could help to confirm my suspicions. The first is the shower situation. Whenever I shower, I wash my groin and I wash my backside. I do thoroughly wash both but for one reason or another, I never feel they are clean enough. What is made worse is that I cannot fully retract so I can’t clean as thoroughly as I’d like. After I wash these areas, i have to thoroughly wash the sponge and if even I feel the slightest bit of spray back off the sponge onto my face or hair, I have to wash both again. I also can’t dry my groin or backside with a towel for the reasons mentioned above so I just dry my hair and get changed which I know is bad. Theory. This is OCD. Clean is a relative thing. Also, soap breaks down dirt so any splash back from the sponge wouldn’t be dirty. Drying myself is upsetting but no one is perfectly clean. I should just dry myself thoroughly as normal and not think about what I could be spreading. Anyway, I’ve just showered. So I’m pretty clean anyway. I should just get on with it and not think too much about it. It’s an acceptable cleanliness. Then there is the issue with semen. I know that we have gone over this in the past but I just wanted to relate that to the fact that it is difficult to really retract and thoroughly clean. Consequently, after I’ve done the act, I’m always conscious that there is probably a bit still there and any time my hand or anything comes close to my lap I’m thinking oh no. I’ve got semen on it. Again, this is OCD. Semen is not harmful. More importantly, I have two layers of clothes on and it’s hardly going to deep through both. I’m putting way too much weight and significance on something that is insignificant. The revulsion I have to the idea of semen being everywhere is just a feeling and in truth there are a lot of gross things everywhere. That’s just life for you. I could roll on but the bottom line is that it’s all OCD. This idea of me keeping everything I’m perfectly clean is unrealistic and harms my quality. Be one with the muck and enjoy life. I think that’s what I need to aim for.
  10. Hi guys, So as you know, I have pretty much nailed down what my compulsions are by now. And by that, I know what things I do when it I get anxiety about an obsession i.e. being too close to the bin and thinking i've touched it -> washing myself etc. To caring too much if I have a little pee on me because I'm constantly worried about spreading it on everything around me. Same goes for other bodily fluids which we've discussed. I'm constantly trying to avoid bumping into the cat litter boxes, bins, dirty laundry baskets with open tops etc. The list is endless and I could go on for days about it. The issue I'm facing is avoiding the compulsion. So it's like, if I walk past the laundry basket and I think I've touched it with my elbow, to continue on doing your bit and not caring. Or if I have got a bit of urine on me, just to carry on doing my business and not thinking about whether I'm kicking it on my DVDs, carpet or bed etc. As far as semen goes and poo goes, I'm a little more freaked out about that because I think it is really disgusting but yeah, basically, I just am finding it really hard to resist the compulsions. I've tried the list of difficulties and stuff like that but I get to certain things and I'm still hitting a brick wall. Is there any help you can give or suggest?
  11. I swear to God I constantly feel like I’m stepping in pee whenever I use a bathroom because my brother pees all over the place. I had to urgently wash my hands and there were drops on the floor I didn’t notice and walked in. Not sure if my foot or slipper touched but I’m just annoyed I have to go through this. It’s probably nothing but I feel sick :(
  12. So I need to get this off my chest because I’m really struggling to work through this. If you guys can bear with me, I’d really appreciate it. So I vented one issue earlier this week about brushing against things but the biggest issues I have I think involves urine, semen and feces. I feel incredibly uncomfortable with this stuff. Particularly, I’m very uncomfortable about spreading it, whether it be on my clothes, furniture or other items or people. Consequently I find it extremely difficult going to the bathroom or anything sexual. I also have an overactive bladder and I think often get urine on my legs by accident. Sometimes I get distracted and forget to wipe them and then I’ll blow into a huge panic when I realise I’ve walked into my room and I’ve spread onto everything from my bed to DVDs. Now I know we have spoken about this before but I need to re-understand what I’m meant to be doing. Wiping anything is never easy because it’s always wiping and then washing hands and when ever I do that, I think. Have I spread this on something else? If I leave it, then I feel incredibly uncomfortable and I have to wipe everything. If I defecate, wiping myself is very difficult mentally. I’m also wondering if I have touched my t-shirt or shorts and I can struggle to figure out what to do when it comes to pulling up my trousers. Consequently afterwards, touching my trousers also becomes something of an anxiety provoking issue. Touching my underwear is always a no no and should anything sexual happen, I literally panic about everything I touch. The idea of getting any of these substances on anything are horrifying. Please can someone talk through this with me?
  13. I think you're right. I am actually always worried that I am typing the wrong thing into messages or on websites by mistake and that someone is going to take my details and destroy me or something. I am an absolute mess with these sorts of things. But the chances of me actually doing that are probably slim. But yeah, I am kind of in a tortured place at the moment. It stinks!
  14. Hey, it's been a while. Everything has been going OK for a while but I am getting sick and tired of this issue I am having with regards to brushing up against things. Whether it's brushing against the bin when I walk past or whether it's brushing against the toilet with my arm when I grab the disinfectant to wipe up the urine on the floor that my brother spills. Or if it's brushing against the cats bum or the dirty laundry basket. Tonight, the big one is brushing against the toilet with my arm when reaching into get the disinfectant. I don't know why my folks put the disinfectant there but I always feel like i'm on tenterhooks whenever I have to grab the disinfectant. Now I am thinking I am spreading toilet germs all around my room. I casually washed my arm - but I am thinking that I didn't wash it thoroughly enough. So all this rubbish is going round my head. Now, I am pretty sure your response will be to just get on with it but the fact that my arm may have touched the toilet is making me feel horrible. Any helpful advice?
  15. To be honest, my therapist said the exact same thing and I think you're right. I don't think I was doing anything that was particularly outrageous beyond innocent flirting so hey, it's been my OCD all along trying to bully me. Anyway, thank you everyone for all your advice. You're heroes!
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