Lynz

Sorry to hear this BelAnna. I'm glad your mum has an appointment booked now so hopefully she will have all of the proper tests done etc.

7 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I'm trying to finish an essay for my degree course but can't really concentrate. 

I didn't know you were studying for a degree. That sounds really interesting, what are you studying? I'm due to go back to uni this September to do a masters. It's with the Open University so it's distance learning, but I'm really looking forward to it. 

I know what you mean about not being able to concentrate sometimes with studying when you have other stuff going on. What I used to do was just set myself very small goals so for example if I had an essay coming up but I was struggling to concentrate I'd give myself a window of just one hour to do uni work and try my best to fully focus on the work just for an hour, and then I'd let myself go back to worrying or whatever else I was doing afterwards. Then maybe a few hours later I'd do the same thing. I found it easier to focus when my goal was "do uni work for 1 hour", instead of "I've got this whole essay to write and I can't concentrate". If I had tons of different tasks I needed to do I'd break those down as well so if I had say 20 sources to read and make notes on for an essay I would say "ok I'll do this one now for an hour and a half" or however long it would take me, "after dinner I'll do this other one for an hour" etc.

So sorry to hear about your dad, Summer. I hope he gets better soon.

You've certainly had more than your fair share of stressful circumstances. I'm not surprised your OCD is going a bit haywire at the moment as we all know that stress is a big trigger.

Try and avoid analysing and ruminating on your "hallucinations". Focus on doing your best to relax and take it easy for now. When things have settled down a bit then I'm sure your OCD will settle as well.

13 hours ago, Summer9173 said:

Hello,

I’ve been doing quite well recently, but over the past couple of days I’ve gone into such a spiral and it feels horrible.  I started Pregabalin 1 month ago now, and increased to 100mg a week ago. I’ve been feeling quite paranoid like someone or something is going to jump out at me where I’m hallucinating and don’t feel with it. But it’s just this strong paranoia and I’m hypersensitive to literally everything. I have had sinusitis for 1 month which causes me to feel foggy with bad sinus headaches and spaced out, whereas the side effect I experience the most with Pregabalin is feeling spacey/drunk feeling, so that doesn’t really help. I know we all get told that if your not to sure if it’s OCD, then it is OCD, but I really am not sure what’s going on here but it feels absolutely horrible.  I just have this heightened fear and I don’t even know why and extreme paranoia? I’d really like some advice on this as it feels horrible. 

It definitely sounds like the side effects from the pregabalin could be bothering you. They should settle down in time as you've only been taking them for a month and you just upped your dose a week ago, but if they carry on or you're worried about it then I would definitely have a chat with your GP.

1 hour ago, northpaul said:

Generally speaking I agree with the points you raise in the whole of your your post.  However I would like to add in some clarity about the brain scans.

As some people will be aware I have had a brain scan.  You stated above '' They could do a brain scan but that won't actually show anything unusual.''

I was surprised when I got the results of my brain scan that the scan did show in quite specific detail the extent and also the age of the infarcts (dead tissue) in my brain.  The Radiologist and Specialist Doctor could even tell if they were old or more recent infarcts.  That I would say is something significant or unusual.

However, I do agree that that the scan only gives evidence of brain disease/injury.  There are many different symptoms that can arise from such disease/injury.

In view of Robin's statements about multiple head impacts I still think a brain scan would be a sensble thing to have.  That will give clarity to that specific issue of brain damage.  As another poster has suggested this course of action can be taken alongside any help required for mental health issues.

Another related point about brain injuries in general is this:

The Football Association is in the process of investigating how multiple impacts to the head affect footballers later in life.  They have also recently intoduced head injury protocals that means players must not play for a set period of time and are put under Medical supervision.

Head impacts are now been taken far more seriously.

PS.  I spent some of my time at work helping the Memory Service Doctors and Nurses and did meet some of the patients.  Like yourself, I do have some insider knowledge.

Hi Paul.

On the whole I agree with you however I do think your situation and Robin's are very different. From my understanding you suffered with a TBI or something similar (correct me if I'm wrong), and in your case what was going on was pretty obvious. A brain scan was necessary and required in your situation to help with diagnosis and assessing the amount of damage etc. My point wasn't that brain scans are a waste of time and don't show anything useful, far from it, but rather that if the person has not actually suffered any specific brain injury or has any other symptoms to indicate anything wrong then a scan would be very likely to not show anything at all.

