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Orwell1984

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  1. I have recurring worries that I'm not close enough emotionally to my parents and sister and also have worries that I might not have much time left with them in life. I have fears they will die soon and have fears that they will cause themselves an injury or have a heart attack, car crash or die in their sleep as they keep the window open at night and could freeze to death. Christmas is a trigger because I won't be with them this year for Christmas and I worry will I regret this if there's not long left on this earth for them. I worry also that I have an emotional block with them that doesn't allow me to be as free as I want to be with them and feel 100% at ease. I feel stressed in their company, like there's an internal wall that is preventing me from feeling full emotion to them probably because I will feel full sadness and pain at the prospect of them not being around anymore. I have had these thoughts and worries for months and I don't know why I haven't written about it until now but this evening I've felt very panicky about the possibility there is little time left with them on earth. And I want to be closer to them and feel guilty I'm not and feel there is an internal wall up. What is this? Is this misplaced grief or is this OCD? And if it is ocd what compulsions do I stop? And how do I feel full emotion to them again?
  2. The compulsions were feeding the thought. Now the thought has been stronger than the compulsions short term calming effect. This is why compulsions need to be stopped because they feed the thought into a huge monstrosity which takes more effort and time to fix.
  3. Great news. Hopefully cheaper than the Priory!! Thanks Ashley
  4. Orwell1984

    Facebook OCD group.

    I wouldn't share any details of OCD or anything on Facebook. It could be used as ammo for gossip.
  5. Hey Saz, I'm doing ok thanks. I still have the ongoing hair pulling problem but apart from that everything else seems ok OCD wise. Thanks for asking hope you've a better day tomorrow too.
  6. Just read this post. Roy you are a strong character. What a year! Hats off to you! I am interested in those books now. I would like to read them but for the past two years I've been buying books (kindle and actual books) and not ever getting round to reading them. So maybe one day. Your post has inspired me. Thanks!
  7. Rooting for ya Sarah. You are an incredibly strong woman. You're the only one that can't see it you so deserve to not feel this ****. OCD kicks you when you're down and always preys on the nicest most empathetic people I think. Although you don't believe u are a good person, we all believe in you and from what I know of you through here, your kids have a brilliant mummy. Stay strong. Try your best to not analyse. If you feel like a fraud, just know that that's another OCD symptom trying to get your attention and rope you into analysis. Try to not analyse. Bit by bit it will get easier to not analyse. Go girl x
  8. Are you thinking of starting this SSRI or are you taking it? SSRIs are different for everyone. The one thing I can say is the ones with a longer half life (take longer to leave your system) seem to cause less anxiety effects if you forget to take a dose. This is my experience anyway with taking different SSRIs over the years. I'm afraid it's just gonna be trial and error. And I'm no doctor
  9. You are just going to have to live alongside the feeling and put up with it being there.
  10. I hope this is my last incarnation. I really could not be bothered doing all of this again
  11. Jeffrey Schwartz sees it that way as well. Whatever you practise will become more entrenched. Usage of neural pathways in responding to intrusions in a maladaptive manner will cause habit. It makes sense that people could become more OCD like by behaving and responding to thoughts maladaptively
  12. Great article!👍
  13. Hi angst- this is what I meant: Not having a sure sense of self ( which might be attributed to autism, life experiences, bodily chemical imbalance etc) perpetuates a negative self image as the individual does not perceive or acknowledge evidence from daily life that would help counteract the negative perception. There is then little to no positive evidence that can be used to reinforce a sense of identity. The individual will continue to feel anxious and in fight or flight mode. The anxiety experienced might result in: -repetitive intrusive thoughts/sensations as a symptom of an anxious stressed mind. Results in repetitive behaviours you DONT want to perform but feel you have to to feel in control. This cycle could continue into full blown OCD, a secondary problem. The individual becomes more anxious over time and their sense of self is eroded further because they may start believing the intrusive thoughts mean something bad about their character or morality. Underlying negative image becomes enhanced. -repetitive behaviours you DO want to perform because they feel soothing. They help to emotionally regulate, become calm with yourself and get rid of the feelings of out of control ness. Autistic people do these 'stimming' behaviours which usually aren't harmful. However, the sensation of emotional overwhelm due to misinterpretation of the social environment or noises, textures etc and genetic predisposition to anxiety will always be there ( regardless of repeated exposure or no exposure to the stressor) which increases negative self image because this is the way things are and you're stuck with it. Having both sucks but awareness helps you make informed decisions regardless of how you're feeling.
  14. Hi Saffie. Good topic! I agree wholeheartedly with this. It explains why OCD seems to strike again and again particularly in times of emotional crises. And when it does return, we beat ourselves up for not having banished the OCD forever. I'm a similar age to you and only recently looked into, got diagnosed and accepted that I had aspergers. Aspergers presents very different in women than it does to men. The sense of not knowing yourself comes as standard! OCD is a secondary response to a poor sense of self and the heightened stress (compared to non autistic people) I experience daily. It all finally makes sense to me. People with OCD are four times as likely to also have autism, according to a Danish study of more than 850,000 people: https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/sweeping-study-underscores-autisms-overlap-with-obsessions/ This is a particularly good site where I found a lot of stuff that actually helps with cementing my sense of self. Even if you arent asperger, it's still very interesting and useful http://www.lifeonthespectrum.net/blog/?page_id=1906 I hope this helps.
  15. Orwell1984

    How to not respond to the thoughts

    Just read this post GBG. Some great reminders in there that had slipped my mind. Pin worthy
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