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  1. Your not alone on this one,its just nasty rumination, I'm trying at the moment not to ruminate, it's so so hard but all we can do for now is try and recognise when we are ruminating and try and focus on something else enjoyable, seems impossible I know but I bet you have had other themes before that you have no time for now, stay strong
  2. Really struggling,drunk or not, if I downloaded Facebook for that and then tried to texd, isn't that something that should be owned up to, I mean that's real intent of betrayal isn't it, it's wrong, the guilt is surely genuine
  3. Thanks pb, I know your correct, It just seems so automatic, just feel so done in with feeling like a lyer and fraud
  4. Why won't the guilt go, I feel it only will if I confess to it all but I know I can't. Getting really down over this
  5. Every single morning, whack, first thing,tormented with the guilt that I pursued this and confess confess confess confess in my head all the time, feeling weaker by the day
  6. Thanks pb, I'm trying to treat it as nothing but as always that voice in my head is saying its the worst thing I could've done, especially trying to send a message, although there is no evidence
  7. What am I doing wrong, the feeling I have to confess this nasty thing I did is unbearable
  8. Or not just try, I need to work on the coe that is ima vile person
  9. Thanks pb, my therapist drew a chart about where it stems back and it's not jus t about avoiding compulsions, the CORE BELIEF Is that I'm a vile person, and I have to try and BELIEVE I'M NOT
  10. Thanks pb, when I strip it back I also have to change my belief that I'm a vile human being as all my compulsions lead straight back to that belief but that's a hard nut to crack
  11. Just don't know what to do, she's related for gods sake, how could I be such a creep
  12. I'm trying so hard to do everything correct but it's still eating away I haven't googled or confessed, when I find myself ruminating I try to distract and not analyse but I have this deep down feeling of guilt and constant blurry memories of me purposely installing Facebook just to see a photo and sending this phantom texd Don't know what else to do, I say to myself Ithat I can't so anything about it and to let it be yet still I feel I have chelated or at least done something deceitful and of course the urge to be honest with my partner about my wrong doing Feel very stuck as to whether this genuinely should be confessed
  13. I'm OK thanks lovely. I haven't drank this week and have managed not to confess or knowingly seek reassurance through Google. I still feel I have betrayed but I hope this gets less over time, I have self medicated on booze for a long time but I will get there hopefully with clearer mind. How are you gbg, I hope your keeping on top, you and of course others have always been there in times of support but without the reassurance I'm obviously seekingx
  14. I can't help but think if my partner got drunk and installed Facebook and messenger to look at my nephews photos the tried to texd him I would deserve to know, I feel I betrayed in worst way, hard to live with this
  15. Thanx I have finished 12 sessions cbt, it helped but I have fallen hard with this, I am calling aa when I get the courage, just feel I've let my partner down so much, I don't get how I remember sending A texd,but no record of it,if I did then I was pursuing something witch is wrong in every way and surely deserves to be confessed
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