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About Avo

  • Birthday 17/10/1978

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  1. Thanks Roy, Its tricky to see the wood for the trees at times. Health anxiety has always been one of my themes, when I was around 19 or 20 what I now realise OCD latched onto health, in particular testicular cancer, rather than do the monthly check as recommended by the medical profession lasting a couple of minutes I would check multiple times a day going down the slippery slope of compulsions, as I now understand the more I checked the more doubt in my judgement I felt and would end up booking a doctors appointment for re-assurance that all was ok I lost hours at a time in my own world of compulsions around the health theme and was at the doctors probably at least twice a month but spent almost all my time in between panicking and checking and keeping the cycle going. There was no google at that point which to be honest was probably a good thing but I still spent many many hours checking and fretting .
  2. Hello Handy, The doctor explained the difference, the blood I spotted was on the paper in bright red speckles, this was enough for me to use the phrase blood in stools as a general description of my dilemma I didn't actually pick through any matter. I was of the opinion that if this was required there are medical professionals better placed than me to analyse the matter itself. . The alarm bell for me was the fact that I had bled out my backside which I know can have more serious causes and for someone with health anxiety it was a perfect storm so to speak.!
  3. Hi dksea, Thanks for responding to my thread, sorry to hear you had a similar issues yourself, like you say we are a similar age. The doctor used a slightly more 'basic' technique to diagnose my piles . However I have had so many worries over the years around my health that there is not much left that hasn't been prodded and inspected, you kind of become a bit numb to any embarrassment! I think your right I was maybe a little too anxious to get the appointment booked and trying to get my anxiety eased somewhat. I see your in Japan - (a place I have always wanted to visit it looks such an interesting country) Am I right in thinking your from the USA originally - what took you to Japan? Was your check up through a work based health insurance or is there some kind of 'free at the point of use' health care a bit like the NHS in the UK?
  4. That's very true - Google is a slippery slope for an OCD sufferer it aids compulsions no doubt! I am trying to move on but must admit I have tired myself out by worrying. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
  5. Hi Angst, thanks for your reply, I get where your coming from about cancer and age - I am 40 so maybe just on the cusp of middle age ? I did however lose both my parents in their early to mid sixties of cancer so its always been at the back of my mind and played into my anxiety around health. My work is fairly flexible in some ways - I am a fairly hard working and reliable worker so I feel in the circumstances it wasn't that much to ask, I did cut my break short later in the day to compensate as well. I understand and indeed have worked in places where my request would have been turned down. Thanks again for your reply. I appreciate it.
  6. Thanks GBG, I think I would be struggling to stay away from Google until the apt came round, I am rubbish about trying to put things to the back of my mind. ! its just so damn draining . Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it.
  7. Hello Everyone, I have long struggled with health anxiety and before I was diagnosed with OCD realised with hindsight that I was performing a lot of compulsions around my health I was taking what are considered sensible precautions around my health such as checks on various bits but getting obsessed and doubting myself and my judgement , I was also checking far more frequently than advised. The reason for my post is this- sorry if this is a bit off putting - don't read if your eating - I have recently had a health scare - blood in my stools found yesterday for the first time. Now I did google which I know isn't always the best thing to do and it brought up various things from piles - harmless but painful to more serious stuff like bowel cancer. Here is my dilemma . I know that blood in stools is something you should get checked out. I don't think its unreasonable for me to contact the doctor. However as is my way I panic and want the anxiety removed asap. I spoke to my wife and she thought it sounded like piles but to monitor things for a few days before making an appointment with the doctor. I initially agreed but started to worry too much and gave in this morning and rang for an appointment. It meant coming out of work to attend the appointment. I simply could not stand the anxiety. The doctor seemed to think its piles and nothing more serious. Now I am relieved of course but should I have handled this any differently? for example I am off work next week so could have made the appointment for then making it easier to attend and not having to ask work for a favour. I seem at the moment almost incapable of standing any anxiety but health wise I have always been prone to think the worst. I know I was ruminating massively over this and OCD was in overdrive however would you have waited? at least a few days to see if things settled? As a result of the drama today I am mentally whacked and know this episode is largely responsible for it. I wanted if possible to gain a few views of what is 'normal' in this situation in terms of how to deal with it, how long to wait before seeking medical advice etc. Thanks in advance. Avo
  8. I think your partner is right, if you apologise over this then OCD will almost certainly find another incident to focus on and you could well end up feeling you have to go down a similar route and then where you could be on a slippery slope of confessing and apologising. Also try and remember no one is all good or all bad, people are a mixture of this. Trying to be good all the time through all our lives I would say is impossible. We are doomed to fail by holding ourselves to impossibly high standards. I think you need to try and be kinder to yourself
  9. I get what you say about the apologising is that a compulsion for doing it? or is it avoidance for not doing it? if in the scheme of things apologising is something you recognise as a common compulsion that it suggests to me that it possibly would fit into the compulsion category. Kernels of truth can be part of our OCD, as OCD magnifies things and makes them often seem worse than they actually are. Its a case of still recognising OCD is at play and at some point you have to take the plunge and have faith in what you have learned.
  10. I think most people have had elements from their past GBG that could be considered rebellious and things we would not do now etc. With the hindsight of maturity we can look back and see things differently. I have done things that don't fit with my character now and things I would not do now, some of it far from great, it can't be changed though. I think in your case OCD is latching onto your past and magnifying things that without OCD you would be able to dismiss - if indeed you remembered them at all. I get where you coming from I struggle with past things myself. You need to try and remember the techniques you have learned around not engaging with the thoughts using your CBT knowledge, I know its difficult and so so easy to get side tracked. Did you make any notes from previous times where you have had success in combating OCD? if I remember rightly you have had success in the past in dealing with OCD .
  11. The no anxiety sounds great ! though I accept that anxiety probably has a role in an evolutionary sense of keeping us safe - with no anxiety to make us cautios back in the day we would probably have been eaten by some hungry predator such as a tiger etc.
  12. Thanks for the update Whitebeam. Its so nice to hear success stories. OCD can be such a horrid disorder it is great that you have achieved so much. Well done
  13. I had a not unrelated incident last year, I received a letter that was related to my works pension - I noticed the office it was posted from was in Salisbury. Bearing in mind the tragic events that unfolded in that town about a year ago for a while I worried that there could be some horrible substance on the letter. I considered throwing it away. I then realised the danger was being massively exaggerated by my OCD. It shows how OCD can adapt and use any situation to try and lure you into its trap.
  14. Hi Fightoffyourdemons, I sympathise as I have a similar theme myself of cheating and worrying about finding people attractive. However - OCD is at play here, your list was a massive rumination, you need to stop trying to work out what happened and going over events in your mind. She was drunk and when people are drunk they can act in all kind of ways as people lose their inhibitions. So what if you found her attractive? its human nature we don't go blind just because we are in a relationship. If you can avoid engaging in these thoughts the subject will fade and lose its strength. Trying to 'work it out' is the worst thing you can do. Try and just get on with you day. Avo
  15. I take fluoxetine 40mg daily . When I got my latest prescription there was a note from my doctor asking me to make an appointment to have my annual medication review. I have been on it for almost 3 years now. I have never tried to either reduce my dosage or stop completely. In my last couple of reviews it was agreed due to life pressures to not 'rock the boat' by tinkering with my medication. Not sure how to approach the next review with my doctor, life is still full on so at the moment I think I am reluctant to change things too much.
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