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BigDave

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Male
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    UK

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  1. To be honest, my therapist said the exact same thing and I think you're right. I don't think I was doing anything that was particularly outrageous beyond innocent flirting so hey, it's been my OCD all along trying to bully me. Anyway, thank you everyone for all your advice. You're heroes!
  2. Someone got into my dating site account and started posting messages to people
  3. So my therapist has been for the longest time telling me that I should take more chances and that my OCD tells me that my risk assessment is greater than the reality. He said that I needed to do more things, open my world. So I did just that. I bought a saxophone. I started Spanish lessons and I joined Match.com. I was really anxious about joining match but I did it. I used my personal email address and everything too. So everything was going well. And then a week into it, I get hacked. Now I’m freaking out because I’m not sure if my personal email is compromised, I’m not sure how much information they’ve got on me and I also had some quite flirtatious conversations (I don’t mean anything too excessive but I mean you know maybe not always PG-13 albeit very small amounts). Anyway now I feel violated and I feel exposed and I’m scared I’m going to be blackmailed and threatened because I told someone that they were...well you know, arousing. I feel mortified and humiliated and I just want to cry all the time. I am expecting to be blackmailed or someone to steal my identity or something Like that. They’ve said someone must have hacked my computer or my email but I have a heavy duty virus scanner and I just can’t understand how that would have happened. I haven’t clicked any links. I haven’t downloaded anything. I haven’t given my passwords to anyone. They have offered to set me up with a new account and my therapist thinks I should do it but I don’t know. I’m bordering on breaking down. Thanks for listening.
  4. Please don’t feel bleak. OCD is a horrible illness but we are all here to support you. OCD is just trying to bully you.
  5. Any time! Always here to chat. It’s so bloody lonely having OCD
  6. It’s ok. You don’t sound weird to me. And I sound bloody crazy half the time so I couldn’t point the finger anyway x
  7. Sorry that you are struggling. I’m struggling a lot too but you aren’t alone through any of this. We are here to support you *hugs*
  8. Yes it is but I can’t just switch it off Anyway I’m back with the urine issue. Think I’ve got urine on my leg and then carried on without it purposefully. Now I’m thinking I’ve got urine everywhere but just going to power through.
  9. Guys if any of you can offer some definitive thoughts. I really need this right now.
  10. Hi guys. There is a truth. I need to get over my phobia of my bum and my my groin. Fact is, I hate them. I can’t even dry the areas after I’ve had a shower because I’m not completely sure they are clean enough. In fact, I’m reasonably sure I can never get them as clean as I want them to. I don’t know how anyone can wipe their bits or their bottom in the knowledge that they can be spreading poo, semen or urine over themselves. It is definitely even harder after I do stuff (you know what I mean). In fact, after I do that. I’m nearly rigid until I’ve had a shower. I can’t touch anything. My clothes feel dirty. My body feels dirty. If my hand glances or touches my shirt or my thigh after doing stuff, I need to wipe them down or not touch anything. And my hand always smells and I can’t get the smell out until I had a shower. In all of these instances, I think I know the answer. The answer is to dry your groin. Dry your bottom, though maybe not invasively dry bits that are more likely to have other stuff on them I.e. internal stuff. I constantly worry because I have an issue that I can’t pull my skin back to clean myself as much as I’d like, that I’m constantly worried that I’m dirty but I guess if I give it a cursory clean that’s clean enough anyway. The same applies to after doing stuff. Even if you feel disgusting, wash your hands and move on surely is the answer. I don’t feel like I can do it in my room yet because it would mean opening my door with dirty hands and I don’t want to touch the door handle. But even when doing it near the sink, if I touch my leg, I freak out. I have to ignore that and get on as if was normal. These are normal things. I have to accept they are normal. I guess part of it is accepting their is risk but you are taking it. A friend of mine with OCD ordered something online and he had to put his card details in. Midway through the payment, the site logged him out but when he logged back in it said the item had been ordered and that the payment was accepted. He worried that because the system cut out, that he might have had his details compromised. But that was his what if side of OCD coming into play. There was nothing to suggest that there was any harm from it. Just like I did the other day. I was setting up my siblings iPhone and they had to transfer their data across. I was worried because I was in a rush that I clicked on an insecure network and I compromised all of his data. Yet, when I later checked all the local networks, every neighbouring network was secured so I wouldn’t have even had access if I tried. More importantly, the chances of me actually clicking an unsecured network were slim. But again, it’s the mighty what if? so to conclude, I think I just have to accept it and take the risk. Sure this might mean touching things with a bit of urine or semen or whatever. It might mean that I even get a bit of it on the items that are most precious to me. The important thing is that they continue to work. The only thing wrong with me is how I feel. These things repulse me but they aren’t that repulsive. Well, except for poo maybe. anyway, these are my thoughts.
  11. Hey ladies and gents, So today has been a really bad day. I have changed my clothes numerous times and had a shower in an attempt to keep clean but I feel like, despite all my efforts, that I am still not clean. To give you an idea of how bad it is, Dad put a slipper that has been sat in urine in a basket full of clean clothes and I have to wear them later. Horrendous. But anyway, after having a shower and touching soiled clothing and everything, I eventually got to my room feeling far from clean. But I actually feel like I'm past caring. I am just emotionally drained, tired and upset and I think to myself, well, maybe I just have to give in that the world is going to conspire against me to have really unclean stuff and I have to deal with it. Because my Mum isn't going to wash all the clothes again because of a dirty slipper. She washed some but how do I know that she got everything? Answer is, I don't. So I live in fear? what do I do? God knows. I am just so tired and drained and this whole COVID thing and being trapped in an enclosed environment with people who don't have the same "standards" as I do is very very draining and difficult. I guess I am just going to have to live with it now. SO I guess that is turning the corner.
  12. Literally things are going from bad to worse for me at the moment. I’m sure this COVID stuff is making it worse. I spent £7 on some new dusting brushes and then I think they may have touched my lap. Obviously now I can’t use them. I just feel like crying all the time.
  13. This all makes sense. And now for an OCD question to you all. I presume this is the case but you know I speak about my brother and his hygiene. He'll walk on dirty floors and this and that and the other day, he stood on a pillow, a dirty one. Now I accidentally lay on that pillow a few days later and then slept on my bed without really thinking. So consequently, I think that everything that I've lay on since now has been contaminated. I'm thinking though that is OCD thinking and I should literally touch my hair and touch everything and just be done with it because you can only die once? That's the right thing to do right? Well that's what I am going to do....I think. Cheers, David
  14. Hey all, I have had a bit of an OCD nightmare scenario. I have a bin in my bedroom that I use to put wipes in predominantly, screen wipes that I use for wiping objects in my room that I think have become contaminated from example things such as accidentally touching my lap or something of that ilk. So in theory, there should be some really horrid stuff in there. And tonight, as my bin was quite fully, I didn't want to push it down with my hand to make more space so instead I tried using my foot and I knocked the bin over and some wipes spread over the floor and touching objects etc. The problem is now that I am not sure I have disinfected every area that the dirty wipes touched. In theory, after a day or so, all the wipes should have been dry anyway barring two or so but still, I feel rather gross thinking that these dirty wipes have spread all over the place. I think what I have to do now though is just to get on with things and accept that nothing bad is going to happen. Because it won't. So really it is just waiting it through but it really is freaking irritating and I am damn upset.
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