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Ashley

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Everything posted by Ashley

  1. I am not sure that is normal Vivi. If you're dating, you're dating, so new or not, he shouldn't want to see other people. Sounds to me like he wanted his cake and to eat it to! Where are you Vivi, can I help you access treatment?
  2. Mmm. Two people with the same problem is hardly likely to inspire recovery. A rather generalised comment Handy, which as others have suggested is debateable. I have been doing this nearly two decades and in that time I have seen people with OCD get together many times.... I am trying to think if any have lasted, maybe, but more often than not the mutual support is usually mutual avoidance and reassurance. If two people happen to fall in love and they both have OCD then the love combines them and maybe, just maybe they will come through.... I love a bit of romance but only an idiot would deliberately set out to date someone with OCD. It can work, but both need to be 100% recovery focussed, strict in support and dare I say both at the same stage because if one recovers and the other doesn't then the relationship dynamic changes. Unlike Handy's advice above, two people with OCD dating needn't be a problem if the two people have very different problems. Slightly different scenario, but my colleague in the office does have OCD but not contamination OCD like me and often she will push me on things I would prefer to avoid. If she had the saqme type of OCD as me we would be both avoiding! So in sumamry, never, ever, ever set out to date someone with OCD. But, if you hapen to fall in love with someone who just happens to also have OCD then, be strict with each other, be firm, push each other and hopefully the love for each other will bring you both through.
  3. I hope you don't mind vivi, but as this is linked I merged your two threads. We've all been there... well those of us with contamination OCD. OCD meant dating and relationships have been hard for me, for different reasons, but certainly the contamination part of things hindered my social interactions over the years. But if I am reading the above correctly, he wanted sexual interaction not just to spend time with you? If that's the case then you could argue he's not the right guy for a long term relationship? But if you liked him and OCD is the problematic aspect of the relationship developing then you (and I) owe it to ourselves to try and fix the thing that's preventing the relationships going to the next level? What do you think? Have you had or are you having any kind of professional help and support? For both of us we can't change what OCDs taken from us, but we can try and do something so it doesn't ruin potential future relationships. My thoughts are with you Vivi, stay strong, but we've got this, we can change this!
  4. It will be lovely to finally meet you
  5. I essentially agree with what you're saying, just that believe it or not recovery can start to happen in days, after that the small print of nailing recovery may take some weeks, but sometimes I have seen amazing change happen in days where a person goes from being unable to function to suddenly doing things again. But otherwise, I do agree with the point you're making. It's important to understand that recovery is not about avoiding but about confronting.
  6. Sorry you're having a difficult time right now Lily, but in what we is this a relapse? Sometimes a little bluntness is needed to help give us perspective. For me, a relapse is where a person is actively making proactive progress challenging their OCD and sometimes they take 2 or 3 steps forward, but then get the odd backwards step (which is scary, but not unusual or need be nothing more than a blip). Based off your posts I fear this is not a relapse, but simply more of the same suffering you've been going through for a long time now, which sucks for you (we have all been there). What worries me is that despite seeing a therapist I am not sure how much proactive steps you are taking as most of the post continue to contain the same fundamental errors, some of which seems to be due to a lack of understanding of the OCD/CBT concepts. I hope the appointment goes well, but if things don't change in the next few weeks you may need to review your approach (including therapist choice if possible). Recovery is possible, but we have to make recovery happen and we can only do that by doing the right things.
  7. It's up already Roy and we've sold a few tickets already even though we have not announced the agenda yet! https://www.ocduk.org/conference For anybody that does buy please be aware you won't receive a ticket, we use electronic registration, you simply give your name to the conference team on arrival, details of which we will include in booking emails we send out. The conference team will be working on the agenda in the coming weeks, at the moment comprising of older forum regulars Kirstie (ittyk) and Lottie. Like last year we plan to make the conference about what we (those with OCD) want to hear about, rather than what we have done in the past which is invite speakers and allowed them to present on something that they wanted to talk about. As I mentioned last night too, we will be trying something unique for us (and previous OCD conferences in the UK and US (I think)) which will be really exiting and could be fun! In addition to that, I can't go into too many details yet but it will be the biggest conference event we have hosted and will have something for everyone.
