Vanish1933

A good, positive step heading to the doctor. Take each day as it comes and try and do something nice for yourself.

So I got an intrusive thought 2 months ago about a mistake I made when I was 17 (13 years ago) which was triggered by something I read. After I'd calmed down etc a few days later and stopped ruminating/catrastophrising and calmed down, I got a memory that I didnt actually carry out the mistake, just told my friends at the time I'd carried out the mistake (bravado being a silly teen etc). There was drink involved also and as it was 13 years ago I keep doubting whether I did it. I remember my friends being shocked when we talked about it, but I'm not sure if i was just telling them out of bravado. I was in an easy position to easily carry out the mistake, so it would have been unnoticeable and that's maybe why I can't remember for sure. However I can't remember actually doing it, only the situation and talking about it the next day. However, the intrusive thoughts keep coming back and making it seem that the mistake would have led to disastrous consequences. it has also made me think about the memory differently in a 'what if' way. I told my mum about the mistake (I know, confessing etc) as I convinced myself I'd done it for sure and she said whilst no doubt it was wrong, it was just a stupid teen mistake, unlikely to have led to big consequences and she said we all make mistakes and I didn't have wicked intentions. Has anyone experienced a memory, not quite knowing for sure what happened after Ocd hijacks it? I guess I just can't get clarity maybe from all the rumination and the fact it was 13 years ago. I just find it scary that ocd may have taken away the clarity :-( as I hadn't thought about it in a long time. And the intrusive thoughts in my head make me feel SO bad and like I carried it out sinisterly.

I missed it, but looking forward to listening later :-)

Yep and your ocd exaggerates things or twists them to being something else. Yes same here - but things can get better!! These forums are very very helpful.

Asking yourself those questions constantly sounds like rumination :-( and when you answer it, it is never final, it keeps coming back into your head and you keep asking it again. I'm going through a similar thing myself with different subject matter and constantly questioning myself has just left me stuck and anxious that I am a bad person. What I have been trying is listen/not ignore the thoughts and trying to gently think about something else or do something else. I don't always get this right and the last day has been bad however I know it's the way to recover. As ruminating is a compulsion! it would be more unusual/rare if you didn't find other people attractive or like them in some level. That's being human. For many these thoughts would be fleeting, or oh well they are nice, but it doesn't mean anything. By focusing so much on it, your brain keeps reminding you of it and it feels bigger than what it is. Husbands and wives don't always need to say when they've found someone attractive. It sounds like you're having a very tough time over the past few years and ocd just makes things feel so much worse. Maybe speak to your doc about cbt too?

I have experience of real life issues and ocd and it can feel very tough. The key thing is your compulsions - which sounds like rumination. Don't ignore the thoughts - I know it makes you feel anxious. Try and distract yourself from the compulsions (ruminations) though, think about something else/do something else. I am not always good at this, but I am working hard at it. Just started cbt. It will get better. Have you done cbt before?

Do you lie in bed when you wake up at 2am or get up?

Hi dizzy. Yes this place is a great help :-) people are very helpful.

My cbt therapist said I could try speaking to my husband re my obsessions that relate to him...in regards to past mistakes. I'm gonna try to avoid it...

Yeah they have experience in that area. I'll ask next time re how they've used cbt to treat people with ocd.

Yeah you're right. Spent first session just confessing really but next time we are going to look at cbt to deal with the thoughts, why I'm getting them etc.

How should cbt work for real life ocd? Should the therapist be an ocd specialist or is a knowledge of ocd enough?

Thanks. Gone private as waiting lists are long so hopefully it helps.

Thanks polar bear it's appreciated. I guess I catastrophise and end up thinking too much. Its got to the stage where Im worried I will bump into an old colleague with my now husband and they would be like 'er who is this then' and he would leave me because I didn't talk about the fact I had a bf at work :-( I'm meeting up with some old colleagues soon too so I guess this isn't even a past event anymore it feels in my present :-( First lot of cbt tomorrow. Hopefully it helps.

Really struggling lately. I have real life ocd about past events and mistakes. Which seemingly are minor according to my therapist and I know that most of the time, if I'm not in the grips of an ocd episode. I ruminate round and round however lately I have been working on acknowledging the thoughts and avoiding the ruminations. It's almost as if, however, all these past events have made me feel like a bad person at my core, even when I'm not ruminating. E.g I used to be very private at an old workplace (e.g not talk about being in a relationship/having a bf.) We are now married and now I'm feeling disloyal to my husband, like I should have been more open at work. I'm getting urges to confess to my husband that I didn't talk about my love life at work, like he needs to know the truth. Even though this was 2 years ago. I feel like I'm keeping secrets from him. I'm a much more open person now at my current workplace (but still private) but it's like I can't assess what is right and wrong from the past and when something should be confessed.