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  1. It's very dangerous to self medicate with alcohol, that's why no doctor or medical professional would suggest it as a good idea in any amount, some people can enjoy a pint and leave it at that, when my ocd was at its worst I was waiting for the pub to open, masking my problems with getting blotto,it will only cause problems, don't get me wrong if you enjoy a wine with a meal and the reason why you are drinking is purely as an added enjoyment to celebrate great but if its to dampen the demons in your head it's a rabbit whole you can easily go deep into.
  2. The memory seems clear though, as if I really meant to,just don't know what to do anymore
  3. Than binx I can't help but think she deserves to know as it was more than thoughts, but I also recognise that it won't help either of us but still can't help feeling like I'm diseving her
  4. Was so close to confessing to my other half, can't see it going until I do, really beleave she should know as it was a physical thing with bad intent,how os it correct to keep something so bad to myself
  5. RThanks gbg My last physiatrist did the old don't think of a polar bear, at first I thought nonsense, so I had to not think of a polar bear, strangely my brain kept thinking of it, then one minute to only think of a polar bear, I noticed how my brain would look elsehwhere the more I had to. Lastly it was up to me if I think of it or not, what I found was that my brain pulled me more along the lines of I can't think about a bear, I suppose that's the habit of my brain, so although when the images and feelings come up and my response is to recoil I'm going to observe and hold it there so hopefully the brain looks elsewhere from bordemx. Thanks for your time gbd xx
  6. Is it a good idea when the image comes up to turn and face it and just look
  7. I do try to ignore the bully, no fight, no flight just let it be. I have to first recognise when I'm ruminating,then I think we'll what can I do about this NOW, then slowly put my concentration else where, powerful beast though this illness, everytime you think you winning it comes in with another trick,who would have thought my biggest enemy in this world is my own mind.
  8. Xx,staring me in the face, so hard to see the cycle when your in the theme,
  9. This was physical contact though, mixed with thoughts and bad intension, feel so ill, just have to try and ride the storm, god knows for how long this time, months years,knackering isn't it x
  10. And yet again the urge to confess is almost crippling, I always be leave my other hlf has a rite to know.i wonder if I would want to know if she did something similar, maby I would if it helped her, oh I don't know, just lost
  11. Thanks again I have made good progress as to alcohol consumption but sometimes slip, always to my downfull. I cannot shake off the image of me stroking her bum with my thumb and beleaving it was with bad intent,don't know if I'll ever shake this one off, truly be leave I tried or did act on it, and people don't act on there fears, especially incest ones,alcohol obviously makes me my fears for real
  12. I honestly try to leave it be, it's almost beyond my control,it seems so clear, as if I was a different person,I guess I can't do anything about it but it is torture feeling like a cheating incest monster, finding all my strength to no blab to my partner, its crazy,thanks though gbg and all else xx
  13. Thanks x. The problem atm s be leaving that I actually touched her, how can I accept that, drunk or not,its innaproprate,drunk idiot
  14. Thank gbg, I know ur right. X,I just think everyone has a limit until they can't take anymore, so tired of losing the ocd game,10 different meds, countless councelers and phyciatric help, meditation, priests, u name it I've tried it, I know the tools in logic but when it takes hold it's like being possed all over again,no life at all x
  15. Thank you both, it's so hard, it always feels different, like I genuinely make sick mistakes, not just thoughts when drunk,I try so hard to get over the peak of anxiety without doing obvious compulsions, I try to stay off of this site but I become so desperate in my own head. Scary thing is it's not like a dought, it's more an intense guilt for real inappropriate behaviour,so although the ritual patterns are there and compulsions it feel more just from being a sick in the head drunk, as in I deserve to feel guilt, drunk or not I beleave my thum touched her bum and that she may have been uncomfortable at the time.i don't want to be an incest wirdo but maby alcohol bring out some dark place than when I'm sober, it's hard to see the light
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