Emily

Hi! I am an 18 year old girl from the U.S. I began showing symptoms from OCD about 4 years ago and got diagnosed about a year ago. I have been taking prozac for about 4 months, but it doesn't help. I have a question, but it requires some context. I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for about a year. Throughout our entire relationship, I have struggled to be intimate with him. Almost every time we are about to have sex, I get a very strong feeling that I want to stop. But it is less of a feeling and more of a thought repeating over and, which I have now recognized as an intrusive thought from OCD. I know, and feel, that I really do want to have sex with him, but the thought makes it extremely difficult. He knows about this and is extremely caring and cooperative, and never makes me feel uncomfortable and always respects when the thought is too much for me too handle and when I tell him I want to stop. I would say about 50% of the time I give into the thought and stop. The other times, I use techniques I used in exposure therapy and repeat the thought over and over until it no longer bothers me. This is the most effective way, but is very difficult and I hate having to deal with it every time. Another interesting thing is, when I know we can't have sex but I want to, the thought is not there. For example, if we are sexting, the thought is not there. Or if he is discretely touching me in public, the thought is not there. But the moment we are alone and can have sex, the thought gets in the way. My doctor knows about this and it is one of the reasons I am taking medication, but it has not helped. Also, I often feel regret after masturbating or watching porn alone. Anyways (sorry for the long post, by the way), I thought of something recently. About 2 years ago (before I met my boyfriend), I had one of my first sexual experiences and it ended... interestingly. I was playing truth or dare and was dared to make out with a guy that I had just met that day. We went off and proceeded to make out, but he tried to go further by rubbing me over my shorts, but I told him to stop. He was completely respectful and stopped, but for some reason I was still completely distraught. I went home and I remember I felt the need to take off the clothes I was wearing immediately to feel clean. I cried all night and felt intense regret, lasting throughout the next day. Interestingly enough, the intense regret and dirty feeling finally went away when I talked to the guy again (I never told him how I felt), and we actually became friends. To this day, I can never figure out why that experience made me so upset, as he was completely respectful and stopped when I told him to stop. Maybe because it was my first time going that far, maybe it was because I didn't know the guy very well, maybe it was because it was truth or dare, maybe it was because I was surprised, it could be any number of reasons why I was so upset. Anyways, I am wondering now if perhaps the reason for my intense reaction was OCD. Maybe it is similar to the way I feel right before I am about to have sex now. Is that a possibility? Another theory of mine is that the reason I have intrusive thoughts now before sex is because of a combination of OCD, and the memory of that distraught feeling from 2 years ago. The memory no longer bothers me, but maybe subconsciously it does. Anyways, to summarize, I am wondering perhaps OCD caused the original upset feeling, like it causes my current sexual problems, or if my current sexual problems are causes by a mix of OCD and subconscious memory of the distraught and regretful feeling? Any answer would be appreciated, thanks so much!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I have this all the time!! The way that works best for me to handle is to tell myself "you don't know how you imagined it before and you can't draw a comparison" and I just make myself handle that thought without performing the compulsion of analyzing

Hi! I have been on Prozac for about two weeks now. I also feel like I have been more anxious but it could just be that I'm equally as anxious and just noticing it more

Hi! I relate to a lot of this. That feeling you described about your heart and you head I totally feel the exact same way. One of my main compulsions is making checklists, and I often dread doing them because they are time consuming, just as you said about decontaminated things. You know it's irrational and time consuming but you still feel the need to do it, I totally feel the same way. I think it's great that you did ERP and were so successful. I did it dor a couple months and felt a HUGE sense of improvement. Sorry that I don't have any specific answers to your questions. I just wanted to say I relate and good luck with everything feel free to message me any time

Hi, so sorry to hear you're going through this. Feel free to message me if you would like to talk

I completely understand. Just know, you are not a pedophile I guarantee. Feel free to message me if you would like to discuss more

Hi, here is my problem. I am in a long distance relationship and whenever my boyfriend has to end the call, I get very sad and don't want him to go. It's not just "oh I wish he would stay", but more like an intense feeling that I need him to stay. It is sometimes mild and sometimes very severe to me panicking and feeling completely abandoned when he hangs up. He is very sweet and always answers when I call back right away and stays up with me late at night when I can't let him hang up. Has any one else experienced something like this?

I believe OCD is making it impossible for you to have a normal relationship. I relate

Hi, I'm Emily and I'm 17. I was diagnosed with OCD about 6 months ago and went through therapy and thought I was completely better. I feel so much stronger and obsessions and compulsions don't take over my life anymore. But here is my issue. I've bee dating an amazing guy for about a year and a half, and he was diagnosed with depression about a year before we met. I have never been able to help him with what he's going through. Every time I try to comfort him, we just end up fighting because I don't know how to make anything better, and then I end up crying and upset and he always ends up comforting me. This seems so unfair. Especially because when I was diagnosed with OCD, he was there for me every step of the way and always know exactly how to make me feel better. How is this fair that he helps me so much but I don't help him at all? I always ask him this and he always says the same thing "because I love you". But I love him to and I would do anything to help him, I'm just never successful. It breaks my heart to see him upset and not be able to help. I always then wonder if he should be with someone else who can help him, and I ask him that and he gets upset because he doesn't like when I tell him to be with someone else. Then I end up upset again, and he comforts me like usual. I don't know if this is ocd related, but has anyone else dealt with a situation like this or have any advice? Thanks!

Hi!! I had this exact same concern. I remember worrying that I would only know hot to deal with my current obsessions, and not the ones in the future. But what I learned was that therapy was teacher me the methods for dealing with any obsession. The methods used for the obsessions you were treated for can be transferred to be used for your new obsessions.

Hi, I'm Emily. I'm a 17 year old girl from the USA. I've started applying to colleges and I decided I wanted to write my essay about OCD since it is such a big part of my life. My OCD started with intrusive thoughts worrying that I was gay. But I'm worried if I write about this, I'll sound homophobic. I'm not homophobic, but I described in my essay now I was so afraid of being gay and how the thoughts disgusted me. How can I accurately describe this without sounding like I think being gay is bad? I have no problem with gay people, and now I would have no problem if I was gay, but the thoughts at the time made me petrified. Is this making sense? And how can I describe this in my essay? Thanks!

I completely understand. I really relate to what you said about being triggered by a link on Facebook. That used to happen to me too with little things like tv shows

You have not been contemplating blasphemy. You know this is an obsession. The only way to make it go away is to tell yourself you ARE contemplating blasphemy, then you won't need the reassurance and then you will know you truly aren't contemplating blasphemy. You're stronger than you think

I have the exact same thing!!! I was diagnosed with OCD about 6 months ago for other obsessions, but I also do exact to what you're talking about. I'll be laying completely still, and for some reason my head will tell me to move and I'll just have to do it becuase it's an overwhelming urge. As I was typing this I just did it twice- once with rolling over and once with scratching my head. I also do the Instagram thing. I'll get a thought in ny head needing to scroll back and see something for no reason. Or I'll think back to something I saw and have to know the exact wording.

Hi, I'm Emily. The only thing I've found to be helpful is tell used the thoughts are true. I do this in therapy. Tell yourself you don't love him when the obsession gets to you. It will be extremely painful, but it will lessen the need for the compulsion and in time, weaken the thought