VNDO

Hi! After 2 years, I was advised by my psychiatrist to come off my medication (lyrica and paroxetine). I took 2 pills a day of both, but after reducing to 1 pill a day of paroxetine, I felt that reducing even more would trigger my ocd again. Has anyone been ok with reducing their meds or have you relapsed?

It's a BA. That's what I was thinking as well... finding a masters in something I like. I wasn't really sure which degree to take, but I liked the legal area so I went for law. I still like it to some degree, but I suppose my interests have shifted a little. I think the main problem is actually the university I'm in and less so the degree. I study in my country's most prestigious university, where most of our presidents and prime ministers have studied as well. But the environment is not the best. Teachers take pleasure in making our life as difficult as possible and as such, I feel like no matter how hard I study, it's never enough to get decent results. You either have to be super smart or be related to someone... Last year I chose a really interesting optional unit called something like urbanistic law. Since I really like architecture, that's a cool area within law. Thank you so much for your advice

That was my plan, as well. Going through with it and maybe later, after working for a while, go back to uni to study something I really like. I guess this relapse has made me doubt it. I just need to find the motivation to do it. I don't really want to be a barrister... I'd like to work for city hall, which is a plus, since I can do it right after I finish uni. I thought about taking a gap year, but to be honest, I just want to leave home as soon as possible and start my life. Besides, there's not much work where I'm from ? I never really connected the dots on how ocd could be triggered by external factors, so I just thought my medication had stopped working. It's been helpful to know that wasn't the case. I hope you're feeling better now! ?

Hello! I haven't been here in a while, mostly because i've been doing quite well. The medication has been a life changer and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It made me discover new hobbies that I had no idea I liked - stuff like gardening, sewing and, recently, painting. I was also planning on doing a masterclass in ceramic, but we just started lockdown again in my country, so that has to wait. This has also made me realise that I am definitely in the wrong degree - law. This year hasn't been great, grade wise, because I now know that I have no interest in it and it's been hard to want to study. On the other hand, I feel like I can't quit. I just turned 23 this saturday and have just one more year until I graduate. I feel like it would be a waste to quit now and I also wouldn't know what to do... All this to say that I recently had an appointment with my therapist because my ocd is back. She told me that my ocd is a consequence of something - in this case, of my university. Since I find no happiness in my degree, my anxiety levels go through the roof, causing the rituals to come back. She told me since I don't want to quit, to focus on the hobbies I like. The thing is, because now I feel like ****, I don't even have the energy to focus on that. Pragmatically, I know what I should do... leave law, but I'm too scared to do it. I don't know why I'm writing this, to be honest... I guess I just wanted to let it all out. I thought these feelings were behind me, since this past year has been pretty good... Either way, thank you for reading this.

It really is :) The good thing about this whole Covid thing and lockdown, was that I found I was interested in stuff like this. I've planted a few more things in the meantime: tomatoes, bell pepper, coriander, parsley, lettuce, carrots and garlic :) It's really relaxing and therapeutic being able to watch it grow. I've also realised that I'm now able to appreciate it because my medication has helped me a lot... it sort of let me out of the darkness that was inside my head.

That only happened to me in the beginning. I eat no more than I used to, nor do I have cravings. To be fair, the lockdown hasn't helped. I've been home since the early days of march and whereas before I used to walk to the bus station and then to uni every day, now it's difficult to do any sort of exercise, so that doesn't help ? And to be fair, I was never really secure about my body and having a mother that's very quick to say when I've put on some weight, it's not the best thing. Do you still wake up to eat or like me it was only in the beginning? Also, sorry for the late reply. I don't seem to be getting the notifications

The first month I felt so hungry. When the doctor told me I would be feeling like eating, I thought she meant I would have cravings. But no, I felt so hungry, to the point I had to wake up in the middle of the night to eat something, and I never did that. I felt like I would pass out if I didn't eat. Right now, I'm back to my normal routines, so I don't eat anymore than I used to. I think my metabolism is slower now? Even when I was restricting my diet, I couldn't lose that much weight.

It is. Though sometimes it's better said than done ?

