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  1. Ok then, You tell her, shes disgusted, you feel better for doing the right thing, for a bit then you feel bad too. You tell her, she doesn't care, You feel better, till the OCD makes you keep checking, if she really cares, and drives her away, or you keep having fantasies to check and get back to where we are now. Confessing is a compulsion.
  2. That's probably true.... But nearly every illness has the same symptoms as flu... Including Flu... So it could be anything. Do the same thing you would do if you feel ill normally, go and see a doc, if it's bad enough.
  3. Sounds like your OCD is trying a new theme on for size. Moving away from the physical contamination to the mental, Lostinme has put it better. Be a bit careful thinking about all this as you seem to be drifting into examining past events, (you didn't worry about the chips, but now you can remember, when someone put them on a particular bit of floor...) You have seen lots of this on here, " I have intrusive thoughts about things that happened years ago, does that make me a bad person" Afraid I've not got any advice that you haven't already heard. But don't sit ruminating about this.
  4. @Petal Im sure it’s already been suggested, but Break free from OCD is a good self help book. It does have OCD in massive bright letters on the cover, but if you want to be more discreet you can get it as an E book I’m sure .
  5. @Petal I had to self refer, through my local NHS trust I used the web page and then they got back to me with a telephone assessment, then put me on Silver cloud while I wait for One to one CBT. Hope that helps.
  6. One of the reasons, no one here is suggesting you accept anything, is that your sexuality is not the problem It’s the OCD. You have jumped from Gay man has HIV, to have I got HIV from unprotected sex, to have I got HIV from protected sex. Nip this in the bud you are on the road to worrying about contamination and all that goes with that. Im reasonably sure that if you did decide you were gay, you would be back here worrying about that too ie; you thought a woman looked nice and now you feel you are a fraud and not “gay enough”. Its OCD. its like a parasite that feeds off doubt. its a doubt Vampire, and it needs you to drive a stake through its heart!
  7. You don’t have “ another form “ of OCD, it’s all the same, like when you have a cold you have a headache and a runny nose. Checking's my big thing, but the OCD shifts about. It’s like whack a mole. so I had a minor triumph today I left work on time with minimal checking, but.. I spilt some water and had to clean it up ( thats OCD had) noticed the bit of paper towel had some blood on it and started to get worried about people catching something. I nipped that in the bud as I can see that’s contamination OCD creeping up. On the way home I nearly hit a bit of wood. I couldn’t stop due to traffic and spent the next few miles wondering if I should go back ( similar to hit and run OCD) Just to top it off I was being a bit smug about dodging those new and exciting compulsions, when what should pop into my head but the thought that stopping my OCD is going to turn me into a bad person who doesn’t care about stuff. Oh hello rumination I’ve been expecting you! Even posting this is probably fishing for reassurance.... I really really want to be sure that I’ve done the right thing in all those cases. its not good enough that I think it’s ok , I need to be sure. And from what I can see so do you, and I’m so sorry, but you can never be sure enough for OCD. So is your non checking obsession OCD, dunno.. I think you probably know, and that’s going to have to be good enough.
  8. Bit of an update with how I'm getting on with Silvercloud. I've been doing it for a month and just had my first review, My supporter is a real person, and has read the stuff I have done. My next review is in two weeks and is a phone one. I've skimmed through the whole thing, ( Computer access is spotty so I get what I can done when I can.) And am now working through it one bit at a time. The user interface can be a bit buggy, specially on a phone. Some of the exercises (tools), are the sort of thing you can do on your own , like the mood monitor, and journal. But with out guidance from your supporter, its just information gathering. The tools that are supposed to help you think "correctly", need supervision too, as it is all to easy to approach them like a puzzle game, and get nothing out of them even though you have got them "right". Likewise the quizzes, it's easy to get the right answer, as I know the point that is being made, but it's just an exercise in box ticking, if you don't change your thinking. Overall I feel that this will succeed or fail due to the quality of support,(so far so good), as it would be more convenient to use a book. ( The support seems to come from the NHS, with Silvercloud providing the course).
  9. On slightly different note, This is the sort of narrative the TV likes, dramatic problem, " he thinks he has run some one over and it's ruining his life!" Magic bullet solutions " Our new process may cure him" All neatly tied up and over to Sally with the sport. To be fair I thought they handled the OCD bit quiet well but would have been more interested in how CBT did or didn't help, what were the NHS resources like in his area, etc.
  10. Ha! If you crack that, you will be in so much demand you won't have time for OCD! One of the problems is that the media likes stories that fit neatly into catogaries, so the OCD story is: "This is Bob he's been turning his lights off for the past hour, We tried to get him to wash his hands for us as he probably does this too, thats OCD right? but he got cross. Cut to studio anchor " Fascinating, I think we are a a bit OCD, I know I am, I like things tidy, now here's the weather" I mean let's face it the only reason they got so interested in "Pure O" is because they think it's all young women thinking about sex,
  11. Oh mate, you are in a right state, and I really feel for you. But you know that you have to accept that you can't ever be sure about this stuff. You have ordered this parcel, you want what's in it, so open it and enjoy it. Easy for me to say.... I have posted a lot today because I'm stuck in a plant room trying to stop checking a bit of machinery, I'm just trying to let my brain freewheel for a bit. I'll be fine in an hour or so. Good luck because you know how this works.
  12. My Nan was in hospital after a fall, and the nurse was telling Dad how well she was doing at physio, apparently she had lots of movement in her left arm, then Dad says but it's her right arm that's bad... Nan looks at him like he's stupid and says.. " I'm not going to be doing those exercises with my bad arm it hurts!"
  13. And I'm really sorry about this.. You need a chant. What do we want? Total and utter certainty, about our core beliefs. When do we want it? All the time!
  14. Hmm starred out, never even thought of that as swearing, I fall on it often enough. But fair does, I respect the rules, won't happen again.
  15. The person who does it probably sticks bubble gum on things too. It's not your problem, , you can't cure the human race of being *****.
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