BigDave

You can definitely do it. It’s not easy but make sure you appreciate the victories however small!

Thank you Well if he had greasy hands, then I’d get grease potentially in my console and I’d not like that As a side note, I seem to be having a bloody annoying night again with a disc I had a disc in my hand after I went for to the bathroom and it slipped out of my hand and I know I had a wet patch on my shorts having been for a wee I’m thinking, maybe I have got a bit of wee on my disc now. I put up with the anxiety and carried on using the disc but I feel like I have urine in my console now. Sad times!

Thank you so much. It actually went great. I just faced up and it’s fine. Not saying today has been easy but dealing with that situation was!

So a really quick one. I found an imperfection (like a chip) on a video game disc so I as panicking it might damage my console. After a while, I thought, I will ask my Dad as he will know best. When I saw him, he was cleaning the cooker (greasy greasy) and he came over to look at it with just wiping his hands with a towel. He looked at the disc and then as I was walking away, he pointed and said, what is it. Now I’m not sure if he made contact with the disc. It seems rather stupid me even worrying about this but as I put the disc back in the console, I’m thinking - have I got grease in it?? Answer is probably not but my OCD is having a field day!!!

Ok so first I apologise for another post from me (you guys are so amazing for listening us ramble on a daily basis, I can’t thank you enough for being a sounding board). This evening, I’ve kind of gone into a mode of acceptance. On the one hand, I think it’s good. But it also has made me kind of sad. Essentially, I have come to the conclusion that given my brothers lack of cleanliness, I have two options. The first, which is to spend all my time as nauseam cleaning everything for the rest of time all day every day. The second option is to just accept that things aren’t going to be as clean as I want and just “suck it up”. I actually know what I have to do but it’s going to be incredibly hard. The hardest part of it all is going to be my bedroom. My bedroom is my safe space. My clean space and which I have certain rules that I follow on a daily basis to keep things a certain way. I figure the only true way around this is basically to integrate my room into the rest of the house. It’s not great because my stuff is going to get “contaminated” but what choice do I have? I know to say that it isn’t, is a lie is w stretch too far. My brother doesn’t wash his hands unless told to and to manage that all day is impossible. So stuff is going to be in contact, first hand, second or third with stuff that isn’t clean. But again, what can I do? Spend my life walking around with wipes? As a side note, I’m worried that my 3D glasses came into contact with the underside of my belly/crotch area while I was getting changed (they were in my drawer). I have an overwhelming urge to wipe them but I probably should just leave them as is because I have a problem with depth perception and I have no idea half the time how close or far things are. It may not have touched at all. Just feeling about down and resigned.

Well the week has been going OK but I still feel frustrated because I don’t feel like I’m breaking through the wall that I want to. I know what @PolarBearwould say. He’d say “stop the compulsions”. The problem is the huge fear of not doing them. For example, I have recently been to the toilet and I can feel a wet patch on my crotch. If my hand as much as glances that area or is perceived to, then I have to wash my hands. Well, no, I don’t have to wash my hands technically but I also don’t want urine on everything. Anyway, the same applies to all my issues I guess. The problem is that I know that to just give in and not do any of the compulsions would be liberating but my life would be definitely more unsanitary. I can’t convince myself that that is a worthwhile compromise. I mean, logically it is but I also don’t want my brother’s pee on my foot or whatever else on my hands and then In my bed or on my computer. It’s so frustrating!!

I used to use Twitter a lot because of loneliness but I realised that actually it just stoked my anxiety. I am really glad I don’t use it anymore and I would never ever recommend anyone look to the Twitterverse to get medical help.

Like Caramoole said, reassurance has this can get knack of providing a temporary release of anxiety but it doesn’t deal with the problem and the anxiety will return. If you sit with the anxiety, eventually it will go down without the compulsion. And it is long term more effective.

Thanks Malina! I think I’ll get there. It’s just a learning curve.

Hi Caramoole. It’s actually what I meant to talk here!

I don’t think you should ruminate on it more. I think that would be a mistake. I think that you need to let these thoughts just lie. Accept that they are thoughts, just that and nothing more. You are wanting certainty and it’s often really hard to get absolute certainty. So you say what if? Fact is that if you aren’t sure anything happened, it very likely didn’t. Give yourself a break, distract yourself. Why don’t you and your partner take your kid and enjoy the sunshine

I understand Nikki. I really do. Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you x

I agree, facing the disgust is always the best course of action. I’m trying hard, albeit I had a little slip in the bathroom this morning where I wasn’t sure if I touched my knee after going to the toilet. In essence, I’m pretty sure I did but at worst, if I’m really unlucky, I may have tiny amounts of poo on me, not radioactive waste. That’s how I need to start looking at it anyway I believe. You’re awesome @malina thank you!

My therapist said the following to me one time and I implore you to consider this. “if you aren’t sure something happened in OCD, chances are that it didn’t”. The panic is all in your mind and you are putting thoughts in your head that worry you, but in truth the idea of any harm disgusts you because you are a good person. You aren’t alone x

I think the hardest part of OCD is accepting that it's the disorder; that the fears and worries are just that and not actual facts. The responses you get are just autonomic and really mean nothing. People with OCD will focus more carefully also on regions that worry them and will resultantly misread sensations from said regions. Someone with fears about being gay and has OCD might read that a slight twitch in his lap while seeing a naked guy must be proof that he's gay (it isn't, it could be for a multitude of reasons he felt that). By the same token, someone with contamination OCD might be so focused on his arms while walking past a door that he can't judge for himself anymore in his mind whether his arms touched the door or not as he walks past (even though he didn't). The point, remember that thoughts aren't proof. They are thoughts. You are obviously disturbed by these thoughts and they make you very upset. You obviously also love your brother very much and don't want any harm to come to him. It's all OCD!