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Sophhh

Bulletin Board User
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  1. Thank you for ure advice. You are right and I know that deep down. My mind feels against me I guess. Even if i try to convince myself that it was a rational decision, my mind always somewhere has to tell me...what if I'm not and I let this fear dictate my life and everything I do. Its like my brain is telling me I shud be punished but in trying to fight against it. But I agree with your comment, I know it makes sense to not do that to myself. X
  2. @Terriblethoughts thank you, I guess ure right and I try and tell myself this but I think I just have so much doubt and my ocd just makes it worse as I usually get compulsions around being a moral and good person. I will try my best to believe this! Thank You x
  3. Hey, I hope u all are having an amazing christmas! My christmas day was okay but all day I've had this guilt looming in the back of my mind that I cant shake like I am undeserved of specific things at christmas time becuz of something I did. I pushed someone out of my life a long time ago and I still get told it was the wrong decision but I felt it was the only way to be completely happy. I had leave other people behind in order to do this, that didnt deserve it in any way, and I have so much guilt thinking that I am a bad person and that I am ruining this person's life by not talking to them but at the same time I hated being in that situation. But over Christmas time it's got even worse and I feel like I have to question everything I do, thinking ... do I deserve this... or God will punish me becuz I shudnt be enjoying this. I am jumpy and anxious becuz I feel like everything is out to punish me becuz I am trying to move on but my ocd wont let me. In a way i know this is ocd, but also i feel like if i was a good person and doing this for all the right reasons, why would people, some good friends, question my decisions? I can tell they think I'm bad for doing this and I cant help but worry that I am a selfish person. People have even told me I'm selfish and it gets to me that people might actually be right. Sorry to be so negative, I am trying to be positive in this situation but I am struggling to get out of it. Thank you for all replies ❤ xxx
  4. Hi everyone, so atm I feel so guilty for a decision that I made a while ago and I really should give context but I'm scared and paranoid if someone sees it. so I will try and explain things in the best way possible. so basically I made the decision a few years ago to erase someone out of my life and I dont know if it was the right decision but I felt like I had to and that it was the only way to be happy and I wasnt then. I am still sort of getting messages that this person is struggling in there life but I feel like I cant go back becuz I am too scared and I just want to move on from the past. but i feel like I'm being really selfish but i physically cant and wont go back. making this decision has put massive changes and even my friends have questioned me doing this but none of them have actually been in or felt what it used to be like. but it really doesnt help I already feel this extreme guilt that I cant shake and they dont help. i had to go against what everyone was telling me was right and for that it makes me feel really guilty and listen to what they say really to heart. my ocd obviously has got worse as I now feel like I am going to get a punishment from God for being a bad person and that it will effect my future but i cant stop thinking it especially when other people have sed my decision is wrong. i was just asking if anyone has been through the similar situations and if so how did you go about dealing with it. I feel like I am trying to justify it inside my brain to the point it just eats me up inside I cant help doing it thank you all advice is so much appreciated x
  5. hi, so I suppose recently I have not been in the best of places. I am highly anxious all the time, getting panic attacks regularly but the worst of all is like I'm getting really bad guilt and it's all coming from real things that have happened so I know it's not all just in my head. one things that's happened is something bad happened to my dad who I dont speak to anymore. I cut off contact a while ago now bcuz he was horrible and I hated going there. I feel guilty bcuz he ended up in the hospital and cudve died but I did nothing. not even rang. bcuz I cant bring myself to. there are so many things that I have like blocked out completely from my memory and I cant go back to it again. but my friends told me that i was being unfair. my "friends". they didn't understand and they told me to put myself in his shoes. it's TRUE they know nothing of the situation but I cant help this guilt. its overwhelming...and I try to think...oh it's just OCD tricking me into thinking I'm a bad person but how can it be when people have told me I have done wrong and I felt no sadness? alongside this a few people last week told me I seemed aggressive and angry which makes me think even more that I am the problem and its eating me up. like I feel like God will punish me? is this ocd or just the truth? idk. has anyone else been in a situation similar and if so how did they overcome it??? thanks x
  6. ...i suppose your right. i am panicking. i have like no control over it or I don't know how to control it. i know I am being like this it's just hard to get out of it. Thank you x
  7. Right, sorry if this sounds really stupid and over dramatic. I just don't really know how to deal with it. Basically, at the minute someone in my house is ill and it's hard to not lock myself away in my room becuz these things really scare me. For as long as I have had ocd, illness was my main theme and if anyone even has so much as a small cold i physically cant go near them and i dont want to seem rude but i just cant do it. And unlike most intrusive thoughts, it's hard to stay completely clean and it's really making me panic. i can't walk around my house unless I like breathe with my jumper over my nose and i cant touch things such as doorknobs and light switches. im afraid to use the cutlery and glasses etc. becuz of the germs and stuff. i know it sound excessive but I can't get ill. like my ocd and anxiety is already really high atm and this has just blown it out of proportion. How do I go about this? i feel like im not ready to expose myself to these things yet. and I can't stay somewhere else so i feel as tho locking myself in my room is the only option but I don't know. sorry for ranting! Thanks x