  8. Thanks for the suggestion Orwell. Because I am not sure that will be relevant for the majority of the audience I don't know if we will cover it in the conference (although we may invite delegates to select what they want on the agenda), but you're right it's an important subject to cover so I will be sure we do cover that on the monthly webinar's we are resurrecting this summer, hopefully something you can access
  9. Thank you Roy, relapse prevention is a good suggestion, one that is often overlooked by some therapists. I will add it to the list for Kirstie to consider. We've not promoted the conference too much yet, but already have sold a fair few tickets, and after Easter we will be cracking on with development of the conference. We have a draft format planned, and we are going to be trialling something unique and innovative at our conference this year, not something we have seen tried at OCD events before! We aim to make this the most informative and practical conference for delegates as possible. So please do post on here if you are planning to attend and have a suggestion for OCD related topics you might be interested in hearing more about.
  10. Another post from one of our OCD-UK Young Ambassadors Hannah (who also opned our brand new office last October), check it out - https://www.ocduk.org/hannah-making-a-difference/ https://www.ocduk.org/hannah-making-a-difference/
  11. Effectively I guess what I was saying is that if we are comfortable living in the anti-OCD zone, that then accepting that normal range becomes an easy walk in the park. That's why we have to go from one extreme to another.
  12. No worries, my email address if my PM box is full again is ashley@ocduk.org There are always other options, other specialists for treatment Rachel
  13. Something that came up in my OCD support group this week, was the question of why we need to do extreme exercises (i.e. normal people without OCD would not do that).. I don't like the term normal people, but I get the point of the question. I use this very simplistic image to explain why we have to do the extreme to achieve 'normal response', As I found out after decades of OCD showering, when I asked the question what do people without contamination OCD do when showering, there is actually no normal point, there will always be a range of ways to respond to thoughts (for people without OCD) and those responses will differ for everybody, but generally a non-OCD response would be somewhere within that central range, some more than others but non will be overly extreme.
  14. You're not actually messed up, you simply struggle because you're suffering with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Rachel. I suspect that the original beliefs around the fear of being attracted to children as never been dealt with, which is why this keeps popping up. We can of course advise you, but I suspect you may need to work with a therapist to explore your beleifs around your thoughts (I.e. CBT with an OCD specialist).
  15. So could you now take advantage of this enforced situation. What I mean is, this happened to me once, I broke my shower unit and had to endure 24 hours without a working shower in a flat I rented in London. Back then I was less informed about OCD, so the moment the new shower was installed I went back toOCD showering. What I should have done is have 'normal' brief 5-10 minute showers and then until the anxiety was less, maybe alternate days between showers.
  16. Hello Rachel, is it possible that because you were suffering with OCD at the time, that you're mind was extra sensitive to such content and hence the body sensation. It happens to everyone with OCD, if you have a fear of something your body will generate sensations because of the fear. The sensation itself doesn't mean anything, but our OCD makes us believe it does. Of course, this was 10 years ago and as per OCD usual games, it will try and make you remember exactly what you felt/thought at the time, and the more you try and remember and fail to remember the more OCD makes us feel guilty. Try and focus on how OCD works and apply it to your situation if you can. Do you mind if I ask who said that? Well I think you are feeling something by the fact it's upsetting you and posting this. Look, every text about OCD is going to be somewhat generalised, there will always be people who don't fit the usual and so please don't take the text too literarily. OCD as made life difficult for sure, but there's no reason it will make the future difficult, but that may mean addressing the problem. Where in the country are you and I can try and make some suggestions for OCD specialist options.
  17. Do you mind if I ask why you don't want to go back there? I have heard a few stories over the years. Hal's given a link with the options. ADRU is an option as BelAnna mentions, but I have not heard any real horror stories of that clinic, so if you can self-manage that could be worth considering. If you can self-care/manage the new Oxford clinic may be an option too, it's not inpatient but they can offer intensive so for example if you stayed in a B+B locally for a week, you could have a weeks therapy, but again this would require self-care. The AIS Dundee unit in Scotland have an inpatient service too, may be an option.
