hedvig

Me too. I’ve had the same obsessions for years too. Polarbear usually describes how his obsessions stuck around for about 40 years if I’m not mistaken. I think this is why the cognitive work is so important. Medication might help lift your mood and take away the anxiety but unless you do something about the way you think and try to challenge the beliefs you have about yourself you’ll remain stuck.

Weee, so glad you went for the appointment! This makes me really happy to hear! Be proud of yourself for taking this important step forward. Take care of yourself now and good luck, hope you’ll feel the meds kicking in soon and that it’ll contribute to your recovery!

Great work Headwreck, just keep it up! ??

I think what we need to challenge is the binary thinking: good/bad, innocent/guilty. It is possible to change this! I like the saying that accepting ourselves and our history is the bravest thing we’ll ever do. You can get past this (I know because I did) and you can begin to like yourself again but you have got to give yourself a chance.

I don’t feel like I have to, I do it because I want to. Because I care about you! You really don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat yourself. Thank you, so nice of you to remember that I’ve gotten back to work. It has gone a lot better than I expected. The days prior were quite anxious but I feel a lot better already.

Headwreck, I’m heading to bed but please know we are here for you and that we all care about you. Try to get some sleep and remember also that Sundays can be more difficult before work. I’ll log in tomorrow to check on you. x

I’m quite sure that by now he knows you’re not certain of anything and how you doubt and blackpaint yourself so he would know you saying that doesn’t make it true and therefore wouldn’t jump on that and kick you out.

It doesn’t matter how you label it. You can’t go on like this. Are you sure it is really like that? I’d suggest you make that call anyways and describe your situation.

I know. Hey, you have got to take that small sparkle of self trust and self care that you have inside of you and fight for yourself.

Call your doctor again tomorrow. Don’t make any big decisions such as separating while feeling like this. Really wish there was something I could do for you.

Remember the promise you made to yourself the other day when you were in a better place. You have to sit with the anxiety tonight, resist giving in to the ruminating. Divide the time if necessary, take 5 or 10 minuters at a time. Welcome the anxiety and be in it without engaging. The post you wrote just now is just your anxiety speaking.

I think a lot of people do that to some extent. Yes, your anxiety (OCD) has definitely latched on to this making you draw conclusions like you are a sociopath, a horrible person or would end up in jail. It’s nonsense. Great that you are contacting your GP - I wish you all the luck!

Headwreck, please go visit your GP so you can get help managing your anxiety. I really think you need this in order to tackle your OCD. I think it might give you enough strength to then change your thinking around this event. You have to ask for help. You deserve it.

I see, so the intrusive thoughts made you anxious and you started googling to find relief and answers. I know how it goes. I think the important thing here for you is to recognize this as another intrusive thought and just try to leave it unanswered. Do not examine that memory any further.

You don’t have to do anything, OCDhavenobrain. You had an intrusive thought that something wrong might have happened, started digging into the past and found this. Got more anxious, kept ruminating over it. Now try to stop this before it builds up even more. One thing I’ve noticed is that you often write you’ve read something on a forum. What kind of forum is that? Is it really helpful to spend time there? People might have all kind of opinions about topics like these but as far as I’m concerned there is no universal rule that teachers cannot be present in the locker room. It is actually one of the most common areas in schools for bullying to take place so in the earlier school years it might be necessary to have an adult present.

It would still be excessive and obsessive. Even if you did it you would have to forgive yourself and move on.

No wonder when you are paying so much attention to not thinking about it. Also, worrying about the job like you do is clearly anxiety driven. Like you have swapped one worry to another. That is not a state you should have to be in. It is possible to deal with the anxiety, which is the real issue here.

I wrote about acceptance of thoughts just now in another thread so thought I could paste it in here too. Don’t know if you will think it is useful but to me it has been a good metaphore when understanding how to practice acceptance of my thoughts. I learned to picture my mind as a living room with a big door. All thoughts were welcome as guests to my room, I decided not to guard the door to my room but instead let every guest (read thought) in without judging them no matter how they were dressed or what they looked like. I pictured myself sitting somewhere in my room observing my guests without judgement. Then I allowed them to leave whenever they wanted. So in your case, it would be more of a recognition like ”Oh, there’s that thought again”, ”Right now my mind is filled with these thoughts”, ”That thought is really similar to that one”. Sort of just like studying them with curiosity instead of judging them. It definitely doesn’t mean you have to categorize them as true or false.

You don’t have to classify. You could sit there, see that girl, have the thought that she was attractive no matter what age she was. Everything that followed from there was fuelled by OCD.

Be careful not to fall into ruminations about this again. You do not have to go over this more now. You fear it is not OCD because that would mean your other fears are true, but you don’t have to figure it out any more.

It’s so comforting talking to others that understand the mechanisms, even if the worries we have differ. It is always easier to give advice to others. That’s why we need to always treat ourselves like our own best friend. But it is also very good to know there are other people out there to turn to that will understand. This is a great community!

You are right. What a good learning experience it was.

I know, it is so easy to get trapped in new worries when OCD has us in a hold. We just have to keep pushing forward and use all tools in our toolbox. You can do it!

Acceptance of your thoughts are key, but because of the distress they caused you your mind quickly went into rumination mode. Next time, try to shift focus back and cut the rumination. Distance yourself from the thoughts, look at them with curiosity. ”Oh, now that thought came to my mind again!”, ”Interesting”, ”How funny”. Treat them like clouds that move on the sky, they come and they go - we don’t judge them. I learned to picture my mind as a living room with a big door. All thoughts were welcome as guests to my room, I decided not to guard the door to my room but instead let every guest (read thought) in without judging them no matter how they were dressed or what they looked like. I pictured myself sitting somewhere in my room observing my guests without judgement. Then I allowed them to leave whenever they wanted. I don’t know if it makes sense to you but this metaphore has helped me.

Hi njb, sorry to hear you’re feeling like this right now. It seems like you get a lot of intrusive thoughts about feared attractions that really distress you. In order to relieve yourself from the distress that these thoughts cause you, you perform compulsions. You ruminate over their age, scan their apperances for reassurance that they are not under aged, check by asking them, replay events in your mind. It’s OCD. Intrusions, distress, compulsions. What can you do to help yourself in this case?