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lily17

Bulletin Board User
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About lily17

  • Birthday 12/10/1999

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Intrusive thoughts

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Spain

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. lily17

    I'm in turmoil.

    Pleasw someone. I'm completely devastated
  2. Basically on September my sister came close to me to show me something on her phone and she touched my arm with hers and I liked the feeling it gave me so so I thought 'this is gonna be for sexual reasons' which I now know I meant like I was gonna enjoy the feeling... But I had a boyfriend back then so was it cheating? Was what I did sexual abuse to my little sister?
  3. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    I think I even knew what I was doing was wrong or maybe I thought since I wasn't touching her... But turns out I was because we were making contact arm to arm. I didn't think about that in the moment... I just... I just...
  4. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    Please someone reply please please
  5. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    So the verb 'touch' also means having a contact with someone. She touched me and I didn't move so a contact was made and I said it was going to be for sexual reasons. It was too strong to be just a groinal response so I guess it was actual arousal... So I guess I've sexually abused her. I have to turn myself in.
  6. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    Today is my birthday... And I'm plagued with thoughts. Now my obsession is targeting my 20 yo cousin who took her shirt in front of me and I just... Looked at her breasts partly because I was shocked, felt attracted to them and curiosity. That's not the worse thing because I've been breathing thinking about them I don't know if on purpose or just accidentally but then I've tested myself to think up an image of her breasts and breathe at the same time with the purpose of feeling aroused but not to please myself, you know? Like it was just a test not something to do to enjoy it... So yeah I don't know the answer and the last time I felt like I was falling into the tentation and letting myself go with the funny feeling in my parts that I didn't know if I wanted to go on with it because I was liking the funny feeling or the image in my mind, luckily I stopped. But hell do I deserve to feel this bad even on my birthday? I've been trying not to test myself real hard but I just can't...
  7. I don't fear I'm attracted to him because I know I'm not. I'm just afraid of doing movements thinking of him... Like OCD makes me do these kind of things like I've done now and I don't know why if I didn't have OCD I would never do this ****.
  8. Someone please help me. PLEASE HELP ME. My obsession with my deceased grandfather has come back... I was sitting on the sofa with a huge groinal response and I closed my eyes and nodded my head in signal of tiredness... So the second time I did this, I thought about doing it thinking of my grandfather for sexual reasons!!! Like right after doing it or even at the same moment I thought that!!! And I'm so sure it was me and not OCD that I wanted to do that to pleasure myself thinking of him even though what I was feeling was a groinal response! I'm so so sad because then I was like okay so let's see how I've done this how is it possible to move your head and move your crotch at the same time and I feel like I've done it for sexual reasons too when trying this out I feel like I got another thought of him and did it for sexual reasons PLEASE HELP ME
  9. Thank you for your response. And yeah... I really should start working at letting her touch me but it terrifies me right now
  10. Last night we were having dinner and my sister was scratching her chest through her shirt and I believe that drew my attention to look at it or maybe I just looked at it to test myself. So then I noticed my sister pulled a sad face and did a hand gesture and I asked her why she did that and she said she was getting her hair out of the way so it was fine and the sad face was probably because she had a bad day at school but the thing is that I got worried she did this because she noticed I looked at her chest so I told her I wasn't looking at it even though I was so she wouldn't thing anything weird about me... So she reacted to me saying that with 'oh my god' or something like that because I've been behaving oddly towards her because I don't let her touch me etc. So maybe she thought it was nonsense and didn't care about it? I don't know... I'm just worried that what I said was maybe harmful for her... Even though she didn't seem to care...
  11. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    I lost myself for a moment there and then it happened again days later. It's a thought, I must be. I hope it's just a thought....
  12. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    I think what I meant in that moment is that I would let myself go with what I was feeling, meaning that it would be for 'sexual reasons' but not really. I don't think what I meant it was the contact was sexual since it was just arm to arm.
  13. lily17

    NEED HELP ASAP.

    In that moment I just felt like a shot of adrenaline, you know? My little sister touching my arm it felt good and I thought that would be for sexual reasons, now I just realized that I meant that contact was for sexual reasons even though she iniciated the contact, and not me. I didn't touch her okay? I just thought that it would be for sexual reasons and I can't figure out why would I choose to think that, why would I feel that. Why would I like that. I just don't know. I'm so confused. I'm so anxious. I don't know what to do. Have I sexually abused her? Internet says any contact with a child with sexual intention whether it be carnal or not it's abuse. This is a nightmare.
  14. This happened last month. I was sitting next to my sister and she stood up and came close to me and we were arm to arm while she was showing me something on her phone and when we made contact, I got aroused. Then I got a thought that said 'come on, do it for sexual reasons' and so 'I did'. I don't really know which it meant but I believe it was the contact. So according to the internet, any sexual contact with a child is sexual abuse... :'( and this is not the only time it happened, I never touched her tho but didn't move either..
  15. The other day, I was having lunch at the table and I accidentally stepped on my little sister's foot. First, I didn't know what I was stepping on so then I thought I was touching her flipflop and I thought I liked it (while I was having what I believe was a groinal response and not actual arousal) then I realised I was actually stepping on her toes and quickly moved my foot away. Why am I worried about this? Because I think I did it to satisfy myself, it took me a whole second to move away my foot when I realised it was her foot not her flipflop.... and why did I even like thinking I was touching her flipflop... help...
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