alisando123

I just wanted to reply as I suffer from the same. I'm having a particularly bad episode currently and the timing is right. For me it's not just the OCD that gets worse but my whole mood. I know I wouldn't feel half as bad if I was in the happier portion of the month. I literally don't know what to do about it but haven't looked into it much!

Thank you so much for responding. Yesterday was a tough day and I just needed to vent (plus I know people on here understand what I'm going through!). I did manage to pull myself off of Google and took myself for a walk, by the evening I was feeling a little bit better and managed to concentrate on some TV and video games. Hopefully the worst is over. I felt really panicky at points. I'm expecting this obsession to linger for a while but I'm going to try and resist the compulsions today as a start and see what happens. It's so tempting to Google one thing and then go down a rabbit hole. Ruminating is the hardest though and just letting go of the thoughts. Thanks again for the response

Hi all, It has been a while since I was active on here. My contamination OCD has been mostly manageable for a while, but yesterday I had an experience that has triggered some pretty intense intrusive thoughts and to be honest, I'm struggling a bit in managing them. I haven't experienced this level of anxiety for a while As my main worry is contracting hepatitis (mainly C), I find visiting healthcare environments quite stressful and difficult. I've written on here before that dental visits usually trigger a bit of an OCD flare-up. I think because there is likely to have been blood in the environment at some point, I get concerned about how clean the dental practice is. Yesterday, I had to revisit the hygienist as I had trouble with my gums and she wanted to check on them. There was nothing particularly bothersome about the visit. She touched some things with her gloved hands (which in reality, how can they not?) but I tell myself that the place looks spotless, I know they clean between patients as I've seen them doing it. I was feeling okay, worried as usual, but I knew the anxiety would likely pass soon and I could get on with my life. However, when I got home, I forgot to wash my hands straightaway. I made a cup of tea and went upstairs to my office to continue working. I then realised that, in that time, I'd touched my eyes, nose, and probably mouth. I've had a bit of an irritated nose lately and when I scratched it, it bled a bit. I immediately remembered I hadn't washed my hands since being at the surgery. I've been panicking since what if the door handle wasn't clean? I was there last week and can't remember if the dentist removed her gloves before taking me for an x-ray. This led to a thought process a bit like this -> dirty gloves on the door handle -> me touching it and getting tiny, invisible droplet of hepatitis-infected blood on my hand -> me scratching my nose and virus entering my bloodstream -> me getting ill with liver disease and ending up with cirrhosis many years in the future, not realising I had been infected this entire time. The last day has been terrible. I've been doing absolutely everything I know I shouldn't. All to try and get some reassurance that I'm not going to get seriously ill from liver disease. I've been googling and ruminating (about the gloves and infection control policies of the dentist). I've been looking into getting tests done in a couple of months. Nothing is making me feel better. In fact, it's making me feel worse. This virus seems hardy and there's nothing online to say otherwise. It makes me wonder how we're all not wandering around with it . I'm having physical symptoms too. I feel sick and I've got a headache. I've also got what I assume is a stress rash on my face. It's big, blotchy, red and sore. I can't concentrate on work. I've been crying to my poor partner who's doing his best to support me. I feel guilty because the dental practice I visit is lovely and the staff are amazing. There is nothing there to suggest it's not clean, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter how clean it looks or which dentist I visit, I'd still never be satisfied anyway. I'd still find something to worry about because OCD looks for it. OCD blows everything out of proportion. I think part of me is upset as I thought I'd feel better after a good nights sleep, but I woke up and felt no better at all. I'm just starting - over the last hour or so - to calm down a little bit. I've been on high alert for the last 24 hours, and to be honest it's really draining. I know people here will understand. This disorder sucks. It would be really lovely to just get some kind words of support to feel less alone in this, or if anyone has any ideas of things I can do to help myself I'm all ears. Today has been hard. Thank you so much for reading. Even writing this down has helped a little bit.

Thanks! This is really useful Like I said I'm right at the beginning of my therapy (although this is the fourth time I've had therapy for OCD) so I'm a little rusty with what I need to do, when I suppose truly the answer is nothing and wait for the anxiety to pass. I also have those thoughts that if I do "let it go" it'll sneak up on me later, when I should be researching and trying to make sure I didn't catch anything now. I remember having these kinds of worries before and struggling to break free from it. It's really hard to differentiate between OCD thinking and non-OCD thinking. Part of my compulsions are to google for reassurance, and I remember once seeing that if you end up in contact with someone's blood then you should get a test, scared me so much! In reality though not many people would notice even if they did come into contact with some and that's where my brain differs, but I suppose part of life is taking risks and dealing with uncertainty, otherwise we'd never do anything except sit at home. I am feeling a little better this morning. My mind keeps trying to go back to it, I'm still anxious, but it's slightly lesser than before.

