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  1. Think about how much you’ve learnt about yourself and how the OCD operates. Next thing might not even become ’a thing’ because you will be able to recognise it and stop it before it turns into a new obsession.
  2. If that happens, you will get through that too. Writing down just in case is also a compulsion.
  3. So you say the story keeps changing, you have anxiety provoking thoughts (including the one that your current therapist is only telling you what you want to hear because you pay him) and images and in response to them you perform compulsions like ruminating and checking - but you still question if this is OCD or if it is a rational and justified behaviour. Maybe if you feel like therapy isn’t working you could try another therapist. If medicine isn’t helping, try another one. I know there is a part of you that wants to fight this and you can do it. It’s your life. You have to decide that enough is enough, even if you don’t feel like you deserve it right now (you will later).
  4. It’s also interesting that once you come to a conclusion that nothing happened - that is not enough for the OCD. Now you think you did something horrible just by walking up those stairs, that you had some bad intentions and that you should be punished for this. Look, I’m telling you, I’ve had the exact same obsession before and today when I think of that night I can see how extremely blown-up and silly it was. I know getting reassurance isn’t going to help you in the long run but you need to turn this around both for your partner’s and your own sake. Even if you don’t think you deserve it right now.
  5. This is your feeling, but you are using cognitive distortions such as mindreading. This is not real. To me it is so very obvious that this is OCD driven. Seriously, you are in no place to judge your actions and thoughts from that night right now as your mind is so clouded. What would you tell your best friend in this situation?
  6. hedvig

    Please help

    Yes, this needs to stop too. I did the same, it really turned into a new obsession but it was all in an attempt to find reassurance that I do actually have OCD.
  7. Thank you @taurean for your always so encouraging posts! You and others here really make a difference for many people.
  8. hedvig

    Please help

    I started with medication at the same time as I got in contact with my CBT therapist and it was like life completely changed for me. However, during and after pregnancy when I stopped my meds OCD came back with force. It was a couple months that were extremely tough. I’m now back on SSRI and I can see things clearly again and I realise now that it was all OCD at play. However I’m still struggling now in a way mostly because I feel so ashamed of my thoughts and how I could possibly think and feel the way I used to do. I guess I have to treat these feelings the same and just let them be but I sometimes have a hard time being kind and forgiving of myself. I try to practise more self-compassion which I think you should do as well. Another thing I would advice is to not get stuck in thoughts like ”Am I going to be this way forever?”. Tell yourself it’s okay to be this way, and you can still carry on with life.
  9. hedvig

    Please help

    Headwreck, I know we were messaging earlier on and I told you a little about my previous obsession about cheating. I had the exact same fear as you, it went on for years before it shifted into something else. And I’ve read many similar stories throughout the years. So, it is simply not true that others haven’t experienced the same thing. I know it is so difficult to trust and see things clearly when OCD is this strong, but it is possible to turn things around. My first therapist didn’t use CBT and seeing her was just getting a whole lot of reassurance session after session. It always felt so good when I left her office but hours later the anxiety started creeping back. I reacted when you wrote your therapist says you are innocent, of course she does this out of care for you - but it unfortunately won’t help in the long run.
  10. Then you really have to apply for therapy. I know it can be scary to visit a doctor but you don’t have to go into details about your thoughts if that makes you uncomfortable. Tell them you have thoughts that make you extremely anxious that you can’t let go of. I have to go to bed now so I won’t answer straight away if you write anything back. Wanted to let you know that in case you get worried and wonder why I don’t reply. I really, really hope you will start feeling better soon and I’m sure therapy and possibly medicine would help tremendously. My very best wishes to you!
  11. Are you in therapy? Sorry if you’ve written that in a previous thread.
  12. You keep repeating yourself. I know why, because OCD has you in its grip. I know you don’t want to. But please, try to take that leap of faith and trust that you can recover from this. You won’t always feel like this if you decide to take on some advice on how to turn things around.
  13. I know you feel that way. But in order to get better, you have to ignore that feeling. You have to do what feels wrong to you, and you have to fake it till you make it.
  14. Nowhere in my post did I ask you why it happened. I did the opposite, I told you you are allowed to leave this alone and not analyze why. Analyzing, going over this again and again are compulsions.
  15. It is OCD making you feel like you need to know for sure how she would respond, how you would be judged, how bad this is. You do not have to find out. You can tell your brain you are leaving this alone.