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gingerbreadgirl

OCD-UK Member
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Everything posted by gingerbreadgirl

  1. This is completely unacceptable. I would be furious if my therapist did this
  2. Was it possible she was taking notes on her phone? The only possible legitimate use in mind, and even then only if this was explained. Otherwise completely unacceptable
  3. I try (not always successfully) not to read social media comments in general mostly cos they can be soul destroying across the board haha. If you find the ocd content useful maybe keep following but don't read the comments. Alternatively I guess the comments could be a good source of exposure but you may have to be in quite a strong place for that and have all the cognitive stuff down first.
  4. No problem ecomum. I am absolutely awful at following this advice myself haha
  5. Hi ecomum. I hope you don't mind me highlighting a couple of things you've put above. I've done this because I think this type of thing can be a sneaky compulsion (it certainly is for me). You've said multiple times that such hypothetical mistakes are accidents, not deliberate, etc etc. Which is true of course. But - I think this type of thinking is another kind of sneaky reassurance - "it's ok because my intentions were pure". It's a way of trying to "make right". I bet it would make you really uncomfortable if I said something like - sometimes, we all do crappy things, for crappy reasons. But really think about why this makes you uncomfortable (because it makes me uncomfortable too). Why do we think our intentions have to be pure all the time? Why do we hold ourselves to this standard? I am willing to bet you know plenty of people who have done some sketchy things. Eg cheated on their partner, or lied on a form, or said something horrible that was unjustified, or drove in a careless manner that endangered other people, or who made a bad parenting decision, etc. etc. And I bet most of these things have gone totally unfixed, unresolved, never apologised for/fixed in any way, and the person in question has carried on with life perfectly content and never given it much thought. And this is totally normal. As ocd sufferers we get hung up on this idea that if something is uncertain, we have to fix it. But we don't. As you are a human being, I can guarantee you have made lots of mistakes, with pure intentions or otherwise, you have probably hurt others and don't even know it, and you will do again in your life, multiple times. We all will. And this will never change. Trying to change this is absolutely futile. My view is that non sufferers just do not think about these things at all. They don't agonise over their actions. They just bumble through the day as best they can, and then get up and do it again. This is where we need to aim. Make these things non issues, questions we don't feel the need to ask at all. And we do that by leaving them alone - not by moulding them into something we can live with. Just leave them completely alone, uncertain, and unanswered.
  6. This is a great point and something I have been working on lately. My OCD tends to focus on things I may or may not have got wrong (morally) and it LOVES to focus on those grey areas/imperfections that I will never have certainty about. My big compulsions involve trying to "fix" them somehow - either by getting reassurance from someone it wasn't bad, or making amends in some way (apologising/confessing etc) or making up for it or ruminating my way out of it (ie reassuring myself it wasn't that bad) or punishing myself sufficiently (ie forever!) But recently I have been more like - yes, I have got stuff wrong. And you know what? Sue me! I have done things I shouldn't have/would do differently. I have done things that other people may or may not have a negative opinion of, that I will never know about. And importantly - I have got stuff wrong that I will never 'fix' - this is a big exposure for me, the idea that I could have done things morally wrong which I have "got away with". And I am trying to lean into this to give OCD nowhere to go: yes, I have done crappy things. yes I will do crappy things again. no, I'm not going to fix them. and no, I'm not going to get any kind of closure or resolution. They will forever be uncertain, and I will go on living my life anyway.
  7. Hi summer I'm really really sorry this has happened to you. I was cheated on by my former spouse and the feeling of betrayal is huge. It can rock the foundations of your world and that will be why your brain is now searching for things to focus on. The pain will lessen. Try to just be gentle with yourself and let time pass - don't take your brain ever so seriously right now. Take care xx
  8. Thanks heartly. Another thing to remember (which I am terrible at) is try not to ruminate or "fix" it in your mind while not confessing. So in the past I would feel like - I'm not confessing but it still feels SO awful. But in actual fact I was doing a bunch of mental compulsions on the side, trying to reassure myself about it or figure out whether I "needed" to confess etc etc. But I just needed to leave it alone. As hard as it is, you need to just completely leave it alone, let it sit.
  9. This is exactly why OCD attacks the things we care about the most. It's rough. I've been here with the confessing with my ex. It is SO hard to resist. For me it has been the most damaging compulsion but also the hardest to get on top of. There is no simple answer but I think as others have said - remind yourself that compulsions only ever make it worse. If you confess xyz, you may get relief for five mins, but then thoughts will come in like - what if I didn't explain properly, or what about this other thing do I need to confess this etc. It's HARD and like any compulsion, not doing it will gnaw away at you. But the more you resist doing it, the less difficult it will feel. Sitting with the discomfort is awful but it really does ease over time - you just have to take that leap of faith.
  10. Enjoy gardening and your walk Roy. The weather here is cold but bright - hope it's nice where you are
  11. How are you feeling today Roy? Hope you've got some nice things planned x
  12. I think this is a great approach and I think the things you've described are massive achievements! You are well on your way to getting on top of this. My day isn't too bad thanks
  13. This is a great thread - well done on your amazing achievements today
  14. Do you honestly think you're the only person here to have suffered like this? Perhaps check out the name of the forum as a reminder.
  15. What is the purpose of reminding yourself of this? To soothe, to comfort? What if you said to yourself - maybe it does have something to do with me?
  16. I think caramoole is right that compulsions are the issue and I think you need to really have a look at that. Your biggest compulsion to me is that you fight so hard to control the nature of your thoughts. We've said this many times but you seem to not really hear or gloss over it. The more you try and get rid of these unpleasant thoughts the more powerful they will become. You need to let them happen - and if you really wanted to tell OCD to get stuffed, you could embrace the loop, try and make it even "worse".
  17. The vicious flower is maintained by compulsions - and thought blocking is a huge compulsion x
  18. Hi Roy - I would strongly advise against this sort of thing - or others reading this. Attempting to control or overwrite your thoughts will just make them proliferate more. If you just let them happen then they will become less important over time
  19. Ok but Roy your OCD is centred around your thoughts: they feel unpleasant, they loop, they're negative, they're from the past, they frighten you - understandably. But when your obsession is centred around not wanting to have certain thoughts, then trying to control your thoughts (which is what this is - you want to have nice thoughts) is a COMPULSION. It's keeping it alive. Sure CBT can be around reframing and challenging thoughts etc. Washing your hands is also recommended for hygiene purposes. But If your obsession is centred around contamination, you will need to sit with the discomfort of not washing your hands if you want to move past that obsession. Similarly, if you want to move past your obsession around unpleasant thoughts you need to sit with the discomfort of not doing compulsions. And that means not trying to control or improve your thoughts. You tend to have a kneejerk response to any post like this. Being brutally honest it seems that you would rather be "right" than potentially consider something that might improve your situation.
  20. I agree with this. I think all these processes are a compulsion around trying to control your thoughts/mental environment. As others have said - I think you need to just leave your thoughts alone, let your brain do whatever it chooses (whether that be negative, looping, the past, whatever it wants) and get out of your head. Stop treating your thoughts as so important and they will stop feeling so important.
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