It has gotten so much better. Now that I know what it feels like, I think I've always been depressed. I was just talking to a friend about it and she said she used to be a bit afraid of talking to me, because she didnt khow I would react and that doesn't happen anymore. I don't get into those depressive moods and not a day goes by where I don't laugh at something. My relation with my mother is complicated... we never got along well and we're too different and view the world in a very different way, so I made peace that we'll never be friends. The thing is, I do get affected by how I look sometimes, so even though I say I don't give a toss about my weight, there are days where I do. I just need to center myself and think clearly. I'm healthy, I'm happier and we go a whole life only looking at ourselves through mirrors. If those didnt exist, we would probably be a lot happier. I'm sure you have people who love you and who don't give a damn about how much you weigh. We need to learn to look at ourselves like they look at us. At the end of the day, we were born with this body and it's the only one we'll get, so we might as well love it ❤

Oh, I'm sorry... I completely agree and comments like those, even if not meant with any harm, do affect us. With me, it's more to do with going back to how I was. I gained most of my weight in my chest and I've been very insecure, so having big boobs is not something I'm very comfortable with... I would love to go for runs as well, but I think one of the ways my ocd manifests itself is that I always feel wary when I'm out of the house. I can't go outside if I don't have a place to go, if that makes sense. Like, I need to plan a route to where I need to go and not stray. So just going for a walk, is something I find very difficult. I've been looking into buying a treadmill, but they're quite expensive.

That's exactly what happened to me... hips and bust got bigger. I think it's more to do with feeling insecure, although I never really loved my body even before. Thank you, I just checked my BMI and it's considered "normal". The thing is that when I'm starting to feel like I'm fine and accepting how I look, my mother always seems to make some kind of denigrating comment. Just tonight after dinner, after telling her how weirdly hungry I felt, she noticed I ate some bread after finishing dinner and said how could I be eating it at night, that it wasnt healthy to eat that kind of stuff before going to bed. I never eat bread, sugary things or fried food. Today I happened to be extremely hungry and since she bought some bread, I ate it. Just when I was actually feeling fine about myself. I know this is probably silly, but after finally feeling like there's actually some future for me, she always does something to put me down. I totally agree with you about fitting some stereotype, I really do, but somehow my its difficult to keep a clear head and not get down.

Hello everybody I haven't been here in awhile, as since I've increased my medication, my ocd and overall mood as been better than ever. I find that the best way of describing it is that I felt that my head was filled with dark, grey clouds and now there's some sunshine coming through. The only side effect I've experienced is weight gain. A lot. Some days I struggle with it and other days I'm fine, since it is a decent tradeoff for having a manageable ocd. However, my mother is a very superficial person and we don't get along that well. She keeps trying to put me on diets, she even got me an appointment with a nutritionist against my will, she keeps pressuring me to go on walks with her, etc. On the one hand I get what she's doing, but on the other hand, she's not doing it for my wellbeing. She just doesn't want to have a fat kid. She told me I was too young to get fat. I'm 22, 1.57m tall and I weigh 60kg. I used to weigh about 50kg before I started medication. All she cares about is looks and how men view her. I couldn't give a ****. I've always been single and I'd rather be alone then having to rely on men to be happy. We are on two ends of the spectrum and we've always had our differences. I don't eat badly and would rather not have to go on diets. I find that unlike before, the medication makes it much harder to lose weight. On my last appointment I thought about telling my psychiatrist, but ended up not to and now that I can finally feeling positive side effects, I don't know if I should... I take pregabalin and paroxetine, as well as gabapentin for migraines. I don't even know why I'm writing this, but I just felt like something I needed to do... Does anyone experienced this side effect and how did you deal with it?

Lost

Stamp

I feel the same way... I don't find myself particularly ugly or anything and yet I've never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I think I'll end up alone and will never find my other half. I keep telling myself and others that I like being alone, but maybe I'm just fooling myself. We must love ourselves no matter what. I'm sure there's things that you like about yourself, so try to focus on that. I also think that there's more to attractions than just looks. Sometimes we feel attracted to someone who's not particularly pretty (like those celebs), but their overall personality win us over. You just haven't found that person yet, but don't lose hope ? Regarding writing, maybe just keep trying and inspiration will come ?