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Everything posted by oetegenn1976

  1. In January some of you may know, that I had a really bad tummy upset, had some bloods done and Dr rang and told me I my CA125 was raised at 47. This really sparked my health anxiety and I felt so ill, I went for ultrasound scan and that was fine. In the February I lost my brother Inlaw, aged 46 and 5 weeks later my dad.... My health anxiety is through the roof! Recently I was told by my GP that my bloods I had done in January not just the CA125 was raised....She said my CRP was raised and My red cells were low and my white cells were raised! So I had to have a further repeat tests. I feel **** all the time, out of breath, weak just proper crappy all the time. Which sparks more anxiety. I had these tests done two weeks ago and decided to ring them this morning as my anxiety is really not helping. The receptionist said my chest xray was normal, but my bloods were raised and low! And I have to discuss with the Dr. My anxiety was that bad this morning that again I called the doctors and asked if a doctor could ring me back to talk through the results cos I am worried. The receptionist said she cant as she is busy, so i said does the bloods look like i need to worry....All she said was it looks like your anaemic and need meds, and that I shouldn't worry. I've been googling all kinds of blood cancers and I am terrified and convinced myself that I have something seriously wrong with me, why else would I feel so ****! I am so scared and everyone is fed up of me talking about this, so I thought I'll post on here. How can I stop thinking the worst case scenario with my health, why do i always jump to conclusions. Please help, Im totally freaking out!
  2. Just really aware of my anxiety feelings, everything feels overwhelming, I'm trying to do things around the house and distract myself but still there, i want to cry.....hate feeling like this, was fine yesterday until it all happened.
  3. Yesterday I was absolutely fine, cleaned the house, took my daughter to pictures, then whilst at pictures, my mouth started to feel numb and my top lip was starting to swell. I suffer really bad with health anxiety, so obviously my thoughts went through the roof, I'm having an allergic reaction and it'll get worse, then I'll die due to not being able to breathe! This is how i think.... Anyways I stuck the pictures out, cos dont want my daughter to lose out on me being irrational, but the whole time i felt absolutely shocking, needing the loo numerous times etc. Thing is, this was yesterday, and now I'm aware of my anxieties and the feelings I'm having, again all health related. Hate feeling like this, but got myself in such a stew yesterday that I cant shake it off now. As for the lip, I'm just thinking its a cold sore, which I have never had one and this is triggering me too cos I keep thinking why have I got one now, why am I run down etc etc.... Any helpful hints on how to get out of this rut, that ive dug for myself? I know it'll pass, but obviously my ocd is saying I'm going to feel like this forever! Thanks for reading.....I know its long, just wanting to share it out there, probably reassurance seeking too! 🙄
  4. Just been to cinema to try and keep living a normal life, and just got this overwhelming feeling that life isn't the same cos they have both gone.... feel like I'm going crazy with fear, all sorts of emotions. Really don't like this feeling at all.
  5. It has been only 5 weeks since my brother in law died, still in shock that he's gone and not coming back.... OCD raised its ugly head and although it's been tough, even though I was totally shocked of the sudden death of Chris, I started to see a glimpse of light and things were starting to get gradually normal. Now I am back to square one, my poor dad passed away last week, 5 weeks after Chris! We have to all go through the funeral process and the grieving onto of grieving yet again. I cant seem to cry, as all my tears were gone from Chris. But I miss my dad terribly, I know he's no longer suffering as he had years of health problems after problems and in the end it caught up with him. But it's just so hard and so soon..... my OCD is obviously playing on this again with health anxiety my mind is all foggy and feels like cotton wool, convinced it's a tumour or aneurysm.....probably just the mind protecting itself from more trauma! My chest and arm ache, convinced it's a blood clot or heart attack, probably just stress and cos I'm so tensed! Have a chest cough that I've had on and off for years nothings different, concerned its lung cancer or sumin! Its probably just the same I've always had just magnified! Scared I'm going mad..... As what upstairs and had images of killing my mum! Which why would I? Obviously OCD is loving this trauma and gripping on to it! It wont bloody win though! I'm just so fed up of this year, it's one thing after another.
