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BM94

Bulletin Board User
  • Posts

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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Harm OCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    UK

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489 profile views
  1. Hey Alex, OCD likes to have it's moments to push through to the forefront of your mind, to make you feel less in control and more under its illusions. It feels horrible because you were feeling better back in August, and another spike in your OCD now just brings back those same feelings of distress and disappointment. I'm really sorry you're going through a hard time at the moment. I'm not sure what your specific intrusive thoughts are, but going about dealing with them is the same no matter the thought. The main focus on tackling OCD is not tackling it. Sounds like such a contradiction but it's genuinely the way to face it. Take away its power by not doing compulsions and not ruminating over the thoughts that you do get. Once you have done these things you start to feel the intense anxiety subside over time. This is common, and a lot of people dream about performing their compulsions and experiencing the sensation of fear within the dream. I remember feeling very drained and anxious when waking up from dreams like these. This is an interesting point; interesting because you've hit the nail on the head. None of us are perfect, and aiming for perfection is an unrealistic goal and a goal that will consistently leave you disappointed. Accepting the thoughts as they come in and allowing them to sit with you whilst not performing compulsions; I believe this acceptance comes from accepting that you're not perfect, but human! This is absolutely right, you have done compulsions and you are already aware that this is an OCD no no. This is a good solid position to be in really, because you are aware of the thoughts you are having, you are aware that they are intrusive thoughts, you are aware you are performing compulsions, and you're aware you are ruminating over the thoughts and the compulsions you've done, which is causing you further discomfort. Hopefully this can help you somewhat, and keep us updated on your progress
  2. Yes absolutely right! Once you're not actively engaging in compulsions you'll start to see your anxiety levels reduce. Persevere with it. Keep going, looking forward to hearing a positive progress report soon!
  3. Yep! And the 2nd point to remember is that absolutely nothing that goes on in your head affects what happens in reality. They are thoughts and thoughts alone, you should address them as such. But that is of course doable once you have recognised and understood it's OCD at play here. Chin up
  4. Hey sorry to hear you're still struggling. Snowbear is right though, whilst it might seem important that you look into it, it's one of those nasty games OCD likes to play. When you're saying a lot of "ifs", when it comes to OCD you better get ready for a lot more of them, because OCD will never allow you to be satisfied and totally certain and you will go round and round on this carousel - and after all that you'll continue to go round some more. Saying to OCD that you refuse to play its games is not a cop out, it's a position of strength. You're taking away its power that way. Bottom line of it is this: By looking at data and old accounts to see if you've been to your ex etc, is a major compulsion and if you dont stop this you will never break out of the vicious cycle. The more you do it the more you'll start ruminating on past events and cause yourself further doubt and panic. You need to cease and desist. It's the only way. It will be hard as hell at first but it gets better. Chin up
  5. Yep that is your doubt and uncertainty. It grows when you give in to the intrusions and start "tidying" things when theres no important or pressing reason to do so. It's being able to identify when you're being led to doing compulsions by your OCD, and stopping them. You have to expose yourself to the idea that your house may not be tidy and just get on with the rest of your day as normal. Hope it all goes well! B
  6. Are those the things you find yourself doing? Those are all 100% compulsions and continuing with those will continue to lead to further doubt and anxiety. Definitely keep going with the book though it's a great and informative read
  7. Hey! This was the first book I bought when I decided to start tackling my OCD. So glad I did, I thought it was brilliant. The key thing it did for me was help me realise I'm not alone and this is just OCD like everyone else's. It explained all the basics of OCD and how to manage it. Was good to find out more about how OCD works. Definitely relieved the initial terror that OCD brings to someone who doesn't know much about it. Though it didn't explain in great detail the core element of what fuels OCD = compulsions. It went more down the line of thoughts being thoughts, having a worried voice, false comfort voice and wise mind etc. What I needed was someone on the forum to tell me in plain English to cut out compulsions and see what difference it makes - so I did and have felt SO much better ever since! But then each individual will deal with their OCD differently, so different approaches may work better for some. I was lucky enough be able to picture my life as a non-sufferer, become excited by the prospect, and then quit all my compulsions cold turkey. Was terrifying at first but literally 2 weeks later I was doing things that I would normally run an OCD mile from. It's a great book to kickstart your journey into defeating this horrible disease for sure!
  8. Hi Ben, Totally depends on each person's perception of what's tidy or not. Eg my folks always think the house is untidy when I really dont see what the fuss it about. You step into OCD territory when you cant settle because the thought of your house being untidy cant be resolved until you've done something to tidy it up. And then once you have you've done a compulsion. But yeah its perception more than anything - to be honest I dont think any living person's house will ever be 100% tidy lol. B
