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About alisando123

  • Birthday 15/09/1991

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Contamination OCD

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    United Kingdom

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  1. I know. Googling is my worst compulsion. It never makes people feel better
  2. Thank you for the supportive post. It’s just really scary dealing with this kind of stuff. I’m trying to distract myself and as the day has gone on I’ve felt better and been distracted by work. I agree that it’s probably something else. It’s just the pain and the likelihood of having scans is making me so scared. i hope you are feeling ok too. It’s horrible dealing with something like this. Everything else has been so great like me and my partner have just got a new house etc, and i keep thinking it could all be snatched away
  3. Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I posted but I really need some support. For the past year I have been experiencing a dull ache around my upper right tummy (liver area). I put it down to my ocd because I worry about hepatitis infection and blood borne diseases. Recently I’ve been having a bit of a poorly tummy in other ways (I presumed ibs) but thought I better get it checked out and also mentioned this niggling upper right pain too. The doctor ordered some blood tests and assumed they’d come back normal. I got a call a few days later saying everything came back fine except one of my liver values (ALT) was borderline. It’s supposed to be between 0-34, but mine was 40 (a severely damaged liver can be up in the 1000s apparently). My doctor wants me to have another blood test in a months time, and also a potential scan of my liver. She suspects that the pain isn’t related to this, said I’ve had a similar value on this test in the past, and that most doctors would have put this level of ALT as normal. She just wants to be thorough and check me for peace of mind. I’m overweight and the doctor suspects I have a slightly fatty liver which is causing this value to be very slightly higher than it should be. Of course my mind is running absolutely wild with the worst case scenarios. I have been googling liver cancer non stop since last night. I keep crying. I’ve read that liver cancer can cause no symptoms until the late stages, so what if it’s just been laying dormant for the last year? I am at work and can not concentrate one bit. I’m just so scared. It could be 2 months of an agonising wait to find out whether or not I’m ok. I’m not sure what to do does anyone have any advice? I’m thinking my mental health could be blowing this way out of proportion, but I really don’t know how to deal with the anxiety. The pain seems worse now too (focussed on it) . Things were going pretty well in my life and now this has come out of no where
  4. Yeah I agree. I've never heard of it as a theme of OCD really, but kind of makes sense in how I seem to react to the thoughts by seeking reassurance etc. I just wondered if others had come across it. I'm banning myself from googling about it this evening and will see if I feel any better!
  5. I'm glad you're feeling a little better! I'm just wondering if the "obsessive" thoughts about it could be related to the ocd, particularly the way I'm responding to them at the moment. In a way I hope they are as I want it to be something that's treatable and not something I'll worry about forever now. Before I'd have moments where I thought about it, but then they would pass quite quickly. Now it's constantly in the back of my mind... Yeah. CBT is hard to come by as it is and we don't have time to treat everything unfortunately (I was on the waiting list for a year and a half!) I am prescribed citalopram but tried to come off it recently. I've just got another batch though so thinking of starting again!
  6. Hi everyone... Just wondering if anyone else has had this problem with regards to OCD. I had a quick Google on another forum and they seemed to associate it with OCD which I didn't realise it maybe could be? For the last couple of weeks I've suddenly been having obsessive thoughts about death. Not the process of dying, but what will happen to me once I've gone. Ive always worried about getting older but not so much dying. These thoughts are now occupying my day to day life... To the point of where I can't seem to shift them or get them to go away. So possibly rumination ?? I'm also worried about loved ones dying, and spend time counting down the amount of years they and I potentially have left. I've had a few relatives die semi recently, but this happened over a year ago (the most recent) these were the first times I've had someone close to me die. I don't know if that's what has triggered me... It's never really bothered me overly before. The main worry I have is that I will be sort of aware that I'm dead and will be floating around in some netherspace by myself forever without my loved ones ajd I'll never see them again. I feel like I'm catastrophising. To