Dave321

I have that exact same thing Cora

I am scared. Is it possible to develop arousal to men as an adult? As a teenager seeing a topless man didnt register in my mind as anything interesting and I never really thought about it or give it a moments thought. But now anytime I see a topless man I feel my body sort of getting this groinal arousal sensation and fearful anticipation of how my body is going to react. I also feel sort of anxiety/ fight or flight intensity in my torso. Like bracing myself. I just had a groinal to this. Its nothing dirty or anything https://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/researchers-tested-which-male-body-shapes-women-find-the-most-attractive-its-not-good-news-men/

I do read replies. I wish I could believe you all but I cant seem to. It just seems like denial and the next time I have a groinal all hope of ocd is blown out of the water. My sex drive for women has almost totally disappeared. I seem to be getting groinals and sensations just looking at fully clothed men. I also hate myself now. I am not sure how I am supposed to get therapy for ocd if I cant believe a word out of the therapists mouth. I dont know if I dont beleive them because of ocd or because I know I am gay. I never want to do anythign with a guy and every groinal arousal fills me with fear.

I dont know :( I am hoping desperately this is somehow ocd but I have lost 99% hope that it is.

I used to believe now and then it was ocd. Some things didnt make sense such as I could look up porn and stright porn aroused me and gay porn did nothing. I could imagine in my mind sex with women and feel aroused and then picture sex with men and feel nothing. I could feel arousal hanging out with a girl. Now its all changed and reversed. Also I am spiking because I heard about some american guy coming out as gay after appearing on the Bachelor straight dating show and saying he would rather die than be gay. He said he hated himself. But now he feels relieved. I am convinced this is me I am convinced I was either born gay but fooled myself or have transitioned over

I'm not sure what point you are trying to make? I'm bi or in denial???

Thanks DKSEA. The problem is there is such a thing as gay denial and there isn't a thing of handwashing denial or vomiting denial. I have never read any stories of a person coming out as a vomiter after years of denial. I have read stories of men coming out after years and in some cases decades saying they were in denial or married a woman to 'be normal.' I am scared I am like them. I apologise to make this point because I liked your post.

Hi DKSEA I only had one year of therapy albeit it was on a near weekly basis. My symptoms are much different now than then though. They have evolved and changed. The comedy channel show re-runs of Baywatch. I was flicking through the channels and find it very uncomfortable viewing now. The topless men in it make me feel what feels like fear and arousal and the air gets sucked out of my lungs. I didn't have this reaction in 2009 when I was getting therapy. My arousal to women has fallen off a cliff gradually over the years too. Nothing seems to get me going like it used to. I really really hope you are right. My fear is that I am just a crazy neurotic person who has fears about everything (which I do) from cancer, to accidents, to diseases, to basically any bad thing happening to me or my family. I am really bad at explaining myself too and fear that you are only saying its ocd because I am so useless at describing whats going on and I confuse myself. I also fear this may be a symptom of early onset dementia.

I get groinals and a sensation of air being sucked out of my lungs whenever I see a topless man and my heart starts beating faster

I have had or thought I had HOCD about being gay since 25 in 2007. I now no longer can believe this is the case. I feel hopeless and my symptoms have changed quite a bit since being diagnosed. The diagnosis was over skype and I guess I must have said things to manipulate the therapist into telling me I had ocd. My symptoms have evolved and moved on and can no longer believe its ocd. I still hope that it is but my head says no its not.

I dont understand the difference between ocd and denial. I was reading about this gay gay who was interviewed on some article on facebook and he says he wanted the feelings to go away and hoped it was a phase. That he wanted to fit in. I read those quotes and say ''that's me''.

I will look for help this year Caramoole. But I feel like a fraud that I am fooling myself and the therapist trying to claim its ocd. Maybe its the 5 stages of grief and coming to terms with being gay? Any evidence it was ocd or that I was probably straight has evaporated. I just cant stop worrying about being gay.

Could my ocd be real event ocd about being gay? I wasn't even the one who thought I had ocd when this started in 2007. I was freaking out and crying and panicking and my mother discovered HOCD ont he internet and when I looked at the symptoms I had most of them. The things that mad eme beleiev I might be straight and this is ocd seem to be disappearing now though. Before if a gay thought popped into my head it wouldnt cause my groin to react. Now it is. If I pictured girls in my had I would be able to get arousal going without my hand. Now its not so easy and gay thoughts seem to be causing a slight movement. The checking rituals used to provide some reassurance. If I checked women in porn I got very aroused. Gay porn caused boredom and nothing and was disgusting. Now gay porn causes a bit of a reaction and my heart starts beating fast. That never happened before the last 18 months. Straight porn has become very boring. Stuff about woment hat always aroused me isnt giving anywhere near the same reaction anymore. Kissing always gt me aroused. Now (well before covid) kissing barely did anything for me. Whats going on? I dont see how ocd (IF IF IF thats what this is) can do that. I am convinced I must have been born gay but never realised or explored it etc and now my brain is rewiring to gay things and cant get aroused by women anymore.

I hope I can be helped because I am so set against being gay that if I was told I was I think I would freak out and be suicidal. I have so much to lose and not much to gain.

You mean have an open mind about being gay in other words? Because she would send me to some idiot who probably has never heard of gay fears .