I know. It's just so hard and tempting to fall into compulsions. I feel a little better this morning although my mind keeps going back to it. I'm worried about hep c which is actually curable for most people but it's more that I worry I won't catch it on time, because often you don't get any symptoms until it's got pretty bad I also don't wanna go testing myself for no reason as then I'll have another "exposure" and feel like I need to test myself again.

Thanks, that’s really helpful! I find it so strange how people without ocd can just brush these things off so easily! Truthfully most people wouldn’t have noticed the mark I don’t think, it’s because I look out for things that I spot them Sometimes I also find it hard to know what’s a real “risk” and what isn’t, but again it’s all ocd. If I try to think of it as being ocd then I feel a little bit better but there’s always a nagging “what if?” thought in my mind

Thanks for your reply Yes you’re right. I go through these probabilities and know logically the risk is so small, but my ocd stops me from thinking logically I just think “but what if it was blood that had hepatitis in it?” I think because I didn’t know it was there for a few days I have know idea how many times I might have touched it without realising, then touched my eyes or rubbed my nose or ate something etc. I worry I gave it an access point to my bloodstream. i did try and move away from the compulsions, took your advice and pulled myself away from my compulsions and went to make dinner, then I started to feel a little bit better. If I get on Google it all just spirals out of control. it does feel sad that I spend my days worrying about this… I wish I could just switch it off thanks again for your thoughtful reply!

Hi all, Like the title says, I’m struggling with contamination ocd at the moment, which is fixated on hepatitis C. I’ve just got back from my holiday, and worrying about an exposure that happened while I was there. Basically I think I leaned in some red substance and I’m not sure what it was… I noticed it on my jacket a few days after it happened (I saw it in a picture from a few days before I saw it physically). Of course my mind has jumped straight to this stuff being blood that I’ve rubbed my elbow in accidentally, and I’m now worrying I touched it then ate food, or touched my eyes etc and could have contracted hepatitis from it. I keep worrying about it and can’t seem to stop. I’ve been looking at all my pictures trying to work out when I did it, whether it was just some food I leaned on or spilt on myself. I don’t want to wash the jacket weirdly as I keep going and looking at where the stain is. Even though I wiped it off pretty much straightaway. I also keep smelling it too. I know all these are compulsions but I’m struggling to stop doing them. I also keep thinking about getting a test done in a couple of months time to check, but I’m hoping the anxiety will have eased by then. I don’t know what I’m looking for in this post. I know I just need to stop the compulsions, but it’s so hard as I feel like I’ve put myself at so much risk I’m having therapy at the moment but only just started so a looooong way to go. Obviously will bring this up at my next appointment

I've had this recently too, where something has resurfaced and I am now back worrying about it again after I got over it the first time. In fact this morning I was obsessing over something that happened almost two years ago! Polar bear is right. I think we just need to let it pass again, don't engage in compulsions and if you notice you are, try to stop yourself (even though I know it's so hard). The thought that keeps me going is that this anxiety has passed before, I managed to get through it before so I know I can do it again I hope you feel better soon

Yeah that's exactly it! It's so easy for it to escalate I suppose, from one small thing. Even though I feel a lot better about the toilet situation now I'm finding I'm looking out for more 'threats'. It's like it's put me on alert No I haven't seen the thread. I haven't been on here for a while so I need to check out some more of the forum I'll have a look and see what's on there!

That's really true actually. It's like giving it power by just thinking about it and like you say, my mind thinks I've got to figure this all out rather than being at peace with uncertainty. Even though we can never be certain about anything really. I've noticed that even though I've been feeling better about the toilet exposure, I'm getting more triggered and worried about other things. It's almost like this has made me more anxious in general. I think it's from the googling if I'm honest. I kind of know what to do but it's so hard when compulsions do give that temporary relief. Noticed my hands are getting pretty red and sore again. I hope you manage to find something that works with the ruminating too. At least we can get some support on here. It's hard for people without OCD to understand it

It is! It’s horrible. I’ll definitely be thinking about this situation for a while, but I definitely feel better than I did. It just sits in the back of the mind but I’m surprised at how much the anxiety has reduced when it is one of the things I’ve always been most scared of. I agree stopping compulsions is so hard when I do manage it it feels so good though, like I’ve had a mini win against it!

Yeah you’re right. That last part I remember someone telling me (on here I think) if it feels desperate then it’s probably a compulsion. That really stuck with me! it’s good to know what someone without this fear would do. I actually feel much better today. Your replies genuinely calmed me down a lot and helped me to feel less anxious and just get on with my day. Once I came off Google I felt much better! Thank you

Thanks for your reply it’s good to know that I’m not alone! I’m still a little panicky but starting to feel a little better!

That’s true! I didn’t think of it like that. Yes I am hypervigilant and don’t know if people without ocd check toilet seats or if they just sit down without thinking! I’ve had it so long I can’t remember not doing it. I will do! I’m still worried, but I think I will be for a while. It’s nice to speak to someone who understands especially the Google thing! It’s a rabbit hole and I agree it’s so easy to get sucked into it searching for certainty. I can spend hours on there! thanks again for your replies