  18. Yes, because effectively you didn't.
  19. If we move the 'OCD' to one side for 20 seconds and look at this a little more bluntly with logic (which I know OCD doesn't like). So what if you did say something to someone with the wrong intent, that in itself is called flirting, it doesn't indicate an actual desire or intent to be unfaithful.
  20. Are you getting any kind of psychological support Alex? Ideally Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Medication alone is rarely enough to overcome the insidious thoughts generated by OCD. This is pretty typical with OCD, but if you look at this last part a moment, what I think is happening is your ruminating on something that didn't actually happen. So I think because it didn't happen you don't have the certainty that OCD often craves because there niggling doubt is still whispering. So I think part of therapy would be to try and understand what such a scenario (not necessarily that specific scenario) means to you. Would it matter if you had kissed her? Why would it matter if you had kissed her? What creates such anxiety about cheating? What is the definition if cheating to you? On there own I doubt any of those questions and the answers mean a lot, but when you look at such questions as a collective sometimes there's a link that becomes obvious which helps you understands your OCD a little better, which in turn helps you start to manage your OCD better and with good therapy, in time start challenging your OCD. Again, this is to be expected based off the fact you're suffering with an awful debilitating mental health problem. But..... how you feel today doesn't mean that's how you will feel next week or next year. I am not going to pretend things will change overnight, but with the help of good therapy there is no reason to think that you will see signs of that happy bubbly person in a few months and in a year who knows, maybe that person being back will be more the norm than the rarity it feels today. That person is still there, it's just the shroud of OCD is hiding that person You can do this Alex.
  21. I accept that but if someone's been given the same advice 1000 times, telling them to stop doing compulsions won't enable them to stop. We have to continue giving practical helpful and meaningful advice 1001 times and continue until the person feels empowered to act and implement. Even if that individual doesn't act on the advice, it's possible another anonymous reader will read that great advice and act on it. Yes absolutely.... but that doesn't mean we ignore those not able to do the hard work (not that is what you're saying). In 99% of cases it's not that the person is unwilling to do the hard work or that they lack commitment, they fail to do the work because they are scared and fearful of the consequences of OCD.
  22. How could you what? Suffer with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Lily? Sadly we don't get to choose the fact we initially suffer with OCD it creeps up on us, but we can choose if we want to continue suffering with OCD, or if we want to start fighting to try and get down the recovery journey. Right now you're failing to recognise the intrusive thoughts for what they are, OCD, and you're believing because you felt a body sensation that it's proof of what the OCD thoughts are trying to tell you. I think I have perhaps mentioned before, part of recovery from OCD is thoroughly recognising how our emotions can lead to body reactions and those reactions reinforce any misinterpretation your OCD is making of the initial trigger. Perhaps take another look at our OCD Roadmap illustration, print it out and try and fill in the boxes with your own OCD. It's a difficult exercise, but it's one worth doing it helps educate yourselves about how all these areas collide to keep the OCD in place. Whilst educating ourselves doesn't make the OCD go away, what it can do is empower us to start making better choices about how to deal with intrusive thoughts in the future. Educating ourselves is a starting point that can lead to recovery.
  23. I can relate to this, and if I am honest if I think back a few years this was me too Lonely Mum, in fact if I think back two decades I would have to shower if I just nipped across the road to the local shop. At one point I would have to have indoor and outdoor clothes and the two couldn't mix. But, I am in a different place now, and maybe one day you can be too Lonely mum. I now go out and come back in and sit on my sofa with clothes I have worn outside, I go out and don't shower when I return. My life is different to how it used to be, and to some extent I had even forgot how my life used to be, it's posts like yours that remind me. I am not saying that to say 'look at me', I am saying this in the hope that you might get some belief that your life can change for the better too. The others have made good points, but I did want to ask, have you been able to access any kind of help or support for your OCD yet? I know from my support group that OCD treatment in Leicester is not always the best it should be. So there may be other options if you have already had treatment. Stay strong, you've got this!
  24. I think this is to be expected after suffering with OCD for many years Malina. I quite like a quote which I think came from my buddy Salkovskis (Not sure if it's an original Salkovskis quote) where he talks about OCD and compulsions and he says 'the solution becomes the problem', for a long time the OCD was perhaps making you think it was your friend and helping you by forcing you to question the thoughts... the solution becoming the problem.
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