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Everything posted by Avo

  1. The thing is NLL, if you confess then it will bring only temporary relief. OCD never ever goes away by confessing, it gets stronger You need to try and get a handle on your ruminating. I think you know that logically but you are in such a muddled state of thinking it distorts things.
  2. they are thoughts and images you have attached meaning to, that's the problem. not the fantasies themselves. its your reaction to them. you really need to try and find a way to stop ruminating. it distorts everything . if you can do that the anxiety they bring will start to fade away.
  3. Sorry the Samaritans didn't seem to help, you could always try again and see who you get. You could try and contact this charity too? .
  4. The biggest compulsion you are performing at the moment is rumination. Confessing will do you no good. you will feel better briefly but it will just make you want to confess more. you wife will have had fantasies too, if she claims not then I don't believe her. every human on the planet has them. the only difference between them and someone with OCD is that they will have them and move on immediately, not give them a second thought. with OCD we agonise over them and ruminate endlessly about them. this distorts them as they have done for you. I think you know this deep down but are caught in the midst of a massive OCD episode. give the Samaritans a call .
  5. Don't do anything silly, you are in the grips of OCD that has distorted your thinking too much. my advice would be call the Samaritans 116 123. the issue isn't your fantasies, its your distorted thinking around them . your wife has distorted thinking around them too. call the Samaritans - don't do anything silly.
  6. This is a very interesting thread, I can definitely relate I have been reflecting recently on what I think my OCD may have taken from me, and how it has shaped my current circumstances. I have definitely under achieved career wise, I feel I am a capable person who has been undermined by their OCD, consuming me and taking away from my focus on life. meaning I have been limited not by ability but by the amount of energy OCD has taken from me. I feel the general anxiety that OCD creates has made me much less resilient than ideally I would like to be. I have spent years in the grip of OCD suffering and having my quality of life impacted. I admit I have been fortunate in some ways with my OCD, it has not stopped me working which it can do with many people. I have been able to function though its been close sometimes, Marry and I have 1 child. it has and can be all consuming and has put massive strain on my relationship with my wife. but its been much less severe than many people on the boards have experienced. I agree with Snowbear about trying to shape the life you have to live, we can't change the past . Also its very easy to assume everyone else has it made and is coping just fine with life , possibly exaggerated by social media these days. Its not likely to be the case and its not healthy I feel to try and judge ourselves by what others have either materialistically or otherwise.
  7. I have just been reading the thread Nolightleft. I really do sympathise, I struggle massively with the whole fantasy thing. the whole age appropriate thing, if someone is over the age of consent but in some cases 20 years younger (i am 43 years old) and the whole masturbation thing and so on. I have confessed numerous times to my wife. The confessing is not a good thing, its not you being honest, its you doing massive compulsions . its helping nobody. its hurting your wife and you. She doesn't want or need to here it, and you are continuing your own mental torture by doing so. you are not being kind to anyone by confessing The wrong doing here is you ruminating over the thoughts and fantasies. if you can get to grips with that you can really turn your life around and that of your wife. she would have a happy and healthy husband and you would be in a significantly better place.
  8. what a great message snow bear, you have a flair for explaining things so clearly and succinctly. . I completely agree with everything you say. please do let us know of any replies.
  9. I heard this lad interviewed on radio 5 live drive time show. I normally rate the presenters on that slot but it seemed to be more about name dropping the celebrities he washed the cars for - footballers and the swooning over the high end cars they owned. it seemed to trivialise OCD. I would be interested to hear what type of response you get Ashley.
  10. Thanks for posting the article Lollipop. its a shame someone so high profile can be so misunderstanding of OCD and subscribes to the stereotypes around OCD. Rishi Sunak I think many feel could be the PM one day. This is an educated and intelligent man who really should know better. however its not a surprise in some ways. It just shows how far we have to go to educate people about OCD, there are still large sections of society who either don't understand OCD or do but think its OK to treat OCD as some kind of eccentric quirky habit that is somehow a bit amusing.
  11. I agree about the invasion of privacy. her behaviour is massively out of order. has anyone actually pulled her up on this?
  12. I think when we have intense OCD intrusions we can doubt everything. I have had many disturbing dreams. if I ruminate too much about anything I can doubt myself. the more we engage with the worry the more we doubt. it sounds counter productive but you need to try and stop the rumination using the CBT you learned. if you stop feeding the worry it will fade. I think from what you describe the new issue is essentially a new intrusive thought on a familiar theme. you have had the thought 'was this a dream or reality' and you are trying to figure it out. try and stop the rumination.
