Avo

Its classic OCD, I have had them too in the past. Checking for arousal was a compulsion, it means nothing. A trained OCD professional will know all about them. Try not to worry.

Sorry to hear you have had a bad day GBG, don't be too harsh on yourself, I think being able to identify your compulsions is a positive which you have done around the cleaning. You know what to be aware of in future. tomorrow is a new day.

Thanks GBG, yes the weather is lovely today in fact its been remarkably consistent for a while now- even in my usually rainy corner of the country. Nice day for a run- I really should get myself into some form of fitness regime, I could do with shedding a few pounds! Glad you seem in good spirts yourself.

Glad everyone seems to be doing so well . I slipped a bit into confessing mode yesterday but overall I didn't do badly. I am attempting to avoid doing compulsions around health anxiety which I have had moderate success with. I am slipping into a type of rumination where by I focus on any slight twinge and catastrophizes into an impending horrible illness. I am trying to focus my attention away to other activities - such as engaging playing with my son.

Hi Atlantis, I think I may be able to relate a bit to what you say as I have experienced similar. Around 12 months ago I developed a crush on a woman at work. Also there is an age gap - I am 14/15 yrs older than her. I found this person easy to talk to which is quite rare for me as I am normally quite shy around women, however I felt I could open up with her, which I say for me is unusual. I began to be on hyper alert wondering if / when I would see her at work. I also felt a (self imposed) pressure to start a conversation with her and would try and think of topics to talk to her about. I also wondered if I was being somehow unfaithful to my wife by talking to her. The thing that threw me was because this crush was as much for her personality as looks. My OCD got hold of it and turned it into a major obsession trying to answer the question do I want to leave my wife over her? Does she like me? What would life be like if I left my wife etc. This lead to immense guilt asking myself these questions and also immense anguish as deep down I didn't want anything to break my marriage up. I really was suffering an awful lot with this dilemma it lead to an increase in medication and me feeling terrible. If I saw her car around town I would become nervous and I once walked past her in a supermarket when I was with my wife and I felt what I can only describe as fear. I kept trying to figure out why I felt like this when a crush is supposed to be a pleasant thing. The only way I overcame this was to try and stop engaging with the issue and stop trying to answer the questions I was asking myself. I was just embarking on CBT at the time and we looked at how me thinking about this person was getting me nowhere and just caused me grief. 12 months on I am much better and while I get the odd fleeting bit of liking for this woman I am not trying to figure anything out or go out of my way to strike up conversation with her. I do sympathise with your dilemma, I think the only advice I can offer is to stop trying to figure out, easier said that done I know.

Well done for applying Lost, as you say its a step in the right direction, if you get the position great! if not don't worry you have got experience of filling in application forms and hopefully an interview, its all good experience, it can be an exciting process. I am sure you will give a good account of yourself whatever happens. Take it gently - don't put too much pressure on yourself. Good Luck. Keep us posted

I have a habit of doing this - I too suffer with guilt when finding others attractive and I actively avoid getting too chatty or even flirty with someone I like. I am married and have been with my wife almost 17 years,(married for 9 of those) however I have to accept that I am human and am doing nothing wrong by being attracted to others. I have also done what you mention about seeing pictures of attractive people on social media etc and feeling guilty as a result, I have avoided it partly cos of guilt which I know is a compulsion and makes me hyper aware of the issue. As with me its OCD highlighting an issue that others would not think twice about. Just wanted to say your not alone with this theme of OCD but give yourself a break and leave the ruminating alone - it will only make it worse.

Hi Lost, bit late to the party on this but I think you should apply. It sounds like a worthy cause and I am sure you would be good at it too. Start gently and don't put too much pressure on yourself .

Hi GBG, Its great if your partner has an understanding of OCD and is diplomatic and sensitive enough to realise that OCD is at play even if it maybe goes against their preference. It can be a big boost in our recoveries having that back up. My wife is quite good too on this to be fair she is quite well versed in OCD and its sneaky ways and can tell when I am trying to confess - though I have taken to just blurting it out to try and bypass this. I have become quite adept at confessing in a variety of ways over the years. ! Glad I could be of help

Yes -- , they could probably relate to similar experiences of living with a partner with OCD. I am sure my ears would burn endlessly .

