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humbleno1

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  1. hey, When I had my original theme still unresolved in my mind, it rears its head from time to time, but something worse in life game along, fear of death, with real health conditions it helped me move past and start living, I never thought that something else ocd related could ever do as much damage as that theme, I literally thought if I could deal with that I could deal with anything and id never get myself in a position like that again, oh how wrong I was. OCD will always find things to latch onto, as your life goes on, it seems to adapt to and evolve, it seems to pop up when we are stressed or when you are grasping for control in life, I mean figuring out the why isnt really important and could actually become an obsession because you are never going to know why fully, and you can get into all kinds of freudian answers. Dont fear relapse I guess, fear is the mind killer, and all fear does is create more fear, but u know I wish I could take my own advice good luck.
  2. alot of situations with ocd cant be resolved so to speak - I wish someone obsessed over me that much when I needed them lol, but no one does probably because its unhealthy, in life unfortunately there is a certain resignation people have to someone making there own choices regardless of support. I think you need to try to resign yourself to knowing you cannot be sure this person isnt going to harm themselves no matter what you do, act according to your values, but dont obsess, easier said than done, but its really your only option.
  3. I dont see a way out, and I just dont even have motivation to post here, how did I get here? lifes so cruel, I dont understand, im getting tired of living, im tortured everyday. I want to go back in time, but I can't, I feel so doomed, I hate myself, how did I get in this position, there's no hope, whats the point? somethings you cant accept. somethings are just messed up.
  4. All good points^ But I still maintain it could offer incentive to stop, infact im using it now to stop. Maybe im wrong in thinking that would change things for people, I guess you are right but still there is a point where someone stops, maybe when they truly learn they cant escape anxiety/uncertainty ? I don't know. Your input btw all, is very much appreciated.
  5. I just seem to be punished by my compulsions alot that either end up in real life coincidences which only create more uncertainty or actual results of my compulsions, which believe me are some bad things, so when I hear people have done compulsions and it never effects there lives maybe I just got really unlucky. For instance I went to the police about an ocd thought - I now have a record of suspicion documented - it will interfere with me working with vp, not that I want to but the point is that was a real life consequence, aswell as stigma - all because of a compulsion now, I never thought about that, all that mattered to me was proving im innocent to myself. Another example I took an unprescribed pill in regards to health anxieties, which I had some sort of reaction to, and left me with some conditions that have worsened my physical health dramatically and my mental health even - again all because I did something out of fear, and manifested it into REALITY. And as you know im going through a very similar thing now. Not only does this, hurt, to the point of being in despair, but also, it strengthens ocd and anxiety to the point of how much you must believe in the negative outcome, I dunno I think ive been really unlucky, to be so punished by these compulsions like this. Sometimes wonder if it might surpass ocd, I never seem to have the insight into ocd to act accordingly especially now with my memory being so bad, I should have learnt from these things, but again, I never expected the outcomes maybe I did of the first one abit more, but who could predict an allergic reaction to a pill. Anyway...yes im self pitying, and this definitely isnt the attitude to have for this disorder, but I just feel that this is someone that not only has lost to the disorder, but someone that has seemingly been punished for having the disorder with more than just more anxiety. I think these situations although rare can happen to people for instance lets say someone thinks they raped someone, when they were drunk, and they then call that person and explain to them what they think, and then that person then believes what they are saying and decides to pursue charges, when NOTHING has happened, again a manifestation of a real life consequence to a compulsive act of a fictitious thought. Anyway I think you put it the best paradoxer, you are damned if you do and if you dont either way with ocd, my problem is im don'ting alot more, and you would think I would have learnt that lesson. Thanks
  6. Sorry for the negativity, ive just never seen the emphasis placed on what compulsions can lead to other than feeding the disorder really in general. And I think that its important. I remember an interview with dr phillipson saying one of his patients literally had to compulse and touch a wire that could have killed him, and I cant recall if he did or didnt. But I think we need to recognise compulsions can be actually dangerous, in a way more than just oh its going to get you further focused on your fear! thats all im saying, Ive never been dissuaded to do a compulsion by the possible consequences of it, because anxiety always overdrives and you literally arent thinking straight. I just think we need to may be say to people when they are talking about compulsions, you know like more of hey if you do that compulsion, something really bad could happen, that compulsion could actually impact your life. Rather than dont do the compulsion it feeds the disorder.
  7. Well I personally feel not to diminish anyones suffering but that not all ocd is equal, especially compulsions that lead to some sort of real life consequence for instance a guy with POCD, is not going to get the same stigma as HOCD or ROCD. We need to stop underestimating this disorder in terms of, just how much it can damage lives. For instance people losing jobs, being investigated etc. Not being able to adopt, being arrested, compulsions leading to illness. This is sorely overlooked not to instill fear, but there is much to be made of the benign nature of OCD, and benign nature of thoughts but, its not. Doing compulsions can quite literally ruin lives, beyond functionability! Not enough is said about this.
  8. This disorder pretty much ruins lives, I for one think its a disgrace the stigma around intrusive thoughts and I think it is directly responsible for peoples suffering! I dont even know why I post here, this disorder ruined my life! ruined it nobody else has to deal with this, and nobody else ruins and self sabotages like this does! I dont even know why I post this, im just someone crying out in the wilderness of a horrific mess.
  9. hey hal thanks, Ive been going to doctors, and hes referred me only for a diagnosis though, even though i was diagnose ten years ago, he wants me to take meds and I realy dont like the idea, as i have health anxiety too, but hes basically saying he thinks that i could get better just off taking meds, so is kinda not letting me get to help, im struggling to get out of bed, ive literally just been sleeping for the past month maybe awake 6-8 hours, i have no money coming in, and they want me to sign on, the access to help is just diabolical.
  10. it really has and now im in a situation with consequences and more uncertainty, dont underestimate this illness, it isnt fair, this affliction is monstrous. its all well and good saying u know or get over thing, but how what about lasting consequences, that come directly from ocd fears and compulsions. I cannot get a break ive been so unlucky in life, and I just cant take it anymore, its too much.
  11. feeling like this over some things everyone telling me to "get over it" and stuff, i cant, whole life has gone to ****, and nobody really cares, i have all my problems and more, and more responsibility, cant really see a way out, i know people going to give me the usual it can get better - i just cant cope anymore, im very sad, like i cant explain, im giving up, im ready to give up.
  12. Hey sorry to hijack your thread, but do you sign on universal credit also? its just im currrently out of work and struggling to even do the whole universal credit thing is there a more suitable route for someone suffering with mental health issues? thanks
  13. That we are always going to find something to obsess over, so it ultimately it gets down to making the choice of not obsessing, regardless of what is in that moment? what i mean is something may feel more tangible than others - but ultimately everytime i gets down to the organisation of making it right, clearing the uncertainty? I dont suppose this is any real insight but ultimately, ive found compulsions dont work as much either, when u realise they are ultimately an ILLUSION. no compulsion can change what is, it is just an unhealthy way of dealing with it and when u realise this, this in itself becomes a spike, because u spike over that ur forcing the certainty which in some way is beneficial because its the end of the road with pursuing the compulsions to some degree, because they just dont help at that point.
  14. My depression due to chronic conditions is just too much right now, its overwhelming I just feel so insignificant and small, and I feel like I cant get better, im tired of this life.
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