Radclyffe

I realised last night after an incident with a friend I need to face my anxiety and go to the doctors to get real help because I dont want to emotionally hurt my friends or family and be a drain on them. I know it'll benefit me in the long run. Thank you for all your help

Hi Gemma, Thank you and I have anxiety about going places alone and talking to people I don't know so I struggle to go to the doctors and i get really bad almost paralysing anxiety at the thought of making phone calls so it is difficult to even make an appointment. I also have a worry that the doctor will tell me i am not really ocd and i'm faking it. I know i need to go get help I've come close to a few times including telling some of my family and a close friend. Thank you for the recommendations I will look over them now.

I recently moved into my new uni house and since being here I haven't been checking like I usually do and I thought I was getting better. However, today I felt an uneasiness in my chest and have been feeling more anxious the past few days and today I ended up getting stuck in a checking of the oven and doors cycle and I kept trying to stop by saying I'll just check one more time but every time I went to stop my anxiety would return. I know I need to go to the doctor to talk about my ocd and get a formal diagnosis but i have anxiety about going and I am also worried what my housemates will think of my compulsions as they do not know I have ocd/ocd tendencies (or at least i haven't told them I have it).

Recently I have been much better, like I haven't had any bad intrusive thoughts and my levels of guilt have been relatively low, which has meant that my checking has been at a minimum (I am only having to do my routine of checking the oven is switched off at the wall and that the knobs are all off too and doors are secure of around 3-6 rotations) and avoiding of the gutters like man-hole covers on pavements. Though I'm glad that I am not having overwhelming thoughts about my sexuality, the environment, and generally feeling responsible for everyones safety, I fear that I was actually faking it and jumping to the conclusion that I have OCD when really I was just experiencing thoughts that everyone else has. I am now confused as to whether I am a sufferer or not and feel guilty for saying I am a sufferer when their are people who genuinely have OCD and are actually struggling with it.

I understand what you are feeling and I have the same fears where I physically can't throw out things like single-use water bottles can I am polluting the planet and I get great feelings of guilt when using a car or public transport. I also have a growing guilt surrounding food and eating meat especially and I think about turning vegan/veggie to cut down on me polluting the planet but then I worry about palm oil. It feels like theres so much information and no matter what I do I'm harming the planet or people and I constantly think about it. I am however, trying to control the thoughts that I have and not allow myself to do certain things as a way to ease my guilt. I'm not sure what point i'm making and I'm sorry if i've rambled on pointlessly I just saw the thread and related to it and you've sort of put into words what I have been thinking and feeling.

I feel like for me I never feel like my OCD is bad enough or debilitating enough that I can call it OCD and that if I did so I would be mocking people who genuinely suffer from it or making light of a serious subject which causes me lots of guilt for thinking I have it, which means that I won't talk about it because I constantly fear I am faking it. I also have bad anxiety which means I am too scared and anxious to go to the doctors alone or even talk to people in my life about possibly having OCD.

I have always worried I have OCD but I have never felt I have had it because it has never significantly impacted my life in a debilitating way or so I thought. I have always been a worrier and had mild checking routines which involve checking doors and the oven before I can go to sleep, but I have never thought they were serious enough to consider myself to have OCD and have felt guilty every time I have had thoughts that I was, as I do not want to mock a serious illness by claiming my mild routines etc. are OCD. This always leads to me researching into the condition and trying to find tests even though I know they aren't accurate. Upon my latest delve into research after watching the show Pure which began the casting of doubts as I related to some of her sexual intrusive thoughts. I came across this website and read about a form of OCD which causes fears surrounding sexual attraction. I thought that because my fears surrounding the sexual thoughts I have were not overly violent that it was not OCD, however, I do constantly worry that I am faking being a lesbian and attempt to stop any thoughts about men that happen (though the generally only happen when I am watching something which has a man in a somewhat sexual situation) which means I cannot stop thinking about it and makes me feel so guilty and bad. The sexual thoughts also move into my real life where I find myself having inappropriate thoughts about people I know including at times friends which makes me feel extremely guilty and causes a panic inside that I am being a predatory lesbian and that they would be creeped out by my thoughts and has caused me to have a standoffish approach to friendships where I fear physical contact. I cannot even hug my parents as I do not feel comfortable with physical contact. I feel there are a few other symptoms which I fit into but I still do not think this is enough to constitute going to a doctor as I feel they would laugh and think I was ridiculous for suggesting I might have OCD. I am sorry for posting here.