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About lily17

  • Birthday 12/10/1999

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Intrusive thoughts

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  1. Two nights ago I had a dream where I gave into an urge of touching a child, it's all I remember because it's a bit blurry but I know the content of the dream was a huge trigger and it's making me feel very unwell with myself because I wonder if that psychoanalyst was right after all... did I satisfy a deep desire of mine in my dream? I remember feeling physically satisfied but I don't recall my reaction to it when I woke up, I guess I was surprised and worried but I don't recall nothing more I don't know this is... weird and it's bothering me because if you think into it, it could be true
  2. Well, that is under your judgement, I'll say it is an infidelity to me and more people but anyway, I'm not even dating anyone. And as for the guy himself, I really like him and he likes me too but he stated from the beginning that he didn't want anything serious so we're just going with the flow
  3. Wow, first of all, thank you for taking the time to write all of this out! Very appreciated, I needed to be reminded what intrusive thoughts really are, it really seemed I forgot how to deal with them since my coping mechanism is mostly not ruminating/engaging into some other activity etc I almost forgot I have to treat them like trash (or worse) so yeah thanks a lot and best wishes for you too
  4. Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing alright. Me? I wish it was better... I'm currently struggling with infidelity fears because I'm getting to know a guy, and I really like him, it's reciprocate but he doesn't want a serious relationship right now. So, the other day I couldn't refrain myself from asking him if it was okay if I looked flirtatiously at other men on the street and he told me (nicely): "you could even get married and I'd be happy for you." Of course this soothed me for a while, that's what compulsions do, but I'm back on track with this obsession. I don't even have a boyfriend and I'm already worrying about flirting with other people at school because I "like" to anticipate events. I'm trying not to perform compulsions like imagining a scene in my head and deciding if it's right or wrong for me to do that hypothetically... I'm almost in tears because this theme hurts me a lot, almost like the pedophilia one, or even worse. I know what way to take but today is bad, stressful... I'm tired, I wish I woke up tomorrow with no OCD at all. 🤧
  5. first step: no ruminating. under any circumstances. then i'll try not to start any more topics and also don't confess to anyone (not even my mum)
  6. i looked at my mom's legs and i got the same sensation, i know i shouldn't compare because ocd can trick me into thinking anything but... yeah i basically reassured myself 😅
  7. can ocd make you feel certain about something you really haven't worried about much for a long time? my ocd started off with a worry of pedophilia-incest and it focused on my then 10 year old sister, who is 13 now. so her body has developed a lot, she's a teen now and the pedophilia worry is far away but i can still be attracted to her, without her being a child anymore, but she's still my sister and it would be so wrong... so what happened was that she was lying on her chest and i looked at her butt, thought it looked very good (which i know is fine, we can just appreciate beauty) but i also really felt like that i /actually/ fancied what i was looking at and i stared at it for some seconds... and i was wondering if that could still be ocd after all this time worrying very little about this theme... like could it be true now? i feel so bad, i was actually encouraging her about something she's sad about and then i went and stared at her butt she didn't notice but... god
  8. i don't know what kind of ocd you have but i've had most of them... and even so, i've been doing pretty good aside from little setbacks like this one (which i hope i can surpass soon) it takes a bit harder sometimes but it's factible for sure thanks for your help, take care
  9. yes, i try to think... for example, that's where we all come from... in a desperate attempt to reassure myself, which i know i shouldn't do 😓
  10. because that specific part of the body is linked to sexual sensations... anyone would think i'm a deviant for doing this, i'm resisting the compulsion to confess my doing to a friend, although it's getting very tough to ignore.
  11. because i used my dog to get a feeling down there. over all because i felt it down there (which i wanted...)
  12. i want to clear out something: -first i touched my dog IN ORDER TO get that tingly non sexual sensation in my genitalia because i thought it was a good idea. 🤦🏼‍♀️ *half an hour or so later* petting my dog as you do just for the sake of it, i start to get intrusive thoughts about what i did firstly, because now i think what i did was wrong even tho not sexual... so now my intrusive thoughts tell me i'm doing it again because i'm afraid to do it now , i'm trying to let them go but it's hard it's been a long while since i last struggled with this 😔
  13. i'm dwelling on the matter because i believe my ocd is making me think it was wrong to do it even though i knew FOR SURE it wasn't sexual arousal or anything of the matter, not even a "sexual" area of his body...
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