Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

Thank you very much for your help. I'll let you know how I get on.

Thanks. Sorry, my question was a bit ambiguous. I meant that I'm worried someone from the DWP will turn up at the door if I apply for benefits. I'm just trying to fill in the online application for Universal Credit (you can't apply for ESA anymore) and it asked if I get any disability benefits. I put 'no' as I don't currently, but I was going to apply for PIP too, so should I have said 'yes'?

I've finally managed to open a new current account, with a different bank, on the phone! Received the welcome pack yesterday, so can now start the application process. I'm terrified it might result in someone turning up at the door wanting to come in. Do you think this is likely?

Thanks, Coffeecake. That's a good approach. I will try to do the same.

Thank you Taurean and Coffeecake. I'm very confused about what is OCD and what isn't. It is all very complicated. When I was a teenager I used to worry that I didn't love my dad and that made me a bad person. For example, when he went to hospital once I was more panicking about the germs he'd bring back than upset about him being ill. (He had a major stroke when I was 2 and has epilepsy. He'd had an 'absence' type seizure and been taken to hospital as a precaution.) I would ruminate about it and try to work out why I didn't feel what I was supposed to, thinking of all the things from the past that might 'justify' my lack of feeling - such as the few times when I was little that he hit me. My dad has been a major trigger for my OCD contamination wise ever since he got a stomach bug. I am housebound now and my dad lives in a nursing home, since my mum became too ill to care for him. I haven't seen him for years. I am worrying again that I don't feel for him what a daughter should. I'm also worrying that I don't love my mum like I should - especially since we have had arguments when I am accused of not loving my parents.

Can you have OCD about relationships other than romantic ones (e.g. worrying you don't love your parents)?

I totally get what you mean about certain things needing to apply for something to 'count', I'm the same! With the writing, could it be that you're taking a too literal approach to the word 'writing'? Brainstorming, plotting and thinking, to my mind, all come under the writing process. (I say to my mind, but I'd think differently if it was me doing the writing!)

Thank you, that helps.

Thank you everyone for your replies. They are helpful. BelAnna and Orwell, I did actually think for a while that I might have ADHD or an autism spectrum disorder because I can relate to that too. I have wavered between ASD and BPD, but on balance I think BPD probably fits better. I know it is possible to have both. I don't know! I guess there is a lot of symptom overlap and that's why it's a good idea to have a psychiatrist do the diagnosing... Kaheath, I keep thinking what if my OCD is making me think that what happened with you is also happening with me and I'm just 'copying' you. I think I'd better not tell the doctors what I think I might have and just let them work it out, as I'll be doubting and thinking I've manipulated them into diagnosing me! P.S. I have read the article and still cannot decide. There are elements of both.

If I'm honest, what tends to happen is, I obsess about a problem for a while, then before I actually get around to doing anything about it I've moved on to obsessing about another problem. I now have a lot of problems to choose from...

Can it still be OCD if I'm not afraid of having BPD? I'm not trying to prove to myself that I don't have it, I'm actually trying to prove that I do. I want to have it, because it would explain why I am the way I am. Thinking about it, there is a fear. The fear is of being wrong.

Thanks Taurean and Orwell. I do have a diagnosis of OCD. (Diagnosed at 13.) There is definitely OCD involved here, as I know I am obsessing about it and performing compulsions like ruminating and Googling. However I also do the same periodically about my teeth and other physical problems which aren't just in my head. I do feel there is something going on besides my OCD, and that that is affecting my recovery (or lack of!). I can relate to a lot of what I read about BPD. I think I will talk to a doctor about it when I can and try to put it to the back of my mind till then.

I feel like there's a good chance I could have this, but I'm also doubting. I don't know if it is my OCD making me think I have BPD or my OCD making me doubt that I could have BPD. I am obsessing about it, but then I also obsess about my rotten teeth and that doesn't make them any less rotten, if you see what I mean.

Thank you BelAnna and CJay, those are good ideas. I'll let you know how I get on.

I still haven't made the claim yet as I don't have an account it could be paid into. I discovered you can't have benefits paid into an ISA and my current account has been made dormant. I don't think I can get it reopened without going into the bank and I am housebound, so feeling rather stuck. Also I have no passport or driving license for ID. Does anyone else have this problem?