Savy

I need some guidance here, what kind of therapist should I look for these particular issues?

Looking back at my past thoughts and actions, I can see that I've clearly dealt with OCD. However, there's one thing that my mind does that I can't seem to wrap my head around. I haven't seen anyone else talk about the same exact problem either which concerns me. I ruminate a LOT these days, it's a terrible habbit of mine, but it's not the same kind of rumination you may be thinking about. I get a thought and it genuinely confuses me. It's usually about why simple things are the way they are. I ponder on it, analyzing every little detail I can so I can better understand whatever thing I though

Not even a therapist... I haven't gotten one yet, I went to see her for a diagnosis

Like she might ask me what I mean by "it's like I don't know what's wrong with murder anymore" and I have no idea how to awnser that. This will be on my record permanently.

Ugh, it's bothering me again. I can't sleep. I feel an insane amount of regret right now.

Just had my appointment and gave the lady a paper explaining all my issues and i'm scared that she's going to read it and think i'm a danger to society and get me locked up or something! I don't want to be seen as someone whose as risk to harm others but my OCD has centered around harm for years now and I hate it. She said I was gine and tha she'll read over ot later but i'm so worried that she my say it isnt OCD and my life is going to be ruined. Idk, i'm hella uncomfortable about all this. This is what I gave her: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e-8gxBGjg2wuni6eC_7lPWgCC

Also, I've only really told her about my past, haven't really touched up on what's been going throught my head today.

No. Actually now that I think about it, it's kind of weird that I was given drugs before I found a therapist? I don't know, I feel like I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I don't think I want to just blindly take these meds...

They put me on FLUoxetine. Not really up for taking it but we'll see what it does, I guess. Anyone have any experiences with it?

Well, I don't know if you could call it therapy, I saw a psychologist and we're going to get more in depth about my OCD next week, then I'll look into some therapy. This is some scary stuff but other than that, I guess the last appointment wasn't bad.

I'm starting to recognize it as OCD more, though I can't say I don't have my doubts at all. This is still very troubling to deal with...

You do bring up some good points and for that, thank you.

I start to recognize that but then I think I can't find arguments against these thoughts because they're true.

How do I even find the right words to describe how I've been feeling? I've rambled on and on again about this supposed OCD I have yet I feel like my explanation of what I'm going through is very poor. Well, I'll be going on another rant once again just to organize my thoughts, I guess? Gonna be a bit of a challenge to explain this. It seems like I don't know what's with murder anymore. I can't help but focus on that idea about me. I've had some pretty messed up thoughts before regarding things like pedophilia, incest, whatever, but for some reason, these thought revolving around murder h

I'm kind of nervous. I'm not to sure on how to explain myself.