Cas24

@Karolis people come hear to feel heard and understood. I appreciate that you think you’re trying to help but your numerous posts about (I’m actually not even sure what they’re about) are pushing other peoples posts further down and they may not be receiving the help they desperately need.

I am not sure where to begin to be honest caramoole. I recently was involved with the crisis team as I had a major depressive episode due to the intrusive thoughts, it was teamed with some pretty bad anxiety and I would just lay in bed and search and search for stories similar to mine. I am definitely better than then I get up get dressed and go to work. But i am still very sad even with medication - the anxiety has gone which of course worries me. Sorry for the feeling sorry for myself post.

Once again thanks for your response Caramoole- my avoidance is probably deep routed as I have suffered with this same theme for 6 years since I turned 20- I unfollow people on social media, I look away from tv shows. I do this because I hate the feeling whether that be a grional response or panic- it usually sends me in to sad slump that takes a lot of effort to come out of. I should be in therapy but I am scared to be totally honest

@Caramoole I particularly resonate with the point where you mentioned searching for stories similar to ours. I do that a lot but if I notice even just one word different to how I feel - I start to panic like maybe I don’t have OCD!

Thanks so much for your replies. I feel a bit stuck at the moment, like I am not improving and maybe that’s because I am still doing some less noticeable compulsions. I have a major one which I do find difficult to stop and that’s avoidance, it’s got to the point that I hate leaving the house alone I find it a big struggle. Another issue is that I find it so hard to accept it’s OCD, I can certainly see past behaviours as OCD but this topic for me has always felt so real and so hard to get over.

I find myself on this forum daily, sometimes searching through old posts. It feels as though I forget the extent OCD goes to and I have to read other people’s posts and experiences to remember. I think of this as though I’m educating myself on the topic of OCD but am I doing this as reassurance? I definitely get that sense of relief afterwards but it just seems as though the information won’t stick in my head!

I constantly feel like the worst person in the world. I think I’m much better than I was a few months ago but one thing can trigger me and it wipes me out for the rest of the day. everything just feels so real and I don’t want to feel the things I feel, it makes me hate myself so much. I just feel like this is never going away and it’s just pointless trying to live my life. Why do groinal responses have to happen??? I CANT STAND IT

All part of the illness - accept that the thoughts and feelings are there but do nothing about them, it’s not about fighting the feeling but becoming neutral towards them. I know it’s confusing with how real OCD can feel, it takes everything and jumbles it up so you don’t know what or how you feel towards something. But you can do it Cora, the less we react the less of a hold it has. Hope you’re okay and your studies are going well?

Me too! I hate being alone and have to be either constantly on my phone or engaged with something, it’s a nightmare! And I think I’m doing it as a compulsion. Hope you’re okay SnowFairy x

Which is great but (there is always a bloody but) I am trying to fill my time with so much as I can’t stand to be left alone with my thoughts. I am just starting to feel like maybe I am trying to remain constantly busy and this is becoming a bit of a compulsion for me as a way to get rid of the thoughts. Has anyone else felt like this?

Malin, what an excellent post

I totally understand that, but to repeat what Malina has said you do have answer that explains it all, OCD. Everything you say resonates with me just like Malina said but you wouldn’t turn round to me or Malina and say to either of us that we don’t have OCD, so please stop saying it to yourself. At some point Cora you’ve got to change how you react to these things maybe the first step is by not posting in detail, maybe from now on your posts can be ‘had a rough day would like to talk’ instead of your detailed thought process? Little steps all help xx

Cora, you know no one is going to give you the answer you want. You have to stop posting everything you think/ feel it’s just brings everything to the forefront of your mind your goal now is to not think and analyse this stuff constantly. Getting better does not mean finding an answer. You analysing your motives is exactly what gets you into this mess, I know it feels automatic sometimes but when you catch yourself doing it try and distract yourself. sending you lots of love, you can do this!

Thank you Cora, I hope you’re staying strong as well. my head is all over the place at the moment, I just want some peace! love and hugs to you too xxx

I read a post last night that triggered me it was about anime. I have always felt weird about anime because i thought it was creepy but in this post someone had mentioned they were attracted to it and they had researched that the girls in it were under age. I started freaking out thinking ‘what if I felt weird about it because I was attracted to it too’ I really don’t want to be and these thoughts are making me sad and I feel like it’s knocking me back again. I just keep thinking am I attracted to it and having flashes of bits of it I’ve seen (I’ve never watched anime’s but I have seen adverts etc) and I’m unsure what I feel. I hate groinal responses because I really don’t want them and it confuses me massively. any comments on this would be appreciated

I haven’t posted in a while- I won’t say things have been going well but I have been plodding on. I keep getting horrible urges and feel like I have to distract myself intensely in order to not fall for the urge which is horrible because I really don’t want to do the thing the urges are telling me. another thing which seems to happen a lot is that I always feel like I compare myself to other suffers and feel like I’m different which makes me feel like I don’t have ocd which in turn makes me feel very isolated. Sorry if this is a bit ranty. I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas

So glad you spoke to your therapist Cora very proud of you! x

Thank you so much Malina. I will keep trudging on and hope these thoughts pass.

I have been doing okay, but today I feel like I’m never going to get better. I keep having thoughts like ‘you’re not going to get better because this isn’t OCD’ do I treat these the same as other thoughts and not react to them? just think I need some words of encouragement to keep going today

Bless you, I am definitely not better just in a better place to fight it, still a long way and lots of hard work yet. you say nothing can stop you, yet you haven’t done it- that is the important point. I know how real it feels and how horrific it makes you feel inside. And then because that’s not bad enough it makes you feel like you want these thoughts. I understand. I know how easy it is to take all this so called ‘evidence’ your brain provides and take it as a false reality. But we can’t. We’re lucky in a way because we can go through this together. But first things first stop calling yourself a monster. I was also doing that but it makes the power of OCD stronger. What steps do you think you could do to help yourself? The hardest bit is the guilt and feeling like you don’t deserve to get better but you have to try regardless. You will feel like **** the first few days and it won’t feel like it’s helping but then you will have ten minutes where you feel normal and that ten minutes will increase to twenty minutes. Each time you don’t react to the thoughts by calling yourself a monster or by getting upset they get weaker. And I will be here going through it with you (do not say you’re different because that will not help) and I will be posting when I need a little bit of encouragement too. I don’t want you to reply saying but I am different because a b and c. I want you to say a big FU to all the so called evidence And just at least try for a few days.

Cora, I know you think dwelling on this is the only way believe me I have been there. But you have to try and not react, as hard as it. You have read my posts and you know I have been in a bad place and the only way I have managed to come out of it is by not reacting to the thoughts, feelings and urges. Try your very hardest to treat this as OCD even just for an hour and then for another hour even when the thoughts are screaming at you keep ignoring them, keep busy if you have to. Things become clearer, I promise, you just have to try. We can keep posting support (and we will) but it will mean nothing if you don’t try.

Let’s try and focus on something else Cora. what are you studying at Uni or college

Cora, please do not listen to Kticktocks comments. I know they will have been incredibly hard to read. You have a formal diagnosis of OCD, do not take one persons comments to heart.

Hi Savvy, I am also struggling with something similar I can really empathise with you. I also use to be incredibly sensitive and empathetic and I feel like I have lost it all. I don’t have much advice but I like to believe that we check our emotions so much it muddies the water and we can’t see our genuine emotions anymore. my thoughts are with you x

Does anyone ever feel like they are walking about on egg shells in their own mind? I’ve had pretty stable few days and I’m so nervous it will all fall away so it feels like I’m really trying not to trigger anything in my head