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Ashley

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Everything posted by Ashley

  1. Another (stolen from another Facebook friend). I had £5.00. My mum gave me £10.00 while my Dad Gave me £30.00. My aunt and uncle gave me £100.00. I had another £5.00. How much did I have?
  2. I am working with a BBC team to run a feature on OCD for a local Yorkshire programme (they also cover NE Derbyshire). I am looking for anybody from Yorkshire or NE Derbyshire whose OCD was impacted during COVID that might be willing to talk on camera (or via Zoom) about this. Of course, it needs to be right for you to talk on camera, and I will do my best to support you and help you.
  3. Quite Interesting Fact The 999 service was launched in London on this day 83 years ago (30 June 1937). It was the world's first emergency phone number.
  4. Thanks Tez, we can rule them out of this little game then.
  5. As a north Londoner for a while I do know it's not Spurs and Arsenal. It's not Sheffield Utd/Wed either, or Man City/UTD. I have not been to the Bristol's, but not sure they're close either (TeZ might know).. Chelsea and Fulham and QPR might all be close, I would have to check but suspect you're right about Liverpool/Everton with Stanley Park separating.
  6. I'm not sure which English clubs would now be closer, Liverpool/Everton perhaps?
  7. They were, but since their relegation Stoke and a few others have been trying to nab the title.
  8. The two closest league football grounds in England are Nottingham Forest and Notts County separated only by the River Trent and a small road. * You can click here to see a Google Map image from the Trent End of the famous City Ground and look across the river to see the Magpies ground sticking out. * Well was until those idiots across the Trent got themselves relegated out of the football league last season. Also quite interesting, but probably not very is the fact that technically Notts County are in the city of Nottingham and Forest are in the county.
  9. Taken from today's Quite Interesting Twitter post to get us started. Forty is the only number in English whose letters are in alphabetical order.
  10. Nothing to add beyond what our wonderful users have already said RA, but my thoughts are with you, and whatever his reasons, I am sure if he loved you he would not want you to feel guilt. It's ok to be sad and upset but please don't let guilt build. Are you getting any support at the moment through the NHS? Even if not CBT for the OCD it might be helpful to try and get some help through your local IAPT so you have someone to talk to. If you do refer in and there are any issues with wait times please let me know and I can try and see if I can help expedite the wait time. Stay strong.
  11. Hello JKM, I agree in one sense with Doubt it that you're still early in therapy, but by the same token I do firmly believe that success or failure of therapy can sometimes be dictated by the working relationship between the patient and therapist. My gut feeling is if you're taking things wrong, it's because the therapist isn't explaining them correctly or clearly enough t you. Have you tried asking her to expand or explain the areas of the conversation that make you feel unsure? If I am honest, I think we know within the first couple of sessions if the 'relationship' is there, if you feel there is easy communication and if you feel the trust is there enough to be able to engage in proactive therapy. If not, you could try explaining how you feel to see if things improve. I have 'sacked' a NHS therapist after one session before (although I perhaps jumped too soon on that). I politely explained I don't feel this relationship is working, and I asked to me escalated to someone with a little more understanding of OCD (was a bit awkward, but only for a couple of minutes). It did mean I had to go back on the waiting list though, but I was happy to do that.
  12. Love this. I don't think for anybody we can benefit by focussing on the what ifs. But you're right, live life now and it's ok to make mistakes sometimes, because you're living! I guess that's a lesson I need to adapt pretty quickly.