try and fight these thoughts, I spend time asking for reassurance and seeking reassurance online... I spend so much time looking up stories from people who've come back to life, reading about people's theories etc alongside ruminating and coming up with theories myself. It does ease my anxiety temporarily. It's actually really starting to get in the way of my enjoyment and functioning. It's making my mood very low. One of the fears I have though is not enjoying my life while I'm here... Which is kind of ironic as the fear of death is stopping me from doing that. I literally think about getting older and can't bare it. I'm only 26 so what am I going to be like in 10-20 years time. Life seems to go so fast I feel like I'll be there before I know it and death will be coming to get me. I'm not directly asking whether this is OCD. But more whether people have experience this before ?? It seems like the compulsions could be there ... So I'm wondering if by working on identifying those and stopping them... It might ease the fear back to a more rational level. I'm in therapy at the moment but for social anxiety and my therapist said it really we have one treatment goal so the ocd has had to take a seat on the back burner in there. Just hoping someone can offer some advice or support! Thanks.
  7. Thanks both! It wouldn't bother me if I didn't have ocd. I just worry about stuff getting in my bloodstream, even though it's very rare I pick enough for it to bleed. Most of the time it just gets a bit sore! If it does get sore though I end up doing a compulsion and putting hand sanitiser or something on it to clean it it stings like crazy !!! Then I worry more that illnesses can get in there! I seem to do it more when I'm stressed out or working. I will mention it when i go for cbt if I manage to get some !
  8. Hi all, I just wanted to ask, does anyone else struggle with picking their scalp? I always seem to do it and can't seem to stop! It really bugs me because it makes my intrusive thoughts even worse (I'm worried stuff is gonna get in my bloodstream through my scalp picking!) Does anyone have any tips on how to stop? Without having to physically restrain myself preferably!
  9. Yep totally right about the googling polarbear. I've actually managed a whole day without googling today. That is good advice and I will try. In my head I know that I need to not mention it to the doctor. I just wish my tummy pain would stop as that is worrying me! But I reckon if I can get over this hairdresser obsession they will go away on their own.
  10. I actually used a public toilet without overly scanning the seat for blood. I sat on it normally as well. There looked like there was some blood on a tissue down there but I just flushed it down and carrier on. Super anxious now but I did it! ?
  11. Haha oh dear! I will never be able to work in the medical industry unfortunately. I'm quite sad about that as at one point I wanted to be a nurse I know you are right. I mean everyone would have hep c if it were that easy to catch it. I think I'm concerned here more over my doctors appointment and whether she suggests I should be tested (I'm not actually going for this reason!) I'll feel bad if I don't mention it (like guilty almost - like if I end up having hep c I could have found out early!) I also feel like I need reassurance from my doctor that I'm most likely to be ok. I know this is classic ocd stuff.
  12. Yeah. I am on the waiting list for cbt and should be fairly near the top now. I'd do some myself but am facing a really close deadline so I spend most of my time trying to do work! I think I really need to just learn to accept the tiny risks of everyday life but it's so so hard when you have OCD:(
  13. I'm having a pretty bad day today. I'm under a lot of stress with my work and my ocd is really taking it's toll. I'm still really worried about the hairdressing incident that took place about 6 weeks ago. I've convinced myself my hairdresser cut me with the comb and that hep c blood has gone in the cut and infected me. My head definitely bled after this haircut I've tried thinking rationally about it. I've tried thinking that hep c has really low prevalence in the UK, and even lower in my area, I've tried thinking about the low likelihood of the comb having hep c blood on It, I've tried thinking that the hep c (if there was any) could have died by the time it got to me. They do say it can be transferred in microscopic amounts and that it lasts for up to 4 days outside the body so I feel like I am doomed. I'm so worried. Im at the doctors next week for another issue with hormone medication however think that's contributing to the anxiety so going to see what she says. I don't even know what to say to her. I'm worried she will actually say a test for hep c is warranted and that I should have one. Do people without OCD worry about This? I can't understand why they don't seem to. To me getting a cut on your head is a big risk. I wish I knew nothing about hepatitis!
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