StrangelyNamed

Thank you! I've worked it up so much over the day that I might chicken out for now, I'm not sure, but I know I want to talk about it with him... That is true, at least I've recognised it now so I can work on not addressing it Thank you for the support

Hello all, To start off, I suppose I'm mainly venting right now but I could also really do with some advice. As you can see by the time, I can't sleep... I realised I had pure O probably around 6 years ago now, I was a helpless teenage girl who thought she was a pedophile, I found these forums and this community really helped me. I haven't posted since then, but I had a late night epiphany and I think the pocd is getting worse again. Since then it calmed down a lot, I'm a lot better at coping with it. I've gone through so many different obsessions now through the years, pedophile, incest, worried I was sexually abused as a child but forgot(?), scared of being burgled, even still being scared of monsters or ghosts in the dark... I'm now 20 and living with my boyfriend who is the most wonderful human I've ever met. Those obsessions or fears still lurk in my head but they don't control me anymore. Recently, I have been getting really scared the day after a "night out" that I have cheated on my boyfriend. I know that I haven't, I don't get black out drunk and forget everything, but I still get scared. I know it's just an intrusive thought but I can't seem to shake it. I know where it's come from, I hate to even say it but when I first met my partner I got really really drunk and fooled around with one of our friends, it was before we really knew each other well and as I was so drunk I was convinced by our friend to do it. It doesn't justify what happend but it explains why it would never happen now. We've moved past it, we're in a serious relationship and I would never dream of being with anyone but him, I know I'm not a bad person and would go to the moon and back for him, but I still can't get rid of these thoughts. I know that worrying about them will make it worse but it's very hard. I've never told anyone about the pocd, I've never seen a doctor or anthing, for 6 years I've kept it a secret, but I think I need to tell my partner about it otherwise it could affect our relationship. I'm not sure how to go about it. I think I've mentioned it, sort of, in the past, but not explained it fully and its kind of funny how we know each other so well, we live together, but he doesn't know this whole chunk of my life. Any advice on how to talk about it would be greatly appreciated. You have no idea how much these forums helped me years ago, I wonder if some of the people I used to talk to are still around... Looking back on some of my old posts is a bit mad, I forgot about a lot of that stuff, I've grown up so much and I'm still so young! I'll stop waffling on now.

Hi guys, Thanks to the people that helped Yeah I'm just going to let time sort this out I think

..Did I just hook someone up on an OCD forum..

Hi everyone! I haven't been on in awhile, I hope everyone's doing alright. I feel like I always seem to post about relationships and it's always a new one, I wonder what that says about me lol. I'm in a new(ish) relationship, been together a few months now and I really, really, really like him. He's amazing, he also has OCD, we talk about almost everything - almost. There are things I'm scared to talk about with anyone, but there are some things I'm scared to talk about with him because I'm scared I might trigger something in his OCD, that I might unearth something he's almost over or something like that. There are things I really want to talk about with him, I think talking about things is really important in relationships, but these are more personal things and I don't have anyone else I can talk to. I'm not sure what to do because I want to tell him things, I just feel as though I can't.. Have any of you guys ever been in a relationship with someone else with OCD? How did it turn out??

Hey! I know exactly how you're feeling. I don't really have much advice, but if it were me, I'd think about how poop I'd feel if I gave in to OCD and didn't go, and how proud of myself I'd feel if I did go! It's a great feeling when you achieve something like that, even if it might be small like going out to the shop

No no no, I wished I were a 12 year old girl who's family gets brutally murdered and is then raised by an assassin! Duh. Jason Mewes is bloody fantastic! But I'm all about Kevin sorry Jason Lee was awesome in Mallrats, ooo I just love them all! I'll certainly try. I'm going to sleep now in case you reply!

That's okay, I am the master of having no shame The style is good, I like it a lot! Quite funny too. I cried watching Leon too! One part of me wished that film was my life... Which is a bit odd.. I love Dogma, I'm a huge huge huge fan of Kevin Smith and all his films! One of my friends who is also a huge fan says that's at the bottom of his Kevin Smith films, but it's at the top of mine! Probably because it was the first one I ever watched... I do that too! Well, we all know that's what you were thinking haha! Well it's not so much some back, it's always been there. It's just that it's suddenly become very strong. I don't think I would, I know I should, but I don't feel like it's bad enough, it's not making much of an impact on my life right now. This is a running theme with me, I won't go to get help unless I'm absolutely dying for it. If I'm getting a headache, and I know it'll be blinding in around 30 minutes, I won't use any pain killers until I'm lying on the bathroom floor in the dark, by the toilet in case I throw up, because I'm in so much pain (true story...). I'm stubborn..

