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Everything posted by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

  1. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Emotion checking OCD

    I hadn't heard it called that exactly, but having looked it up, it's definitely something I experience.
  2. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Depression worsening - comparing and despairing

    I'm so sorry, what an awful thing for your dad to say and for you to hear. I really feel for you. I know what it's like to feel a burden. I live with my mum (my dad is in a nursing home) who has a lot of health problems, and we argue a lot. She has said a lot of hurtful things. It's hard not to feel angry.
  3. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Not enabling a sufferer?

    No, I don't mind. I'm 26 now, so it was over a decade ago. I did make quite a bit of improvement at the time, once I'd started medication, combined with the CBT. It wasn't a quick fix though, and despite all the progress I never did make it back to a full day at school. My OCD is currently severe again. I'm not trying to depress you, but just so you know that if your son doesn't seem to be getting better, it doesn't mean that you're doing the wrong things. Recovery often isn't an easy process. I think I recall you saying your son had been diagnosed with Asperger's? It is important that is taken into account as the therapy will need to be tailored to his needs.
  4. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Not enabling a sufferer?

    Based on my own experience of what happened with me when I was thirteen and my mum was advised to suddenly stop enabling my compulsions, I would say do not go cold turkey. His levels of fear will go through the roof, and you would probably have a crisis situation on your hands. It is best if you reduce it gradually. Obviously you can't just let him spray his sister with bleach though. Maybe if you told him you would be forced by outside agencies to take it away completely if he doesn't stop, it might make him think. Is he taking any medication?
  5. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Health obsessions

    PolarBear, Malina said she used insect repellent, not a pesticide. My mum has asthma and she uses it all the time. It's a sensible precaution in countries where there is a risk of malaria (although usually sprayed onto the body or clothing). It's not the insect repellent that's the problem, but OCD. Malina, I have this kind of obsession too, so I can imagine a little of what you're going through. You've done very well to travel and stay there. As PB says, try to get your mind onto something else. Read a book, watch videos, listen to a podcast, do some puzzles - whatever will grab your attention and shift your focus. The panic will subside eventually. You can do this. Things always feel worse when you're tired too. I hope you manage to get some sleep.
  6. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    So, I have autism

    I'm so glad you have found the answer. Hopefully now you will receive the right support. I have never been tested, but for a long time I have felt there is something more than OCD wrong with me, and considered an ASD. I can certainly relate to a lot of what I read.
  7. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Is this even normal?

    Hello Lily, From experience, I imagine you're hearing the last post as very critical? I do that a lot, when it isn't actually meant that way. When we're very critical and judgemental of ourselves, we assume everyone else will be too. We're not being intentionally overly dramatic when we conclude that everyone hates us, we're bad and should die. It can genuinely feel that way when you're very depressed and over thinking everything. But people care about you and want to help. Many of us have made mistakes over and over again too. We're all human.
  8. Yes, that's true. There are differences, but perhaps not so many as people (not you!) generally think? I think the reason sufferers object to the phrase is because it seems to buy into the prevalent misconception that mental illness isn't as 'real' as physical illness, or that if you haven't recovered then it's somehow your fault. Nevertheless, it is indeed important to seek help and aim for recovery, which was the main point of your article, which I'm not trying to criticise as it is very good. Just thinking out loud really. I'll shut up now.
  9. Very well-written article. Just a thought though. Does one not have to make the same choice for a physical illness, to seek treatment, medication etc.? For example, with celiac disease you have to make the commitment to stick to a restricted diet and keep away from all products with gluten in, in order to get better and stay well. Similarly with diabetes, you have to carefully monitor glucose levels and sugar intake, etc. It's just that with mental illness, that choice is harder to make, because our thinking processes have become distorted. What do you think?
  10. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Depressed by how much having ocd has affected my life

    Hello I love the name too. Our situations aren't so very dissimilar. What helps me is to 'escape' into fictional worlds. Books, radio dramas, etc. It's something other than the OCD to focus on and makes life a bit more bearable. You're never alone, you've always got us.
  11. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    BBC Podcast about OCD

    Thank you for the link. I've just listened.
  12. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Feeling alone with social anxiety + OCD

    That's OK. Glad you have been feeling better.
  13. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Looking for some advice please

