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njb

OCD-UK Member
  • Content count

    488
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About njb

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Covert mainly, severe obsession of paedophilia, attraction to under age and fear of forever tripping from lsd

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Somewhere in my own mind

Recent Profile Visitors

353 profile views
  1. Hey, If it was easy it wouldn't be an illness would it?! Don't get me wrong, this is me seeing ocd in another, not saying I can do what we know we need to do but just remember that we are not alone and we all know how hard each second can be but it can get better. I never said it was easy or to ignore it, I'm saying we need to accept the uncertainty and let if float about. If you manage it however, please let me know as I'm useless at ignoring my own hell inside my noggin. Njb x
  2. Skull pops, I like the alleges bit. Insightful. Njb x
  3. Hi, Wow. Ocd. That's it. Stop questioning and thinking and going over it. It makes no sense other than fellow sufferers can see ocd, where you can't, or don't believe. We're all the same. First paragraph you can tell. Not going to say you're not a bad person as not the thing to do with ocd (although youre clearly lovely) but what I can say is you're reacting to nothing in an ocd way. You have ocd. You have an obsession and it's got to you. It could be an obsession over sausages or lawn mowers and it'd be just as terrifying. What I will say is how utterly I and no doubt others know how you feel. Try to take it easier on yourself, you've made progress and breath, distract and move in right direction. This can be a blip and does not need to be a catastrophe. Take care, Ps I was enjoying a beer with friends after work and saw someone who looked 15 in a dress and then bang, like her breasts, then bang I check her bum and think I like it like an adult and bang it's all true. I've lied to myself for 10 years. I guess I'm saying we have a way of catastrophising and one 'indescretion' if it's even that makes us feel utterly beaten. It's rubbish of course. Just another thought another day. The battle is choosing not to ruminate for hours but I've alreany done that so if you choose to wake up tomorrow like this blip hasn't happened then I will. Or can or whatever, just know there's loads of us in your corner shouting you on. Njb x
  4. Hi Caramoole, Thanks for the reply. I've chatted to a friend who is a psychiatrist in lieu of talking to my gp on 21/7. I won't place her advice here but for me she thinks it is a good solution for the nerve pain and given I only plan on taking it short term it shouldn't affect anxiety as for that it needs to be taken more like a course. Naturally the only person who can answer is your GP. I'm amazed after all these years and being prepared with questions how many times you come away with more! Good news is my nerve pain how dramatically reduced but my ocd is banging a bit harder. It's all swings and roundabouts... I had l5/s1 lumbar fusion in March hence the pain. I've had a few back ops now 😅 Anyway, thanks and hope you're well. I've been a member for a few years now and it's an honour to have you reply! Njb
  5. Hi, Appreciate this is a medical question and I quizzed my gp a fair bit but I've been prescribed pregabalin for neuropathic pain and I'm concerned when I stop it (hopefully only short term) my anxiety will rise above where it is presently with my ocd managed ok with sertraline. I really don't want the pregabalin to assist in reducing anxiety if I'm going to have more anxiety when I stop it for pain relief 😓. If anyone has experience of using pregabalin for pain relief and using sertraline for ocd any insight would be ace. Njb
  6. Hi polar. Thanks as always for taking the time to shove me in right direction. Onwards and upwards. Take care. Njb
  7. njb

