humbleno1

I cant even bring myself to write this, I feel sick with anxiety and stresss, but basically my issue that i have previously mentioned, my girlfriend, on nd off has made it cosntantly difficult to see my child because of our relationship she has always said about breastfeeding being the reason, now she has turned round after everything because of arguments and said she doesnt want me or my family in the childs life anymore, even after we bought her house warming presents, etc now at this point, she said take me to court, u wont win, ur mental health will mean u wont win, guys i am in a very bad way, i cant take the stress i think im going to have a mental breakdown. she will only let me come visit the baby and will not let me have her overnight it all has to be at her mothers house on her terms. and now shes saying shes never going to.

I appreciate the replies may ask a few more things here, so, even though I kind of accept that, I havent done any damage, i still struggle because "it wasnt in the middle" and also because i think because it wasnt in the middle and "further" it has to have done damage. its like perfectionism of ht emiddle

yesterday i said to my mother how nobody helps me she locked me out the house and then called the police on me bcause i have been self harming due to my ocd issue, she then has now threateened to chuck me out but i should come back for a welfare check, now my whole family are against me, and i cant stay at my dads as he only has a one bedroom and will not let me stay there it is too small or he says so i have talked my way into my mom letting me stay, at the house but she is very abusive and has said that if i dont do everything she wants, she will chuck me out, and she said she wants me to shut up and keep my thoughts to myself.

i cut myself anyway, i hate myself and i hate mysituation and i hate my life but thanks guys cheers woop briliant, idiot that i am.

was it my fault, im crying now, i fee like its all my fault :'(

I get all what everyone here is saying but I literally feel suicidal about this and nobody can change that it happened urgh im in so much pain mentally everyday, everday, i hate myself, i really really hate myself.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp.

but the obstetrician would know right coz he would have to know that medical knowledge anyway right?

do u think i should speak to a neurosurgeon and ask if its possible but i dont know any, but i spoke to an obstetrician, he delivers babies and he said its not possible, but maybe he doesnt know ,and a neurosurgeons better? this is wher my head is at rn

i cant

This is making me suicidal

So when I pushed with my finger and gripped thumb on baby head to check the bone - it moved in and I wish it only moved in so far, but I went in further than I wanted like it went past the middle and i think thats my ocd too because i dont want to go past the middle of wherever my gauge was, and I think that that might have caused damaged but I got told by doc it wouldnt, but I dont want to have done it, how do I accept that I did it and held it there for like ten seconds to check.

Yeh but its not about that its about that event and worrying if it effeected polarbear u know the on e i told u about before.

surprise surprise nobody cares god im all alone.

the thought of living with the possibility of me, causing the death of my own child is somethinig im struggling to live with i just cant, accept this - its destroying me.