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humbleno1

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  1. That we are always going to find something to obsess over, so it ultimately it gets down to making the choice of not obsessing, regardless of what is in that moment? what i mean is something may feel more tangible than others - but ultimately everytime i gets down to the organisation of making it right, clearing the uncertainty? I dont suppose this is any real insight but ultimately, ive found compulsions dont work as much either, when u realise they are ultimately an ILLUSION. no compulsion can change what is, it is just an unhealthy way of dealing with it and when u realise this, this in itself becomes a spike, because u spike over that ur forcing the certainty which in some way is beneficial because its the end of the road with pursuing the compulsions to some degree, because they just dont help at that point.
  2. My depression due to chronic conditions is just too much right now, its overwhelming I just feel so insignificant and small, and I feel like I cant get better, im tired of this life.
  3. Ive really tried lately not to fall into any traps, there just never seems to be an end to this disorder - it seems to have got so intricate and sophisticated now thats it very difficult to really function with it. My latest spike, is worried of the spreading of a virus, as previously ive had, but the problem now is my memory is so bad I dont know whats real and what isnt, and it actually manages to generate such a feeling that one memory is real, that I find myself having to accept that possibilty, and it even feeling probable I dont know if I can do this - its a complete attack on my character and I think it is worse for me, as I have other conditions like brain fog, problems with memory so I literally feels more possible, maybe even venturing into psychosis/delusions, anyway the point is how does one overcome ocd like this, I just cant seem to do it.
  4. come to a sort of conclusion which I know im probably preaching to teh choir here, and its not some great insight but it helps me to motivate myself by reiterating these kinda things, anyway - I think reassurance is like alcohol for an alchoholic, I guess I dont think u can get better, until whatever it is ur ocd is throwing at u u can truly be okay with not knowing - im slowly realising that fact.
  5. wow this disorder really is so insidious its such a horrible disorder!!! it can create such complexities in ur mind!! i try i really do, cant seem to beat this thing
  6. I know what the answer more than likely going to be but when you are in the spell of ritualizing i find its very hard at that point to leave it, because ur ending it on a bad note by choice, when u have the choice to not ritualize sometimes the choice is made easy for u when u are forced to accept the uncertainty, but when u have that choice to check, any tips on leaving it on a bad note, espeecially when u did a compulsion and didnt feel u did it right? so hard to leave it on that note? and ultimately because of the checking i think ive done someting again by mistake cant win again, when will i learn? now i think this is the time ive done something lol
  7. thank you for the responses - i appreciate them. trying hard at this point not to ritualize, but its so trapping even thinking about not thinking about it spikes me, its coming at me from all angles, im sorry for being such a burden i am a burden on society.
  8. i spent pretty much the whole weeks compulsions, which lead to more compulsions and lead to just believing i did something wrong now, because i thought about it tahat much i think i must have mistakenly typed something in - which is great.... you cant win - i just wish i could stop playing now im really worried becaus ei checked so much and was thinking about it so much i think i might ahve some how done it while checking - like because its about typing something bad, so i was thinkingabout it so much in my brain to check and compulse i could have typed it automatically and done it, without thinking. FML
  9. Im in a deep depression my mother wants me to leave the house im trying to hold a job down, miles away and commuting, shes unhappy with this and that - my ocd is taking over, my mothers pretty much vacant in terms of sympathy. Im in loops of thinking ive done things and when i ruminate it spikes me further and then i think because i chose to ruminate, im guilty of possibly somehow doing something subconsciously because it was a choice to ruminate, can anyone help please.
  10. Dont know just seems to have a grip on me Im constantly worried im going to type something in at work, or google, or something, and then when I ritualize about it I think that because I thought about it, I might have somehow done it, I know what I have to do, Ive just felt so exhausted with it and now when I come to the end of it and feel like, "ive ritualized to the best i can" i feel that all the times i did means its actually more likely i have done now, because i have this complex about i always make things worse, I know im repeating myself, I just dont feel at peace ever, and I wish I could get to a point where I overcome this damn disorder but I havent got there and dont think I ever am, and thats so depressing to me. should you beat yourself up for ritualizing i know you have a choice i dunno i guess i just feel overall, no peace or whatever, i dont even know.
  11. struggling with just going deeper and deeper into the quagmire of ocd, and coming out worse off ritualizing anyone have any input, i have this memory problem where i forget what im even spiking over or where i was when i had the spike or where my hand was and did i move it etc or type it etc, can anyone input something here?
  12. Even posting this is technically a ritual, ok so does anyone have it where, you do a ritual and it obviously leads your further down a maze, of oh another spike and you think whatever you feaer is more likely true or happened now because you just thought about it more, and somehow because you thought about it willingly even though it was a ritual now you worry you could have acted on it subconsciously or soemthing, it just gets me into more trouble but its hard to turn the tap off once u start because u feel u have actually messed things up now any input on this
  13. I quit my job, it was a really tough job and not a nice environment for mental health - debt collecting over the phone - I cant stop worrying about everything and anything I dont think Im ok to work, so Im going to go back to the doc, Last time I was there I told him I keep thinking something bads gonna happen, or Im gonna do something bad, and that I think my job is a correlation - and I think having a baby last year might be a trigger, now im worried about this going on medical records, and how it was phrased etc. Im being pressured by my family about income, and they are just making me feel worthless, because I now dont have a job. I thought you know leaving a job in a pretty bad environment would help, but im just not getting the support I need. Im being labelled as lazy and a bum. Please help thanks.
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