Sexual ocd

[accomplished 133]

sexual ocd weird...

First off..I read almost everything about ocd here...but writing first time in this forum...

So my OCD started before 10 years.. it starts from contimination, and than going deeper and deeper and affect all my life areas..and I learned about OCD online ,before that I don't know about OCD .After that, whenever i go to phyicatrists. I first tell him I have OCD and and thay prescribed me SSRI and  antipsychotics medications ..so I on and off on medication for OCD ..and I changed my doctors time to time..and spend alot of money..

I have many themes...old and new ..but whenever old theme come back. I forget the details..like what happend that time and how ..than I searched online for hours and trying to remember details of that theme..and I tried to solved it..

Now my old theme come back..first I want to tell u all. I m living with my maternal grandmother home for many years, and we are muslim family,and we dont talk about sexualy  stuffs openly.... so I have two uncles.. and thay both married. and my relationship with his wifes like brother and sister.and both are wore  scarf at heads in home....one day I get sexual  thought about my uncle and his wife.did thay sex last night or not??..and I tried to dismiss it but tit can't go away from my head ..so I tried to go outside but when in entered to home.the same thought will com back with full force...and I avoided with all means.. so after one day I sat  outside my room, and my mind full of  this thought, and that time my other wife uncle putting her clothes on clothe line for drying ,and I watch her,and my mind telling me  that time, thay  had sex last night, because  she washed her clothes..after that thought my eyes directly goes to her hair ,and my mid telling me, that thay had sex because her hairs are open inside the scarf.. and I just seen little hair of his head, even she covered her hair with scarf,and I didn't seen full of her hairs.. but OCD telling me like this..After that I dismissed the thought.and my OCD telling me that u did big blunder, and u are bad persone, u thought like that..and my anxiety starts ..and I tried to solved it..

Afte that like other day, my other uncle wife doing housework and  my phirpheral vision 2 to 3 times directly goes to her scarf ..and I didn't see her hair but OCD telling to look her hair.is it open or not.??  if open its means thay had sex at night...and I tried to avoid it....and after 2 to 3 days these all thought goes ..and after that my, OCD telling me u are bad perone ..u don't deserve to live this home bla bla....

Now after 4 to 5 years again same theme com back.. and between these, all years many times I slove this thought ..

Thansk for reading my post  ..and please anyone can relate to this..and sorry for my English and log story....english is not my native language..I m in too much stress now ..I tried to booked appointments to my phyicatrist..thanks again..

[DRS1]

1 hour ago, accomplished 133 said:

sexual ocd weird...

First off..I read almost everything about ocd here...but writing first time in this forum...

So my OCD started before 10 years.. it starts from contimination, and than going deeper and deeper and affect all my life areas..and I learned about OCD online ,before that I don't know about OCD .After that, whenever i go to phyicatrists. I first tell him I have OCD and and thay prescribed me SSRI and  antipsychotics medications ..so I on and off on medication for OCD ..and I changed my doctors time to time..and spend alot of money..

I have many themes...old and new ..but whenever old theme come back. I forget the details..like what happend that time and how ..than I searched online for hours and trying to remember details of that theme..and I tried to solved it..

Now my old theme come back..first I want to tell u all. I m living with my maternal grandmother home for many years, and we are muslim family,and we dont talk about sexualy  stuffs openly.... so I have two uncles.. and thay both married. and my relationship with his wifes like brother and sister.and both are wore  scarf at heads in home....one day I get sexual  thought about my uncle and his wife.did thay sex last night or not??..and I tried to dismiss it but tit can't go away from my head ..so I tried to go outside but when in entered to home.the same thought will com back with full force...and I avoided with all means.. so after one day I sat  outside my room, and my mind full of  this thought, and that time my other wife uncle putting her clothes on clothe line for drying ,and I watch her,and my mind telling me  that time, thay  had sex last night, because  she washed her clothes..after that thought my eyes directly goes to her hair ,and my mid telling me, that thay had sex because her hairs are open inside the scarf.. and I just seen little hair of his head, even she covered her hair with scarf,and I didn't seen full of her hairs.. but OCD telling me like this..After that I dismissed the thought.and my OCD telling me that u did big blunder, and u are bad persone, u thought like that..and my anxiety starts ..and I tried to solved it..