Well you better start cracking out more, I'd gladly do that Well I'm watching it right now, and so far I like it! It is! I may have cried a little too, which wasn't very odd, I cry a lot at films haha! Oh films are a massive catharsis for me. Always have, they're the escape I always go to. My favourite film.. God, that's such a hard question to answer.... Girl, Interrupted is one.. Leon The Professional.. Dogma.. I could go on, there are so many! Oh I have many more stupid things that go round my head on a daily basis, all much more stupid than that. I tend to say things are stupid as some kind of defense thing haha! Well it's just sort of lingered there all my life, it hasn't really shone through until recently.. And of course that wasn't stupid! I think someone on here just recently stated

Well I'm sure there might be at least ONE thing, but it'll take you a while to find it! No I haven't seen that, but now I've looked it up I think I might tonight! I have quite a thing for films, I have a list of (roughly) all the films I've ever watched (I feel like I've mentioned this, I talk about it a lot), but of course there will be some that I can't remember watching, from before I made the list.. I just finished watching one, it was called Closer, it was really good, I was quite surprised, I don't usually like romantic based films. I'm not sure really. For as long as I can remember, (the only way I can explain it) is that I can see and feel germs. This is quite a vivid memory - when I was sat in school, meant to be learning about the magic E that goes on the end of words (that makes 'cope' go from sounding like copp, to c-oh-p), I was sort of making a pile of imaginary germs from the table, and once they touched me the were stuck there, and I had to keep touching and wiping them off (which is where I think my excessive hand rubbing came from). So if I don't wash my hands how ever many times I need to, I can really feel the germs there.. It's stupid I know! Also- The king of the castle made me laugh!

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner! Things have been stressful. I think any kind of help you're trying to give yourself will be good, even if it doesn't help the exact thing you wanted it to, you can learn and shape yourself slowly, learn yourself first then it should be easier to help yourself.You can't fix something if you don't know where the parts go! I don't know, I don't tend to feel like much of a wally doing anything, I don't tend to feel embarrassed doing anything really.. I think my favourite thing to do at night is go shopping at Asda. It's so quiet, there's hardly any people, and the workers are so kind! Probably because it's a lot less stressful and busy at 1AM.. But my sleeping pattern is the right way round right now. I switched it a bit late though.. Ah well. Since my stress levels have gone up, I feel like my ocd is really shining through. Almost like I'm developing another layer, which I think is washing. To be honest it isn't bad right now, in fact slightly helpful in the retrospect that I'm quite clean, but bad in the retrospect that if I don't I slowly go crazy. Hopefully it won't develop into anything.

Thank you! Hahaha my friend has a Lhasa Apso, she's hilariously dumb though, I love her (the dog that is!). It didn't make you sound like a total loon, though maybe that's just because I am one..? I suppose you are a lot further down the line than I am, but everyone has moments of desperation in their lives. I'd be totally the same, you were right! I tend to make a bit of a fuss if I'm going to some kind of therapy, I have to like the psychologist and their views on things etc, otherwise I'm not going! Yeah that's very true, yet I'm still missing a lot of things when I sleep through the day. I love having time to myself, that's why I love staying up late, but eventually after about 2 weeks of it you start to go stir crazy! Or at least I do..

I always feel like this, it's what's stopping me from getting help. I really don't want it to go, I'd feel like I wasn't me without it...?

I have two other cats, one's black and she's called Luna, the other is black and white (like Miko) and he's called Cosmo. Pets do keep us sane, I love my cats to bits, I sound like a bit of a crazy cat lady but they're my babies! They always know when I'm sad and comfort me when no one else is there. I'm worried that it isn't OCD a lot mainly because.. Oh okay I've just had an epiphany and realised I have no idea why! Because OCD plants it in my head I guess.. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to send myself in to get help, if I were ever going to it would probably be because someone forced me in! I'm quite stubborn. Well I always like proving people wrong, but I promise I won't quote you back, just this once! Good luck with your CBT by the way, you're a lot stronger than I am for going again! OCD is rubbish I don't know what they were talking about Well I felt I had to, I was getting a little sick of staying inside all the time and never getting out because it was night time, it's fixed now! (Not for long I imagine, it tends to bounce back, I must belong in a different country!)

Sometimes I worry that it's not OCD at all, and I'm just a horrible person, which is probably just another layer of OCD. Yeah I'm not usually a very open person, there are things not a single human being other than myself know! So it's a terrifying thought telling someone everything. Well, sometimes I don't really want to get better, I never have with anything, I think I'm quite an independent person really. I think all that is probably because I don't see a psychologist as a person that cares about any of it, they don't find it interesting because (like you mentioned) they've heard it all before. Oh that must be annoying. My sleeping pattern has been backwards these past couple of weeks, but I think I might have fixed it a bit today! We'll see though. I've had barely any time to talk to my girlfriend, which she isn't happy about, so I'm trying to make extra effort to be awake when she is! Oh thank you, her name is Miko, she is a lovely cat, my baby haha.