In Robin's case there is no evidence at all that she had suffered an actual physical brain injury nor has she been complaining of a decline in cognitive abilities or function that would indicate that she has suffered some form of brain damage. Therefore in her case it would likely be pointless. Also she has not told us yet what these multiple head impacts consisted of for example, did she mildly knock her head in the rough and tumble of contact sports, or did she used to be a professional boxer and get whacked in the head many times a day?

I do agree that head impacts amongst those who play contact sports e.g. football, rugby etc are being taken very seriously as they should be, but nobody is suggesting that every single person who has ever played contact sports and has had head impacts should go and get brain scans and get assessed for future likelihood of getting dementia. At present it is still only a tiny minority of players who will go on to develop dementia. Hundreds of thousands of people if not more have played contact sports and had multiple head impacts, so in theory they are all in the same boat as Robin, and therefore should every single one of them now go and get their brains scanned and be seen by a neurologist? Obviously not, therefore my point is that Robin is massively overinflating her risk of danger which is a classic feature of OCD.

My point which seems to be ignored is that NO single brain scan in the world will be able to tell someone if they will get dementia in the future. The technology for that doesn't yet exist. What you have described about footballers is that they are investigating into the causal link between head impacts and dementia, and there are studies which are investigating this over many years. For example they will take brain scans at intermittent periods over many years to monitor changes in the brain that will lead to dementia.

What Robin is asking for, that she wants to have a brain scan and be told for certain by a neurologist if she will get dementia or not, simply cannot happen. Also, she wants this not for reasons of clinical necessity, i.e. she has not suffered a physical injury nor has she developed any symptoms, but for reasons based on anxiety and OCD. I can guarantee that no GP will refer her for a scan based on the fact that she is worried she will develop dementia in decades to come and when she doesn't actually have any symptoms, because a scan in those circumstances would not be beneficial to the patient but rather more detrimental to her mental health.

But it is up to her what route she takes, and the fact that she hasn't actually done anything about it for months on end but every time she gets worried about it she comes on here for reassurance rather than going to an actual doctor suggests even more to me that she has an OCD problem rather than a real health concern.

One way for her to move forward possibly would be to go and see her GP and discuss her concerns with them. They are impartial and rational and would be able to judge better than us if this is something that needs to be investigated further or whether it is more of an anxiety/OCD problem. My suggestion then would be for her to go to her GP, outline all of her concerns about dementia, and also discuss her anxiety and OCD and how she is so consumed by the worry. A GP then will likely be able to advise whether she needs a scan or not or whether she should focus on treating her OCD.

Honestly Robin coming from someone with a medical background there is no way a neurologist will be able to reassure you as they cannot predict the future to the degree of accuracy that you seek.

As I said in my previous post there is no reliable test that currently exists which can tell you if you will get dementia in the future, which fact you and some other posters on here are ignoring. Dementia can only be diagnosed if you have it NOW which you don't.

At best a neurologist will say that you may have an increased risk of getting dementia in the future because of your past head impacts, but that is all they will be able to tell you, and where would that leave you? Right back to square one with your obsessions. They could do a brain scan but that won't actually show anything unusual. You seem to think that they will do a brain scan and see that you have sustained some brain damage (which is not likely as you will have other real physical and psychological symptoms), and from that be able to say "yep, she will get dementia in x years time". This is not going to happen. Even if they do a scan and see some kind of "damage", they still won't be able to tell you if you will get dementia or not. They can only work with what is in front of them in the here and now and not make predictions based on the future.

Now for other fields of medicine they often can predict things with more accuracy, e.g. cancer, heart disease etc, because these types of illnesses follow predictable patterns. Neurology unfortunately is still in its infancy in this regard as there is still so much that we don't actually know about the brain.

I've worked in neurology and trying to get a diagnosis in people who are actually showing dementia symptoms is very difficult. In people who don't even have it at all they will not be able to do anything until you are actually showing symptoms.

My grandmother has Alzheimer's but it took over 12 months from her developing symptoms to actually being diagnosed with it, and that wasn't due to any sort of scan or tests because these don't exist but rather based on recordings of her symptoms over a long period of time.

By all means feel free to ignore our advice and go and see a neurologist. You won't be able to do so on the NHS as a GP will not refer you based on the fact that you think you might get a disease in decades to come. You could pay privately to have an MRI or CT scan but I guarantee that it will show up as normal, and even if it doesn't, nobody will be able to tell you that you will get dementia or not based on that. It is entirely up to you what route you take but you can't continue as you are stuck on the couch ruminating for months on end in a state of non existence. So it's time to choose theory A or B. Do you treat it as a real health concern or do you treat it as OCD? If you decide to treat it as a real health concern then by all means go to your GP or seek private care, or if you decide to treat it as OCD then that is where we on this forum can help you.

