Contamination Struggles

[SJM_1993]

I'm working hard to beat this thing but I'm struggling. 

I've been working with a very highly rated OCD specialist for the last number of months who has been a big help. 

I had an appointment a few days ago where we agreed that after some improvements and then setbacks, I had to take aggressive action to take back my life but I find some parts so difficult and can't see how I'm going to beat it.

It takes up so much of my life and I can't live a normal life currently.

I am have improved on smaller areas but there are harder things that feel impossible.

Some examples are: Using toilets without showing after, touching anything that's been in the attic (We have the occasional mouse up there and it really affects me), touching things that people may have touched after sneezing, blowing their nose etc, coming into contact with anything that I had considered 'dirty' while in the middle of my obsessions.

I'm lucky to the point that my worry isn't about getting sick or infected but it's just the incredibly strong mental disgust associated with these things which makes it so hard to concentrate on anything else. 

It's getting to the stage where I'm realising that I am wasting my life going on as I am.

I'm 30 years old, living at home still and have never had a girlfriend for example. 

This has hampered me since I was in my late teens and I simply cannot afford to get to 40 and be in the same boat.

I am buoyed by the thought of being free of this disease but I don't know if I'll ever get there. I know it may not go away completely but to not let it run my life the way it has been.

A big issue is not knowing where the line is anymore between normal living and compulsions. 

Has anyone any advice on how to tackle it or has anyone been in the same boat?

Thanks for reading.

[Handy]

A lot! We have many topics on it.

As you know, you apply common sense & sit with the anxiety. Longer you've been doing this, longer you'll be sitting.  Yes, it's uncomfortable & that's the normal function of our amygdala, our alarm system. 

 

Don't wash when you have anxiety. I think that's the first rule. 

Edited March 3 by Handy

[deValentin]

12 hours ago, SJM_1993 said:

it's just the incredibly strong mental disgust associated with these things which makes it so hard to concentrate on anything else. 

In my opinion, it's normal that, if something in close contact triggers in you strong feelings of disgust, you find it extremely difficult to concentrate on other things. I know it's not easy, but if you manage to tone down those strong feelings of disgust with desensitization (exposure and response prevention), you may be able to focus on your normal day-to-day activities. It's a virtuous and gradual cycle. If you move towards a normal life again, morale will return and it will be easier to react more normally to possibilities of contamination or areas associated with dirt.

[Christina]

I get you. I have been where you are. I am totally free from those obsessions now (unfortunately I have others though) - I made a plan for each week where I gradually (very small steps) diminshed my compulsions. For every week it got easier - and now it doesn´t bother me at all.

So...I think a plan and the small step is very important - it has to be a challenge but not too big so it becomes overwhelming.

When your behavior changes your thoughts and your feeling of disgust will change. Focus on the recovery work day by day.

[comfortscorned]

I know very well what you mean about not knowing what is normal or reasonable any more. I think it is a common problem when you have had OCD for a long time.

Ultimately it doesn't really matter what is normal and what isn't. You just have to embrace the revolting feelings in the knowledge that they are doing you good, like nasty tasting medicine.

[Handy]

I like the science behind it.  Our fear center, our amygdala, reacts in 15ms. Our neocortex, or new brain, logic center, reacts in 25ms.  Thus, the fear response is fastest, but if we wait & not respond to it, our neocortex responds & calms us.  The fear response is very uncomfortable, so we must sit & wait, sweat & shake. 

[SJM_1993]

Thank you all for your replies. I've been doing ok. Definitely improvement. Next is kicking on.