  6. I'm seeing a cbt therapist who's going to help me with grief and health anxiety
  7. None of my thoughts are helping....it just all came when my brother in law died, I still can't believe he's gone...it's just a huge shock, he was only 46, I'm 42. He was fine in the morning then gone in the afternoon, it's just weird. Ever since that day, I've been panicking about my life and questioning when will I? I'm absolutely terrified and feel I'm not coping at all with his death. I just want to be better, but even writing this I'm having pains and thinking I might die of a broken heart! Jo
  8. Since my brother in law passed 3 weeks ago my anxiety, ocd and everything else has been through the roof. I'm terrified of death and dying, I'm frightened of doing anything thats fun in case I tempt fate. I'm scared of illness and I'm certainly scared of my mental health and were its going. For these last 3 weeks I feel so tense, that I'm so frightened that my heart cant take it and I will die. I'm getting my bathroom done and frightened I may die.... I'm frightened that I might be next and it's freaking me out! I am so scared and want to be normal again. Jo
  9. That's the thing, I'm just constantly worrying, giving meaning to these thoughts and want them to go.....but their just stuck there, because I believe them. How can i get my life back without worrying and obsessing about the inevitable.
  10. I am just so scared that if i start acting normal, and dismissing the thoughts and getting on with my life and enjoying life that I'm tempting fate!
  11. I have had enough of these thoughts now, I had these these obsessive thoughts and worries for nearly a month, since my brother in law passed away. I am so scared that I am never going to get these thoughts put of my head and that my life will just be me worrying and over thinking too much....when all I want to do is live, without such morbid thoughts. I keep worrying about my time, keep thinking about people walking around thinking they don't know when etc. It's totally doing my head in. I was fine before he died and now I just feel like I'm going nuts. I am having cbt on health anxiety, but is there anything else I can do to rid these thoughts and not let them bother me. I keep trying to be rational about it, that no one knows etc but still scared, still frightened and it's just basically all I think about from the moment I wake up till I go to bed....I am wasting my life with obsessing. Please give me some advice or whatever else I need x Jo
  12. Also because I've been in so much stress lately, my ocd is really bad. I've been real bad with anxiety and worry. But yesterday and today I feel ok and I feel I am getting better slowly, although I feel like I'm always constantly on the scan for worries and anxieties and triggers, why does ocd do this?
  13. I think this is ocd or I hope it's ocd playing up.....but I'm having really disturbing images in my head of dead people! It's horrible I know I should distract myself. But it's so difficult. I'm terrified of death and dying, health anxiety etc, and I know I cannot live life like this as its inevitable. As some of you know my brother in law died 3 weeks ago now, miss him dearly. My sister has been visiting him whilst in the chapel of rest and said he looked amazing when she first saw him, but obviously it's 3 weeks now and she advised me not to see him cos of my ocd and that he has a veil cos his colour is changing and his fingers are beginning to go thinner. Now my ocd is playing up, thinking of horrible images of the body decomposing etc. Because they'vetold me these things. I know it's a body and nothing last forever, but he's not a body he's my brother in law, and its hurting me thinking this way and having images like this. Can anyone advise on how to get these thoughts from my head so I can move on and think about the happy health Chris and not horrid things like this.
  14. Can't stop worrying about silly things, my health anxiety is playing up too, keep having pains in my left arm and convinced I'm having an heart attack! Due to all the stress I'm under. Just so scared and cant stop worrying.
  15. I really need to speak to someone with how I'm feeling, so much has happened in a short space of time and I'm finding it really hard to cope. I'm on sertraline 150mg which I've been on for 11 years and I'm having cbt on the 3rd. I just keep crying, I'm not enjoying my food and every little task just feels difficult. I have two kids , I'm just finding it so hard at the minute, any advice on how to get out of this? I'm also grieving too x
  16. I'm so scared my bloods came back with elevated ca125 levels and now need ultrasound. This is my worst fear ever ????
