O Neg

Thanks Closed for repairs. It's strange that this started last night. My anxiety has usually calmed down by now, usually replaced by something else. As my wife says, 'If it wasn't this it would be something else!' She, as usual is absolutely right. I hope it will pass.

Thanks for your responses dksea and paradoxer. With regard to the level of anxiety, my other posts showed a level of anxiety, but this appeared to be greater, that is what I am trying to say.

Good Morning Fellow Inmates, I am in the process of having a sleepless night, the first for quite a few weeks. The reason I am so stressed and anxious is because of a TV drama my wife and I were watching last evening. As most of you probably know 'Call The Mid-wife' is quite a gentle BBC historic drama. However, due to a scene in the programme I am really suffering. The scene, which only lasted a few seconds was of a mother and mid-wife with a baby. The mother affectionately strokes the baby as any loving mother would. However my perception of this is quite different. To me the mother is being inappropriate with the new born. Not only that, but some how my mind has created a false memory about when I was looking after a family baby around 15 years ago. Now I know that this memory is absolute rubbish, because if I had been inappropriate I would have known about it long before now. This is false memory OCD messing with my mind due to my false perception of a TV programme scene, I know that. My wife (bless her) has told me that the scene was not inappropriate in any way. It was just the way that I saw it. I know some members will accuse me of posting because I have a slight anxiety spike and that it will pass, but this anxiety is the real deal. I don't think I have ever felt anything like it.

Hello Nikki79, This is clearly very distressing for you. I know all about trying to do what you think is right and then wondering if in fact you did what was right. Just remember, you have a mental illness called OCD. It can and will get you to believe most anything. Read some of my own threads and see how I buy into the lies that are told by this most cruel of disorders. Please try to remember that what you are experiencing are intrusive thoughts, they don't mean you are a bad person. I know it is difficult not to dance with the thought as the subject; your daughter, obviously means so much to you. I have had similar problems with my children and now grandchildren. Think of it as your fight or flight centre in your brain going off at the wrong time and giving meaning to meaningless things. I hope this is of some if only limited help. Nearly everyone on this site is struggling or at some time in the past has struggled with OCD. You are not alone and what you are going through is by no means unique.

Hi Nikki79, You are not a terrible person. You have been (like many of us I'm afraid to say) fooled by OCD lies. OCD will always tell lies about everything. It's all about doubt, uncertainty and fear. It is quite capable of making you believe anything. Enjoy being with your daughter and niece. Don't on any account let OCD rob you of time together with those two special girls. OCD is a bully and should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

Hello Ollie46, I was looking through some of the December threads recently and when I came across 'Need some encouragement' it struck a chord. I have a very similar problem to your own. I won't go into details, but rest assured you are by no means on your own with this thing.

You are very welcome. Don't forget the video. I watch it at least once a day. James Callner is such a nice guy. He has done several coaching videos and I enjoy them and find them very useful.

Hello Nicola, To ignore the false information your brain is telling you is difficult at first. I mean I should know, if you have ever read any of my threads, I still have a hard time. It is possible however. It takes practice. A few months back, I was very much how you are today. My intrusive thoughts were running riot; they just wouldn't calm down. What I suspect you know already is that OCD is a liar. It always lies to you. In fact that is probably the only truth about OCD; that it always lies. I learn't a technique online, whereby when OCD is being a bully, one does a little bullying back. You see, OCD works on doubt. The doubt creates fear and anxiety your imagination takes over and then you feel overwhelmed. The method I use actually strengthens the left side of the brain; the logic side, as opposed to the right side of the brain; the imagination side. OCD always comes in the form of a question and that question is almost certainly 'What If?' What If this? What If that? What I have learnt is to answer OCD with the answer 'I DON'T KNOW'. OCD comes back and says 'What if this happens?' and I say 'I DON'T KNOW' It seems to me that the OCD bully doesn't know what to do with that answer! It is a tool, not a cure and for me it does calm the intrusive thoughts down. There is a video on Youtube featuring James Callner entitled 'How to Calm Your Thoughts. James explains it far better than I ever can. Good luck.

Thanks battlethrough. My family and I have had a particularly unpleasant Christmas, mainly due to my disorder. This has possibly been the worst festive season ever for us. Christmas is tough for everyone. I look at other people and I wish I were them; free of OCD. However, one can never be sure what baggage other people are carrying!

I think you would probably have to put some meat on the bones of your situation if you want any meaningful help regarding your situation. I suspect we are talking Relationship OCD.

My apologies Closed. My family and I have had a bad Christmas mainly due to myself and my disorder. I do not mean to take it out on you. Apologies again.

Sorry Closed, for your information I was searching for similar themes. This is one of the only times I have found someone with similar obsessions to my own. Yes it is 2009 and I hope this poor individual is now an ex-sufferer, I really do. Please be a bit more tolerant. I try not to ask for reassurance, only today I refused help from family members who thought they were doing me a favour trying to defuse a couple of anxiety spikes I was having. I sit with it and it fades.

Does the age of the thread make it any less relevant? Get off my case!

Hello Tinman, I have a very similar problem myself re the spitting and to some extent the kicking, which I suppose could be classified as a sort of harm OCD. I still have problems today, although in my heart of hearts I know OCD is telling me another lie.

Hello Guest rafafoo, Yes I have had the same problem regarding spitting. Its not just at people but things as well. The other day my sister in-law left my house after a visit. Although I voiced my concerns about me possibly spitting on her coat, my wife told me there was nothing wrong. Unfortunately if had began to rain when she left so her coat was getting a bit splattered. It made things worse. In my heart of hearts I know I would never do such a thing and my thoughts are just another OCD lie.