    Having a breakdown - want to die

    Hi. Just wishing you all the best. It's all ocd and try to remember that as hard as it all is.
  8. Hi Bruces. I know you're in a tough place but snowbear is right. It's up to us ultimately, as hard as that is. Unfortunately the universe is too big to give a damn ! Good luck.
  9. Hi gemma. So grateful for your reply. Just the encouragement I needed. Bless you and hope you are well. 😊
  10. Probably an obvious one but for me triggers are correlated to where we are with our ocd. More we scratch more we get. We can't avoid them and am learning to not blame others i.e. made up kids on tv etc. It's hard for sure but even in a bland external world we'd make our own triggers in our heads in a room with no windows eventually. I've always thought people with mental illness are focused when real life events hit us and can cope admirably as used to high anxiety. People ask me why I don't worry about money or losing job etc and I say it's because I worry about my identity, the worthiness or not of my soul, being able to walk about feeling human or sick to the core. External life events are of course triggers but for us I think we have the normal ones of stress, exercise, diet, alcohol and drugs etc. Slippery slope that is fuelled by excess. I can't abstain from beer but we have to limit it and my wife is right that no matter the amount for me, 2 nights in a row, even 1 pint a night sends me low. We have to allow external events to do their worst but be sure we are like end of world preppers for serious events. I have seen a man crushed under a truck, seen shooting right before me, been attacked by a knife loon and had so many bullying bosses I can't count but we deal with that **** as we know we've faced our personal hell many times.
  11. Hi, I've been having physio to return to work post back op and it was suggested to have x ray for leg length discrepancy. I looked at a few pages online and came across an x ray from hips down which I assumed was a woman and thought she had shapely legs, bum and even bits (in so much as you can see from an x ray) and didnt think much more of it like blokes do. I then read the article and turns out the x ray was of a young child. I looked at the x ray again and could see this but then could equally see as a women again and have been allowing my ocd to obsess over this for days now. Whereas I am used to my ocd spiking me with all things children and underage this feels different as I know I saw it as attractive at first thinking it was a woman and I feel like it's not ocd bar of course my obsessing since Monday endlessly. I am particularly stuck as I feel like it is all true as ocd had nothing to do with the initial thought. Having said that when I spike at times I guess I see what I think is attractive and then spike simultaneously as I realise it's not what I like. I remember years back before this obsession being able to shrug off instantaneous errors, for example thinking someone from a distance looked nice but then not when got closer as younger etc. I guess what I am getting at is I thought the x ray was older so I perceived as such but feel terrible anxiety now due to obsession as before this theme I would have shrugged it off. When spiking in public I'm usually on high alert so my ocd is always there. I'm so lost. It's like I've 100% evidence I'm a paedo but I won't accept it. I liked it until I found out. But is that any different to seeing someone on tv and thinking they are sexy only to find out they look older due to make up and clothes and then not liking them. Difference is that I usually realise instantly and almost all the time I know in going to spike as I'm subconsciously scanning people and it feels as if the trigger of 'you like that' is in charge. In other words I walk about when bad simply dreading the inevitable spike but this was me at leisure. Can I just shrug off? I would advise myself to. My rational side says I looked at what I thought was an adult on an x ray and did the bloke thing and need to shrug it off not least because it's an x ray with no context but I'm freaking out as if I would or do now like children. I can see some similarities with spikes over children say I see a shapely part and think of it as adult and then instantly know it's a child etc but this has made me feel like it's revealed the horrible real me because I looked and liked and therefore it's all true. There was no ocd involved at all until I realised the age. Feels different from normal occasions as I would usually get that awful feeling of knowng I'd spikes at same time thinking I liked. Again my logic says shrug it off as I was already assuming a woman and it's an x ray with no context and my ocd is loving this. I worry now that i like pictures of young kids. Difference is that where I spike normally I can refer to my ocd as I sense it is involved but this was a genuine error and so I feel disgusted but maybe ocd is the thing making me obsess whereas someone without would just forget it as meaningless. Without context and an x ray is hardly me liking pictures of kids (I hope with my life). So in conclusion, I am trying to think it's just what it is and I'm letting ocd latch onto this? Please reply. Been doing so well lately. All the best. Njb
  12. Thanks taurean. All the best.
  13. Spot on poirot. Try to avoid compulsions. I've seen some of those anime characters and they make me spike just like a kid on the beach. Either way your ocd will make it seem whatever you fear. Good luck and stay cool. It's ocd.
  14. You're doing well and naturally ocd lingers like a bad smell! Just do what you're doing and try not to over analyse as all roads lead back to ocd! For what it's worth if I ignore the thoughts ocd tries to get me going on other issues but I try to use that to reveal ocd. Any theme same old ocd. Keep going and well done.
  15. I do like the message behind the image. I'm trying to change. I've tried to not react over the last week and have noticed ocd is trying to get me on other unspeakable sexual themes but im trying to use that against ocd. I've finally got CBT and the therapist is a trainee and im embracing that. I'm even doing a diary of my ocd which is paraphrased of course 😁 but it's a step in right direction to dusting down my triggers and reignite the ocd knowledge. I've been coping with ocd on and off since about 8 and turned 46 yesterday. It's never too late to try or try again having tried already. X
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