  17. My anxiety is through the roof at the min, I've lost my brother in law to a sudden heart attack, so I'm grieving and now had blood tests back, in which the doctor rang me and said my ca125 levels are raised and need to have an ultrasound. I'm not dealing with this at all, my stomach is in bits and have the runs again cos I'm worried about the what ifs! OCD is certainly not helping at the minute either. I'm so scared, how can i possibly stop worrying and start relaxing with all this going on? Jo
  18. Thank you so much for reply, my ocd is messing with me again....as the doctor rang me and told me the blood test I had done last week as come back raised and need an ultrasound. It's one thing after another. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm so scared its ovarian cancer as my ca125 levels are raised! I hate this year....
  19. I am totally losing it....I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore! I am in total agony emotionally and mentally. My brother in law passed away on the 10th February and it was my son's twelfth birthday and we were all celebrating at a fun place, I didnt for the life of me know that he was going to suddenly die in the car park! I am heart broken and so depressed that I'm not functioning at all, god knows how my sister is feeling! I know I'm grieving and I know I will be for some time. I'm just hurting so bad and my OCD is not helping at all. I keep having horrible irrational thoughts regarding life and death, I am also so scared to see people in case something bad happens to them too. My mind is just thinking silly thoughts all the time and I'm scared I'm going crazy. I've been having panic attacks cos I'm frighted that I might die like he did. I feel so out of control cos I know I can't control this. I'm just so scared with how I'm feeling and ocd isn't helping me heal. Whilst typing this I can feel my anxiety rising! I just can't cope at all. He was only 46 years old..... I'm devastated x
  20. Anybody....Please help my anxiety is through the roof. Just need guidance and advice on how to switch off! Jo
  21. I have had this fear for around 10 years when a work colleague passed away from the disease. In them 10 years I have had bloating, backache, left sided lower ab pain, and coloured discharge. It always been in the back of my mind, the worry, the fear etc....what if? Last weekend, I became really unwell in which I had the runs and nausea, my belly was very bloated and uncomfortable and have really bad backache. I'm just starting to feel better, but still feel weak, still have back pain and still have ab pain. Then I'm sorry I googled and yes symptoms are the same and they went on about stages.....now from Saturday when i was I'll, I keep thinking that I am wriggled with cancer and that's it! I am so scared. In the passed I've had for the same problem an ultrasound scan of my reproduction system, and this said my ovaries where normal etc and that their was a small polyp in my womb, this was 5 years ago! ? I'm only 42..... I am awaiting blood results at min and so scared. Maybe I am reassurance seeking, but I'm just scared. Everyone keeps telling me to stop worrying, but I can't! NOT when I'm still I'll and still having symptoms. Please help.... Jo
  22. Thanks much appreciated x still feel like I'm losing my mind or something. Just taken Imodium, asked pharmacy if i can with sertraline and she said yes, but on Google it says no.... so now my nerves are shot to bits with that now, proper panicking.
  23. I'm at my wits end right now, over the weekend I have had a stomach bug that has knocked me for 6. Although I feel a little bit better than I did, I'm still feeling sick and have the runs. I know it's a stomach bug but why is my head twisting it around. I'm terrified its something else, I'm terrified I'm going to die, I feel absolutely out of control, I feel like I'm going mad and need to be locked up, all because of this stupid stomach bug! I know the thoughts are irrational, but my anxiety is absolutely through the roof, I need to calm down but just can't seem to switch off at all. I'm on sertraline 150mg, not sure if thats in my system now! I'm just wanting to talk to someone, who might be similar. I dont even know if it is a stomach bug and me just flipping out....I have no idea anymore, but I really want to get over it. And my ocd is just latching on to the symptoms I'm feeling and the what ifs and making me and my health worse. Please I just need a hug and chat to x Feel like crying! Jo
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