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alisando123

Bulletin Board User
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About alisando123

  • Birthday 15/09/1991

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Contamination OCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United Kingdom

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  1. Thanks! This is really useful Like I said I'm right at the beginning of my therapy (although this is the fourth time I've had therapy for OCD) so I'm a little rusty with what I need to do, when I suppose truly the answer is nothing and wait for the anxiety to pass. I also have those thoughts that if I do "let it go" it'll sneak up on me later, when I should be researching and trying to make sure I didn't catch anything now. I remember having these kinds of worries before and struggling to break free from it. It's really hard to differentiate between OCD thinking and non-OCD thinking. Part of my compulsions are to google for reassurance, and I remember once seeing that if you end up in contact with someone's blood then you should get a test, scared me so much! In reality though not many people would notice even if they did come into contact with some and that's where my brain differs, but I suppose part of life is taking risks and dealing with uncertainty, otherwise we'd never do anything except sit at home. I am feeling a little better this morning. My mind keeps trying to go back to it, I'm still anxious, but it's slightly lesser than before.
  2. I know. It's just so hard and tempting to fall into compulsions. I feel a little better this morning although my mind keeps going back to it. I'm worried about hep c which is actually curable for most people but it's more that I worry I won't catch it on time, because often you don't get any symptoms until it's got pretty bad I also don't wanna go testing myself for no reason as then I'll have another "exposure" and feel like I need to test myself again.
  3. Thanks, that’s really helpful! I find it so strange how people without ocd can just brush these things off so easily! Truthfully most people wouldn’t have noticed the mark I don’t think, it’s because I look out for things that I spot them Sometimes I also find it hard to know what’s a real “risk” and what isn’t, but again it’s all ocd. If I try to think of it as being ocd then I feel a little bit better but there’s always a nagging “what if?” thought in my mind
  4. Thanks for your reply Yes you’re right. I go through these probabilities and know logically the risk is so small, but my ocd stops me from thinking logically I just think “but what if it was blood that had hepatitis in it?” I think because I didn’t know it was there for a few days I have know idea how many times I might have touched it without realising, then touched my eyes or rubbed my nose or ate something etc. I worry I gave it an access point to my bloodstream. i did try and move away from the compulsions, took your advice and pulled myself away from my compulsions and went to make dinner, then I started to feel a little bit better. If I get on Google it all just spirals out of control. it does feel sad that I spend my days worrying about this… I wish I could just switch it off thanks again for your thoughtful reply!
  5. Hi all, Like the title says, I’m struggling with contamination ocd at the moment, which is fixated on hepatitis C. I’ve just got back from my holiday, and worrying about an exposure that happened while I was there. Basically I think I leaned in some red substance and I’m not sure what it was… I noticed it on my jacket a few days after it happened (I saw it in a picture from a few days before I saw it physically). Of course my mind has jumped straight to this stuff being blood that I’ve rubbed my elbow in accidentally, and I’m now worrying I touched it then ate food, or touched my eyes etc and could have contracted hepatitis from it. I keep worrying about it and can’t seem to stop. I’ve been looking at all my pictures trying to work out when I did it, whether it was just some food I leaned on or spilt on myself. I don’t want to wash the jacket weirdly as I keep going and looking at where the stain is. Even though I wiped it off pretty much straightaway. I also keep smelling it too. I know all these are compulsions but I’m struggling to stop doing them. I also keep thinking about getting a test done in a couple of months time to check, but I’m hoping the anxiety will have eased by then. I don’t know what I’m looking for in this post. I know I just need to stop the compulsions, but it’s so hard as I feel like I’ve put myself at so much risk I’m having therapy at the moment but only just started so a looooong way to go. Obviously will bring this up at my next appointment
  6. I've had this recently too, where something has resurfaced and I am now back worrying about it again after I got over it the first time. In fact this morning I was obsessing over something that happened almost two years ago! Polar bear is right. I think we just need to let it pass again, don't engage in compulsions and if you notice you are, try to stop yourself (even though I know it's so hard). The thought that keeps me going is that this anxiety has passed before, I managed to get through it before so I know I can do it again I hope you feel better soon
  7. Yeah that's exactly it! It's so easy for it to escalate I suppose, from one small thing. Even though I feel a lot better about the toilet situation now I'm finding I'm looking out for more 'threats'. It's like it's put me on alert No I haven't seen the thread. I haven't been on here for a while so I need to check out some more of the forum I'll have a look and see what's on there!
  8. That's really true actually. It's like giving it power by just thinking about it and like you say, my mind thinks I've got to figure this all out rather than being at peace with uncertainty. Even though we can never be certain about anything really. I've noticed that even though I've been feeling better about the toilet exposure, I'm getting more triggered and worried about other things. It's almost like this has made me more anxious in general. I think it's from the googling if I'm honest. I kind of know what to do but it's so hard when compulsions do give that temporary relief. Noticed my hands are getting pretty red and sore again. I hope you manage to find something that works with the ruminating too. At least we can get some support on here. It's hard for people without OCD to understand it