I'd say it's absolutely normal with any kind of anxiety. Anxiety can cause muscle tightness and other sensations in the throat which can lead to feelings of nausea, gagging, choking sensations, or feeling like something is stuck in the throat. I get it all the time. It's really unpleasant but not harmful. What helps me is doing relaxation and deep breathing exercises as this can help the neck muscles and throat to relax.

Hi all. I just thought I would post this here as I'm sure many other users will find it useful. I recently came across this free app for iPhone/android called Medito, which has lots of mindfulness meditations, nature sounds, breathing techniques etc. I'm finding it really helpful for me especially as I also suffer with anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks etc in addition to OCD. I've attached a screenshot of the user interface on my phone so you can get an idea of what the app is like. I absolutely 100% recommend it for your "toolkit".

15 minutes ago, taurean said:

Abusive partner is awful, what action might you be able to tske in that regard?

I don't think it is her partner but a family member she lives with. From what I remember @BelAnna said that her dad and/or brother (sorry if I've got this wrong BelAnna) can be quite nasty and verbally abusive towards her. She lives with her family and so it is difficult for her to move away.

20 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Pity party here. I just have no-one to turn to and feel so low/am not coping very well and have no-one who really cares. My life has just gone from worse to worse during adulthood and although I'm not suicidal, I can't see future with any hope at the moment. 

I live with someone (not a partner) who is quite abusive towards me and it's making me feel quite worthless!

 

 

Sorry to hear this @BelAnna 

For a start we all care about you on here so even if you feel like no-one in your life cares about you, you will always have us on here who do care.

Secondly there is still lots of time to turn things around for you. I understand those thoughts that your future is bleak and you will only decline from here as I have those thoughts too, but remember that those thoughts are still just thoughts and have no basis in reality, nor are they able to predict the future.

I echo what has been posted above. Are you currently getting any help for your OCD? I know you have issues with accessing medical appointments but you should be able to self refer to therapy rather than go through your GP.

I'm sorry to hear about the people you live with being abusive. I remember you mentioning this in the past. It must be really hard for you especially if you feel trapped there. Are there any options for you to be able to leave? I know you have contamination issues so moving would be difficult but don't forget you managed to move to Scotland from England, and move from one Air B&B to another for a while before finally settling, so you are absolutely capable of making a positive change. I know that you currently don't work so finance would be an issue, but you may be eligible for help and support with housing/benefits through your local council. Also, if you feel like you are unable to leave the house to work then there are plenty of remote WFH jobs that you could possibly do. Even if all this sounds like a lot right now you wouldn't have to do it all at once but rather they could be goals that you work yourself towards.

18 minutes ago, howard said:

@LynzlSo your answer to the question> 'if you have ocd, do you put everything that bothers you, or impacts on your life and health, down to ocd?'

Is Yes.

Not at all. You clearly didn't even properly read what I just posted so I have nothing further to add.

@howard I think the problem @Robin43 is facing is not that she has a health concern and doesn't know whether to get it checked out or not. It is the all-consuming aspect of this obsession that is the issue. No matter the health concern it is not normal to be so paralysed with fear over it, thinking that your life is over and that you are going to die, and be so stuck with this that you are spending weeks on the sofa in a state of paralysis effectively.

My advice has been tailored in trying to reduce the compulsions surrounding it and to think rationally about the issue.

Also, advising @Robin43 to go and get checked out for this issue won't work as there is no test in the land to be able to tell you if you will get dementia or not in the future. In fact health professionals would not do anything unless you were having symptoms.

Here is some up to date research and advice on head injuries and dementia from Alzheimer's UK -

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/risk-factors-and-prevention/head-injury-sport-dementia

In particular note this part -

"Unfortunately, there is no accurate way to know whether someone may go on to develop dementia if they have sustained a head injury."

What @Robin43 is asking for then, which is wanting to know if she will get dementia in the future because she has sustained some head impacts previously, currently cannot be done. So the only way forward then is to help her manage her anxieties, compulsions and obsessions surrounding this.

2 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I had a phone appointment with my GP. She couldn't see it as we were only speaking on the phone obviously, so said to try a prescribed steroid cream and see if it improves so that's the plan for now. I don't think it's superficial or necessarily going to clear up with steroid cream but I think it's standard procedure to try that first before referring.

