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battlethrough

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    bristol

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  1. I feel for you,I go through the exact same,wish I could help but all I can say is you are not alone, keep on as best as you can,there are good times to fight for
  2. Thanks, it wasn't a dream though bud,my ocd seems to attack a lot when drunk, it twists it all and makes me feel like I become a disgusting vile perv when drunk, its like a battle of confusion of whether I enjoy thoughts and intent when my sober being is the oppiste, if it even is ocd,I have battled with drink for years,and if ocd it seems to warp into something that doesn't feel like me
  3. Finding it so hard with the guilt of these thoughts and feelings of intent while trying to sort a funeral, trying not to engage
  4. Thank you, I have my usual awful need to confess to partner, hate this so much
  5. Thank you, ocd makes me wonder if I did, I even had thoughts of going to hers, although I imagine they were also intrusive, so a noted, I've been so strong and now I'm back at the bottom, the images were so graphic, like a porn playing or something, I actually feel physically sick that was in my head, how can booze twist it so much to make me wonder if I enjoyed it
  6. Haven't been here for a while, I was starting to manage then my lovely father passed away last week. I have been keeping strong for my mum and sister then last night I drank myself stupid, I went to bed drunk and was bombarded with incest images,it's so confusing because I was drunk it felt like I enjoyed them although they disgust me, I even googled incest fantasy worry but I'm pretty sure they weren't a fantasy because I was trying to push the thoughts away, I then text my sister to see how she was but I told her I was in bed and I had a thought of sending her a rude picture, of course I didn't,I'm so confused and hungover today, really feel quite vile.
  7. Struggling with myself letting myself down at the moment, I struggle with alcohol,I will do well then drink a lot to try and blank out then end up back in the pit. A couple of nights ago nearly the exact thing happened as the post above, I went to bed drunk then had thought,drunk intrusive of my partner with my stepson, it makes me sick, as drunk my brain wonders if I was liking it or anxiety,I remember googling mum has sex with son,Im pretty sure it was a way of seeking some sought of reassurance that other people have experienced this,. Im not really asking for advice, just wondered if people question whether they like thoughts and also Google things that looking back seem strange and inappropriate. Apologies for being here again sharing my broken record,just feel alone that's all
  8. Trying to live with uncertainty that they may or might not arrest me, it's tough, also I feel I should tell my partner incase they do so she is prepared
  9. I will try to accept but its hard, I've never had a warning come up, it's thrown me
  10. Can't stop worrying police will come, locked in bathroom crying
  11. I've googled about it and you can get in trouble, the government and Google have 1300 key words that will give a warning,if you googled cp for instance that could be intent to do something, of course I didn't do that but it's connected something, going out of my mind worrying because they thought it was illegal intent
  12. I'm so scared though as an actual warning came up, I didn't click on anything but the words I used are. Obviously connected to illegle activity as measures to get people doing that awful stuff, Google could report the search,I searched something like son or adult son sleeps with mum,or trys it on or something like that,they wouldn't know it was a searching compulsion, then I checked on a site after that didn't have a warning, porn hub I think but to check if I was aroused, it was adults but pretending to be a adult son and mum, turned it off, nothing illegal but they couldn't know it was a compulsion and maby connect it all together
  13. I am terrified, it has obviously flagged up for Google to give that warnung
  14. Here again,I'm so sorry to everyone who has helped and given me advice,I have to explain this as I think this is proof I really am a disturbed person. I had managed to not drink for a month and that's huge for me but stupidly I got talked into it and got very drunk, What Im about to say is worrying, sorry if you hate me after. I got with my partner when her son was 8 he's now 22,me and his mum and him were up to early hours very drunk and they hugged and I got it in my head somehow is something insestual going on,crazy I know.so I don't now if that exited me or disgusted me, later I said I was going to bed but went in the garden for a fag, I saw them through the window and I don't know if I hoped something would happen or was trying to catch something, I then worried about what I was thinking and doing so to see I wasn't so different googled mother with adult son, I sign came on Google and said it is illegle to show certain stuff, clicked away of course straight away. I'm in a terrible state about two things, thinging my son and partner could do that, it's mad,and worried the police will knock on door, I'm sorry if I have disgusted people, I know this is more than ocd, dont know where to turn, feel there is only one option left, can't stand myself anymore.
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