Hi GBG, In terms of confessing to my wife, the urge may be there and it may increase in it's intensity. This is when I have buckled and confessed. In my CBT we looked at my confessing and realised it fed into the whole cycle of needing to confess, it was the fuel I was throwing on the fire to maintain it, the only thing is solved was providing me with a short term fix of reassurance. I could sometimes find myself wanting to confess again a few minutes later on another thing. I also would find myself maybe a few weeks down the line wanting to confess about things I had already confessed - doubting my memory have I confessed on this before? I am sure I have etc etc and I would start ruminating about the subject. The aim of my CBT around confessing was to see what happened if I didn't confess - what would happen? would the guilt and anxiety get worse? or would it eventually subside if didn't confess? the result was that though my anxiety went high, it did eventually come down and the gradually every time I got the urge to confess it seemed to come with slightly less intensity and importance each time to the point where it didn't feel much of a big deal at all to me, and It helped change my flase mind set that suggested to me I was being a 'good' person by confessing. When you say you are now doing things in full knowledge as opposed to unthinkingly. It seems to me your OCD had latched onto these issues and is making them important. If you try and monitor your every move and action it will only get worse, OCD will find more and more things you feel you have to do and it will get to the stage where it questions literally everything. You will become too restricted by it. What I would suggest is the things you did unthinkingly before mean they in your mind were either not wrong or not important enough to worry about. They were minor and you lived quite easily doing them and not feeling guilt. I think the thing may be to see how you go by doing them again? they are only important because you have given meaning to them that wasn't there before. To summarise my waffling! confessing is the worst thing you can do, it makes the false belief that you are doing wrong stronger and keeps you trapped in the cycle, adding fuel to the fire. Hope this makes some sense?

Hi GBG, I think you sum it up well when you say the following Things that were not an issue have become one, as you say its your house as much as your partners. You are not being malicious by not doing some things, it was you unthinkingly doing things. You shouldn't have to monitor your every move and action, and to be fair to your partner she seems to acknowledge this too. I am sure I unthinkingly do things that annoy the heck out of my wife - in fact I know I do she tells me I have a blind spot for the domestic chores which need doing. To a point I have tried to be a bit more considerate. She is the type of person who draws up lists of things to do as it helps her feel less overwhelmed by the tasks to do if she writes them down. I have hardly ever written a list in my life, I just don't think that way, I think somewhere in the middle is the right balance - I have tried to be more aware of things I do to help my wife feel less stressed, (often basics like making the bed in a morning or taking clothes up the stairs to put away if there is a clean pile downstairs - yes believe it or not I over looked these things) but I do draw a line on things I feel are low priority my wife seems to be beholden to her list sometimes and as her lists are long and replenish themselves almost daily. Your and your partner are equal, and its a case of compromising. You seem to have become hyper aware of some actions almost looking out for whatever may not meet approval with your partner also - confessing is a compulsion I have/ am prone to. It just strengthens to false belief that we have to confess as we know its a vicious cycle, once you start to confess you feel the need to do it more and more. Attempt to stop the confessing, it will give you short term relief but will certainly lead to more confessing In the future, its easier said than done I know but stopping confessing will help. It will also take away from the false belief and 'importance' that you give to what are almost certainly minor things which people without OCD would dismiss without further thought. In terms of what it means about you as a person/wife - it means you are human with your own mind and opinions. It's important to retain your own personality and opinions and that's as it should be.

Welcome Sue, good luck with the projects.

Sorry to hear you have had that experience Orwell1984. It sounds like people at your work are like a good many in society and think OCD is a minor quirk and not a disorder that can be debilitating and cause immense anxiety and suffering. In my work I have heard the odd comment in reference to OCD in a similar vein, if someone feels they are meticulous or like things in a certain way. I think some people just don't realise through lack of understanding about OCD. I think there are also some who may know but just don't care because they themselves are not effected. As Roy says it is about education and spreading awareness, hopefully one day the message will get through. Just want to say again sorry to hear you have experienced this, in 2018 we should not have to go through this type of thing. Avo

You don't confess anything to your wife, when I am struggling my wife can often tell. If she asks if I am alright, I just say "my OCD is playing up a bit" she knows a lot about OCD so she sympathises with me but knows that its wrong and unhelpful for me to confess / seek re-assurance. If she can educate herself on OCD it would be a help to you both.