hereforhelp

Hello, I have struggled with pocd for years, mostly anxious around young female children. It hasn't been much of an issue for a while, but now I've found out that I'm having a baby girl. I was desperate for a boy and feeling a lot of gender disappointment, which is apparently a thing...I think a lot of this is due to the ocd intrusive thoughts that I have sometimes around young girls. I'm very worried I won't be able to bond with my baby, or worse, that I won't be able to care for her properly because my ocd will be debilitating. I so badly want to be happy about finding out we're having a baby girl! I just don't know how to feel excited about it right now.

Thank you so much for taking the time to give your advice. If you have any CBT tips that I might be able to do now while waiting for therapy, that would be really helpful Thanks

Hello, thanks for reading. So have had OCD for a few years and the main focus has been obsessions about POCD. Now have been in a happy relationship with basically the man of my dreams for the last year. We went for our 1 year anniversary dinner and almost overnight I am anxious, feeling disconnected to him and constantly wondering whether I even love him, whether we can last etc etc. It's honestly stopping me feeling anything, which is terrifying. We went on holiday last week, I barely enjoyed it and it feels 'wrong' when we have sex, which has never happened with him before. I'm going to have a first session with a therapist next week, but if anyone has had experience with dealing with this with a partner, I would love to hear from you about how you dealt with it. I really really really don't want this to ruin the relationship!!! I have spoken to him about it and he's being so patient and understanding, but I hate that when I am with him I can't just enjoy our time together now and instead feel sick and guilty

Thanks for your reply! I know you are right. We’ve discussed it once more (I was definitely seeking reassurance) but I feel a lot more calm about it now. Just scary how it can suddenly take hold when you’ve been fine for ages!

Hi guys, Thanks for reading, haven’t been here for a while. OCD hasn’t really been an issue for almost a year now (obviously I’m still a bit obsessive about things but not so much obsessive rumination and checking). I am in a new-ish relationship of 3 months and started a new job last week in the Netherlands and will be commuting each week to London to see my boyfriend, so it’s all change and I’m quite anxious in general with a messy head. my OCD was triggered at the weekend by a casual, drunk chat with my boyfriend about threesomes. I brought it up because I’ve always known I would be upset in any relationship if my partner would fancy a threesome. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, I don’t have a problem with them in general and would even find it hot maybe if I were single, but with my partner who I love (and who is wonderful to me and loves me), I would find it heartbreaking to share him and see him with another girl. so, he didn’t deny vehemently as I had hoped that he would be into it. He said he would never push the issue, but had I been up for it he would have probably been up for trying it. We talked a lot about it then but since we’ve been apart the last few days I’ve been googling and obsessing. Because I love him, I have been trying to convince myself I could do it, but it has confused my head and now I’m very upset and stressed. He made it clear he wouldn’t want to risk our relationship or make me do something that would make me unhappy, but, as OCD does, it is playing on that tiny doubt in my mind. I hate the fact that for him sex isn’t necessarily connected to love and that he could have sex with someone else and watch me have sex with someone else without being hurt. I just can’t understand it at all and I literally feel like I’m going crazy trying to. Then what is even the point of being in a monogamous relationship? How could he be willing to risk our relationship, should a threesome destroy it because of bad feelings after? anyway, have gone on way more than I needed to, sorry for the rant. I have no idea what strand of OCD this is, maybe relationship? But it sucks just as much as the rest and I can’t eat much or feel happy. Again, it feels like a whole new illness, because the fact that it’s a new topic for my OCD means I don’t know how to handle it yet. If you have any ideas I would love to hear them. Thank you.

Hi Cub, thanks so much for your reply - It's not patronising at all! I think you are right about a lot of things. I feel safe with him and trust him and I know that will make me feel warmer towards him. But it doesn't feel like an intrusive OCD thought - I feel anxious and I think about him a lot and imagine kissing him etc. God I feel so awful writing this! I just feel like I can't help it - I enjoy thinking about him. Of course, this is making my thoughts of being a bad person even worse. Do you think it's possible that my mind has created this problem as a way of not letting go of these thoughts of not being a 'good' person? Like, he's trying to help me feel like a better person so my instinctive reaction is to destroy any chance of my own happiness. Maybe I'm just being dramatic and quite simply, the 'worst' has happened and I fancy someone that isn't my fiance. Thank you for your lovely help, hope you're well x

Hi guys - this is a really difficult one for me. I think I've developed feelings for my therapist. I'm engaged and have been feeling a bit distant from my partner recently - we've been very busy and not been able to spend much time together. I am attracted to my therapist and now can't stop thinking about him. I feel so SO guilty and very confused. I can't tell anymore what thoughts and feelings are real. I'm sure I love my fiancé but can't feel it right now and keep obsessing about this other man. It's really not helping my OCD! I don't want to stop seeing him though because he's really helping me with a lot of issues. Unfortunately it's just created a new one. Has anyone else ever experience this? Thanks for reading x

Hmm, that does seem very difficult. I wonder if there's a way of making the doctors aware of this and doing everything online? At the very least you could be taking some medicine that is recommended for OCD and proven to help x

You can't get to the doctors? It can make it so much easier for you to get better.

Have you had CBT/taking any medication?

ARRGHH! It's just so familiar and horrible! I feel so sorry for what you're going through! I read the story and automatically linked myself to it…like just reading it proved that I was a bad person and capable of that myself, and maybe didn't even think it was evil. RIDICULOUS! I know it's ridiculous really and I'm sure you do too. We should see the funny side really, of how silly our OCD is. Maybe we shouldn't read the news at all.

Thank you all! I guess it's hard to see it from another point of view when it's personal to you, but I do understand that he must have heard a lot of things much worse than mine, without judgement. I will try and bring it up when it feels right.

Hi! I'm having CBT at the moment and we're dealing with past memories, going over them again and again to desensitise myself to them. I just can't bring up the sexual ones, even though I'm sure these memories are what my OCD uses to haunt me! I'm hoping to get good at the technique on my own and then deal with these issues in my own time - does this sound like a good idea? They are just things that would be very embarrassing and painful to speak out loud, and my therapist is a man, which for some reason makes it harder for me. Thanks for reading

Hi Snowflake - I can relate to this. Last year I went through a period of about a month, going to the doctor every other day (walk ins, A&E and my normal doctor). I was CONVINCED I had a brain tumour, and no amount of being checked would tell me otherwise. When you have OCD, the symptoms can feel so real - I would fixate on my head and was sure I could feel things, throbbing, sharp pain, funny things with my eyes. Of course these things were happening a bit because of the anxiety! You will get through this, but not through avoidance. You need to go to the doctor, get them to check you and give you the all clear, and get some meds for anxiety! You can fight it, but it's much harder without any help! Take care of yourself xxx

Thank you! That would be really helpful. Just read horrible news article, I should just stay away from news altogether. Always a trigger for me. Hope you are are having a better day!