Sputnik

Hi there @lily17, you may already know this stuff but in case any of it is new/helpful to you, I found this article really interesting: https://www.madeofmillions.com/articles/whats-going-ocd-arousal I'm not intending to provide reassurance but I wondered if it might help you just to have a bit more information.

Hi @Blossom750, I frequently get these kind of thoughts too and they are all a part of OCD Analyzing them to try to reach some conclusion is only going to feed the OCD cycle, and create more anxiety for you. Your distressed reaction to this thought shows that it is against your nature to genuinely wish those things, and it's absolutely OK to have thoughts like that, everybody does! And we often get intrusive thoughts about the things/people that matter the most to us, which makes them even more terrifying. There's no need to try to push the thoughts away - I know that this isn't at all easy to do, especially when you're anxious, but if you can then let the thoughts come and go of their own accord and accept them as random thoughts. Also I sometimes find it helpful to notice and be aware of things going on that may be contributing to my general anxiety levels, which will then have an effect on the intensity of OCD thoughts (and obviously it is a particularly stressful time at the moment anyway). I also try to look for things that I know are good for my overall mental health. Be kind to yourself and try to do something you enjoy if you are able to! Hope this is of some help

Hi there @don't know - sorry to hear you're still struggling so much. Not sure what to say that would be any different from what's already been said, other than share this quote from Pema Chödrön that I sometimes find comforting when times are tough

Hi Musicmatters, I'm sure lots of people have had these kinds of thoughts, I definitely have, but it may just be that it's not easy for most people to talk about them, either because they find them too distressing to put into words or/and because they fear that going into depth about them may only encourage them to obsess over them more. Also it's not always beneficial to group 'types' of OCD together, since all OCD-sufferers are experiencing the same disorder, just with different thoughts/themes and compulsions Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to hear from people who can relate to and understand the particular themes you're going through, of course! Just that going into details may not necessarily be helpful for some people, at least that's my interpretation. Supporting fellow sufferers and being supported is always useful, but it can be tricky not to kind of pull others into your own OCD cycle without meaning to, if you get what I mean? I can totally relate to these types of thoughts, I've suffered with them on-and-off for years. Sometimes the thoughts don't bother me at all, other times they threaten to drag me into anxious turmoil. But I'm getting better at not giving in to their demands

Of course it is, that's the difficult part People wouldn't struggle so much with OCD if you could just cast aside the thoughts without any effort.

What would it mean to you if you don't care?

100% agree with gingerbreadgirl here. There are so many threads on this forum like yours, and so many people are terrified and convinced they're bad or have committed a crime/misbehaved etc. I've been there too, (and still am sometimes), and I know how much it feels like the OCD is the truth and the people around you don't understand, but trust the advice people here are giving you, cos they really do get it

Attempting to 'prove' your actions is another compulsion. You'll never reach a definitive answer that way, or through any compulsions. There is no way, or need, to prove it. You just have to take a leap of faith and trust that this is all OCD, and you haven't done anything to be ashamed of. OCD will always try to convince you your fears are true (as well as convince you that you don't have OCD at all), but it can be disregarded, with the effort of not engaging in those thoughts and compulsions I know it's really hard, but if you can give it a go you might find your anxiety shifts slightly, and you feel a bit different? Then you can build on that gradually. Just a thought

Exactly - for you it happened, because you have decided that's what happened, in accordance with your OCD fears of doing those things. That doesn't mean it actually happened in reality. I get these sorts of thoughts a lot too - did I touch someone inappropriately? Did I misbehave? Did I say something offensive? Should I confess to doing something wrong? It's all OCD. The very fact that you're scared about this is proof in itself that you don't want to harm anybody No matter what your OCD tells you.

This is all OCD. You've created a reality that complies with what OCD tells you, rather than looking rationally at things. That's what OCD does, it blows everything out of proportion I know you think you must have done these things, but really they're just thoughts. Thoughts are not the same as actions.

It's your OCD telling you there was something you did that was wrong. Have you had a look at this page of the OCD-UK website? https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/types/. Scroll down and click on Intrusive Thoughts, and then Sexual Intrusive Thoughts. You might find it useful. 'Confessing' to someone about your OCD obsession is a compulsion. There is no need to carry it out or to subject yourself to any punishment, you have done nothing wrong. Intrusive thoughts are a normal part of life, the difference is that an OCD-sufferer will latch onto those thoughts and believe them, and do everything in their power to not commit them in reality, whether that's through feeling intense anxiety and/or shame, avoidance, mental checking, ruminating or all manner of other compulsions or attempts to reassure oneself. Say, for example, I went to post an important letter. On the way back from the postbox, a thought pops into my head: 'What if I didn't put it in the postbox, but I actually put it in the bin nearby?' A non-sufferer would likely think, 'No, that's unlikely.' and forget about it. An OCD-sufferer would be more inclined to think 'Oh no! I must have binned it accidentally!' and ruminate on it, go over and over their memory of the moment of posting the letter, maybe go back to the postbox to see if they can see it, and perhaps create a false memory that they did indeed put the letter in the bin instead of the postbox. An ordinary, every-day activity has become a subject for intense anxiety and checking compulsions. Carrying out compulsions only strengthen your belief that you must have done something wrong. There is nothing to be gained by doing them, for you or for anyone else. As for your second question, what you're describing are Triggers, which bring on the Intrusive Thoughts - you see or hear about children, and your Intrusive Thoughts about them become more intense. You feel even more anxious and try to work out if they have any meaning. This spurs on the anxiety. And so on. I know how hard and scary and exhausting OCD is, and I'm sorry you're suffering With the right approach, you can overcome it and not be bothered by intrusive thoughts in the same way. Have you given the OCD-UK website a good look-through? Lots of very useful information there. I hope this is of some help!

It doesn't matter what you've done in the past - the point is that you feel bad now. Wouldn't it be useful to talk to someone? We can't help you any more than we have already. There's no point going round and round like this.

But what about just having someone to talk to? So you don't feel alone with your anxiety?

We can't give you an answer. Only advise. As for therapy, I really think you should look into getting some sort of support that way, regardless of whether you think it's OCD or not - at this point, the main thing is that you're under a lot of stress and anxiety, you can't sleep, etc, which you have a duty to yourself to address :) A professional can help you do that. Just because the first three times were 'ineffective' doesn't necessarily mean anything - anyway, I thought you said after the third time you did feel an improvement for a while, even if you then relapsed. Some people are in therapy a long time before they start to be able to really use it as a tool. That's OK, it's just how it happens sometimes. Please give it a try. Doesn't matter if it's OCD or not, therapy has the potential to be helpful if you let it :) Even if it's just a safe place where you can let off steam!

That is a very common OCD theme (and one I am personally very familiar with). It might sound unusual, but actually you hear it a lot from many OCD sufferers. It's still OCD. Allow the thoughts to come and go, without dwelling on them. They're just intrusions and don't reflect on you as a person.