  8. Thanks! Just read this and it really helped put some of the things I struggle with, into perspective!!!
  9. Hey, Hope everyone is having a lovely summer and making the most of the sunshine! So, today I woke up and was a normal ish day and was feeling quite happy. Then something happened, just recently, which massively triggered me and i just saw it and immediately panicked. I can't say what it is exactly but it was so unexpected it just took me by surprise. Whenever something triggers me I usually just remove myself from the situation but it's not the same kind of thing and the thing that i saw is now just stuck in my brain and i cant stop worrying about it. I guess my question is how do you stop thinking about it? I feel like the whole house is contaminated now and i just can't deal with the thought of it. thanks x
  10. This may be a bit late but well done and best of luck. it takes a lot of courage and this has inspired me to think about taking some brave steps in my own life. 😘😘😘x
  11. Thank you all for your advice, @Ashleyand @LeopardM. That does make sense that the headphones are me avoiding the actual problem. Recently I have had to go without them and i find that I do get anxious but I got through it! No i am not currently getting any help but hopefully soon. And yes that is really good @LeopardM! Im so glad that there is a way to overcome it.
  12. Yes it is triggering because of conamination. I feel like i just dont want to breath in the same air after someone coughs becuz i just panic that it is then contamination. Obviously i know that its totally irrational but i cant not think it.
  13. Hey, So i will just give you some context... I commute a lot and spend a lot of time on trains and busy areas and i just feel like i cant control my thoughts when on them...my ocd is just hightened (especially on trains) as i am very sensitive to noise and it triggers intrusive thoughts. Especially when people sniff, cough and sit really close to me i just want to beg them to stop becuz those kind of sounds really trigger me and i dont know how to sit with this. I have tried exposing myself to it and just sitting with the anxiety but i cant help but push the thoughts away which obviously makes it worse. I usually just wear my headphones and try and block out any noise but everywhere i go there seems to be another trigger. Its like hell for me seeing as my fears are contamination, getting ill and dying and the fear is constant. I just don't want to be this easily triggered and i want to not push the thoughts away or sit on the train without covering my face and shifting away from people for the whole trip. Its so draining. I just dont know how. Im sorry if this doesnt make any sense, i tried explaining as best as possible. Thank you for all advice given!!! Soph xxx
  14. Hey, So my ocd has been taunting me for most of my life and im so fed up of it and it only gets worse. Recently its developed further and im constantly washing my hands (something i never used to do) and wont even go downstairs if i can avoid it, from the fear of getting ill or mixing with people etc. So i thought enough is enough and i just feel like i want to talk to someone at my college about it as i am constantly anxious. How do you take the first step? I find it so hard to talk about and ive been dealing with it for most of my life and i cant talk about it still. I just get so scared and talk myself out of it...like what if they know nothing about ocd and just think im mad? I know i should be able to, i guess im just wondering if anyone cud share there experience (only if you comfortable) or has any advice. Thanks i appreciate xxx
  15. Hi! I get the exact same thing. Infact it happened to me today during a lecture at my college. I get a thought of a word, sometimes not even offensive, and then i think...what if i shouted this? And it gets me so worked up that i just sit there nervously and panic. I also have to get on trains everyday and hate it...but i try and expose myself to it by not relying on my headphones, using my phone, watching things etc. as its kind of used as my coping mechanism when anxious... I suppose one thing to do is to just sit with the thought instead of pushing it away. The more you urge it away, the worse it will get. Other people have given you good advice and probably already told you this but i just related to it so much! Good luck!!! Sophx
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