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About Irregular86

  • Birthday August 24

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Hiv/ Contamination OCD. Intrusive Thoughts.

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  1. Hi ? So after a horrendous year my under control OCD spiralled and for the last few months I've been battling it. Personally I upped my meds gradually over 10 days to minimise side effects. I take 100mg of sertraline and although I do still get the thoughts I'm not as anxious and it is much easier to sit with it and refrain from engaging in behaviours. I also referred back through my local IAPT and am currently accessing therapy through them centered around exposure and response prevention. Hang in there, you've got this!
  2. Thank you ? I know it will just be the OCD. I think it was just the shock of it happening and I've been racking my brain trying to think if I knew him or what I had done if not. My mam said I wasn't in the way of him or anything as he walked up the aisle so not sure what his issue was. Just another in a long line of thoughts I need to let go
  3. So I've been shopping with my mam, we were in the shop browsing the coffee when someone came up behind me and punched me in the arm saying "rude" as he passed. I'm not sure whether it was someone I know as he had a mask on and when we got to the checkout he kept looking over. Anyway..... my brain has gone to what if he punched me but had a needle or something in his hand and stabbed me. I didn't feel the pain of a stab and there are no visible marks but my brain keeps coming back to what if. My mam has told me its the ocd but I can't shake the what if feeling. I've just increased my meds today as my ocd is spiralling and I'm 4 weeks into therapy. Just needed to vent ?
  4. I have managed today most of the day to stay away from googling info on it. Little slip up this morning but apart from that I've distracted myself with other things. However, the anxiety has stayed with me all day, this huge knot in my stomach! Reading back through the break free from OCD book and going to attempt some of the exercises in it over this week.
  5. Trying so hard to. Distracted myself for a few hours with something else. I have my initial appointment with IAPT booked in this week so hopefully I can start moving past this soon!
  6. That's what I keep trying to tell myself. I just can't stop looking on the Internet and then I feel worse. There are a million more scary things that could happen and are more likely to happen to me and ultimately rob me of time with my boy, so why its so fixated on this i have no clue. Although I think that is the driving force behind it, the consequences on the relationship with my son. I've started reading the break free from OCD book again and I need to start working through this for my own sanity.
  7. So.... my fear used to be HIV and getting it from all sorts of random things and situations. With the help of a fab therapist from the local IAPT I managed to kick the habit of checking and worrying and was living life again. I'm not sure what has happened but I now have this fear of developing CJD. I am consumed by fear, it affects 1 in a million people across the world every year and is extremely rare. So why isn't that enough to shake the fear? The thought of having it and just literally deteriorating in a matter of months to dying is too horrific to live with. My boy is 6 years old, I can't bear the thought. It started with the one from eating meat but now it has latched on to the sporadic which has no known cause, no known cure and can't be detected until you're ill which results in death in a matter of months. Its like the OCD thought that's not scary enough let's go for the worse option. I have referred myself back to IAPT as I need some support. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later as I can't eat, its waking me up in the night and I just feel terribly anxious all of the time. I just needed to vent and hopefully talk to someone, my family are lovely and supportive but I just don't think they fully understand. Not just that but talking about it makes me think it could come true. I know in my head from past experience that this is again OCD but there is a niggling voice at the back of my head saying yes but what if! I have made a deal with myself, no more checking today, i've exhausted every webpage the last few days as well as myself ? Any thoughts or insights into how I can ease my worries? Anyone ever suffered the same fear?
  8. Fab day yesterday and was feeling much more positive, back to the Internet this evening and I feel terrible. Need to stop.
  9. I resisted looking at anything else and just took myself to bed, the thought is still popping up however I refuse to look at any more information and I'm hoping it passes over quickly.
  10. So... I've been cruising along so well lately, taking 50mg of sertraline and suffering no symptoms! Lockdown has been worrying and strange but I have adored spending time with my little one and with everything going on in the world my symptoms were still at bay. He has eventually started back to school after 6 months off. Today is his birthday, we went out for tea, I had lasagne (as did my sister) The thought hit, what if this is beef with bse. That's ridiculous, there are regulations and procedures. Yes but what if. Queue the old panic feelings, couldn't finish my meal, felt like I wanted to throw up. I've returned home on auto pilot, carried out bedtime routine and then researched for the last hour on the Web. How many cases lately? 7 in cows in the past 5 years, noneI entered the food chain. Is it likely? Only 178 deaths at his height. How is mince made etc. Ive got stomach ache and can't keep away from the loo. I'm terrified I'm going to slip back in to my old ways now. Any advice please?
  11. Hi all, Just an update, it was absolutely fine, the medical department didnt even contact me, I was allowed to enrol and have started my teaching degree. Thank you for the advice
  12. That is super helpful thank you so much, I'd just hate to have gotten through all the therapy to relieve the OCD thoughts and compulsions and worked my socks off to get my grades to be told sorry but no. I was thinking surely there are lots of people with it who do teach. I think it's just because it is taking so long for them to come back to me about it all that I am worrying. Thank you ?
  13. Hi everyone, Is there anyone in the UK who can possibly give me some advice here? I have a place to study Primary education degree at uni come September. As part of the conditions we are to fill out a health declaration, which I have done. I was diagnosed in 2017 with OCD and was treated with 50mg Sertraline (daily) which I still take now and I had High intensity ERP therapy once a week for 6 months. My condition is managed, I rarely if ever have thoughts about it now and I dont engage in compulsions anymore. I've declared my condition as it says on the form failure to disclose information can result in you being thrown off the course. I understand with schizophrenia etc but surely there are others with OCD who manage to teach efficiently. My OCD centred around my sexual relationship with my partner and therefore never endangered anyone else. Has anyone else had a similar experience and been declared unfit to teach? I am gonna be so upset as I have more than met the grades required and have worked so hard to get there and the health declaration is the only thing pending on my application. Any advice would be greatly recieved ?
  14. As someone who has recently had a relapse and had to restart my meds I know how you feel. I literally don't have enough hours in the day to get things done and then at night I can't sleep for thoughts and worries. You have already sought help with regards to counselling and also with adding vitamins to your daily routine, hopefully you feel better soon. Try to remember those thoughts, no matter how terrible are just that, thoughts! Just take it a day at a time. Sending hugs
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