  13. Thank you for your birthday wishes guys, but my bad for the way I worded the post. I was actually 47 months ago I guess the point I was making that blink of an eye and I am in my late 40s.... Unless I am feeling particularly old, then I will lie and tell everyone I ma 39
  14. A blog piece I wrote last week.. The other day I stumbled on this photo which I had not seen for a while and I started to reminisce about all the good our charity team have achieved in the 15 years since that photograph was taken. But it was also tinged with regret, of sorts, I later told a friend. “15 years ago, I was a 32-year-old young professional, I still had my life ahead of me and I was more than happy to prioritise my work for the charity. But in the blink of an eye I am 47, still single and childless… what happened?!” My friend asked me if I felt sad about that? To which I had no reply. But the fact I still tell everyone I am 39 perhaps goes someway to answer that. At 39 I felt I still have a little time on my side to get those things, at 47 the chances of being a father at my age are now pretty unlikely. My friend reminded me that my job is an important one, and more than a job, which is right and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world, but as I told her… “Along the way I’ve forgot to enjoy life or I’ve used work to avoid living life.” At which point, like any good friend, she didn’t let me off the hook she asked me which was it? The honest answer is I am not entirely sure, although my colleague firmly believes it’s the latter. I think that’s right, but we need to go back to the beginning to understand why. When I was younger OCD was the dominant feature of my late teens and all of my 20s, even some of my 30s. The truth is OCD prevented me enjoying life like I wanted because of the never-ending washing to ‘feel’ clean, I avoided life. Each day was strictly the ‘three W’s’, Wake > Work > Wash! Because of this I rarely went out to socialise. As the years went on socialising, making small talk, being in social situations became more and more uncomfortable and so I avoided situations even more. I would throw myself into work to avoid having to be in those social situations, and of course my opportunity to meet anyone or date became limited. When training therapists, Professor Salkovskis uses the term ‘collateral damage’ to remind them not to ignore the impact OCD can have on a person’s life. Because when OCD is successfully treated, it can leave a huge gaping hole for some. I guess the collateral damage of my OCD was I remained isolated and lonely. Although, I tried to kid myself for decades that I wasn’t lonely, the truth was I have always been lonely. Perhaps this is why I enjoy cycling, it’s something I can do on my own without having to cycle with anybody else. Back to the earlier question, I guess the truth is I used work to plug the big gaping hole caused by OCD. The socialising, dating and relationships that most people learn to do in their teens and 20s was an alien concept for me, despite some failed dabbling over the years. At my age people expect you to know how to do all of that with relative ease, but for me it still feels uncomfortable and embarrasing, even now at the age of 47. So, in the blink of an eye I’m 47… what happened?! OCD happened, but worse still I have let it happen (the collateral damage part). I know admitting this this leaves me open and vulnerable to ridicule, but at my age 47 I have stopped caring if people judge me for my failings. (Did you hear that Zoë, I said I was 47!). I hope by writing this, it may help others, perhaps whose life didn’t pan out how they had hoped to feel a little less isolated. I also hope this might remind others that once OCD is no longer stopping you living life, to make sure you actually do live your life! Go and have fun, make mistakes, but jolly well make sure you live your life. Life may be different to our we envisioned it, but we owe it to ourselves after years of misery from OCD to make sure whatever life holds in the future, we make sure the future starts now.
  15. Sending you Happy Birthday thoughts Cub
  16. A couple of weeks ago we posted the following post on our website about opening the conversation to support the black lives matter initiative. Since then I have reflected much more and I realise that for me dealing with OCD is hard enough, and the honest truth is that I have no idea how much more difficult it would be if my skin colour or ethnicity made it harder to reach out for help to deal with my OCD. So as a charity, and I as the manager of that charity need to ensure that nobody is left behind dealing with OCD. As a service-user led charity we know only too well some of the struggles that people face every single day because of their OCD, and we want to ensure that skin colour does not add to those struggles of surviving and overcoming OCD. I am also aware that the vast majority of the charity's service users are white, and that's started to sit uncomfortable with me (as it should have done a long time ago). But I am listening now, and not just for the period that Black Lives Matter is trending, we want this to be the start of permanent positive change and inclusion for people with OCD from BAME backgrounds within our charity. I have a series of questions I am keen to get feedback from any BAME forum users with OCD. I hope nobody will mind me asking the questions, whilst I think I know the answers to these, I don't want to assume, I want to get first-hand feedback. Is BAME the correct term to use? is it appropriate? Do you think in some communities that talking about mental health/OCD is still stigmatic? If so, would that put you off reaching out for help? Most of our service users and contributors are white, what can we do to encourage BAME members to get involved and share their experiences of OCD? Have you experienced racism talking about your mental health/OCD? Have you experienced stigma when talking about your mental health/OCD? Would you prefer a therapist of the same skin colour or from the same ethnicity? I am aware that by making this post I may not get this right, I may be asking the wrong questions, and I welcome your feedback to ensure I am asking the right questions in the right way and I will learn from anything I get wrong. I don't have the answers, but I promise I will do my best to find the solutions, alone if I have to, but hopefully with your support and the help of the rest of the charity.