  9. It is! It’s horrible. I’ll definitely be thinking about this situation for a while, but I definitely feel better than I did. It just sits in the back of the mind but I’m surprised at how much the anxiety has reduced when it is one of the things I’ve always been most scared of. I agree stopping compulsions is so hard when I do manage it it feels so good though, like I’ve had a mini win against it!
  10. Yeah you’re right. That last part I remember someone telling me (on here I think) if it feels desperate then it’s probably a compulsion. That really stuck with me! it’s good to know what someone without this fear would do. I actually feel much better today. Your replies genuinely calmed me down a lot and helped me to feel less anxious and just get on with my day. Once I came off Google I felt much better! Thank you
  11. Thanks for your reply it’s good to know that I’m not alone! I’m still a little panicky but starting to feel a little better!
  12. That’s true! I didn’t think of it like that. Yes I am hypervigilant and don’t know if people without ocd check toilet seats or if they just sit down without thinking! I’ve had it so long I can’t remember not doing it. I will do! I’m still worried, but I think I will be for a while. It’s nice to speak to someone who understands especially the Google thing! It’s a rabbit hole and I agree it’s so easy to get sucked into it searching for certainty. I can spend hours on there! thanks again for your replies
  13. Thank you so much for your reply! It made me feel better just having some support and your advice is really good! I really appreciate it! i’m feeling okay-ish. my biggest worry is probably the leg pimple at the moment that maybe touched the blood but I can’t be sure of that. I guess the thoughts come in waves. I’ll think rationally for a little while then I’ll have a ‘what if’ thought that happens. I expected this anxiety because it is a huge fear. That being said I’ve managed to stay off Google for the whole afternoon which is a mini win for me! Google is my worst enemy when it comes to this kind of thing. I will try and focus on other things like you suggested, might try to do something nice for myself as I know this is probably going to take some time to get over. I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing anything “wrong” by not rushing to the doctors to get medical advice and that it was OCD exaggerating the risk. thanks again for your response
  14. Ugh I’ve been doing so well lately too! Basically yesterday at work I went to use the toilet. I always have a quick glance at the seat before I sit down, didn’t spot anything obvious on first glance. When I got up I noticed some dried blood on the side of the seat and a very faint smudged line of it (like someone had attempted to wipe it off) where my leg will have definitely touched it. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it the first time I looked but the bit on top of the seat was so faint. I have a massive fear of blood borne diseases so I knew straight away that this was gonna be hard to get over. It’s my greatest fear, coming into contact with someone else’s blood and not knowing what to do. I admit I did engage in some compulsions, did some Googling. Mainly I wasn’t sure whether I needed to do anything because I often question whether I need to see a doctor for an exposure like this and if I don’t, it’ll be my fault if I get ill I’ve been trying to tell myself rational thoughts, like how rare these diseases are, the blood was dry, it could have been there ages, how would it have even got in my body by just touching my leg? Things like that, but isn’t that kind of ruminating? Some of the online people said there’s literally 0 chance of contracting something this way unless you have a gaping wound, but then a couple of people said they’d get tested in a couple of months just to be safe. I think the conflicting information on Google doesn’t help but that’s probably why it’s not a good idea to Google stuff like this. When I got home I washed my leg and had a shower etc. I felt better although did notice I had a pimple on the back of my leg which possibly touched the seat but was maybe too low down. That made me feel a bit more worried in case a disease might have got an access point somehow. I suppose what I’m worried about is if I should do anything? Knowing about OCD and how it works, it seems to blow small risks way out of proportion. We take risks every single day right? Even just by going outside. I’m guessing the best thing to do is just to try and move on from this without doing anything. I don’t know if I’m just asking for reassurance (which I know I’m not supposed to do) but with me, I really don’t know if this is a normal thing to worry about or not. What would a person without OCD do in this situation? Would they just brush it off as a bit gross? Would they have forgotten about this already? They probably wouldn’t have even noticed it to start with though I’m aware the risk is probably astronomically low but with OCD there is always a “what if” I’m a one off case of someone who catches something from a toilet seat. In a way I’m semi proud of myself, I know I’ve engaged in compulsions but I’m quite pleased I’m still managing to function a bit even though this is probably my greatest fear. Thanks to anyone who has read this, and for any support!
  15. Thanks. I did assume I probably would have to do nothing. Although it is a huge worry for me I know there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes to protect from that kind of thing, but it just seemed a bit odd to me... It's hard to tell the difference between a real threat and ocd playing tricks on me and exaggerating the risk, which is probably negligible. I know others wouldn't have even noticed this. I'm sure over time the anxiety will subside. I felt a bit better when I stopped googling about it and tried to get on with something else. I've finished my treatment now so I won't have to go back until I have a regular check up.
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