Afte that like other day, my other uncle wife doing housework and  my phirpheral vision 2 to 3 times directly goes to her scarf ..and I didn't see her hair but OCD telling to look her hair.is it open or not.??  if open its means thay had sex at night...and I tried to avoid it....and after 2 to 3 days these all thought goes ..and after that my, OCD telling me u are bad perone ..u don't deserve to live this home bla bla....

Now after 4 to 5 years again same theme com back.. and between these, all years many times I slove this thought ..

Thansk for reading my post  ..and please anyone can relate to this..and sorry for my English and log story....english is not my native language..I m in too much stress now ..I tried to booked appointments to my phyicatrist..thanks again..

That's great you have got an appointment with your psychiatrist but I'd also look at seeing a psychologist for therapy too to learn how to deal with OCD  a bit better. You can see at least how the logic is flawed from what you've posted and that's great. People have sex, that's not just a human thing but seemingly a most animals on the planet thing. However it's not exactly nice to get intrusive sexual thoughts or images about people you know especially family members having sex. Don't avoid them in order to avoid having the thought. This doesn't work, avoidance is just a compulsion. I also can see the triggers of washing clothes or the scarf and how that all pieces together. You don't need to avoid having the thought or image, you can (as unpleasant as it can be) tolerate experiencing that and not doing anything about it.

 

OCD will convince you that you are a horrendous human being when you don't listen to it, but it is wrong, if anything you are more acting towards what you value by not doing the compulsions. You don't have to ruminate over it, you don't have to avoid them. If anything, be around them more, bring up the thought intentionally when you are around them (this is Exposure and Response Prevention) and do nothing to reduce the anxiety or uncertainty. It's uncomfortable, but after a while / a few times of doing that you learn that you can tolerate experiencing those things and that they don't have to mean anything. If you get stuck with the "did they have sex last night" thought a lot, you could even follow along and say to yourself "they probably did, oh well" and sit with the uncomfortable feelings that may come from that. Hopefully this helps a bit for you and don't worry about your wording, it was more than easily readable.

[accomplished 133]

On 09/09/2022 at 21:33, DRS1 said:

Thank  u so much for your replay.i don't know u ..but your words like healing to me..I visited this fourm today.cuase I was on other fourm..but anyway..I have many themes and many things to tell ..but u know I worked a another country.,so next mother i m going to my home country.,and I will meet my phyicatrist. But I feel guilty and shameful to tell all these things to a doctor..any tips

[DRS1]

42 minutes ago, accomplished 133 said:

On 09/09/2022 at 18:33, DRS1 said:

Thank  u so much for your replay.i don't know u ..but your words like healing to me..I visited this fourm today.cuase I was on other fourm..but anyway..I have many themes and many things to tell ..but u know I worked a another country.,so next mother i m going to my home country.,and I will meet my phyicatrist. But I feel guilty and shameful to tell all these things to a doctor..any tips

Yeah just be open and honest about it. There's nothing shameful about sex or sexual related themes. If you feel uncomfortable saying particular words (some people have a hard time even saying the medical names for their genitals to a doctor) then you could write it down on a bit of paper before hand. There is absolutely nothing a psychiatrist should be surprised by. Another thing you can do is write down a checklist of things you want to talk about and take it one at a time talking about them.

 

It's going to be awkward and you may feel embarrassed about it but that's totally normal. At least in my experience, both the psychologist and psychiatrist were never phased by anything I said at any point and that included sexual intrusive images, violent intrusive thoughts or even just talking about sexual topics like sexual shame and guilt generally. They were there to help me, not judge me for images and thoughts I couldn't control. That will be the same for you. They are there to help you, not judge you for things you are experiencing that you don't have a say in experiencing.