snowbear

Absolutely not. You're not directly involved, it's just something you've seen or read online. You are not obliged to police the internet, nor is it your job to do so. Leave it to those whose job it is. Put your energy and focus elsewhere.

Rather than calling it a coping mechanism, maybe better to think of it as a very natural way to show yourself they aren't real.

Anger is nature's way of saying 'I want something to change'. It doesn't have to mean screaming and throwing things - that's a child's reaction to anger, because they don't have the more adult outlet of making autonomous choices and directing their own fate. You do. So the trick is to label your anger, and then ask yourself what it is that needs to change. It doesn't have to be 'about' anything in particular. If you're regularly getting angry feelings without a specific trigger that suggests it's that 'this keeps happening' or 'my life seems stuck' that's the source of the anger. Another way to put that is that subconsciously maybe you're ready for change, ready to stand up to your OCD. Untriggered feelings of anger could well be your subconscious communicating to you that it's time to take action! Saying you're angry is socially acceptable. Throwing toys out of the pram and screaming isn't. So the problem isn't that you 'can't' express your anger, but that you need to learn to channel your anger into action in an adult way - then you can express it as much as you want! Think of someone who gets angry over environmental damage. They channel that anger into action - demon strations, voting, raising funds etc. All that energy that was once used for screaming and throwing tnings is now put to good use. Even if the action doesn't solve the problem, the fact that you're taking action and trying to make a change is more than enough to kill the anger dead. Not knowing where the anger is coming from typically happens when you only look for outside sources. Look inward. A bit of self-examination and I bet it won't be long before you could write a list of things you're not happy about and would like to change. Pick one - and make some effort to do things differently. Change doesn't happen overnight, so have a plan. Keep your end goal in sight and try different ways of getting there until you reach it. Good luck!

And they're right. In short, it's your idea of 'inappropriate' that's the problem. If you went about deliberately groping peoples' crotch or breast or bum I'd call that inappropriate. Accidentally elbowing somebody as you walk past them isn't 'inappropropriate', it's merely accidental. If it happened you'd feel it, they'd feel it, you'd apologise and both parties would walk on, no harm done. But you seem to have this idea that it would be a major assault of some kind, a catastrophe with dire consequences you must avoid at any cost - even if that cost is not leaving the house and all this mental anguish. I'm suggesting you turn it into an ERP exercise - no different to someone with contamination fears sticking their hand down the toilet and not washing it after. The ERP exercises (or in this case 'behavioural experiment' is designed to show you that your fears are grossly exaggerated and unrealistic.

You could actually do this as an ERP exercise. Deliberately stand somewhere that people walk past with your elbows out. Then work up to walking along with your elbows out. And finally just walk past people normally, confident that you know the difference in how it feels to have your elbows out and to not have them sticking out - so you can begin to trust yourself that you didn't stick them out 'without knowing or remembering'.

Your emotions are created by - and react to - to the thoughts going through your head. So if you regularly go from feeling an emotion to feeling the extreme of that emotion, chances are there's some catastrophic thinking going on to fuel the change. Yay! Challenging the thinking (especially any castastrophic thinking) will help to regulate your emotions, and stop the thoughts from spiralling into an OCD episode. And validating feelings without trying to supress them is exactly the right way to go too. :) Sounds like you've got all the right tools in your tool kit, and you're using them correctly. Well done you! Keep up the good work Emotions are exhausting. Even positive ones! Think how you just want to flop into bed and sleep after a day of high excitment, probably with a smile on your face. Experiencing a lot of negative emotion is no different. So the trick is to treat it exactly as you would the high positive emotions - rest up when your body says it needs it, and try to take it in your stride (with a relaxed smile as it were) rather than getting into a mindset 'this is hard work' - a kind of thinking that only exhausts you further. Rome wasn't built in a day. But you're making progress, so hang onto that and keep going!

That's my point, Emmalou. It's disturbing because you interpret it as meaning something instead of realising it's just a random thought that means nothing.

