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Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

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Everything posted by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

  1. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    OCD affecting my writing

    I totally get what you mean about certain things needing to apply for something to 'count', I'm the same! With the writing, could it be that you're taking a too literal approach to the word 'writing'? Brainstorming, plotting and thinking, to my mind, all come under the writing process. (I say to my mind, but I'd think differently if it was me doing the writing!)
  2. I feel like there's a good chance I could have this, but I'm also doubting. I don't know if it is my OCD making me think I have BPD or my OCD making me doubt that I could have BPD. I am obsessing about it, but then I also obsess about my rotten teeth and that doesn't make them any less rotten, if you see what I mean.
  3. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Borderline Personality Disorder

    Thank you, that helps.
  4. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Borderline Personality Disorder

    Thank you everyone for your replies. They are helpful. BelAnna and Orwell, I did actually think for a while that I might have ADHD or an autism spectrum disorder because I can relate to that too. I have wavered between ASD and BPD, but on balance I think BPD probably fits better. I know it is possible to have both. I don't know! I guess there is a lot of symptom overlap and that's why it's a good idea to have a psychiatrist do the diagnosing... Kaheath, I keep thinking what if my OCD is making me think that what happened with you is also happening with me and I'm just 'copying' you. I think I'd better not tell the doctors what I think I might have and just let them work it out, as I'll be doubting and thinking I've manipulated them into diagnosing me! P.S. I have read the article and still cannot decide. There are elements of both.
  5. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Borderline Personality Disorder

    If I'm honest, what tends to happen is, I obsess about a problem for a while, then before I actually get around to doing anything about it I've moved on to obsessing about another problem. I now have a lot of problems to choose from...
  6. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Borderline Personality Disorder

    Can it still be OCD if I'm not afraid of having BPD? I'm not trying to prove to myself that I don't have it, I'm actually trying to prove that I do. I want to have it, because it would explain why I am the way I am. Thinking about it, there is a fear. The fear is of being wrong.
  7. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Borderline Personality Disorder

    Thanks Taurean and Orwell. I do have a diagnosis of OCD. (Diagnosed at 13.) There is definitely OCD involved here, as I know I am obsessing about it and performing compulsions like ruminating and Googling. However I also do the same periodically about my teeth and other physical problems which aren't just in my head. I do feel there is something going on besides my OCD, and that that is affecting my recovery (or lack of!). I can relate to a lot of what I read about BPD. I think I will talk to a doctor about it when I can and try to put it to the back of my mind till then.
  8. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Benefits for OCD

    Hello, I was wondering if anyone could help me. I am 26 and have never been able to work because of my OCD. I have been housebound with it for 6 years. I still live at home, and my parents have been supporting me financially, but they are both over 65 and cannot afford to keep doing it. I know I need to start claiming benefits, but I am scared of the process and it all feels too difficult. I think I should be eligible for PIP at least, but I worry that I might answer the questions wrong. I feel like a fraud. Does anybody have any advice?
  9. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Benefits for OCD

    Thank you BelAnna and CJay, those are good ideas. I'll let you know how I get on.
  10. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Benefits for OCD

    I still haven't made the claim yet as I don't have an account it could be paid into. I discovered you can't have benefits paid into an ISA and my current account has been made dormant. I don't think I can get it reopened without going into the bank and I am housebound, so feeling rather stuck. Also I have no passport or driving license for ID. Does anyone else have this problem?
  11. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

    I think I might be in the midst of a major breakthrough. I am hesitant to say it, as I have had brief times of rare insight before, but I think maybe, just maybe I have 'got it' at last, and finally understand what you've all been trying to tell me.
  12. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

  13. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

    That is true. Maybe me thinking I have most of them could be an (ironic) example of black and white thinking? That is definitely one I struggle with to excess. Along with catastrophising, personalisation and jumping to conclusions.
  14. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

    Thank you Dksea and Taurean (Roy). That helps. I will try to remember your wise words. I have just looked up the 15 cognitive distortions. I recognise myself in 14 of them...
  15. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

    Thank you, I'll try. I should have known it wasn't going to be that easy! At least I know it is possible now. It made such a difference when I could think more clearly and see for myself where I was going wrong. What I was going to say before about mishearing messages, is that I automatically read negativity into everything. I hear criticism and rejection when it isn't intended. The message I end up getting is "You're not trying hard enough", " You're a bad person", "Everyone is fed up with you", " You'll never be any good", etc.
  16. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

    I seem to have lost the insight I had now and am back to square one. Feeling rather foolish.
  17. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Lightbulb Moment

    Hehe! Thanks, Paradoxer and Taurean. I just hope I can keep it up. Something I've realised that is very important for me is that - whether due to depression, social anxiety or something else, I'm not sure - communication has been a big problem for me. What I hear isn't what people are actually saying, so the message gets lost. Would it help others if I gave some examples?
  18. Sorry, Paul. My reply wasn't very helpful. I have had times when I question everything, and it is very scary. I think it was this obsession that led me to choose to study philosophy for A Level. I didn't get very far as I had to drop out due to illness, but I remember the first lecture when she said to us that it was fun to explore the questions, but that it wasn't healthy to live that way. Tell me about it, I thought! It is easy to get drawn into such a way of thinking, especially when we have OCD.
  19. It doesn't sound much like what I've heard of Buddhism. Try telling a starving child blown to pieces by war that they are choosing to suffer and their suffering doesn't matter! (That comment was aimed at the author of your book, not at you.) I don't think the book is helping you.
  20. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    this year

    I just wanted to pick up on something you said. It sounds as if at least part of you disbelieves that it is your OCD making you feel you are not allowed to do ordinary things?
  21. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    this year

    Aw, you're welcome. A while ago I could only write in the titles of threads, so I know how frustrating it is when you can't write very much - it was only because of a problem with my phone though, it is much worse for you.
  22. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Need advice - is this OCD?

    Hello, how are you getting on? I found your thread while searching about the same issue. I have had the problem all my life (did not realise until relatively recently that it was part of my OCD) and am struggling with it a lot at the moment. I have never read anything that described me so exactly before.
  23. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Not again

    I'm pretty sure you wouldn't do that kind of work from home. I doubt it would be legal!
  24. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    Not again

    I can totally understand your panic, but if you think about it, how much trouble would a company be in for sending out an infected testing kit?! They could be sued for thousands. They just wouldn't do it.
  25. Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

    this year

    Thank you, Louise. I appreciate you taking the trouble to write that when typing is so painful for you. I'm sorry voice recognition is no help. I hope you are able to access CBT and get the help you need to get back on track. It sounds as if you were doing really well before your relapse, try not to lose sight of all your achievements, and remember what you did that got you to a better place.
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