  17. I have met Tez once He's a celebrity in my eyes!
  18. Or this country either, but this never started as a race riot, it was peaceful protest. Whilst the riots need to stop, America (and the rest of the world) must not stop protesting until social injustice is resolved. I fear the healing won't fully begin in the US until there is a change at the top. Other presidents have been weak on this issue, but non have stoked the flames of discord, driving division like the current incumbent.
  19. With help from Claire, Zoe and Gemma. I know the report was due, but had been delayed so have not year read it, thanks for the note that it's published I will go and have a read through.
  20. I do understand the frustration, I had a realisation yesterday that my 'need' for dettol surface cleaner, which I have struggled and worried about getting (in case I need it) is a form of self reassurance. So in part I understand the worry, but on the other hand I don't know if it's right we help someone engage in compulsions. The issue is for other people what they use comes down to how 'OCD' makes them feel. So whilst they feel ok to use paper towel, there's no guarantee your OCD will accept that. But of course, I guess a paper towel is better to use than a wipe (based on cost and environment) if your OCD will accept that compromise short term. Do you mind if I ask, why do you have the urge to wipe the surfaces? is it a specific contaminant? Are you getting any kind of treatment or on a waiting list at the moment?
  21. After witnessing the scenes across America in recent days we felt it was right to be clear that the OCD-UK team, as individuals and as an organisation, condemn all forms of racism and discrimination. We too say #BlackLivesMatter today and every day. Whilst great progress has been made in recent years in the understanding and treatment of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and in addressing some of the stigma around OCD, we need to ensure that nobody is left behind. As a service-user led charity we know only too well some of the struggles that people face every single day because of their OCD, and we want to ensure that skin colour does not add to those struggles of surviving and overcoming OCD. It’s important that we open up the conversation to ensure black people with OCD feel they have a voice across our organisation and we can ask that very important question “what else can we do to help?”. Full Post: https://www.ocduk.org/black-lives-matter/
  22. Deliberately triggering yourself! But in all seriousness hello I jest above, but technically it's right. I am afraid avoiding triggers if my experience is anything to go by, simply means you will avoid one trigger and see 10 more and eventually everything becomes a trigger. Avoiding them is understandable if we have no help or support or alternative ways to deal with the OCD, but generally avoiding is a slippery slope. That said, if it's 10pm and a trigger would mean a 5 hour set of rituals, then maybe avoid, but be very aware of the fact you're doing it (without making yourself feel guilty) and make it a priority to find a way to challenge that through therapy or self-help in the following days. Effectively this. Therapy will help you not just deal with the thoughts better, but help you understand it's the meaning you attract to the thoughts that drives this urge to avoid triggers. With CBT in time you will learn to not just avoid triggers, but proactively encourage them and face them head on...... when we can do that without show stopping anxiety then we will no longer need to avoid triggers, because we are comfortable with them.
  23. No I am afraid it's unlikely that the treatment is about to start. They will do the assessment relatively quickly, mainly to ascertain the problem and to ensure CAMHS is the right place for your daughter (rather than inpatient for example). Usually at that point the person is put on a treatment waiting list, which can be anything from 1-12 months. As we discussed I think there was about a 9 month wait in Derbyshire, or was, but hopefully at the assessment they will explain all that to help you understand. I would recommend bullet pointing all your questions in your phone or on a notepad so you don't forget to ask them at the assessment. As the assessment is only a couple of weeks away, my thought would be wait to ask the GP to start the Oxford referral until you have heard what they say locally and then you make a more informed choice about treatment for Tilly.
  24. Hi Janejay, The first step is to ask the GP to make the referral via the Derbyshire CCG to the Oxford OXICPT clinic - https://ohspic.web.ox.ac.uk/info-referrers Effectively, encourage your GP to send the referral to the CCG. Some reasons the GP can include for justification: Not able to access local therapy (despite repeated attempts) Advised a minimum of 9 month wait for treatment Derbyshire does not have a specialist OCD team (as recommended by NICE Guidelines in 2005) - confirmed by Ashley Fulwood of OCD-UK (Derbyshire based)
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