  13. Hi Woman, I really sympathise as I have a similar 'theme' . I have had upsetting dreams around my own son who is 8. OCD prays on the things we hold most dear - the things that are the complete opposite of our moral compass. You need to be careful with rumination here. analysing this dream from numerous angles will only succeed in momentary relief. OCD demands and takes more from us no amount of re-assurance will ever be enough for OCD. you say you have had therapy in the past. did you have CBT? can you look back on what you have learned in the past to help you with the current issues you have?
  14. Hi Hala, I have had this worry and do occasionally still have it. I fainted in class at school when I was about 14 ( i am in my 40's now) and it really freaked me out. it set me off on a path of quite a lot of worry and I kept worrying it would happen again. Its happened on and off ever since the worry. I have been slightly pre-occupied recently by it in relation to the covid jab. I am in the next band due to be called probably in the next 2 weeks and am trying not to go down the rabbit hole of panic if I have a funny turn while getting the Jab. I recently read something similar to what GBG said about clenching your hands and feet as this supposedly raises blood pressure which is supposed to help prevent fainting. its called applied tension. below is the link, its from the NHS so hopefully will not be breaching any forum rules of putting links on the forum. if you scroll down you will find the applied tension part. https://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/resources/patient-information/all-patients/overcoming-your-fear-of-needles.pdf
  15. - Ed Sheeran he seems a nice guy but his music is average I think and massively overplayed . - Glastonbury festival - there are other festivals but this one seems to evoke a status of deference like no other. - Alcoholic deserts. - whiskey - Celery - Baked Beans -Weather temperatures over about 20c - Air Fresheners and the plug in Air Fresheners - Just open a window instead. - Ironing bedding
  16. I used to work near Frodsham, I remember years ago on a works night out going to a Chinese restaurant there that had a bridge over a little pond as you went inside? was in called the Chinese delight or something? food was very nice. we are talking about 24 years probably? I used to live in Manchester but now live in Cumbria, I really like the access to green space rather than mile after mile of urban sprawl.
  17. Hi Symps, I sympathise as I have had and sometimes still do have similar incidents and guilty feelings. I have confessed loads of times to my wife. The thing is everyone has these attractions even if we are with someone and love them. I wouldn't be surprised if your fiancée has had similar thoughts however if she doesn't have OCD she will not find it a big deal and have no compulsion to tell you. Try and avoid confessing, its not necessary and unfair on your fiancée and yourself and confessing only provides short term relief it tends to cause more and more confessing down the line.
  18. the Holiday - is that Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz where they swap homes?
  19. Hi Cas No worries, I am a really bad ruminator myself I have wasted lots of time over the years arguing with myself looking for evidence trying to reach a conclusion that never satisfies. all it does is drive me half mad with anxiety. some of the lengths I went to at times to try and get that elusive definite answer were so so time and energy consuming. I have had several rounds of CBT over the years myself sometimes we do need a few tries.
  20. sounds good cas, enjoy the baking .
  21. Cas, we can doubt anything if we over think it. the more you try and answer a question, reach a conclusion to an internal debate the more doubt you experience. Its how OCD taunts us. Thoughts going too far means too much rumination ( a massive compulsion one I struggle with too), instead of rumination helping us it does the exact opposite. you have to stop trying to answer the questions, stop trying to figure out what this may mean about you as a person. its the only way to get the better of OCD, the more you give it the more it takes, its never satisfied. what is your background In terms of CBT? have you had any in the past?
  22. Cas, you are in the grips of an OCD episode, you are ruminating looking for answers which are feeding the cycle of doubt. I have been there with this theme. its very distressing but you can break the cycle. you have to try and curb your ruminating you will never win. OCD is bombarding your brain but you need to remember its OCD, nothing more. try and remember these episodes do pass you can get to the other side.
  23. I once had a book signed by Rick Stein, he seemed ok but it was a 5 second chat. I once got Peter Schmeichel's autograph, again a 5 second chat. I was once in a pub restaurant with my wife and Monty Donn the TV gardener turned up too. we assumed he was in town doing some filming, there seemed to be a few TV types with him. we didn't speak with him, I thought he seemed ok after hearing snatches of conversation , my wife thought he was a tad too keen on himself they ordered some wine and he corrected the waitresses pronunciation on the French translation. I thought he did it nicely and was not trying to be clever but I think my wife thought otherwise.
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