  9. Hi IanMac, Sorry that you're struggling, it must be incredibly tough for those living with contamination OCD right now. All I can say here in response to what you've said here is that you need to stop compulsions and reduce avoidance as much as possible. With hard work, grit and determination you can absolutely overcome what feels like the overwhelming fear brought on by the intrusions. The iPad situation was a classic example of a compulsion, this needs to stop as it just fuels your OCD. It is good to chill and watch some comedies just to get some laughs in and maintain some positivity, but you don't want to step into the realm of avoidance. If you find you are avoiding all the news and forcing yourself to watch other things to push the thoughts out of your mind, this will also fuel your OCD. It's your brain's paradoxical effect, the more you try not to think about it, the more you will think about it. There needs to be a level of acceptance of uncertainty with contamination OCD, and not stepping over into OCDs territory by excessively cleaning, to the point your hands are red raw, you're up in the morning standing in the shower for ages and stripping bedding. This is compulsive behaviour. I hope this little bit of info is helpful Chin up! B
  10. Hi mate, sorry to hear your struggles! You see that was a compulsion right? You delved further into the what if and gave it the time of day - try not to do this at all. Even with secured networks theres always risks but your OCD makes you feel like your rushing through it means you were more susceptible to being hacked than normal - this simply isnt the case at all. Yeah so you've answered your question here. You need to accept there is the most insignificant amount of risk to all this and accept that it is perfectly normal to not have a shower or clean yourself rigorously after touching areas down there. It's a case of thinking how a non-sufferer would see this behaviour. It wouldn't be reasonable to them which makes it apparent that OCD is playing a large part here in making you believe you are filthy dirty and need to clean yourself ASAP to feel better. Chin up
  11. So with the philosophical thoughts that you're struggling with as well, what you've done is gotten yourself stuck in a loop of "what if, what if" thoughts etc. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow with OCD - if you continue to think the what if thoughts it will create further doubt and further distress for you. Snowbear is right you just have to accept uncertainty. You've got your worried voice saying "what about this what about that", and your false comfort voice is saying "oh yeah good point maybe you should look into this further", and they are going on and on and on in your head. Over there in the background you've also got your wise voice, which is sat there saying "I am registering these thoughts and filing them into the spam box in my brain, they're not important and dont require my attention whatsoever". Everybody has this voice, but OCD sufferers fixate on the conversation that worried voice and false comfort voice are having, getting themselves stuck in that vicious cycle. You can break out if it you just need to remember that these are just intrusive thoughts and that you should treat them as such. Chin up
  12. Also one other point, this won't help you either. When you try to ignore them or resist them, you are effectively still giving them the unnecessary attention, therefore causing the thoughts to keep bouncing back at you over and over. As hard as it might seem, the key is to accept you're having these thoughts, understand that they have caused distress, and just tag them as thoughts, that is all they are. The more you fight them the more they'll keep coming at you, because OCD knows it has your full attention. Try to respond to them this way - "ok I'm having this thought and it causes me discomfort, but that is all it is, a thought. There is nothing that needs to be done here."
  13. Hi intothewild, Sorry to hear you're struggling. Ok so first point, this needs to stop. It's a compulsion. How much do you know of OCD? As someone who struggles particularly with various Harm OCD manifestations, it is key to recognise when you're doing a compulsion and try to cut them out. These fuel your OCD and just add to your doubt - you going and seeking reassurance online is exactly this. It will be hard but OCD will persist if you continue to do it. When thoughts like that comes in, it's also key to remember that they are just thoughts, and they dont mean anything whatsoever. They are insignificant and dont require our attention. You are giving a lot of attention to the thoughts and therefore they are causing you a lot of distress. The distress feels like massive rushes of fear and then makes you feel like you have to respond to them in whatever way eases the discomfort. It may work for a time at the beginning but will keep fuelling your OCD long-term. I hope this helps. B
  14. Hi Bookworm, Very sorry to hear your grandmother has tested positive for the virus, it cannot be easy dealing with this as an OCD sufferer. I think the important points to raise here are these: Your thoughts cannot and will not ever be able to affect reality in any way, shape or form. Your OCD will latch onto ANYTHING it can to make you feel worse, worry so much more, and doubt the unimportance of your thoughts, those being "if I have these thoughts that it's just mild she will probably get worse" - that is simply OCD at work. Ok so you live out of town. If you were in the same town, do you believe you could have done anything at all to prevent her from contracting the virus? No you definitely couldn't. Your OCD is toying with you making you believe that you being there would have prevented it. Its simply not the case. The main point for me to make is to not blame yourself; dont let OCD bully you into thinking it's all your fault, because it's not. You have OCD and it feels like it's the most unfair disease in the entire world, that does not make you selfish for worrying about yourself as well. Moving forward, you will worry about your Grandmother, you will be scared - that's normal. Try and stay positive for her knowing she is being cared for, as that is the best that can be done until she recovers. I hope everything goes OK for you. B
  15. Hey! Cant say I've come across the "worry time" strategy, though I've just read up on it and looks like a known CBT tool. Honestly though, I wouldn't go near this approach myself at all. Firstly, you wouldn't be able to keep OCD worries aside until your designated time slot, particularly if you have intrusive thoughts throughout the day. You'd be worrying anyway. Secondly, I would find this counterproductive in tackling OCD, as the whole way of overcoming it is by recognising it is just thoughts that cause distress and lead you to do compulsions - therefore by recognising this you can detach the fear from the thoughts and understand how unimportant it is. Finding time to worry about everything like it deserves that time, kinda defeats that goal. Thirdly, "worry time" could VERY easily become a compulsion in itself, essentially feeding the OCD with your planned worry time rituals. What are other more experienced forum users' thoughts on this? I wouldn't want to use this at all. Hope this can help though B
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