Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

Wow, well done, that's great news! I experience this a lot too (am also agnostic, raised Christian). I think it is OCD. I really hope you are able to take up your place. 😊

Thank you. Sorry it's taken me a while to reply, it's the time of the month when I struggle more. I haven't interacted as much with the people in the other flats as with the support workers, but most of them have been friendly. Some of the men get quite loud when drunk (some people here have problems with alcohol) and I sometimes hear vomiting which scared me at first, but I am getting used to it. I was supposed to have gone to the clinic to discuss it a few weeks ago, but I cancelled the appointment as it seemed pointless to put myself through an examination just to tell them I didn't want surgery. I may reconsider in the future if it grows larger again. Thank you. I'm not coping too badly with it, I don't think. I wasn't close to him and hadn't seen him for several years, so it wasn't as hard for me as for my mum. I'm happy about the assessment, but struggling with the forms and questionnaires I have to fill in. I already had to ask for an extension and new forms as I made a mess of them keep changing my mind about the answers!

I believe it is quite common for those on the autistic spectrum to also have OCD, but just because you have OCD certainly doesn't mean you are autistic. Although as you have a brother with Asperger's it could be a possibility, but again, definitely not a given. If you find you can relate to a lot of his difficulties, it might be worth talking to your GP about getting assessed. On the other hand, if it is something you are worrying about a lot in an obsessive way, it could just be that your brother's diagnosis has triggered your OCD.

I forgot to say, I am being assessed for Asperger's. My therapist thought it was a possibility and my key worker actually recognised it in me before I said anything. She didn't say anything until I brought it up, but I thought that was what she was thinking from some of the questions she asked me and so I asked her and she said she was thinking that.

Hi BelAnna, Thank you for your message. I'm really sorry I've only just seen it. I think maybe there's a very small chance it could turn into something more serious later, but it has got smaller since I went and I've decided not to have surgery as I feel there are more risks with the surgery and general anaesthetic. They were only going to remove the largest lump anyway, so it seemed a bit pointless as well as the fact I really don't think I could cope with it! I am currently living in supported housing. There's quite a high level of support if you need it. I've been here a month or so, and am finally managing to open up to the support workers a bit more! I struggled at first, but they are very nice. My key worker has a mental health background and is encouraging me to do some gradual exposure work. I went bowling with them at Christmas and I've been on walks and things. Soon it will be to eat out again. There is still a lot of work needing to be done to my mum's house. She is back living there, but hasn't had a chance to get most things sorted yet as she's had everything with my dad's death to sort out. I'm not sure what her long term plans are as she keeps changing her mind. I think we're probably better off living separately though as I don't think we are good for each other. I still see her and speak on the phone and we get on better that way. How are things with you?

Just a quick update. I didn't buy new shoes in the end and I needn't have worried as it turns out because someone was there in a cream coat!

Thank you both. I am leaning towards trying to buy some shoes tomorrow. I'll see how I feel in the morning. And don't worry BelAnna, I already do use gloves if I have to touch shoes, so you didn't put that one in my head 😉

Thank you Dksea. I have contamination fears, so buying new shoes is a problem for me. I originally decided to wear the shoes I have, but now I'm worried people will judge me and also I don't want to stand out as I have social anxiety.

Sorry if it's off topic, but it is because of OCD that I haven't bought new ones. Do I need to rush out tomorrow and buy some all black?

Thank you. Yes, sorry, I went to the hospital a while ago but with so many things happening I forgot to update here. The biopsy results came back clear, but they still want to operate. I want to wait a bit though. My experience going back the second time was very different from the first and they weren't very understanding of my OCD.

Just wanted to clarify, all the things I've been doing have been made more manageable by the help I've had to change my thinking.

Thanks. I haven't got a lot planned for this week so far, other than hunting for more permanent housing. I'm planning to walk to the shops again tomorrow, but I think I might get a taxi back! I might be meeting up with an old school friend at the weekend. I think the ERP is helping, but I can feel myself sliding back again since my mum's illness started and I'm avoiding more things. I can't remember if I posted about getting my biopsy results?

Sending I completely relate to how you're feeling. I'm also having to live with the consequences of my OCD fears and compulsions, and also how they've impacted on other people. It's not easy. We will get through this though, and things will get easier. Some days will floor us, but we will get back up again. Try to rest and cut yourself some slack.

Thank you, BelAnna. It was rather! My shoe came off too lol. I had a shower and cleaned my grazed knees but just wiped over my clothes with dettol wipes as I can't wash them. Yeah, I'm coping OK at the Travelodge. Having my own space helps with my stress levels and social anxiety, but I think having people around to 'copy' helped my OCD. I think in some ways I feel freer, as I'm in 'outside mode' but it is quite overwhelming too. I'm booked in here till Wednesday, I'm not sure what happens after that. Thank you. Mum is staying in a self catering cottage for a week now, but I don't know where she's going after that. The virus or whatever it is is still affecting her. You can imagine how I feel about that!! Aw, thank you. You're doing so well facing all the fears you're facing too. ☺️