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humbleno1

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  1. Had a very spike filled weekend completely lost in my mind, co-incidental things started happening which creates a worry of validity to the spikes, and unfortunately, I have cognition brain fog issues, which makes insight harder, unfortunately barring just ignoring it all, which is really hard to do, I just dont see alot of hope with this disorder. It has really dawned on me, how much of an illness this really is, no different to someone suffering with a chronic condition such as Alzheimer disease and dementia. Arthritis. Asthma. Cancer. And yes on some level I do think it is that bad. I just posted this to vent, Ive tried pretty much everything never really goes away. Seems like such a cross to bear to be honest amongst other things too. Oh well.
  2. ocd ruined my life, lead to awful decisions and i never became a man from it, i remained a child, a broken soul, that cant function for himself. it lead to me being someone and making choices i never wanted to make. ocd is evil, and can ruin ur life, and it did mine, and it will never go away nor have me living with my decisions that i feel like i never really had much of a choice in even tho i did, but my brain so twisted by ocd, and lost in thinking this is what i want or that is what i want, its unfair ocd, is sick, it makes u sick. sorry this is how i feel now. i have no hope, my life barely worth living, i wish id have died as a baby. good bye.
  3. ironically its not contracting it that worries me, its more of a depression at the way things are going, and feeling no motivation as life is on lockdown, its created a nihilistic like viewpoint.
  4. its really difficult to get on the sick, on universal credit, you have to be presenting with severe anxiety or symptoms, for them to take you seriously, basically they will maybe put your requirements down on looking for a job but that still means you get a standard rate, that jobseekers get which depends on wether you live with parents or have your own place, living as a single person with no housing benefit, you get about 300 pound a month, what happens if you are ill, is they will put you forward for an assessment if they think you cannot even look for work whatsoever, you will fill in a uc50 form, and then they put you forward to the assessment if you are deemed unfit for work you get around 600 as a single person. But you are looking at almost 3-4 months before you get that money. its a long depressing process and if you can work, probably easier to just work.
  5. Every major problem ive ever had came from ocd, and my life has took some weird turns of hardship, health problems, guilt, financial. its just too much, its too much heartache, I know I might sound like a wuss, but I just feel so broken, lost all motivation. I know posting doesnt do much either. I resent this life, I resent this disorder, I resent the lasting consequences ive experienced. im lost, im very depressed, im not actively suicidal but i was just starting to feel okay again for a time. sigh, sorry to post this just dont really know what to do.
  6. I dont really agree, I think if someone shows a lack of certainty at any point, they should not be "investigated". Why open up them only to be scrutinized? and once theyve checked there boxes we are going to help u and tell u what u already know. Its traumatic, it could put someone over the edge, and people have lost there jobs because of it, because essentially you are being treat ultimately as an offender, for having a lack of insight. If you express distress at the thought and a lack of insight it shouldnt be warranted to be investigated because at the end of the day thats all they are looking for at that point anyway, its unnecessary.
  7. Im happy it all turned out well, but why is this still happening? its extremely damaging to the person suffering and it just makes people not want to seek help. This makes me angry and depressed.
  8. This is a huge issue for people with taboo nature of ocd, u know we should just operate on the same level as, not caring about our thoughts and stuff, its mad, how well that serves people LOL, me personally I was the victim of this also, I went to a police station after being sorta emotionally blackmailed into doing so, by a family member when my ocd was not getting better, and was worried about thinggs, i explained things to the police who proceeded to arrest me and use it as a confession! even though i relented numerous times on how i didnt know what was real and what wasnt and the thoughts were intrusive they didnt want to hear that! sadly, i dont even think articles like that will help ur case to the brainwashed, idiotic population that would probably just say we are freaks! i love this site but sometimes we need to stop being so naieve, i wish i wasnt so naieve, years ago.
  9. For 9 years I struggled with ocd stopped living a life, put myself through some bad stuff, unprecedented stuff that normal people dont go through, then I have a reaction to a pharmaceutical that alters my body composition, but it urged me to start living, in the next 2 years, I try to make my symptoms better, and I am life limited in many ways, I couldnt believe this had happened to me, given everything id been through and this was because of ocd, also, all of it came from COMPULSIONS, this whole thing has emasculated me, self harm. Then I have a child, and again I get into a similar situation, so now I have all 3 of these problems, and I just cant overcome it, like I want to give up, I see no hope, no light, I wish Id never brought a child into this world, because I cant look after them, she lives with her mother, but its all just a mess, I lost my job I have no money, and I dont even have the will to better my life anymore, I have too much guilt and depression. I dont even post here for help I just post to vent, Ive never really come into contact with anyone that could really help me, I just feel that all my problems need a time machine to fix, some things never change. I know I come here and post these kinda things alot, but its genuinely how I feel. The best thing I can compare it to is the movie Awakenings, OCD stopped me living a life I mean literally no goals, no jobs for YEARS, no relationships, prime of my life 20's. Then for 2 years albeit with a physical illness, I decide because of my illness Im going to live, because lifes too short, and then just as the movie awakenings OCD, comes back crippling depression and I go back to the sunken state, the catatonic state as depicted in the movie, but for a MOMENT, brief Moments I was happy, I had some joy. Please dont give cliches here, If people reply Ive heard them all before, "It can get better" Yes, maybe it can, but also, it only gets better in this distorted version of what my life is, as to what It SHOULD BE. and thats something I struggle to accept. I just dont know why these things have happened to me, I dont know why I cant find the self assurance that other people have, I dont know why I have to have a problem that questions who I AM, and has lead to me doing stupid things that reinforce the doubts, I dont know why after all that, Im still given other problems by God or fate, or whatever, that I never imagined I would have. It just doesnt seem fair and it makes me want to die, just to spite this world, and everyone that let me down. Im sorry for this negative post but, its just how I feel, and Ive been feeling for a year or so now. I feel like the only thing that might give my life any meaning now is death, Im just tired, im tired of having to fight of having to struggle. Sigh, thanks for reading.
  10. u cant change who people are focus on yourself because others will always let you down.
  11. panic and fear has to be faced the only way over it is through it, i kno it may seem cliche, but overcoming fear is not the absence of fear, its all a trick to keep u trapped.
  12. I think we care too much, most people are pretty callous - it certainly didnt serve me to care so much, infact it made my actions worse or at least the consequences of them, I really sometimes am in true awe of the hurrendousness of this disorder and how it robs us of so much joy in our lives. dont let it rob u of urs.
  13. thats pretty standard theme in ocd, that u didnt tell us everything or maybe weve got the wrong idea or interpretation, its simply not true, but ocd and anxiety will always distort pretty granted things, u have to basically, accept no certainty that u want there, even though its pretty much straightforward, this post is just you seeking reassurance and its only going to keep u in the loop, basically,the sooner u allow for some uncertainty the better, it exists wether u want it to or not.
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