Hi Orchid and to the forum. Seems to me there are two questions you need to answer here. 1. Is this relationship worth fighting for? (If your partner made a full recovery from his OCD would the disparity in sex drive still be a problem) 2. Is your partner bothered by his OCD and the resulting lack of sex (ready to seek therapy for his OCD and fight to get his relationship back on track) or is he accepting of the situation (unlikely to put much effort into therapy and so unlikely to recover)? If the relationship is worth fighting for then your task is to get him to recognise the problem is his skewed OCD thinking and compulsive avoidance (it's not actually about the practicalities of avoiding pregnancy) - and then get him to engage in therapy. Only you can decide whether you're willing to live with the current situation long term or not. Does he accept that he has OCD? Does it affect him in other areas of life outside the bedroom?

It's not a matter of should or shouldn't. It's a choice. Everybody gets lots of thoughts they think are inappropriate, unsettling, or morally wrong. It's how you react that matters. The OCD thinker latches onto the idea 'OMG, I had a bad thought' and chooses to try to figure out why they thought it what it meant whether it says something about them or their morals and so on. Someone without OCD either shrugs it off as weird and therefore unimportant, or interprets it in a way that doesn't cause further upset. You're not 'sick' in the sense that you thought your son looked sexy, but you are unwell in that you have OCD. He probably did look sexy, but you chose to go down the 'that was an inappropriate thought' route rather than choose the 'Well, aren't I the proud mum to have such a handsome son' route. Next time you get a weird thought you're not sure about, instead of seeking reassurance from your husband, just shrug it off as 'One of those weird thoughts'. Choose to let it go without trying to figure out if it means something or not.

Why? Why do you choose to question everything? Why not just allow the thoughts to come and go and not give them the time of day?

Not always. The recommended treatment for OCD in the UK is CBT, any pills people choose to take are an adjunct to the CBT not a replacement for it. But I meant 'a pill for every ill' in the metaphorical sense. The mindset that every illness or condition is due to a chemical imbalance of one sort or another and can therefore be remedied with the 'appropriate' medication/ creams/ chemicals. It's such a narrow-minded view of how the mind and the universe works. Totally agree.

Hi Robin, I'm delighted to hear you're taking positive steps to help yourself - seeing the GP, time giving a peer support, and engaging in therapy. Well done you! Setting aside the necessity or not of seeing a neurologist, it's great news that your GP is being supportive and would refer you if that's what you eventually decide you need. It's always good to have people willing to support you. Good luck with the CBT. I hope it helps to get you to an even better place soon.

@NotRock There are lots of unhelpful videos on YouTube so we have to be careful what we choose to watch on there. But Mark Freeman is a trustworthy source of information and this video is really good! Thanks for sharing it. .

Thank goodness we don't live in the USA with such out-dated views as 'a pill for every ill'.

Hi Eva, Have you spoken to anyone else apart from your mum about what you heard and what you read online? Would your mum be willing to take you to see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis? Your thoughts sound very distressing, and the online research you've been doing by yourself is only making things worse. (Visiting psych forums and watching upsetting videos on YouTube.) I would advise that you stop looking at these things from here on. The internet is a big scary world, and a lot of what is on there is nonsense and not true. If you're not thinking straight you might believe things that you wouldn't believe if somebody in real life told them to you. Do you think you could take a break from using the internet until you're feeling better?

Might be a bit different to the majority, but here goes... Safe In control Strong, resilient.

Hi Slime Mold and to the forum. Actually a very common obsession. Just/ mainly mental compulsions is also very common. Another very common obsession. How is therapy going? Are you doing CBT yet or is it focused on the trauma you experienced first? No such thing as a pathetic question. This is the place to ask anything you like - and hopefully get some answers.

That's quite young to do anything more than a very basic explanation. In what way(s) does your OCD affect you that you think might be upsetting for them? (What behaviours or situations are you trying to explain?)

Hi Itscomplicated, May I ask how old your child is?

