humbleno1

hey hal thanks, Ive been going to doctors, and hes referred me only for a diagnosis though, even though i was diagnose ten years ago, he wants me to take meds and I realy dont like the idea, as i have health anxiety too, but hes basically saying he thinks that i could get better just off taking meds, so is kinda not letting me get to help, im struggling to get out of bed, ive literally just been sleeping for the past month maybe awake 6-8 hours, i have no money coming in, and they want me to sign on, the access to help is just diabolical.

it really has and now im in a situation with consequences and more uncertainty, dont underestimate this illness, it isnt fair, this affliction is monstrous. its all well and good saying u know or get over thing, but how what about lasting consequences, that come directly from ocd fears and compulsions. I cannot get a break ive been so unlucky in life, and I just cant take it anymore, its too much.

feeling like this over some things everyone telling me to "get over it" and stuff, i cant, whole life has gone to ****, and nobody really cares, i have all my problems and more, and more responsibility, cant really see a way out, i know people going to give me the usual it can get better - i just cant cope anymore, im very sad, like i cant explain, im giving up, im ready to give up.

Hey sorry to hijack your thread, but do you sign on universal credit also? its just im currrently out of work and struggling to even do the whole universal credit thing is there a more suitable route for someone suffering with mental health issues? thanks

That we are always going to find something to obsess over, so it ultimately it gets down to making the choice of not obsessing, regardless of what is in that moment? what i mean is something may feel more tangible than others - but ultimately everytime i gets down to the organisation of making it right, clearing the uncertainty? I dont suppose this is any real insight but ultimately, ive found compulsions dont work as much either, when u realise they are ultimately an ILLUSION. no compulsion can change what is, it is just an unhealthy way of dealing with it and when u realise this, this in itself becomes a spike, because u spike over that ur forcing the certainty which in some way is beneficial because its the end of the road with pursuing the compulsions to some degree, because they just dont help at that point.

My depression due to chronic conditions is just too much right now, its overwhelming I just feel so insignificant and small, and I feel like I cant get better, im tired of this life.

Ive really tried lately not to fall into any traps, there just never seems to be an end to this disorder - it seems to have got so intricate and sophisticated now thats it very difficult to really function with it. My latest spike, is worried of the spreading of a virus, as previously ive had, but the problem now is my memory is so bad I dont know whats real and what isnt, and it actually manages to generate such a feeling that one memory is real, that I find myself having to accept that possibilty, and it even feeling probable I dont know if I can do this - its a complete attack on my character and I think it is worse for me, as I have other conditions like brain fog, problems with memory so I literally feels more possible, maybe even venturing into psychosis/delusions, anyway the point is how does one overcome ocd like this, I just cant seem to do it.

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come to a sort of conclusion which I know im probably preaching to teh choir here, and its not some great insight but it helps me to motivate myself by reiterating these kinda things, anyway - I think reassurance is like alcohol for an alchoholic, I guess I dont think u can get better, until whatever it is ur ocd is throwing at u u can truly be okay with not knowing - im slowly realising that fact.

wow this disorder really is so insidious its such a horrible disorder!!! it can create such complexities in ur mind!! i try i really do, cant seem to beat this thing

I know what the answer more than likely going to be but when you are in the spell of ritualizing i find its very hard at that point to leave it, because ur ending it on a bad note by choice, when u have the choice to not ritualize sometimes the choice is made easy for u when u are forced to accept the uncertainty, but when u have that choice to check, any tips on leaving it on a bad note, espeecially when u did a compulsion and didnt feel u did it right? so hard to leave it on that note? and ultimately because of the checking i think ive done someting again by mistake cant win again, when will i learn? now i think this is the time ive done something lol

thank you for the responses - i appreciate them. trying hard at this point not to ritualize, but its so trapping even thinking about not thinking about it spikes me, its coming at me from all angles, im sorry for being such a burden i am a burden on society.

can i get one reply just for a little support i guess.

i spent pretty much the whole weeks compulsions, which lead to more compulsions and lead to just believing i did something wrong now, because i thought about it tahat much i think i must have mistakenly typed something in - which is great.... you cant win - i just wish i could stop playing now im really worried becaus ei checked so much and was thinking about it so much i think i might ahve some how done it while checking - like because its about typing something bad, so i was thinkingabout it so much in my brain to check and compulse i could have typed it automatically and done it, without thinking. FML

Im in a deep depression my mother wants me to leave the house im trying to hold a job down, miles away and commuting, shes unhappy with this and that - my ocd is taking over, my mothers pretty much vacant in terms of sympathy. Im in loops of thinking ive done things and when i ruminate it spikes me further and then i think because i chose to ruminate, im guilty of possibly somehow doing something subconsciously because it was a choice to ruminate, can anyone help please.