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About Ollie46

  • Birthday 11/10/1995

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Thoughts surrounding sexual perversion and harming others

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  • Interests
    Cocktail bartending, movies, world culture

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  1. Thanks for the response Malina! I did exactly what you said in regards to sitting it out today, and whilst I failed in a few moments I'm proud of how much I managed to just allow that uncomfortable feeling to be there! At one point I felt extremely relaxed for about an hour or so, which is rare these days, so I can go to sleep feeling good about something 😅 Also, I feel you on the topic of lockdown. I tried so much stuff to keep my brain occupied. Keeping regular exercise, cooking more, online calls with friends, ANYTHING to try and improve my mood and keep me from losing my mind. It
  2. Thanks again for the reply Gemma, I think on some level I know I have to do this, I have just found it extremely difficult recently. The lockdown lifestyle is certainly not for me, I have found my compulsive behaviours go crazy since I'm not at work (currently on furlough), and therefore lack focus or routine. Truth is, this is just one of many obsessions I have and I struggle to keep on top of all of them at the moment it's a nightmare! Bringing it back to basics and being reminded that it's just doing the four steps over and over is a helpful reminder
  3. The truth is, I know I'm not the only person who notices things like this, but I know I'm the only person who let's it bother them to such an insane degree. And I beat myself up a lot about it because: 1) the obsession is so stupid and there are people out there who have actual obsessions that are serious, like fear of harming a loved one 2) I used to be able to deal with stuff like this so well and the OCD steps (relable thoughts, reattribute their meaning, refocus your attention, etc) used to come so naturally to me a few years ago and I was basically OCD free. But I struggle to e
  4. Thanks for the response Gemma, I know it's a really odd problem, I almost feel embarrassed about telling anyone because it's not like I'm worried about harming someone or anything, which is a serious and understandable obsession. So when I say I obsess, you are correct, I constantly feel the need to rewind and check it, and try and figure it out, like 'do other people notice this too?' It all stemmed from a moment where I was watching a film that I had seen a hundred times, and I noticed that, in the background of one of the scenes, you can see a crew member of the set who wasn't supposed
  5. Okay, so I have a 'theme' of OCD that I don't often talk about because it's just so odd that I honestly find it difficult to describe to people. But I find myself in these OCD loops that I can't get out of and I'm struggling to identify the point where to work up from, so any advice would be appreciated. My current obsession, and one I have had for a long time now, is essentially noticing minor details that most people would just never notice. Usually regarding things I love doing to relax, such as playing videogames and watching movies. I notice these details or imperfections that any no
  6. This is something I have been wondering about for a while now and have struggled with quite a bit. For a long time now my libido has been severely decreased, and I feel like it's in direct correlation with my low mood and anxiety. Things is... I'm not sure how to fix it, and it has now become an obsession practically. I'm extremely concerned about it and I think and obsess over it a lot, I'm worried it will just never go back to normal. I have had weeks here and there where I feel like my old self again, but they are short lived in part because I fear reverting back to having low libido, whi
  7. This week has been a pretty big downward slope unfortunately, starting well and slowly getting worse throughout. Today I am extremely tired and my mood is very low, and whilst my OCD isn't especially loud it's still there in the background making everything that little bit more worse. I am also extremely tired because of work, and I have to work again today, which I normally wouldn't, because of bank holiday. The low mood I experience is pretty horrible and I have developed a recent new obsession about my loss of attraction to women, mainly due to low libido because of the obvious. This is ex
  8. Its 5am, I just worked 24 exhausting hours over the last 2 days and I can't sleep. I'm so upset. I just feel stressed out all the time. My libido has plummeted completely... I'm 24 years old and single, it's making me not want to enter into any kind of relationship and it feels like I will never get it back. I don't know what to do I've tried everything. I can't just sit there and the the thoughts be, it's too stressful, it keeps me awake. And if it's not my intrusive thoughts, then it's worrying about everything else. God I'm so tired I just want to sleep and switch my brain off
  9. I think my main problem is becoming frustrated. I definitely still engage in compulsions occasionally, not so much avoidance but rather the attempt to reason or break down the thoughts. However, when I attempt to meditate (I do usually use a scripted guide for that) I find that because I'm 'trying' to relax, the intrusive thoughts become much louder in my head and is often accompanied by a hit of anxiety. I suppose I'm supposed to ignore it and focus on the breathing practices but it becomes very frustrating for me, I end up becoming angry rather than relaxed. It feels like the world is c
  10. This is something that I really have struggled with recently. I keep trying things like Yoga and meditation, even after I've done exercise, in order to try and calm my mind but I find it so difficult. My head is extremely loud and the more I try to relax, the more intrusive the thoughts get, the more anxious I feel and the more frustrated I get with the practice. Does anybody else experience this? And if you have, do you have any advice on overcoming it? It would be much appreciated
  11. Thanks you for the response malinga, it was very helpful. I think it's pretty clear, now that I've read what you have said, that I have a really big problem with 'just letting things slide' when it comes to mental health, which definitely explains a lot about why I have OCD. We all relate to compulsions feeling like the most distressing itch ever that you just HAVE to scratch, and I used to have my coping mechanism down with it... But unfortunately, that coping mechanism allowed a degree of compulsion engaging that, now, I can't allow any more because the extreme low moods make it that mu
  12. OCD's wonderful partner in crime has been a constant in my life since I had my bad relapse a couple years ago. It's mainly what made dealing with the relapse so difficult since I was now dealing with an extremely low mood all the time, which made it difficult to celebrate those little victories you have against OCD. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who suffers from depression or extremely low mood alongside OCD, and I was wondering two things... First question is: does anybody have some survival tips about dealing with depression and OCD at the same time? I find it very hard when depres
  13. Hey all, been a while from me. Definitely happy to say this is generally a good thing, though. The fight is still a tough one, but I'm getting there. The Coronavirus lockdown has absolutely had both positive and negative effects on my OCD. I guess, more than anything, I'm just struggling to get over it in general. I have a bunch of thoughts on multiple subjects that bother me and cause me anxiety. And I know all these things aren't real. But it's hard to keep it in check. With all the global pandemic stuff, plus the crazy stuff going on in America right now, it's been difficult to feel ok
  14. Thank you for this response Dksea, and apologies for taking so long to get back. I have been working an awful lot over this xmas period, a solid 60 hours a week, which I'm sure has had an impact on my mental health. Given that my job involves working very late nights and is quite a physical activity, I'm quite worn down. Tonight I feel horribly depressed. I have been feeling a bit better recently and, rationally, I know you are absolutely correct. I also know that, realistically, what I experienced was a direct result of having OCD because on the days where I experience very little OCD, I
  15. My journey through this disorder for the past two years has been an exhausting one. More recently I've been doing well and I go through very up and down patches- for example, I could be great for two weeks and then terrible for two weeks. I'm sure this is an encouraging sign. Mainly for me, I feel like most of my obsessing is done about the past. My main obsession is, and always has been, fear of being sexually attracted to children. And because I went through such an awful period of this, theres still so much guilt attached from it. It got so bad to the point where i was having intrusive
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