Nugget

It’s been a bit since I’ve posted and I think I really have been getting better however something that still bothers me is that I always without fail get a gronial response to my intrusive thoughts even in situations that have no actual relations to the intrusive thoughts. This in turn brings up thought of how I must’ve broken myself and my body is associating something that I’m not interested in it’s quite worrisome in that regard.

Anyone?

I’m doing better with my intrusive thoughts but I feel like I could be doing more? I still get triggered from time to time but something is holding me from letting this go

I’m doing better with my intrusive thoughts I haven’t had a gronial response for weeks now..I guess I’m still obsessed with the topics I’ve been obsessed with the main one being the what if’s over my sexuality, that being said it seems like my ocd is switching to more religious oriented thoughts. They still bother me but as of now I’m trying to make my mind bored of the thoughts.

One last thing is there any hope i can recover from this and look back on it and laugh at it? I’ve dealt with this 8 years untreated and I have this “hopelessness”feeling if you understand what I mean

Thank you everything that my therapist seems to send me, my mind is like oh god it is real or he’s trying to say it isn’t ocd..it doesn’t seem like I can read objectively at the moment

“Yes I think so, but at the moment it seems your brain is trying to convince you that you must figure out your identity. It would be ok to ponder one’s identity, but it should be more a matter of choice, a voluntary activity. Instead it seems your brain is trying to force you to figure it out. Ask yourself if you could be comfortable contemplating who you are and not having an answer anytime soon. Does that feel comfortable or distressing? If it feels distressing, it is probably more related to your OCD.” I don’t think I can read objectively at the moment what does this mean? Am I genuinely going through and identity crisis?

But what if my therapist how do I respond to what he said? He said he doesn’t completely understand what I was talking about..maybe it was the way I worded my email?

Is this all real? Am I in some sort of deep denial?

If someone could offer insight into this I would definitely appreciate it. As it is causing me a lot of stress.

I don’t feel like it’s normal for me considering I’ve had no issues with my identity my entire life up until now sexuality or otherwise.

Even if it is normal at my age, my checking and worrying is not as bad before I got a therapist I was checking almost 7 hours a day sometimes even night looking through everything related to the obsession. It was extremely debilitating reason I went to therapy in the first place was that on some level I knew this wasn’t normal behavior. But even though I feel that it isn’t normal wanted thoughts I can’t stop worrying about that “what if”. So when an OCD therapist said that I absolutely freaked out. I’m still on some level deeply worried. I think my next session I will ask him about what he means by that or if he understood what I was asking in my email..

It’s a private therapist

This had to be some sort o misunderstanding Hopefully maybe the way I worded stuff in the email? I hope because if it isn’t I don’t think I’ll try for another therapist it’s just not worth being hurt.

This is the first OCD therapist I’ve been too so not really I did try it on my own for a while