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Saz

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  1. That was a very interesting read felix. I'll be honest every sentence in that could be talking about me! It actually made me realise that there isn't one part of my face that I haven't obsessed over... I used to have an obsession with my eyelashes, thinking one side always looked more full than the other, same with my eyelids, almost forgot about my nose.... I've always wanted a slighltlt bigger, pointier nose! Who even wants a bigger nose!! The main issue is with things not being equal or symmetrical. I have wasted countless hours focusing on these things I'm ashamed to say It didn't help I got my passport pictures done this week and I couldn't believe what I was looking at! I felt so puffy in my face and looked like I had aged something terrible. Then today a friend had asked me to model some jumpers for her business and I felt like crying. I wear glasses most of the time and when I took them off I felt disgusting and thought I'm never not wearing them again! Sorry I know this pribably sounds so petty and actually I know this is nowhere near as bad as my other fear but it's so time consuming and fear it's getting worse in a daily basis. X That's difficult caramoole, I feel perhaps trying not to focus on things and spending time looking and analysing myself is a good start... I worry its going to take a lot to undo this way of thinking x
  2. This is a slightly different concern of mine, yet something that has bothered me greatly (and seems to be getting much worse) over many years. In a nutshell I am hating more and more the way I look, mainly my face. I am obsessed with it not being at all symmetrical, especially my eyes but it can be anything from my teeth or smile not being wide enough to my cheeks looking lopsided, to the wrinkles on my forehead. The bizzare thing is my focus can shift on a weekly bases. I am getting to the point now were I feel I need surgery or botox or fillers ...something I've always been against! I feel I know I'm being a bit irrational and I know also that I'm very, very lucky in that I am healthy (for the most part) and nobody ever said I was ugly but I'll be honest I'm struggling. I hate getting my photo done and can spend ages over analysing it. It sounds so vain but it's not, I hate feeling this way. Truth be told of course I'd never get surgery because what kind of example is that setting to my kids but I hate that I feel not pretty enough. Anybody else experience this? X
  3. Yes that is just me being me and thinking out loud, I question lots of things. I can completely see how this topic would trigger and worry people, my post above was just trying to put it in a little bit of context. X
  4. I was speaking to my very good friend who is a senior pediatric nurse yesterday. She said it has been blown out of all proportion (which I knew anyway) and that it's all scaremongering at its finest. I know we shouldn't reassure but she said, factually, it's nothing more than a mutation of the common cold. To put into perspective, you have more chance of getting ill from seasonal flu or a regular cold. Also if you look at statistics, many, many more have people have died from seasonal flu or other illnesses. I do wonder what the agenda is and why this is being pushed by the media so much...
  5. I know this is going to sound crazy to mist of you but my friend messaged toa say she had a dream about me last night and I was so upset and crying in it. Feel a bit freaked out that it related to this and she has had a premonition of what's to come. She is like and believes in all that kind of stuff, she says her dreams come true a lot of the time. I understand this is almost laughable but it's causing me a great deal of worry, it's been there most of the day x
  6. Thank you and I do apologise for the late replies. I don't want to become obsessed with the forums again (I mean that in the nicest possible way). So I'm kind of leaving a bit of breathing space in between reading and responding. It's just so hard to not think that I'm blocking the truth out. I am still very easily triggered by news articles also. I guess I am doing a lot better, it's just not letting myself ruminate, because the minute I do that I'm going back to square one x
  7. Hiya, wow its so lovely to see all these replies, I class every single one of you a lovely friend and I value all the advice given to me. I am getting very good at telling these thoughts to go away and most of the time I can move on and carry on my day as normal. I have even questioned why I'm writing again in the forums but I guess the truth is I am absolutely petrified, deep down, that this worry/fear is still real and that my life will come all unravelling and it will cause the most pain and distress for everyone. X
  8. Thank you both for your kind replies. I hope you are both doing well. Yes I do feel I've been on top of this but when it takes me by surprise, I immediately think I've just been blocking this all out, or if I read a news article on the same subject I freak and it reinforces my fears. I am deep down so petrified that my worry will prove to be real and my life ruined and that of my kids and family x
  9. Hi everyone. I am doing much, much better these days, I feel I've made really good progress, but as the title suggests, I seem to get dragged back every so often. I don't feel I am anywhere near back to square one (and pray I never am), I do feel I am more in control of this, but I hate the way I get pulled back time and time again. Things in my personal life have been going really well I am happy to say, but all of a sudden when I least expect it I'll get a flash in my mind saying 'don't forget about what you have done' and my heart sinks so much. I have been doing good to push it away and carry on but ultimately I feel like a massive fraud. I still get terribly anxious when I hear police cars and still constantly check that my friend is still my friend and she hasn't 'found anything out'. It's just soul destroying and I don't know what to do. X
  10. Thank you both, I just feel so in edge about this. That sick worry feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sorry to hear you had bad anxiety cub. Hope you feel OK now. Polar bear I just feel like a wreck again
  11. Hi, I have been doing OK lately, one or 2 minor blips but on the whole I've been doing well, at least compared to last year anyway! I need support as feel dreadful and fearful over something my partner said today. He said he can't believe my ex would leave me and walk out on me and he said (jokingly) he's even thought is there something bad going to come out about me! You know what this has done to me know. It's sent my anxiety through the roof and put me in panic mode regarding my worry! He was not being horrible by the way, he was genuinely saying he couldn't understand it. I'm so worried now guys and feel it's set me back and I've started believing its real and only a matter of time before the truth comes out!
  12. Sorry to go on but not feeling strong enough to deal with this on my own. I feel completely down and anxious and not just about this, about other stuff too. Could burst into tears at any given moment
  13. Really struggling. I can't believe how bad I feel after doing so well. Feel almost back to square one. Anxiety through the roof At a family party tonight and it's going to spoil my night. I have that sick feeling again. Just gutted.
  14. Thanks caramoole and so lovely to hear from you. Im trying hard to move past this but my anxiety and stress levels are through the roof. It's not so much now the panic attack on Saturday (if that's even what it was, am I making excuses for myself again) but how it's left me feeling now. I feel completely on edge and I'm struggling to keep the false memory thoughts at bay. Not felt this bad in so long. Absolutely devastated. X
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