njb

Emmalou1976. I'm exactly the same. As others have said they are too. Exactly same. Same thoughts, compulsions, rumination, testing etc etc. Gotta do what others and Polar say. We have to keep trying. It's all ocd.

@tryingmybest I hear you. 51 now and ocd since about 8. It'll make you believe anything. Anything. It'll feel real. All of it. It's all ocd. Venting is good. Gets you discussing it and I feel better for reading your post and the replies. That awful awful pit of depths feeling just gets me every time. Just wanted to say hi to everyone and I like the bit you said love you all. I do too. Think a lot of us feel same for each other. X

Keep going.

Agree. Help and diagnosis. In no way am I able to say if anything is ocd but I read your post and everything about it I recognised. The theme is irrelevant, it's an obsession and compulsion and anxiety. Could be about anything, truly it could. Doubting disease for a reason. If you were certain it'd be ok however there isn't any certainly. If you had footage of the evening you'd pour over it and I'm same with ocd and you'd feel better for a while then you'd start finding angles creeping in. For a start your ocd knows that seeing footage doesn't show your intentions etc and so it has more fuel to burn. It's awful I know but all bs. Hope you're doing OK.

Deffo. I'm doing it. Take care Malina.

Just kick me - whack my head with something but remind me to distract and refocus !!!!! Just wanted to say hi. Chappy place right now but hi all. Just hello and I'm thinking of you all and get it.

No doubt there are so many things at play come trying to sleep. Anxiety for me deffo took away my peaceful sleep eqrly in childhood. I ust wanted to say hi to you all and blimey, I ain't a great sleeper but I get some, couple hours at a time, shocked if I wake and its been 3 or 4 but I know that sounds marvellous where sleep is an issue. I've taken to reading kindle at any time I can't get back to sleep. Used to spend hours uselessly trying to get to or back to sleep. I always read before bed. Kindle is lifesaver as you can fall asleep. I remember paper books being harder with the extra light and physically managing them whilst drifting. Take care all, Njb

Take care and wishing you well.

Ruminating is what keeps my ocd going. Just one more lot then I will stop. Never do. Once you light that fuse BAM loads more angles need thinkingbl about. Exhausting. Absolutely exhausting but the compulsion to do it is consuming. It can get better. I reckon ocd can convince you that you are into anything, lawnmowers, a chair, rock, door handle. It truly is so powerful and emotive. Underage girls has been the theme for a long long time, before that being a paedophile and that still is powerful, then there is the incest, animals, dead people etc. What a lovely mix but all equally absolutely not me. Ocd tells you that you are all of it and it will find a way to find new angles. All the time. Like new angles that you'd not thought of and then drags up stuff from eons ago. Distract! Distract and try.

It is all ocd. No matter the theme. It's all nonsense. I completely empathise with all you wrote. The above resonates with me. I know the exact process word for word. Diff theme but same ocd. Try not to be hard on yourself. Keep going. It ebbs and flows and ebbs and flows. Wishing you all the best. I've stumbled today and it's been very bad of late but tomorrow is another day! Njb

Hi ajc4. Smart move opening up. Whether it's cracks in wall, spreadsheet, attracted to slippers it's all equally terrifying to the sufferer and it's all same old ocd. I can see same behaviours from your post, can feel you itching to do the DIY for the relief. All totally wtf at same time. We're all suffering same disorder just different themes. So many useful forum users and info available here. Knowledge is power so get that insight into ocd and how it manifests in you. The hard bit is applying healthy skills and practises but keep going. It can get better. All the best. Njb

I also thought @Gingham your post was very helpful for me also. Njb

Hi summer. You're not alone. I've had dreams where ocd appears and its not great and can be awful but is just that a random dream. I mean we have this in the day so maybe it's not a stretch to imagine it will appear in dreams on occasion. That it may be convincing is not an indication of truth, same as waking. I did find it scary as it seemed in my dreams that aha see you like it etc but also the argh was there but it all played out with no control like you're watching. I've woken convinced I am that person feelings etc all in there but it's BS. It's ocd. I know it ain't easy but it is just that. Best distract and try to just say ok, that happened, flippin ocd. Take care - njb

Hi Angelina. You do whatever you're comfortable with. It's all ocd right - whatever the theme or fraction of it, it may as well be tractors or eggs or a door, it's all ocd. Like others I struggle with sexual themes and talking about that stuff is not easy but it is easy because it ain't the issue and people here know that and so hence you ought be received without judgement of the theme but with an appreciation you have ocd. Anyway, I'm rambling but I hope you feel better this evening.