I hope the steroid cream works for you. I unfortunately get boob eczema quite a lot lol so I have to use steroid creams too. They do tend to work though which is good

9 minutes ago, Robin43 said:

I have sent my therapist an email today to let them know how I am struggling. But to be honest I have had 34 sessions now with them and it is my fault for not applying their tools properly.

When you see your therapist again it will be useful to tell them that you are struggling to put the tools you've been given into practice. Hopefully they will then be able to take a different approach in trying to find out why you are struggling to do that, and work at overcoming it so you can apply what you have learnt better.

7 minutes ago, Robin43 said:

@LynzI am really sorry. I  genuinely would never want to upset anyone-this is just one of my big fears. I thought on this website a trigger warning wasn't needed but I will put up one in future just incase.

I'm not saying you may actually offend anyone on the forums, I'm sure you haven't, but rather it could hypothetically be offensive to say that having a medical condition that millions of people have means that your life is over. I'm just trying to point out that your fears are overblown and irrational.

It is the catastrophising and all-or-nothing thinking that makes this an OCD problem. I have been told that I have an increased risk of getting dementia as it runs in my family, but I've just shrugged it off and don't think about it, and I'm just getting on with my life. Whereas you have decided that if you get told you have an increased risk of getting dementia then you will go into a state of non-existence for the rest of your life and that your life is basically over, which is a massively disproportionate overreaction. The issue is therefore how you are dealing with this, and that is what makes it an OCD problem.

And can I just ask what is it about dementia that scares you so much? My grandmother has dementia and she is managing to live well and the progression of it has been slowed down massively with medication. I know you don't meant it but the way you are framing dementia as meaning your life would be over is a little bit offensive to those who actually have it and their families. I know you don't mean to be offensive at all, but you need to regain some perspective as you have blown it all completely out of proportion, which is characteristic of OCD.

Does your GP surgery have an econsult option? I've used that especially for my skin as I can take a photo and send it in using that. Quite often the GP has replied using an email telling me what they think it is and just given me a prescription, or sometimes they have asked me to then make a face to face appointment to come in. Basically if you submitted a photo then they might tell you they don't need to see you as it could be xyz, or if they then ask you to come in then I would use that appointment as something to work towards, so it makes it a more tangible thing that you can focus your efforts on. I hope that makes sense anyway sorry if I'm not explaining myself very well.

10 hours ago, Robin43 said:

Thanks @Lynzbut the problem is that this is a real concern, not an OCD one so I cant just ignore it. I really did have hundreds of head impacts, and there really is elastic skull deformations and there reallg is Dementia and I can see no way out of this. I am genuinely frightened for my future.

It looks like an OCD issue to me and to others on here who can view it from an objective outsider's perspective.

What you are worrying about (developing dementia) may actually happen one day in the far off distant future. Likewise it may not happen to you at all but could happen to me or someone else who didn't have any of these head impacts. There is no way of knowing and even if you went to a neurologist and had a CT scan and were told "yes your skull has these elastic formations from your repeated head impacts and because of this you have an increased risk of getting dementia when you're older", you and the doctors still won't know for certain whether you will get it or not as they don't have a crystal ball, and there still won't be anything that can be done about it.

This is why it is an OCD problem because what you're primarily obsessing over is the intolerance of uncertainty that you may or may not get dementia in the distant future. As we know there is no way that this can be resolved because things relating to what might happen are just unknowable, so continuing to live the way you do by spending your days doing endless compulsions and ruminating on the sofa is just not going to solve this issue. In fact continuing to do all of your compulsions will only make you feel a lot worse which has been proven by the fact that you haven't been able to do anything but stay on the sofa for 2 weeks.

25 minutes ago, Robin43 said:

Hi all

You will remember me-radiation, retinal detachment...I tried so hard to put everyone's advice over the last few months to good use including @snowbear. I signed up to an art class, a cake decorating class, I met up with friends, went out places etc but now I am relapsed and back in non-existence sitting in the sofa all day everyday for the last 2 weeks. I have been dwelling on a period of time years ago when my head would have sustained repeated forceful impacts-hundreds of times over (a along story). My head never accelerated when it was impacted. I had discussed with my Psychologist my real event fears and they told me if the head was stationary then the skull absorbed all the impact, but I googled...and it says that during blunt impact of the skull, elastic skull deformation can occur which means the skull compresses the underlying brain and then returns to its original shape without residual evidence from the outside. Do all blunt head impacts cause elastic skull deformations? This could have happened me literally hundreds of times over and now I am sure I am going to take Dementia and there is nothing left to continue on for anymore, so I am back in non existence. I can't cope with this it is a nightmare.

