Cas24

Hi! I haven’t posted in a long while and have been doing much better. i have had a spout of more intense ocd recently after a mix up with medication and fell in to a bit of a compulsion trap. i guess i just wanted to advice. I suffer with more mental compulsions and mainly searching forums for people who have the same theme as me and feel immense relief when I see someone has wrote similar to my intrusive thoughts and feel happier and can continue on my day. I know I need to stop this but the relief is like addictive and allows me to keep moving on with my day. I guess I know the answer but is this relief fuelling my ocd?

@Karolis people come hear to feel heard and understood. I appreciate that you think you’re trying to help but your numerous posts about (I’m actually not even sure what they’re about) are pushing other peoples posts further down and they may not be receiving the help they desperately need.

I am not sure where to begin to be honest caramoole. I recently was involved with the crisis team as I had a major depressive episode due to the intrusive thoughts, it was teamed with some pretty bad anxiety and I would just lay in bed and search and search for stories similar to mine. I am definitely better than then I get up get dressed and go to work. But i am still very sad even with medication - the anxiety has gone which of course worries me. Sorry for the feeling sorry for myself post.

Once again thanks for your response Caramoole- my avoidance is probably deep routed as I have suffered with this same theme for 6 years since I turned 20- I unfollow people on social media, I look away from tv shows. I do this because I hate the feeling whether that be a grional response or panic- it usually sends me in to sad slump that takes a lot of effort to come out of. I should be in therapy but I am scared to be totally honest

@Caramoole I particularly resonate with the point where you mentioned searching for stories similar to ours. I do that a lot but if I notice even just one word different to how I feel - I start to panic like maybe I don’t have OCD!

Thanks so much for your replies. I feel a bit stuck at the moment, like I am not improving and maybe that’s because I am still doing some less noticeable compulsions. I have a major one which I do find difficult to stop and that’s avoidance, it’s got to the point that I hate leaving the house alone I find it a big struggle. Another issue is that I find it so hard to accept it’s OCD, I can certainly see past behaviours as OCD but this topic for me has always felt so real and so hard to get over.

I find myself on this forum daily, sometimes searching through old posts. It feels as though I forget the extent OCD goes to and I have to read other people’s posts and experiences to remember. I think of this as though I’m educating myself on the topic of OCD but am I doing this as reassurance? I definitely get that sense of relief afterwards but it just seems as though the information won’t stick in my head!

I constantly feel like the worst person in the world. I think I’m much better than I was a few months ago but one thing can trigger me and it wipes me out for the rest of the day. everything just feels so real and I don’t want to feel the things I feel, it makes me hate myself so much. I just feel like this is never going away and it’s just pointless trying to live my life. Why do groinal responses have to happen??? I CANT STAND IT

All part of the illness - accept that the thoughts and feelings are there but do nothing about them, it’s not about fighting the feeling but becoming neutral towards them. I know it’s confusing with how real OCD can feel, it takes everything and jumbles it up so you don’t know what or how you feel towards something. But you can do it Cora, the less we react the less of a hold it has. Hope you’re okay and your studies are going well?

Me too! I hate being alone and have to be either constantly on my phone or engaged with something, it’s a nightmare! And I think I’m doing it as a compulsion. Hope you’re okay SnowFairy x

Which is great but (there is always a bloody but) I am trying to fill my time with so much as I can’t stand to be left alone with my thoughts. I am just starting to feel like maybe I am trying to remain constantly busy and this is becoming a bit of a compulsion for me as a way to get rid of the thoughts. Has anyone else felt like this?

Malin, what an excellent post

I totally understand that, but to repeat what Malina has said you do have answer that explains it all, OCD. Everything you say resonates with me just like Malina said but you wouldn’t turn round to me or Malina and say to either of us that we don’t have OCD, so please stop saying it to yourself. At some point Cora you’ve got to change how you react to these things maybe the first step is by not posting in detail, maybe from now on your posts can be ‘had a rough day would like to talk’ instead of your detailed thought process? Little steps all help xx

Cora, you know no one is going to give you the answer you want. You have to stop posting everything you think/ feel it’s just brings everything to the forefront of your mind your goal now is to not think and analyse this stuff constantly. Getting better does not mean finding an answer. You analysing your motives is exactly what gets you into this mess, I know it feels automatic sometimes but when you catch yourself doing it try and distract yourself. sending you lots of love, you can do this!

Thank you Cora, I hope you’re staying strong as well. my head is all over the place at the moment, I just want some peace! love and hugs to you too xxx