I think it's important to recognise there's a world of difference between 'responsible for' and 'to blame for'. Are we responsible for the success of our own therapy? Absolutely. 100%. Because therapy isn't done to you, it's done by you. You must make the choice to change your thinking and behaviour. Therapy is only a guide to help you see where your thinking and behaviour has become unhelpful, and to steer you towards more helpful and healthy options. But it's you who chooses, you who must put it into practice. Now, if therapy doesn't work, does that mean you are to blame? Absolutely not! Why are you even using (self) blame thinking? It's just another cognitive distortion, same as all or nothing thinking, catastrophic thinking, emotional reasoning etc. All types of thinking associated with mental unwellness and OCD. So if you think 'My therapy failed, I'm to blame, it's my fault' then be aware that the only person putting the blame and fault on you is yourself - you with your blame thinking! Unless you actively sat back and didn't take part or knowingly obstructed the therapy process then there is nothing to reproach yourself for if therapy doesn't succeed that time around. Adopt a 'no blame culture' of thinking, regroup, ask yourself why therapy didn't work, address those issues, and give it another go. You don't 'blame' a toddler for falling over as they learn to walk. You don't reproach them for standing up and taking a few steps - even when you're certain that they haven't yet got the skills they need to walk and are 100% likely to fall over again. No, you support them, help them develop their walking skills, and encourage the toddler to keep trying. OCD therapy is no different to learning to walk. Self-reproach and self-blame have no place in it. Although becoming a passive observer and not reacting to the OCD thoughts and feelings is the correct way to go, what I see in these sentences is an attempt to self-reassure. If instead the person could chose to switch to 'no blame' thinking then the need for such self-comforting would disappear.

Yes, that's part 1, THEN the important part - reframing it in terms of where she's at today. So it's not about going back to the past, but putting the past trauma into context in the present. Very, very different thing to 'finding the cause'.

The therapeutic technique for trauma survivors is reframing - a cognitive exercise. It does not involve delving into the cause (in your terms, pulling up the root of the weed), but works by looking at how you can better think about the trauma in the present. Ok, so now she knows that her cleanliness fears started with her Grandma's sickness. How does knowing that help her deal with how those fears have morphed and ingrained themselves into her present day OCD thinking? It doesn't. Regardless of where or how it started what needs to be treated is today's thinking, today's response, today's compulsive behaviours. Advising people with OCD to look into their past for a cause is bad advice. Sufferers would be wise to avoid any therapist suggesting that method.

Trying to get an appointment with a UK specialist is pointless then. No wonder they haven't been replying to you! Research some therapists in your local area.

Eric, this is an interpretation. You could have interpreted that dream in a million ways, but you chose just one. That's interpretation bias. Interpretation bias is a thinking problem, it means you are choosing to believe you have evidence for something because you believe it (or fear it to be true.) It is NOT evidence. This sentence contains not just one, but three assumptions!!! 1. You're assuming - without evidence - that your GP knows nothing about OCD. (Some know more than others, but awareness is increasing all the time.) 2. You're assuming - irrationally - that you know how your GP will react. So you're a psychic now are you? 3. You're assuming - incorrectly - that the result of speaking to your GP would be being forced to admit you're gay - which is only a problem for you because you know you're not! In a busy clinic setting, being presented with something that's not his field of expertise, he probably thought you were trying to come out and that he was being supportive. And he was right, it is OK to be gay. If you were. Only you're not and you know it. I get scared picking an electrician at random from the yellow pages, so I get it. But you don't have to pick at random. Contact a few potential therapists and talk to them in general for a few minutes. See if you feel at ease, find out how well they listen, ask a few questions about their understanding of OCD and their experience dealing with it. You're not a powerless child. Take control. Do some research, choose one and try it out. That may be depression talking. It's also a very convenient avoidance mechanism. Bite the bullet and determine to sort your life out. I was 39, but yeah, I can imagine. In fact I can empathise. So what do you do? Either curl up in a corner and wimper about it like a kicked puppy, or be a man about it (gay or straight, doesn't matter) Bite the bullet and determine to sort your life out - now.

The way I understand the unconscious mind that's one and the same thing. I think we can get too bogged down in terminology and lose sight of what's important. Which is - whatever you ruminate on, notice in passing, or think about by choice will come back into your mind at odd moments unbidden. That's normal. It's what you do next that matters - how you interpret the experience of having the thought, how you interpret the thought, and how you react to having had it.