ocdgal1990

Hi everyone it's been a very long time. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child, very happy, but of course, the thoughts are back. I have been with hubby for 8 years now, very happy he has raised my eldest since she was 7. I am suffering badly with nausea and sickness, unable to leave the house I think this has led to my low mood and thoughts returning. The problem I have is ruminating. I was in a lot of silly relationships when my eldest was little and I am worried this means I don't deserve my children. Im my defense i was only 18 when i had her, her father left when she was one. Over the course of 6 years I had around 5 boyfriends, a few which lasted a few years others just weeks/months. I feel so ashamed of this, I haven't thought about it for many years however now its all i think about. I spend my evenings crying, I just want to be happy with my little family but I feel as though my brain is 'stuck' and I can't be happy or move on. DH is very supportive and says I was young and stupid and should move on, but i just cant. Any advice appreciated thank you.

Thank you for your reply. If it weren't myself, i suppose I'd say just forget about it, no one's seriously hurt and dogs are just dogs. Because it's me i just feel immense guilt, I'm hard on myself at the best of times. I have all these what if scenarios in my head..

So it's been a while, I could do with some outside perspective. Im feeling awful after an incident at the weekend, I'm not sure if my ocd is making it worse or if i should feel aa bad as i do. Was walking my 2 dogs yesterday on an open field, there was a dog in the distance going the opposite way. Ten minutes later one of my dogs runs off, shortly followed by the other one. By the time i run over a man is shouting at me with his kids and dogs in tow. The other dogs ear was bleeding, i apologised gave the man my details, he continued to rant and rave etc. The wife turns up today says dog has had butterfly sticthes and anti biotics, obviously i paid the vet bills The thing is i can't stop thinking about it, the guilt is crushing me, i haven't stooped crying all day. I am ashamed of myself for not having them on leads, of shouting back at the man and mostly for the other dog. I keep imagining the poor thing getting worse, or even completely turning and attacking the children. I feel everything is entirely my fault. I'm told to forget about it, dogs will be dogs and to move on, but i can't. Please help.

Thank you , i just feel so lost and alone. I feel as though my life is over at 25

Hi hun, i had this theme around a year ago. It got to the point i was going to put my daughter in care incase i hurt her. I used go look away when changing her happy because i hated looking at that area. Luckily i had a great therapist who helped me realise these fears where due to the fact i loved her so much. If you ever need to talk feel free to.pm me x

So here i go, snooping for the first tine in a long while. I found regular porn, and then a video titled 'teen girl raped in a forrest'. Regardless of the ocd i find this unacceptable, and have ended it. I'm now having thought and what if he raped me and i don't remember ect. I'm also struggling at work and waiting to get a sick note of my doctor. My hands are red and cracked i cant stop washing them, plus the chemicals from work keep getting into the cracks on my skin. Today at work i was shouted at for everything, told my work was not good enough, my cleaning was dirty and I needed to work faster. Plus my gran is in a hospital miles away, she's dying her lungs are collapsing, she raised me as a child. I am so fed up, i don't want to be here anymore. I suppose I'm writing this so someone says hang in there it gets better. But i really cant see it. I am so depressed the tablets aren't working, I want to move forward but i am so sick.

Hi everyone, as my last post i am still unsure of what to do. I had an issue with my bf watching porn, particularly those titled "teen". We managed to talk and work through it, but i am still worrying. I'm worried he may be a threat to my daughter, I have these moments where i imagine (this is really hard to type),him raping her ect. They get on really well, but I'm always on edge, watching them all the time when they're playing. When were out together im on lookout to see if he watches kids (doesn't). I feel as though my ocd is taking over, I've started to ruminate more, my hands are starting to crack and i generally feel like I'm going to lose it. Hes a very good person, caring thoughtful, and everyone i know says how decent he is. But then i hear these awful stories about kids being hurt and it fills me with dread imagining this happening to my daughter. I'm sometimes sat in the room talking with my daughter and i can imagine her saying something bad about him, and it seems so real even though she hasn't said a word. Anyway this morning i was laid in bed with my daughter and she was wriggling down below and i said whats wrong. I cant remember what she said but i had a 3 and now in unsure whether she did say something wrong or it was a thought? How do i decifer between the two? I feel as though i don't know what's real and what's not, i feel as though in 99& sure hes not a monster, but there's a part of me wondering if i should end it just incase. Any advice please, I'm on citalopram which helps sometimes. I feel like just ending it all.. I cant stand the uncertainty. Jo

Hi Ace . We've all been there i think, wether its rejection in person or online. Don't let it get you down, she was probably a man anyway haha

When i was 17, i had a disgusting thought, and attempted suicide. The health professional didn't recognise ocd, It was only when googling my thoughts o found out myself. It was also around the time i caught genital herpes so the two may of been connected.

I am just sat here crying and shaking, i don't want to do this anymore :'(. My heart feels as though its been dragged out of me, i can barely breathe. i hate this ocd, this life everything.

Thank you for your reply Caramoole. As soon as i saw it, my first thought was , 'What if he thinks that about my daughter when she's older'. This was a few hours ago, i feel sickened by it, but i feel do over react, i know porn is fantasy, I just feel it makes my ocd worsen. I shall think about it for a few days, i cant speak to him at the moment, my heads in he shed

I honestly don't know, i feel muddled, i don't know what's ocd and what's not. Its also the teen porn he watches which upsets me. I'm not sure I can get over it, he is the most loving caring person i have known I don't have a problem with porn, just the type hes been watching, but i don't know if its the ocd making me like this or not..

But it was dad and daughter porn, surely that means he could be into that kind of thing?

I'm ashamed of myself, i snooped again, i was doing so well, but what i found shocks me. Dad and daughter porn. That was the title, he asked he doesn't remember clicking on it but admits he did. They were both adults on it, but the thought that he wanted to watch it makes me feel really sad. What do i do, i have a young daughter, this kind of thing surely is a step too far? I have called it a day, not sure if i have made the right choice or not. I feel so utterly depressed, I'm.holding it together while my little girl is here, but as soon as i put her to bed i know I'm going to fall apart. I feel like i don't want to live anymore , i would never do something so stupid over a man, but if its not this it will be something else. I have depression, ocd, genital herpes and maladaptive daydreaming. I feel lost and i want to fall asleep and never wake up... :'(

Thank you, i find when i go to work, i feel loads better as i don't obsess so much over it. I also used to play computer games but i find myself needing time to sit and think about everything, which i realise is simply rumination. Thank you for your advice i shall try to sleep and start tomorrow with a clear head.