gingerbreadgirl

Nll put this down now!! Put it down before this too pushes you to a graveyard with pills. Leave it alone and do SOMETHING else, anything else!

Blunt question Cora - do you read any of the posts people write for you on here?

Agreed, the hypocrisy is breathtaking tbh

Genuinely wouldn't care

My view is it's none of my business what my partner texts to friends whether a recent friend or from a while back.

None of this is about integrity.

Agree 10000% - and I think the idea that we shouldn't do this is part of what keeps people stuck in unhealthy relationships

Fair enough, everyone has their own opinions on these things

Honestly I think your relationship has become quite unhealthy in lots of ways obviously it's not our business but it may be worth thinking about this, don't have to discuss it but maybe can just have a think

What would you not like about it?

Why would your wife be bothered by you reaching out to a friend to talk about a serious mental health issue?

It is amazing how OCD does this. I've experienced this many times. Suddenly a new obsession comes along and it's like "oh this is so much worse than the old one". Well done for spotting its game xx

@Nolightleft what would you say to BRG's post here?

Really try and answer this post nll - put some thought into it not just a knee jerk response

So this - to me - is reprehensible. To know your partner is genuinely suicidal and not have that as the main priority (and pile on and make it worse) is mind blowing to me. I say this as someone who has been cheated on and betrayed - I would **never** have been ok with my partner being suicidal and in crisis. I feel you need to hear this because you continually make excuses for your wife's behaviour. It isn't ok. No matter what. Honestly I have long believed that the best thing you could do for your mental health is have a break from her.

Is your wife aware you've been suicidal, taking pills, sitting outside the church and so on?

Thinking of you nll hope you're ok xx

But this being the case what is it that makes her continually bring it up?

What is it that keeps setting your wife off? What gets her onto this topic?

So the thoughts you are having NOW are intrusive and need to be treated as such ie ignored Of course they affect you emotionally. To be blunt do you think other people with OCD are having the time of their lives

It really isn't different to other themes. You have intrusive thoughts. All the time. "Omg I had this fantasy about XYZ person ten years ago I'm a pervert! I need to tell my wife!" - THOSE are the intrusive thoughts! I feel like you are not really listening to this because you've been told it so many times. In fact I think the repeating of this statement is now bordering on reassurance. Having a fantasy is irrelevant. It could've been anything. It could've been locking the door, or washing your hands, or driving, or writing an email, or any other mundane activity. The intrusive thought is the "omg this thing happened I'm terrible!" thought you get afterwards. Your OCD is really not special or different to any other kind and plenty on the forum have had a similar type.

Nll I know this is v personal and you don't have to answer here but is there **any** way you could somehow get hold of some money for a few private sessions. I know this is insanely difficult for so many especially at the moment. But I mean - can you temporarily sell your car or even take out a loan or borrow from someone or whatever. I know these things are drastic but this is absolutely ruining your life and if I was your wife for example I would be sitting down and thinking about **anything** you could do to solve this.

Agree completely

Cora come on Every time you gave a question like this you need to think STOP and leave it alone

Hi there I'm really sorry if my message confused things or triggered you. From your subsequent messages it does seem like there is definitely an OCD aspect to this. I suppose I didn't have enough information from your initial post and that was my bad for not asking for more info so I'm sorry. Also I wasn't saying it's not OCD as it definitely may very well be (and I said in my first message) just I guess none of us are qualified to diagnose. I guess one thing I might say is - if he was to leave you right now, how would you feel? Would you feel relief or sadness or a mix. Anyway again I'm really sorry if I've confused anything that wasn't my intention. I think sometimes people can find themselves feeling trapped in relationships so was just wanting to say if the is the case that is also ok. Either way though self compassion is definitely a must here