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About lily17

  • Birthday 12/10/1999

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Intrusive thoughts

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  1. lily17


  2. Ever since I read the types of child sexual abuse on the internet, I'm hyper aware of myself and I'm constantly worrying about abusing my sister. So yeah earlier I was crouched petting my dog and I noticed my cleavage was showing and my sister was in front of me so I was like 'omg I'm exposing my body' and I pulled up my t-shirt so she wouldn't see my breasts but then I pulled it down again so she would see my breasts apparently?! and I don't know why I did this but it was not to get sexual arousal or ANYTHING AT All like please believe me I wasn't doing an exhibition of my body to her and thank God she didn't see anything...
  3. I'm officially the worst monster ever. Yesterday I was typing on my sister's computer and she accidentally touched my finger and I said 'this is gonna be for sexual reasons' and I can't remember if I touched her finger back... And then the same happened when she touched me with her knee but that one was all about screwing myself over.... I want to die. I really do
  4. I don't deserve to recover and lead a happy care-free life. I've abused my little sister. I've sexually abused her. I don't deserve anything, only to die
  5. Soon I'll be in jail, don't worry @PolarBear
  6. I've sexually abused my little sister, according to Google. This is what I've done: -Touched her foot for sexual reasons (it aroused me, apparently) -Pressured my genitals in her presence even tho she didn't notice, to release tension -Looked at her butt when she slightly pulled her pants down (not all the wait down, until her waist) and I looked inappropriately. I'm turning myself in, I can't stop crying
  7. lily17

    False memory or not?

    Yesterday I was sitting on the table with my feet up on another chair and my sister was next to me and I had the thought to touch her for sexual reasons and I avoided the urge but then the chair is kinda bouncy so I touched her with it while I was having the thought to touch her for sexual reasons and then I think I touched her with my foot to her foot but I don't really know if I did I can't remember it and I'm so worried I don't know if it satisfied me .... i want to cry so much
  8. lily17

    False memory or not?

    Yes, I did... Bad decision. Thanks for the advice, taurean
  9. Okay so this is the first thing that happens to me. I don't know if it's a real memory or not. I read on the internet that looking at children inappropriately while they're dressing or using the bathroom is sexual abuse. So now I'm ruminating over if I've done it with my sister. I know that every time I see that she's dressing up I look away but there was a time that she was using the bathroom with the door open and I looked at her vagina and I don't know if it was inappropriately looking or not, or I was just simply looking out of curiosity. I'm so scared that I've abused her. Please help me.
  10. lily17

    Is this even normal?

    Okay so I make the same mistakes over and over again and I should die
  11. lily17

    Is this even normal?

    First of all, I didn't masturbate in front of my sister. It was just bouncing in the chair and I don't know why I looked at her. I didn't wanna satisfy myself thinking of her, it was just a wrong decision to make the fact that I looked at her
  12. lily17

    Is this even normal?

    Yes I can see the difference but I just can't do this anymore... Btw did you imply that me satisfy-relieving myself around my sister was wrong?
  13. I need to know if this is normal in OCD, I barely can type this because I'm shaking so much and I can't stop crying. I was in the dining room having lunch and, as usual, having a groinal response because of my little sister. So instead of bouncing on the chair looking at a lady on the TV to release tension or to satisfy myself, I did it looking at the her. I can't believe I've just done that. I'm a such a piece of **** I'm a pedophile I'm a monster I'm awful I deserve to die I can't do this anymore
  14. lily17

    I'm so horrified.

    Okay Emsie don't worry, thank you.