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Eric Dave

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  1. Update: I couple of weeks ago I decided I absolutely must cut down on compulsive masturbation. Sometimes it could be 5 times a day. I think once I hit 7 times. The reason I did it was I would get groinal responses to triggers on tv or online facebook, instagram etc.. I was also scared if I didnt do it I would get a wet dream about a man and this would kill me. I decided to wean myself slowly off it. I started one full day with no masturbation, then two , then three etc.. I went 5 days without masturbating this week. I plan to go 6 days next week. I literally felt at times like cold turkey addict withdrawal. I was getting uncomfortable feeligns in my groin but I didnt give into them. Anyway just letting you know its early days but its going slightly better. However I am still getting groinals/body reactions to men for the least thing. For example today I was out in a cafe having a coffee and was talkign to the person opposite when out of the corner of my eye the guy at the table a yard or so away took off his jumper. He had a t shirt underneath and showed no skin but this action triggered a body reaction in me. A groin response and my heart started thumping. My brain instantly and automatically associated the action with a man undressing and this sets me off. I am determined to go as long as I can without masturbating to calm things down but I do fear my sexual orientation has changed permanently and this is not OCD. My sex drive to women is non existant anymore when in the past I would respond to seeing boobs whatever.
  2. I am sorry for posting again. I was hoping to make a month without posting on here. I had a dream during my sleep, I think I saw an image of a woman but then the image changed and I saw my brothers buttocks in the dream and the next scene was he was giving me oral sex and when this image occurred I got aroused and was willing in the dream and then reallised what was happening and woke up. I am freaked out by this dream and the fact I was willing in the dream but even worse it aroused me.
  3. My groin is firing at the least little thing to do with men. I realise there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it but I cant help but feel gutted every time it happens. I am watching a tv programme called Catchig a Killer. In the programme an accused murderer says his wife and then he quoted her ''I flirted with a man and had sex' but for a moment I thought he was talking about himself and I got an arousal feeling and my heart started beating harder.
  4. At times I am hopeful its ocd but these types of incidents really rock me and I lose all hope and belief its anything to do with OCD and I feel like a total loser who is kidding himself and keeping himself in denial
  5. Can I ask a question about groinal responses? I opened instagram and went into the gallery photo feature where photos of various stuff shows up. I saw a topless man and wasn't even consciously aware of it and got an instant automatic groinal response. Its like my body has reacted even before I consciously even recognise what caused it. The groinal was lightning quick. Instant. Split second stuff. My question is is this my genuine reaction/sexual orientation because it happened without conscious thought/checking? i.e. Is this the real me? What are the chances its a sort of Pavlov reaction? Maybe its the hope (of being straight) is killing me and I need to get real and admit I am gay.
  6. I had this when I was 10. My parents brought me to the hospital. The doctor told me it was a habit and there was nothing wrong. The problem disappeared for me. I remember it well though. I would be gasping for air.
  7. It depends what you call erect. I can get erectionsbut they go soft and disappear in a few seconds if not constantly stimulated. If you google 'venous leak' it explains why. I cant get proper erections that stay up on their own for anything. They are soft erections not fully rigid and the sensitivity in my penis is diminished. I had no problems before the virus. I could get rock hard in seconds just thinking about women and I could hang a towel on it. Now its like a soft droopy slug. Its not diet, its not a heart condition or diabetes. I am perfectly healthy. You need to google 'venous leak' and maybe even have the condition to fully understand. Anyway back from 2007 I had this belief that if I tried my hardest to get aroused by men and couldnt get properly hard then I could rest assured I was straight. However the doubts kept coming back and I kept having to try again to reassure myself. Groinals started the day I started worrying about being gay and I was getting them 24/7 even to old men. Nowadays I still cant get hard but I still think I am gay anyway as I get groinals/urges/sensations and my sex drive to women has nosedived. That being said I still love my ex girlfriend
  8. Yes Dr. Phillipson in New York. The Godfather of OCD. Other therapist was Dr. Hausler. His understudy. I dont live in UK. I have had erection problems and still do since I got a bad virus at 19. I started seeing doctors and various urologists to find a cure from around the age of 22 to 30. I had surgery but it didnt really work that well. I can get a sort of soft erection and ejaculate. If I take viagra its just about enough to have sex but its started getting softer again. Anyway back in 2007 when I was 25 a thought popped into my head 'maybe you are gay?' and was this the cause/ That's what started me questioning my sexual orientation but I still cant get a proper erection looking at gay porn so I have no idea what the F--- is going on. Who is David Veale?
  9. I had weekly therapy for a year with Dr.Steven Phillipson in 2009/10. I had further year with another therapist 2011/2012. I'm not made of money to keep these things going on a permanent basis. I am too embarrassed to talk to my GP because they will be clueless and assume I am gay and send me to assume LGBT counsellor to come out. I told a urologist my gay fears before and all he could say to me was ''its ok to be gay''. Big help that was. I have been getting quite bad lately and decided to have one session with some other UK based OCD therapist and see what they think. I messaged Dr. Forrester and have never received a reply. I messaged another lady who replied but cant see me. I'm scared to pick just anyone. And then I have days where I dont see the point. I am convinced I am gay and this is pointless. People saying ''its ok to be gay'' doesnt have any helpful effect on me whatsoever. I can be ok with being gay and then when I get a groinal I freak out. Imagine knowing who you were and then at 25 your whole identity is taken away from you.
  10. How is it a game? I'm doing this for a laugh for 17 yrs? I didn't suggest that you said I should come out etc.. I am trying to come out to myself in my own head to stop freaking out all the time. I still freak out though I am trying to feel ok and not be afraid all the time. I'm afraid of my own body and its sensations/urges etc.. Gay OCD seems to be very triggering for people. Its like its not politically correct to freak out about being gay. I'd have more respect/sympathy/understanding if I was scared of being a paedophile or rapist.
  11. I'm scared I have such little control over my body with these sexual physical urges and sensations. I can't even go 24 hrs without masturbating. I am getting worse and worse. I am trying to accept I am gay and just get over it.
  12. I had a dream last night I was being eaten by a snake. I woke up with a slight erection. I took this dream to mean I was gay as I am associating the snake with penis symbolism. I am trying to reduce masturbating. When I was checkiing I might do it multiple times a day. I am allowing myself to do it once a day now with the hope of reducing it to once a week. However I notice around 20hrs + after last doing it my groin starts feeling 'full' and I am getting uncomfortable physical sensations that I need to relieve myself. Its driving me nuts. I am trying to be ok with being gay. No shame or guilt in my head but when I get a groinal to men I still freak out/ feel weirded out.
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