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lonely mum

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Everything posted by lonely mum

  1. ...and everyone going out and about, I can feel the anxiety rising due to possible contamination and it being there highly likely in places where everyone goes. My parents have gone to do shopping where that area/car park is used for (group) outdoor sexual activities. They dont know it. I guess most people using those stores don’t know it but I do and I need to see my parents later on tonight and I feel like hiding, but if I don’t go to my parents house, they will most likely end up at mine to see my kids!
  2. I had to go supermarket with my husband and along the side of the store outside looked like urine stains, possibly from dogs going against the wall and the stains were coming down onto the wide pavement. I’m ok with this being urine but then amongst this was a white streak - it wasn’t transparent like the rest of the streaks but more visible and white. My husband walked right across to this when he stepped up onto the pavement from the road. I keep thinking it was sperm and it’s touched his clothing when he stepped up the pavement. The supermarket is on other side of a retail park and I keep thinking someone may have done something here. Can’t switch off the trails of contamination.
  3. I don’t talk about my ocd with him. He had unpacked the shopping so my telling him was genuinely questioning how he didn’t see an open jar. I also genuinely didn’t know if my reaction was how a normal person would react. My ‘talking’ of the jar was after I’d ‘cleaned’.
  4. So this is an updat on what happen to me earlier today. Basically I was telling the hubby how he did t notice an open jar and he replied “oh I opened it because the jar was leaking it’s oil”. I asked him why he didn’t tell em and basically he said it was greasy on the outside because it had leaked (peanut butter and it contains a lot of oil on the top) and he just twisted the top open to see it inside. He saw it was fine inside and left it on the worktop. I guess my OCD went into overdrive thinking this jar had been tempered with when all the while the hubby had opened it. I’m ok with the fact that the oils had leaked out because it was sealed correctly and I realised how much my mind plays tricks on me. The agony I went through because of OCD!
  5. You sound like a good man. Be that and don’t let OCD ruin this for you.
  6. This might trigger someone with contamination ocd. i places an online order and husband left some of the things on the worktop. It was a click and collect and he had collected it for me. Today I went to put those things away and one of them being smooth peanut butter jar. I picked it up and instantly my hands were greasy and I realised it was all greasy on the outside. I didn’t notice yesterday may be because the weather was cooler and it had set. I looked at the top and the seal was broken - not even from the opening but but from elsewhere. I threw it in the bin. To clarify to my self that it was not contaminated I want to see it again and to open it so I open the bin and hold the jar to open the lid but it started leaking everywhere before I could even open it and it was yellow all over the papers in the bin. I’m now in panic mode because I’m thinking someone did something to it. I want to die!
  7. I had group therapy which didn’t help. And a focuple of one to one with a therapist but this was 4yrs ago and it didn’t help me. I can’t afford private therapy. The group didn’t really focus on my issues - I was really left to it. I then had children who have extra issues so my issues are at the bottom of the pit. I’ve tried again to speak with doctor who said I’d need to talk about the domestic violence I’d encountered in the past. And I’m waiting!
  8. Thank you for all your comments. I’ve just read them and will be re-reading them tomorrow . Thank you
  9. No ok s in place as such. I try to stay in but with family I have to get out sometimes. It’s triggera my contamination ocd so badly. Went out on Saturday and it’s affecting me still this morning because I feel I didn’t clean something from that day and I just touched it.
  10. I contain myself in my house as much as I can but I have to go out with the family, for their sake. When I do it’s so difficult. It’s so scary for me and I always, always, see something I wish I hadn’t. It triggers a whole load of negativity. Life is becoming more and more difficult.
  11. I hope you feel Better soon and can be around family/friends.
  12. Thanks. I’ll speak to doctor again but it’s not what I was told!
  13. I did try getting professional help (think it was cbt) from the doctor but they did a initial referral to see if it was suitable and have decided that I need to talk about the domestic violence first as the OCD mostly stems from that. However, it’s been months and I’m still on their waiting list.
  14. Thanks for your replies guys. When I had my fear of urine, I stopped caring when I accepted it as ‘normal’ and I know I need to just push myself off the edge with this fear of spermicide and all the disgust I find with it, but for some reason I’m finding it was more difficult in ‘normalising’ it. I know if I just stopped caring, like with urine, it would be more acceptable and the only way urine became normal is when I had to deal with it as a new mum. My fear of sperm though, I feel I need to protect my children from this ‘dirty thing’ and ‘dirty places’. It don’t help that I have to take my son to a load of medical appointments and we have to visit so many car parks - I’m not sure if I’m scared of these appointments more or having to go to a car park and catching this contaminant from possible visitors using the area to carry out sexual acts. It rained today when we were in a car park and after a really long time since my fear or urine, I thought that the sperm has mixed with the rain and gotten into my brand new trainers. Now I’m scared of wearing them again and had to wash my feet when I got home.
  15. It could be random sex or someone’s used and returned said garment. I really wish I didn’t know about public places of groups engaging in certain activities. I feel trapped and unable to go places because of this. I’m struggling to explain. My city was flagged as having a high rTing for these activities!
  16. I have a young family to look after. I can’t cope with dealing with this anxiety and taking care of them. My son has extra issues and I don’t know how I can cope any other way right now! I also feel like I’d be exposing them to this.
  17. Actually I need to return the said underwear to the store and I’m already dreading it. I’d placed it back in its packaging and into a plastic bag which touched my coat. I’m currently thinking of how will I hold the bag as I don’t want to hold it from the top as it would have touched the underwear pack and also the bag touched my coat. Now I’m thinking if I can wear the coat or should I just wear another coat? Because if I try to wear the coat I know I will be distressed later and there will follow a load of compulsions and some which I can’t follow through as my husband will be there and he won’t allow me to do them. Dilemma!
  18. Thanks for your informative post. I think I need to think ‘so what?’ and move on but this is the big hurdle for me that I can’t get past. I’m finding it too gross to just leave it and move on.
  19. Lol ‘masturbating all over the world’ - that made me laugh. I think the reason not to want to go out is the ‘dogging’ act - where random people meet up in public places and carry out sexual activities, in public places. Parks, car park, leasuire centres. I don’t know why but this scares me, a lot. Then the obvious thoughts of public toilets may have been used, people don’t wash their hands and go around touching everything and marks/stains are traces of it.
  20. No I don’t always realise that it’s ocd. Not when I can ‘see’ it.
  21. I’d joined a Facebook anxiety/panic group to talk about my ocd. It was a closed group and no one else could see what I was posting BUT the group I found couldn’t understand my OCD issues and thought I was creating lies and making things up! Didn’t help that my ocd is embarrassing enough without being judged like that. I also ended up with a nasty stalker who assumed I’m a gullible person because of my fears of certain things, I guess trying to take advantage of someone who he thought is vulnerable. I alerted him to the group admin and explained why I didn’t feel the group was for me. I much prefer this forum and the outstanding support and people. However I do have other groups I follow which are related to the health issues of my family and these have been invaluable.
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