humbleno1

u have to break the loop! right? thats what it is and it will get u in the loop man! however it can god this disorder is tricky! what hope have we got, we have to manage ourselves, damn.

true had abit of a thought today and im really trying to push myself to be accepting of the uncertainty of any situation or any thought that my brain brings to me, obviously ocd is very good at making us feel like oh this time is unique or, because its an "action" so to speak that could have been prevented like by washing hands, its my fault and I have to treat this is as a legitimate threat, I think a big part of my ocd is responsibility the fear of being responsible for something bad, anyway, yes I think and I know a willingness to have the thoughts and the uncomfortability of the uncertainty is the only way forward regardless, other wise we are really just confined to this brain and when it says jump we say how high, im having this re-established right now this philosophy, today I rode some spikes out big time. I had a thought and unfortunately, I came to the conclusion that it could be likened to a broken fan on your laptop (i have one right now) but basically we have to ignore the nosie, and focus on the other things, movies, music, would it be right to conclude we have been given faulty wiring and, the acknowledge of this significance of this wiring just adds to our suffering. i kno this is true, albeit a hard reality to accept, because our brain naturally wants that homeostasis, i kno and have read the treatment of ocd feels counterintuitive but walking that walk and actually ignoring all your "survival" instincts how do we do it?

thanks for the response, sucks to be me haha. tryna hold down a job atm, and finding it difficult with this going on, sigh. I know I know what to do, lately its been very hard though, lots of spikes surrounding my daughter, as always ocd picks on the things we love most, and I havent been able to enjoy being a dad, its lead to a lot of depression also, sometimes just need some moral support to some degree I guess, I dont know.

So I have herpes (unfortunately) and I havea really mild form that always seems to be out, anyway its on my private area, and ok so I was laid in bed, and I moved my hand down as was uncomfortable in crotch area, basically touched my genitals, anyway I pretty much forgot I did this, then I eat this bag of chocolate, and put it back on bed, and like i kind of thought maybe i touched my self couldnt remember with right hand and not left, so used left, anyway then i came to conclusion i used both hands (which at this point i think i did im like 70 percent sure i did), im usually always washing my hands, but then sometime i feel like im going over board with hand washing anyway, i know that the virus doesnt live long outside of the skin but then someone came and just started feeding them to someone young in like 7-8 seconds later, and they were fresh out the bath, and now im worried that they touched her hand and preson was young so they may have gone to toilet straight after, or accidentally brushed themselves below or something and caught it and i dunno, now im worried about this. My sis says she watched the person adn the young persons hands never went anywhere near there privates but now im worried? On another note, im really tired of this disorder it is so good at putting me in these horrible situations, and its taking all my enjoyment out of life. it makes me feel guilty for everything i do. and i feel like i should hve went and just washed my hands, but then my brain sometimes make me feel like thats silly like im giving in to the ocd, i wanted to get a wet wipe and wipe the persons hands but i didnt, but its probably not, so i dont even know. sigh

so atm, I get trapped in loops of ruminating to address a spike, spiking as i ruminate forgetting what i spiked about, and then putting it right, then because i ruminated putting it right hte cycle continues. how do i work on this thanks.

that was some excellent advice, love hearing stuff like this.

Got me thinking there is no real help for ocd, I just cant seem to be okay, and even the advice on here it doesnt really help, while im going through spikes im spiking alot lately, about being on the computer, writing inappropriate things, typing things, and then in real life about things, and then even thinking ive somehow murdered someone. Its so difficult, what is the answer.

Its difficult especially with ocd that focus on taboo thoughts, its very difficult....I dont have the answer, maybe private therapy but, not all of us have that kind of money.

What u have to remember is u have ocd, people who dont understand ocd are going to give u advice like ur brain works correctly and it doesnt u have a misfire ontop of this, everyone gets angry, it doesnt mean ur a danger to ur child, at all. heck I used to get angry and yeh it would create intrusive thoughts, but because i get horny doesnt make me a pervert, i know so much how u feel because, ive been there myself, my ocd is very similar to urs about did i do this or did i do that? u have to try to let it go okay, once u take anxiety out the equation u can see things clearer but unfortunately u have to be prepared for POSSIBILITIES of ocd thoughts its the only way u get over ur fear, in time u will understand ur baby is fine, and u didnt do anything.

u cant figure it out thats the problem, okay, u are trying to remember an event that didnt happen, memory doesnt work that way this is reassurance giving but im going to give u some because u need a little, ur memory works that if something happens - U KNOW IT HAPPENED, u dont question what happened AT ALL. okay if ur son bumped his head u would know u are a caring father u may have got angry but trust me, thats normal, It doesnt mean ur a bad dad or u did something, u have a spectrum of emotions okay, if u had hurt him in anyway there would have been some semblence of guilt at KNOWING the action happened, ur problem is u have ocd - and ocd, can create false memories teh false alarm system goes off and will pick on gaps in ur memory, it can even create "episodic" memory, because not all our memories are stored (insignificant actions) for instance when i turn a lightswitch off this is not recorded in my memory because we dont log it as it is not significant, ok - u need to work on ur ocd, take comfort knowing u have ocd, and this nothing but a part of that, which is what it is. and work on the right way to deal with this. its very important u dont mess with natural processors in ur head like memory u can really confuse urself, u need to let this go dont spend any more time on it and trust that if something happened u would KNOW, not THINK, KNOW.

u are not a monster...u have ocd, and people dont understand trust me ive been there.

i think u should try and get some meds at least temporarily that will help.

Ok so in terms of baby being checked by a doctor, i dont think thats necessary if baby is acting normal, i mean u can just ask to have the baby checked over i dont think u have done anything wrong here u just have to be careful of what u say and who u say it to because of stigma.

I skim read alot of ur post, as im in a rush, I am a new father myself, my daughters one years old, and I know exactly what you are going through - Its normal to get anxious etc around your child even as a new father but with ocd its ten times worse, I have had very similar ocd thoughts, my brain actually convinces me Ive done things that I havent. Its awful I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy, jsut know that ur not alone in this fight ill come back to this thread later, and try not to feel so guilty this really isnt ur fault.

Does anybody else find it very difficult to talk about specifically the ocd spikes, to a doctor or health professional? Unfortunately, I went through a difficult time with stigma, with false memory ocd, and it became less about helping me and more about figuring out if I had actually done something bad. How can we stop this stigma? Why would anyone admit, on record to these thoughts and obsessive worries when all they do, is create a stigma for the sufferer and sling mud onto them. I know we have to look beyond this but lets have this debate and opinion, im interested. https://metro.co.uk/2018/04/07/ocd-tricks-memories-things-never-really-happened-7327069/