    I'm sure someone will be along in a minute with some good advice, but just wanted to send you a from one 'Lost' to another. One thing you are certainly NOT is a bad person. Even IF what he said was true, it doesn't mean a thing. For starters, how could you have acted on anything when you didn't even know about it?! Don't give up, this is just a blip. P.S. Sorry, it took me too long to write and others have replied since!
  14. It must help lots of people though, and it would be interesting to see what the majority verdict on it was.
  15. This book drove me round the bend in analytical knots. Very bad book for me anyway. I'm glad it's not just me! It really did my head in trying to understand it and apply it to my situation. I gave up in despair.
  16. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    MRI scan fears

    You poor thing, you've got such a lot to cope with. I haven't been tested yet, as I've been housebound for six years and it was within that time that the celiac disease was discovered.
  17. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    MRI scan fears

    Hi BelAnna, I'm so sorry to hear your Mum does have a brain aneurysm. Fingers crossed it doesn't require operation. My mum also had chronic migraines, very bad ones, which have all but stopped (touch wood!) since she started a gluten free diet. I'm not saying it's definitely the same for your mum, obviously, but I wanted to say in case it was any help. If your mum did want to get tested, it's important to keep eating gluten until after the blood test. Not all doctors know this!
  18. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    MRI scan fears

    Has your mum been tested for celiac disease? I only ask as it sounds similar to what my mum went through before we found out what was wrong.
  19. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Feeling alone with social anxiety + OCD

    I'm afraid I'm not much help, but I didn't want you to feel even more alone having your post ignored. I have social anxiety too. Well done for trying to go to the group! That's the first step. Next time hopefully you'll feel able to go in.
  20. It is very common with OCD for people to behave very differently at home. My teachers wouldn't have believed how I was either. I could hold it together and be almost normal at school, but meltdown when I got home. I think you said your son avoids using the toilet at school? I did that too. I think I read somewhere that those with Aspergers have difficulty showing their emotions. I am wondering if this could be why it seems as if he doesn't care? Also with Aspergers is the fear of change, and a great need for routine. I'm not saying she's wrong, as obviously I don't know, but I wouldn't necessarily believe everything the counsellor says. Maybe your son isn't being honest with her about how he feels. It can be very embarrassing to talk about your fears, especially for a teenage boy, I'd imagine! Fear/anxiety can be expressed as anger.
  21. Hello, I know I'm the wrong Lost, but I thought I'd reply anyway, I hope you don't mind. When I was 13, there was a period where I behaved aggressively and at times violently towards my mother. I am deeply ashamed of this, but at the time I was in such a state with my OCD and barely sleeping, and the fear consumed me so that I wasn't thinking of anything or anybody else. For me, it felt as if performing whatever compulsion it was (cleaning, checking etc.) was the most important thing in the world - it genuinely felt like a matter of life and death. If, say, my mum wouldn't give me the cleaning product I needed, it felt as if she didn't understand or care - that she had the power to solve the problem and stop my terror, but wouldn't. I suppose I resorted to the only method that would get me what I thought was necessary. My fear was of me or my family getting ill and dying. I don't remember much about that time or what I did, but I know it was taking medication (fluoxetine in my case) that calmed me down most. Incidentally, I have wondered recently if I may have undiagnosed Aspergers. I'll leave it there for now, but I can write more if you'd like. Please don't let anybody make you feel like a bad parent. I know my mum did/does, but it's an illness like any other and not your fault. You are doing your best in extremely challenging circumstances, and you have your little girl to think of too. It's only natural that you feel frustrated and angry. It sounds as if you are being badly let down by the mental health services.
  22. Totally agree with BelAnna and Lostinme. Also, just to add, be aware that his time on the computer is probably the only relief your son gets from the constant anxiety. And having Aspergers will make change seem even more scary for him.
  23. I have a similarly pessimistic view of the future. In fact, minus the morbidly obese part, your imagined future could be mine!
  24. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Reacurring dreams

    Yes! I also have recurring dreams about animal neglect - in my case it's my pet guinea pigs who died more than ten years ago. (Coincidentally, my OCD flared up very badly after their death.) In the dreams I'll suddenly remember them and that I haven't fed them or anything in ages. When I go to them they'll either be dead or very sick. I know what you mean about the guilt. It's horrible isn't it? As well as the recurring dreams, I have a lot of vivid dreams generally. Mostly bad and very exhausting, that stay with me all day.