So you got an intrusive thought about a past event concerning your head which bothered you, and you then did some compulsions such as ruminating on the event, asking the psychologist about it who unfortunately gave you reassurance, and you then googled about it all.

Unsurprisingly your anxiety is now through the roof and you feel overwhelmed and incapacitated by it all. Can you recognise these sequence of events that have led you to where you are at the moment? That is the first step. The next is to recognise when you are performing compulsions and work at reducing and stopping them. It will be easier for you to not seek reassurance or Google as these are physical compulsions that require an action. Ruminating may be harder to tackle at first as it can be tricky to spot when you are doing it. It is probably the biggest compulsion you are performing right now especially as you say you are basically incapacitated with anxiety all day long.

It will be easier to take one step at a time when you are really overwhelmed to avoid taking on too much at once and feeling worse. So what you can do today (or tomorrow, depending on what time it is where you are) is not perform one compulsion e.g. googling, and do one thing that will help you get off the sofa and back into the real world, for example meeting up with a friend for lunch. If you can start with these small steps first and build it up then it will make a huge difference.

I used to be a bit like this until unfortunately I became severely unwell with a range of symptoms which turned out to be stage 4 endometriosis. So I went from hardly going to the GP at all to having to go multiple times a week over a space of a few months, combined with being in and out of hospital during this time too. I think this basically caused me to become desensitised to the anxiety of having to go to the GP for anything.

I've since had a chronic ear infection and I've been back and forth to the GP pretty much every week for the past 6 weeks recently too.

My only advice is to honestly force yourself to go even though you have horrendous anxiety about it. Do whatever you have to do to get you there because the consequences of avoiding going to the GP for any genuine issues are far worse than the consequences of dealing with an increase in anxiety from having to go.

Distraction is a wonderful tool as well and when my anxiety was bad I would have some relaxing music playing in one earphone when I was in the waiting room until I got called in. I focused on this music while I was waiting which helped to distract me from my panicky thoughts.

jonesy's advice is also very good having a good relationship with your GP is very important and will help to alleviate any anxiety you feel as you learn to trust them. As I've been going to the GP regularly for a while now I've built up a good relationship with them and trust them, so I don't feel anywhere near as anxious as I did do.

11 hours ago, Heartly said:

Thanks, I didn’t take it again in the end as it seemed so risky

i seem to gag in morn when my intrusive thoughts are the worse, hopefully I will be a bit better from it soon x

It's up to you but could you perhaps take your meds at a different time during the day e.g. afternoon or evening, if your intrusive thoughts/gagging are worse in the morning?

Nope I wouldn't retake it. Even though you have thrown up there is a chance some of it still would have been absorbed therefore if you take anymore you may be overdosing. I would skip it for today and if you still throw up after taking your next dose tomorrow then call your GP.

1 hour ago, Busy Fool said:

@Bev53, @taurean, @Handy, @Jen124m, @Christina, @Lynz, @BelAnna, @ecomum

Thank you again all of you.

I made it through a 4 night stay away and by the end of it, I was so much less anxious. I only went to the loo in our hotel room but it was a huge start!   

That's amazing well done

I would just let this one go. Your partner likely knows already that this was an OCD thing so any further confessions about it will just cause more issues between the two of you. You recognise that you have performed a compulsion by trying to find out how long he has had an iCloud account for which is an important first step. I definitely would try and accept that yes you have slipped up a bit regarding the OCD, but do try and put this episode behind you now and move forward. Your partner doesn't need to know every last detail of your thoughts that led to you asking him about his iCloud account so confessing those would be pointless and only serve to cause further issues.

34 minutes ago, BelAnna said:

On the other hand CBT for this type of contamination OCD can involve exposure tasks that include intentionally touching the toilet seat and then eating a biscuit with unwashed hands! 

I'm just thankful that I've never suffered from this theme because as a former nurse there is no way on earth that I'd ever do anything like that

17 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I think that things like hovering and using some tissue to open and close doors and cubicles and/or flush the loo are personal choices and not necessarily OCD compulsions. Even using sanitizer after leaving the toilet is reasonable if it's a busy block of toilets.

Good luck OP! 

Yes you're probably right. I know what it's like though to completely lose sight of what is reasonable when dealing with an obsession so hopefully the OP has an insight now into what people who don't worry about this particular theme do when using public toilets.