Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

You poor thing, you've got such a lot to cope with. I haven't been tested yet, as I've been housebound for six years and it was within that time that the celiac disease was discovered.

Hi BelAnna, I'm so sorry to hear your Mum does have a brain aneurysm. Fingers crossed it doesn't require operation. My mum also had chronic migraines, very bad ones, which have all but stopped (touch wood!) since she started a gluten free diet. I'm not saying it's definitely the same for your mum, obviously, but I wanted to say in case it was any help. If your mum did want to get tested, it's important to keep eating gluten until after the blood test. Not all doctors know this!

Has your mum been tested for celiac disease? I only ask as it sounds similar to what my mum went through before we found out what was wrong.

I'm afraid I'm not much help, but I didn't want you to feel even more alone having your post ignored. I have social anxiety too. Well done for trying to go to the group! That's the first step. Next time hopefully you'll feel able to go in.

It is very common with OCD for people to behave very differently at home. My teachers wouldn't have believed how I was either. I could hold it together and be almost normal at school, but meltdown when I got home. I think you said your son avoids using the toilet at school? I did that too. I think I read somewhere that those with Aspergers have difficulty showing their emotions. I am wondering if this could be why it seems as if he doesn't care? Also with Aspergers is the fear of change, and a great need for routine. I'm not saying she's wrong, as obviously I don't know, but I wouldn't necessarily believe everything the counsellor says. Maybe your son isn't being honest with her about how he feels. It can be very embarrassing to talk about your fears, especially for a teenage boy, I'd imagine! Fear/anxiety can be expressed as anger.

Hello, I know I'm the wrong Lost, but I thought I'd reply anyway, I hope you don't mind. When I was 13, there was a period where I behaved aggressively and at times violently towards my mother. I am deeply ashamed of this, but at the time I was in such a state with my OCD and barely sleeping, and the fear consumed me so that I wasn't thinking of anything or anybody else. For me, it felt as if performing whatever compulsion it was (cleaning, checking etc.) was the most important thing in the world - it genuinely felt like a matter of life and death. If, say, my mum wouldn't give me the cleaning product I needed, it felt as if she didn't understand or care - that she had the power to solve the problem and stop my terror, but wouldn't. I suppose I resorted to the only method that would get me what I thought was necessary. My fear was of me or my family getting ill and dying. I don't remember much about that time or what I did, but I know it was taking medication (fluoxetine in my case) that calmed me down most. Incidentally, I have wondered recently if I may have undiagnosed Aspergers. I'll leave it there for now, but I can write more if you'd like. Please don't let anybody make you feel like a bad parent. I know my mum did/does, but it's an illness like any other and not your fault. You are doing your best in extremely challenging circumstances, and you have your little girl to think of too. It's only natural that you feel frustrated and angry. It sounds as if you are being badly let down by the mental health services.

Totally agree with BelAnna and Lostinme. Also, just to add, be aware that his time on the computer is probably the only relief your son gets from the constant anxiety. And having Aspergers will make change seem even more scary for him.

I have a similarly pessimistic view of the future. In fact, minus the morbidly obese part, your imagined future could be mine!

Yes! I also have recurring dreams about animal neglect - in my case it's my pet guinea pigs who died more than ten years ago. (Coincidentally, my OCD flared up very badly after their death.) In the dreams I'll suddenly remember them and that I haven't fed them or anything in ages. When I go to them they'll either be dead or very sick. I know what you mean about the guilt. It's horrible isn't it? As well as the recurring dreams, I have a lot of vivid dreams generally. Mostly bad and very exhausting, that stay with me all day.

Thank you for replying. I'm not able to just let it go, because it is thrown back at me in arguments and it's only since a day ago when I opened up to someone that I have started to question if it is as terrible as it seems to me.

The person was me 12 years ago. I just want to know how bad it was.

What would your reaction be to a thirteen year old girl with severe OCD (and a possible ASD) who was in an awful state, up all night checking and cleaning etc. They were only recently diagnosed and did not have much knowledge or understanding of the disorder, and they were not yet on medication. Their psychiatrist and CPN advised parents to stop assisting with compulsions, not gradually but cold turkey. They reacted violently and aggressively, kicking their Mum and threatening to smash her face in. They were in too much of a state to remember doing so. Would you blame the teenager? And does that make them an abuser?