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Irregular86

Bulletin Board User
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    38
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About Irregular86

  • Birthday August 24

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Hiv/ Contamination OCD. Intrusive Thoughts.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Uk

Recent Profile Visitors

228 profile views
  1. As someone who has recently had a relapse and had to restart my meds I know how you feel. I literally don't have enough hours in the day to get things done and then at night I can't sleep for thoughts and worries. You have already sought help with regards to counselling and also with adding vitamins to your daily routine, hopefully you feel better soon. Try to remember those thoughts, no matter how terrible are just that, thoughts! Just take it a day at a time. Sending hugs
  2. After coping really well for around a week i am stressed over uni interviews and stuff in my personal life and the urge to check has crept in. I want to ask my GP about it tomorrow even Though I have already sought advice from the Terrence Higgins trust who, with no disrespect to my Gp, probably no more about it than anyone and have said no risk. I'm scared to ask incase she tells me it's a risk and I relapse badly through worrying, but also feel like I need to make sure as it's my little boys health in the balance if I don't and that makes me a terrible mother. Always with the what ifs. Someone help please!! Should I ask my GP so I can move on? But then what if she says maybe there is, that would be catastrophic!
  3. Restful night's sleep last night which was much needed followed by the urge to check becoming overwhelming this morning. Ashamed to say i gave in and spent an hour checking. But I came to work and have spent the past 3 hours keeping busy to help resist the urge as well as reminding myself that he had no risk therefore my worry is OCD! So far so good.
  4. Thank you! I have some material from my therapist that I'm going to revisit tonight and have a good read through which will hopefully help get me back on track.
  5. You are right PolarBear but I'm determined not to let it drag me back in. I have so far resisted checking for around 4 hours and have kept myself busy and I feel a little better having done so. I just need to keep it up!
  6. I just forgot how intense and debillitating it feels. The thought had eased a little when I picked my little one up this morning from his father and hugged him but the urge to check is becoming overwhelming now, so far I am resisting. I know I need to but the what if is becoming unbearable. Guess I just gotta ride it out even if the thought of doing nothing terrifies me when my entire being is telling me to seek help or advice and if I don't and the worst happens it would be my fault. Thank you for your comments, I know it's OCD and not reality, like I said I don't even know if he pricked himself guess that's the thing with OCD.
  7. So I thought I was over this. Successfully completed high intensity therapy, it took 6 months but I was free finally! One year later I feel like I'm back to square 1. We were at my partners parents house with my little boy who is 4. My partners mother is type 1 diabetic and has been for around 38 years. She was upstairs getting ready for work and there were 2 lancets and a couple of insulin pen needles next to her chair. I know the needles had their caps on but I'm not sure if the lancets had been used. Anyway my little one came charging in with his toy cars and he shoves them to one side with his bare hands so he could park his cars. I remember feeling uncomfortable but forgot about it pretty quickly. Fast forward 3 days and boom the what if he pricked himself scenario has hit and is there every minute of the day. I spent hours trawling the internet to determine if you could transmit hiv this way. There is no reason to believe she has it, she has been in a monogamous marriage with my partners father for almost 40yrs. But the what if is there I can't sleep for worrying. I rang the Terrance Higgins trust this morning and they assured me that a. it is solid like a pin so couldn't transmit hiv as it couldn't hold blood. B. Any residual blood would be unable to infect due to environmental factors as it's a fragile virus. C. It is a superficial wound from a lancet and needs direct access to blood stream. So why can't I turn this off?? Christ if he had pricked himself surely he would feel it. I daren't mention it to my partner incase he thinks I'm accusing his mother of being infected or "dirty" as he idolises her being the only child, as does my little one and it would upset her so much that the thoughts crossed my mind of her albeit accidentally hurting him. I feel like such a failure after doing well for so long. Could it be stress related? I've had a tough time with my little ones father over Xmas and his threats of keeping my son and not returning him home. Any advice or anything to help would be gratefully accepted right now!
  8. Guess it's just gonna have to be one of those where I bite the bullet and just deal with the thoughts as and when they come afterwards. Maybe treat it like ERP and hopefully the more i expose myself the less it becomes a problem. Thanks for your advice.
  9. Best advice ever!! Could do with printing this out and putting it on my wall where I can see it every time one of these thoughts creep in!
  10. Hi So I'm kinda just wondering if anyone else who suffers from contamination OCD and in particular HIV OCD struggles with the physical side of their relationship. Me & my partner both tested negative but I can't get rid of the thought that maybe I have contracted it somehow and I could pass it on as mentioned in previous posts. Since this all started again early July we have slept together once when we were both drunk. It's really starting to affect our relationship as we both want to but I sway between not daring to sleep together in case it brings the thoughts back as bad as they were as I have improved a fair bit over last few weeks. And not sleeping together in case I by some minute chance do have something and pass it on. Even though I know I don't. Sorry I'm rambling just wondered if anyone had experienced anything similar and could maybe give me some advice Thanks ?
  11. Thank you Snowbear! Yeah I guess you're right. To be honest I haven't really though much about the OCD or anything to do with it over the last few days as been so busy with life in general so I guess it's just trying to fight it's way back to the forefront of my mind again. I am determined not to let it win though!
  12. Okay so I have had an amazing week in terms of my OCD. Resisting compulsions, not engaging in analysing thoughts and generally just getting on with life. And I have been so much happier! Today was my little boys birthday, we have been out for a meal with family and just had an all round awesome day. My partner has been fantastic and watching him play with my little boy and his new toys melts my heart. Then the thoughts started, what if you have contracted something. What if you have passed it on. I'm trying to just let them come and not act out any compulsions as such but I just don't understand why this has suddenly reared its head again now. Sorry for the long message but I just want to know if anyone else suffers these setbacks. Like you're getting better then bang it's back again.
  13. I've had a couple of relapses but that's due to my brushing everything under the carpet so to speak and not getting to the bottom of my problems and issues. My OCD hell started after a traumatic miscarriage and I didn't come to terms with things just tried to put a brave face on. You should be so proud of yourself, sounds like you are on the road to recovery ?
  14. As the day has gone on the anxiety has relented a little. What goes up and all that............
  15. My mild cases previously cleared up on their own so yeah I guess it is possible. It does sound like you are making progress, well done You!
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