Yes maybe. Like our moral compass screams aha see just needed to dig and there it is you utterly disgusting [insert fear]. Means on a being level you are that thing, don't matter what you do after that. Sure as he'll ain't going to ever be an action. Mostly because you're thinking I need to end it now when in the zone. Say we apply gravity to a blip where others don't apply action fusion. We're stumbling into it all the time. I think when you get fully obsessional however it becomes more difficult to accept you're making more out of it than you need to. So for example, if you said **** did I just like a dog,?!?! if you just shrug it off you will be best placed to realise its just random rubbish. If you dwell, you doubt, you check, you check, you doubt etc because we're applying so much meaning. I think that thought action fusion is therefore a way of saying we put too much onto nothing and everything. It's where we turn to obsessional it's tougher to be confident etc and i reckon by then knowing about action fusion just doesnt make a bean of difference as each thought youre as good as that you fear. So yes, i agree with your reply! I have read not all that have such inclinations as we fear we may have are comfortable, rather wish they didn't feel such a way. However, recognition remains i recall for such groups that the orientation or disorder or whatever the experts say is appropriate remains clear, ie that the attraction is present and pleasant. Anyway im no expert at all but i's all ocd. Could be obsessed about eggs, lawn mowers, tv, anything. It's all equally terrifying to behold. Onwards and upwards. Njb

@Cam81Had a thought about thought action fusion. Perhaps we feel as bad as if we'd actually done something as in to be that person with those desires to us it's same as. The gravity. Plus, thought action fusion is pretty good for allowing thoughts to pass in general. For obsessional stuff which is so powerful it still works as one piece of our cognitive workings.

Totally get where thought action fusion sits in ocd. Just how to make use of it when sexual theme tells you that you are already it. I guess it's same for all themes. Harm, you'd be devastated to have the thought without the doing it and so on for all ocd. I am thinking it has a use to remind you that a) not pay too much attention to thoughts per se b) no matter how convincing it is still just a thought. Even though when your years or decades into obsessions and poor behaviours it doesn't feel like a reminder you can just apply as a 'hey, it's OK. I'm a paedophile but I didn't do anything'. Did a quick search and it deffo is a useful reminder of one of the many cognitive things going on. So many ! I'm distracting now. Hope you have a great evening. Njb

Couldn't put it better myself. Huge difference between non sexual appreciating someone is beautiful and attractive and feeling sexually attracted to which of course incest, underage, paedophilia is sould destroying. The difference in adding 'to' to attracted is my useless attempt to mark a significant difference. Doesn't do the diff justice but glad we can agree. Having a thought is not as bad as doing the thing and ocd sufferers struggle with that but equally, you ain't ever going to just accept that if you obsess and are spiking thinking you are sexually attracted inappropriately to whomever. It's like the worst has happened, plus there is an absolute zero chance it would create an action as that's the very thing we fear and we'd rather go straight to a fiery pit than see a reality of our fear. Hope that makes sense.

What I meant was ok to have thought where it is an ocd thought ie not real you values/beliefs and to let it go without action fusion. Hard to do when you believe totally you desire something you know real you doesn't. For me I can accept someone is attractive it is when it goes 'attracted to', huge diff. Hope that makes sense.

I've asked for this reply to be removed. Not happy it makes sense to what I wanted to reply. Sent you a message cam. All good. Njb

Im now petrified you're saying it is ok to want incest with niece so long as i dont act on it but i think what youre saying is it is ok to have a thought and not give it any relevance. The issue for me is having had the thought and believe it - i believe I can't go on having even thought it. Thinking it and feeling it feels like that is me, damage done. No need for action, would never happen anyway as no way do we want any of this in our real selves. For me it is ok to be able to see people as 'attractive', the ocd in me twists perception to 'attracted to'. Huge difference. Hope that makes sense. No way could i be accepting 'attracted to'. For us with ocd there is NO WAY it ever equates to action - we don't even relate to the hideous thoughts as you know. It is the ocd which turns an innocent wow she's an attractive niece of 14 and the feeling of calm and innocence to the oh no no no did I just 'find her attractive/urge/feeling' like you 'desire' someone. Does that make sense ? The fact that I DID feel like I am attracted to - can't walk away relying on thought action fusion. Soul is destroyed regardless of any action. Does that make sense? Diff between seeing as attractive and attracted to? Not sure I could ever ever ever accept that I desired my niece and move on because I have a thought fusion action. Typical ocd I'm now stressing that I make no sense and it ain't ocd in my case. Njb

Not ace. Lurker right in face right now. Having one of those 'how did I get here again/no way back from this absolute evidence I'm into [insert fear]'. Currently convinced I'm attracted to niece from her pictures from when she was 14 (recently re saw them and had already obsessed about them 7 years ago). Same old. Ebb and flow. Thanks for asking. Sure it'll get better again. Keep going mate. Only way !

2021 saw my wife's cancer return after 5 years in remission. Returned stage 4, spread all over. May 2022 she had a seizure and had 25 tumours in brain. Been through lots of treatment and is now on targeted therapy which is chemo plus meds every 3 weeks. She has been in and out of hospital a lot, recently new hip as bone died, prob the treatment. We are all tired. Ocd has progressively worsened in what felt like background but now it's hit me in face like a spade. I saw a post by my niece (20) and there was a pic she posted at 14. I spiked. Not her issue, mine, but filters and lot of make up, all I can see is an attractive 24 ish year old. Then concentrate and zoom in out see her like a lovely 14 year old I always knew. That led to more pics and I can't stop looking at the two pics thinking I'm a pervert, attracted to own niece. This isn't new. 6 years back did same, in fact I've always had this type of theme. Was doing it before she was born but this has really torn me apart last few days. Just feel utterly disgusted with self. Anyway, just needed to spill my heart to people who get it. I just wish it were me and not her, i know peole say that but she's so strong and i would want her looking after the kids as opposed this random soul. X

Absolutely !!!!!

Hi cam81, Hope you're OK. Just wanted to say hi. Stay strong. Njb